The main issue is the trust. What is really tough is try to trust who has been used to have a double life.
Everyone has lied... many here have double lives... does that make all of us unworthy of trust ?
I've dated a few SPs, strippers etc... some while they kept working, some that were already retired, others that quit while in our relationship.
Sharing a secret with your loved one can also be bonding. Strangely the worst relationships I've had were with civilians, and the most honest were with SPs... go figure.