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Thread: Chairman of the Bored

  1. #1
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    Chairman of the Bored

    My time with SPs is usually pretty formulaic

    1) Girl comes to my place. Greet, pay, contact driver
    2) Invite her in, she sits on the couch. Plays with the cat who is very friendly. Girl offers compliments on the friendliness of the cat.
    3) Girl offers compliments on the house
    4) Offer Girl drink, get some vodka and OJ or water or something.
    5) Smoke a smoke with Girl
    6A) Begin 'the act' some stroking, moving closer, K, FK, or DFK if allowed.
    6B) Tops comes off.
    7) Fellatio
    8) Begin move to bedroom, Girl goes to bathroom.
    9) Strip, continue fellatio, some DATY as appropriate
    10) Sex, couple of positions
    11) Finish copulation, Girl goes back to bathroom, I go to living room for another cigarette. Girl re-appears, smokes.
    12) Chatter, more compliments on house
    13) Driver calls departure.

    OK, any ideas (positive ideas) on how to spice this up? Boredom is one of the reasons why I almost prefer MPs, there is the hope and expectation of something beyond mere HJ, but one never knows, so there is an aspect of excitement to the whole deal.

    Please no "you gotta try THIS girl" or whatever - I've done them all, and I'm still bored.

    Maybe I have to start asking for outfits or follow InterestedInCanada's lead and go for a specialty act (although scat disgusts me)? Bondage maybe, although I can't decide who would be tied up. I wouldn't be into Michael Jackson's crotchless bunny suit, even with adult females I don't think, although it is Easter and all.
    Last edited by YouVantOption; 04-02-2007 at 11:05 AM.
    You are cordially invited to toss my salad. There's an app for that!

  2. #2
    Quit smoking, redecorate, replace the cat with gerbils...

  3. #3
    Personally, I never really go "all-out" with an escort. I know it sounds mean, but hey... I don't really want to spend another 100 dollar to wine and dine her.

    But if you really want to have fun with an escort, just pretend she's your girl friend.

    Imagine that it's your 1 year anniversery: you guys had been through so much in that year. You guys survived through countless tearful midnight calls, many a times two of you flirt too close with the point-of-no-return... Clouds of a possible break-up have hovered about the two of you for too long, but... you survived. What would you do to celebrate such an occasion that's a boarderline miracle? Well, here's a short checklist:

    1.) Clean up the house a bit (if there's no female in the house, because your "clean" and a female "clean" is different).
    2.) Dim the lights, put out some scented candles (cute ones are even better, you know the ones that's shaped like a cocktail or a watermelon...).
    3.) Little things, take her coat, greet her... warm smile (make her feel comfortable).
    4.) Give her the money right away (i find that it gets rid of the over-sized pink elephant in the room).
    5.) Ask her to sit down, ask her if she wants a drink... etc.
    6.) Some small talk (it opens people up, try not to ask about her experience)
    7.) Maybe compliment her (if it's truthful and heartfelt... fake compliments are too easy to spot for experienced girls).
    8.) Chocolate !
    9.) Start the evening with "appreciating her body" rather than "appreciating what it can do" (just caress her, and pay attention to non-sexual parts of her body, because a woman love to feel that she's sexy even when she wasn't bend over a bed).
    10.) At this point she should be super GFE on you.

    Specific Technics that I use:
    DATY: I like to tease rather than "get the job done"; girls don't REALLY like a tongue just going in and out of her body. Try to play with it... trace the contour of her vagina with your tongue. Play with the lip (of the vagina), use a "tickle" like method. When she starts moaning (real ones), move away from the goal. Breath on her inner thigh and maybe carass it gently until the moaning subsides, then you go in and make her moan again with the "tease" technique. repeat it as many time as you want (usually i get way too horny after a few times and then the penetration begin).
    Penetration:
    I find that women prefer full-body contact sex-positions. Such as Missionary, Spooning, the "lap-dance"... etc... Don't forget to play with her body when you're having sex with her. All the touching during sex are enhanced by the sex, so she will enjoy it a lot more.

    That's all I can think of right now... (I got lots things to do today)

    Please guys and girls, contribute and help make the world a tad "sexier".

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by John_Cage
    But if you really want to have fun with an escort, just pretend she's your girl friend.
    How about pretending she's your boss' wife or the babysitter? Girlfriends are overrated when it comes to sex...
    Last edited by z/m(Ret); 04-03-2007 at 12:53 PM.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ziggy Montana
    Quit smoking, redecorate, replace the cat with gerbils...
    quiting smoking might make life interesting but would cut down on something I seem to share with a lot of SPs.

    Insofar as the cat goes, in the Gerian* sense, it is true that gerbils are an easier fit.

    Redecorate? Medieval dungeon perhaps? Thats a lot of ducats for little reward, apart from the torture and forced conversions to catholicism.



    *
    About that Thing with Richard Gere and the Gerbil
    You are cordially invited to toss my salad. There's an app for that!

  6. #6

    Here is something new

    Have her kick you in the nuts and see if you can get it up afterward, this might spice things up a bit.

  7. #7
    You might try varying the order of things:

    1. Girl comes to my place. Greet, pay, contact driver
    2. Invite her in, she sits on the couch.
    3. At your invitation, she plays with her kitty, who is very friendly.
    4. You offer compliments on the friendliness of the cat.
    5. (optional) you help play with kitty)
    6. Girl offers compliments on your light touch (ideally in the form of a moan)
    7. Some DATY as appropriate
    8. DFK
    9. Fellatio
    10. Smoke a smoke with Girl
    11. Offer Girl drink, get some vodka and OJ or water or mouthwash.
    12. Clothing comes off
    13. Chat
    14. Give girl a nice long massage
    15. Some DATY or digital stimulation as appropriate
    16. Move to the floor or an armchair
    17. Sex, couple of positions
    18. Finish copulation
    19. Smoke a smoke with Girl
    20. Girl goes back to bathroom
    21. Girl re-appears
    22. DFK and light fondle
    23. Driver calls departure.

  8. #8
    Better Order:

    01. Clothing come off
    02. Call Outcall service
    03. Play with cat
    04. Finish the Call, get yourself an escort.
    05. Give cat senual massage
    06. Offer compliments to the cat
    07. Driver shows up with girl outside your door
    08. Pat the cat
    09. Open door
    10. Play with cat
    11. Let them in
    12. Let driver fondle cat
    13. Charge driver 200 bucks for fondling cat
    14. Chat with driver
    15. Strip the girl
    16. Let cat DATY
    17. Chat with driver
    18. Pet the girl
    19. Offer the girl a smoke, offer the cat a vodka and offer the driver the cat
    20. Have sex with cat
    21. Watch driver have sex with cat.
    22. Pay the cat
    23. You leave in driver's car

    Edit: On a serious note, just stop having sex for a while. Then the interest will perk up again.
    Last edited by John_Cage; 04-02-2007 at 08:08 PM.

  9. #9
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    1-) Get some big snakes and hide it under your bed and pillows.
    2-) Invite 20 of your friend and hide them in living room and when she get in make a big 'surprise'.
    3-) Tell the operator that your door bell doesnt work and she can get in when she get to your place... put some mayonaise all over your body and tie yourself with some handcuff on the handle of your fridge... see her reaction...
    4-) Try to pay with some pieces of 5 cents... (not rolled)
    5-) List goes on... at work and bored...
    Last edited by wilko26; 04-02-2007 at 09:16 PM.

  10. #10
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    John Cage is correct. You need to cool it for a good 3 or 4 months. You are stuck in a rut. If you don't the cat will start looking better than the escort, and that is not the type of pussy you really want.

  11. #11
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    I started some recomendations this morning but my PC didn't like them and crapped-out...

    Here's the way to "retire" in order to like it better later on:

    1- Insist in meeting her outside your door and insist she call the driver right away.
    2- Insist in paying right there, in the lobby. The unrolled change idea is very good! You can drop a few coins on the floor for good measure.
    3- Once you paid, turn around and walk in, leaving the door open. Or better, say loudly "Shhh! peoples will hear us!" and husher her in!
    4- When she gets in, ask her if, with the price she demand, she at least brought some booze.
    5- Bum her a few smokes.
    6- Ensure you have plenty of dirty clothes hanging around. Kick some off the couch, throw yourself on the couch and say "Come to papa, baby!"
    7- Ask again if she's certain she don't have any booze in her purse. Why would that purse be that big anyhow? Right? There must be booze in there!
    8- As soon as she gets close, take her like an animal (be gentle! Nothing rough man! Unless she ask some but even then, be careful!) Why waste time going to the bedroom!
    9- While you're going at it, stop sudently and say "Wait! My pet tarentula isn't in it's box anymore!"
    10- This interruption will allow a position change: take advantage of it! Now's the time to take her from behind!
    11- When you're done, show some appreciation: Grunt loudly, throw some more dirty underwear on the floor, so you can find the TV remote, turn TV on, watch TV.
    12- Now's the time to bum some more smokes!
    13- Before she leave, ask to check her bag. Why? The damn tarantula!
    14- If all goes well, she'll appreciate the money she'll save by not paying for the driver's call, since she'll be gone before he even think of calling her!


    Of course I'm not like that, you perverts! LOL!!
    Last edited by metoo4; 04-02-2007 at 10:46 PM.

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Elizabeth
    Maybe you could start by giving each other a well oiled massage all over your bodies...

    You could also use food (fruits and liquid chocolate or honey) to caress and lick each other...

    You could call a girl who is willing to start the session by dancing for you and teasing you...

    You could start by an intense quickie, still half clothed (best if it's done standing up, pressing the girl against the wall. )... Then go to the room for more sensual sex...

    You could start or finish off by sex in the shower...

    That's all I can think of for now!

    Just thought of something else... You could ask her to masturbate in front of you... While you caress her or yourself.

    Also... Toys! You could use them to be a little more kinky.
    Your place or mine?

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elizabeth
    Maybe you could start by giving each other a well oiled massage all over your bodies...

    You could also use food (fruits and liquid chocolate or honey) to caress and lick each other...

    You could call a girl who is willing to start the session by dancing for you and teasing you...

    You could start by an intense quickie, still half clothed (best if it's done standing up, pressing the girl against the wall. )... Then go to the room for more sensual sex...

    You could start or finish off by sex in the shower...

    That's all I can think of for now!

    Just thought of something else... You could ask her to masturbate in front of you... While you caress her or yourself.

    Also... Toys! You could use them to be a little more kinky.
    Thanks Liz, although not as funny as some of the others, certainly all good ideas.

    I do like the tarantula or snakes ideas, reminiscent of the rodeo fuck or Dirty Sanchez but less disgusting and degrading.
    You are cordially invited to toss my salad. There's an app for that!

  14. #14
    There is a simple solution. Don't have sex for a long time and you will be interested.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elizabeth
    Maybe you could start by giving each other a well oiled massage all over your bodies...

    You could also use food (fruits and liquid chocolate or honey) to caress and lick each other...

    You could call a girl who is willing to start the session by dancing for you and teasing you...

    You could start by an intense quickie, still half clothed (best if it's done standing up, pressing the girl against the wall. )... Then go to the room for more sensual sex...

    You could start or finish off by sex in the shower...

    That's all I can think of for now!

    Just thought of something else... You could ask her to masturbate in front of you... While you caress her or yourself.

    Also... Toys! You could use them to be a little more kinky.
    Have you been reading my reviews? LOL Let me see what I can add to your great list.

    Photo sessions can be fun if your date allows.
    Going out for dinner for some teasing at a restaurant (maybe a flash here and there?)
    Picnic in bed with fruit and cheese. Take turns being the plate. No forks allowed! You could feed eachother without using forks or fingers (pick up that strawberry and bite slightly into half of it, now go and share the other half)
    Chocolate body paint.
    (Does it show I like to mix food and sex? Don't forget about whipped cream!)
    Bondage (let her tie you up then enjoy a session of teasing)

    These are just what is on my mind for the moment. Of course you could try some kinkier things that perhaps you may have only fantasized about never daring to try in real life...

    Ronnie,
    Naughtylady
    They will forget what you said,
    they will forget what you did,
    but they will never forget the way you made them feel.

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