Political Jokes and Comedy Thread
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Bush Bumper Stickers
BUSH BUMPER STICKERS
That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway
Let's Fix Democracy in This Country First
If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran
Bush. Like a Rock. Only Dumber.
If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President
Of Course It Hurts: You're Getting Screwed by an Elephant
Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet?
George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight
America: One Nation, Under Surveillance
They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It
Whose God Do You Kill For?
Cheney/Satan '08
Jail to the Chief
No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq?
Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full Of Crap
Bad President! No Banana.
We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language
We're Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them
Is It Vietnam Yet?
Bush Doesn't Care About White People, Either
Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Handbasket?
You Elected Him. You Deserve Him.
Impeach Cheney First
Dubya, Your Dad Shoulda Pulled Out, Too
When Bush Took Office, Gas Was $1.46
Pray For Impeachment
The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century
What Part of "Bush Lied" Don't You Understand?
One Nation Under Clod
2004: Embarrassed 2005: Horrified 2006: Terrified
Bush Never Exhaled
At Least Nixon Resigned
BUSH BUMPER STICKERS
That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway
Let's Fix Democracy in This Country First
If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran
Bush. Like a Rock. Only Dumber.
If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President
Of Course It Hurts: You're Getting Screwed by an Elephant
Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet?
George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight
America: One Nation, Under Surveillance
They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It
Whose God Do You Kill For?
Cheney/Satan '08
Jail to the Chief
No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq?
Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full Of Crap
Bad President! No Banana.
We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language
We're Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them
Is It Vietnam Yet?
Bush Doesn't Care About White People, Either
Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Handbasket?
You Elected Him. You Deserve Him.
Impeach Cheney First
Dubya, Your Dad Shoulda Pulled Out, Too
When Bush Took Office, Gas Was $1.46
Pray For Impeachment
The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century
What Part of "Bush Lied" Don't You Understand?
One Nation Under Clod
2004: Embarrassed 2005: Horrified 2006: Terrified
Bush Never Exhaled
At Least Nixon Resigned
Our Politicians
What's the difference between a prostitute and a politician?
........The prostitute charges you money.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a politician?
........The prostitute charges you money.
Hillary is back
We're in 2002...Bill Clinton and Hillary are doing a caravan honeymoon to try to reconstruct their marriage (probably to help 2008 presidential).
As they stop in deep Kentucky at a gas station, a dirty mechanics goes out and ask what they want. «Full it up!» says Bill.
As they look around, they can see that the gas station is a poor one. Very dirty. A dump is behind and on the side is an old and rusty trailerhome where an ugly wife and young children seem to have nothing else to do than walking around slowly, moving some oily motor parts.
«Hilly...says Bill...can you imagine how lucky you are?»
«mmmm?» says Hillary
«yes honey. When I was at university, you were looking all kind of boy. Imagine, if you would have marry that guy, instead of being with the president, you would have live a life like this: working with auto parts in the dust while your hubby gives himself a handjob in front of paperwall oldies girls and...»
«Billlllll......please....(rolling eyes). If I would have marry that guy, HE would have become the president...»
We're in 2002...Bill Clinton and Hillary are doing a caravan honeymoon to try to reconstruct their marriage (probably to help 2008 presidential).
As they stop in deep Kentucky at a gas station, a dirty mechanics goes out and ask what they want. «Full it up!» says Bill.
As they look around, they can see that the gas station is a poor one. Very dirty. A dump is behind and on the side is an old and rusty trailerhome where an ugly wife and young children seem to have nothing else to do than walking around slowly, moving some oily motor parts.
«Hilly...says Bill...can you imagine how lucky you are?»
«mmmm?» says Hillary
«yes honey. When I was at university, you were looking all kind of boy. Imagine, if you would have marry that guy, instead of being with the president, you would have live a life like this: working with auto parts in the dust while your hubby gives himself a handjob in front of paperwall oldies girls and...»
«Billlllll......please....(rolling eyes). If I would have marry that guy, HE would have become the president...»
President Bush was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation last weekend in Arizona. He spoke for almost an hour on his future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living. He referred to his career as Governor of Texas, how he had signed "YES" 1,237 times, - for every Indian issue that came to his desk for approval. Although the President was vague on the details of his plan, he seemed most enthusiastic about his future ideas for helping his "red brothers".
At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented the President with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle. The proud President then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds. A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs of how they come to select the new name given to the President. They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.
At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented the President with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle. The proud President then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds. A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs of how they come to select the new name given to the President. They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.
Hear about Sarah Palin and Michelle Obama posing nude for magazines lately? Yeah Sarah Palin was seen in playboy and Michelle Obama was discovered in National Geographics!!!!!
Not your typical joke, but i'm sure quite a few of you can find the humor in this:
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2011/08/16/all-shook-up-bachmann-flubs-elvis-birthday/#more-171630
Unbelievable how dumb some people can be!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2011/08/16/all-shook-up-bachmann-flubs-elvis-birthday/#more-171630
Unbelievable how dumb some people can be!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
ound:
A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.
"Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"
The bride-to-be said, "A long frilly white dress with a veil."
"Please don't take this the wrong way, madam, but such dresses are usually more fitting for the first time bride who is more innocent in the ways of life, if you get my meaning."
"WELL!," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness.
"I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.
You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our honeymoon hotel.
My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."
"What about your third husband?"
"That one was Justin Trudeau, said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened."
"Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"
The bride-to-be said, "A long frilly white dress with a veil."
"Please don't take this the wrong way, madam, but such dresses are usually more fitting for the first time bride who is more innocent in the ways of life, if you get my meaning."
"WELL!," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness.
"I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.
You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our honeymoon hotel.
My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."
"What about your third husband?"
"That one was Justin Trudeau, said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened."
Justin Trudeau walks into a Bank to cash a cheque in front of me one day: As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, Ma'am, could you please cash this cheque for me?”
Cashier: "It would be my pleasure to do that sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
Trudeau: "Truthfully, I didn't bring any "ID" with me as I didn't think there would be any reason, he says, I'm the leader of the Liberal Party, "I am the Prime minister of Canada....
Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks today because of all the impostors and forgers and requirements of the CIDC legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing your ID."
Trudeau: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."
Cashier: "I am sorry, Mr. Trudeau, but these are the rules and I must follow them."
Trudeau: I am urging you, please, cash this cheque."
Cashier: "Look Mr. Trudeau , here is an example of what we can do. One day, Mike Weir came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Mike Weir he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Mike weir and cashed his cheque for him.
Another time, Wayne Gretzky came in without ID. He pulled out his hockey stick and made a fabulous shot with a hockey puck it landed in an over turned trash can at the other end of the bank. With that shot we cashed his cheque.
So, Mr. Trudeau, what can you do to prove that it is really you, and only you?"
Trudeau stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, ummmm "Honestly, my mind is totally blank, I have absolutely no idea what to do, I don't have a clue." I really don't have a clue.
Cashier: Says, Ok thanks Will that be large or small bills, Mr Trudeau?"
Cashier: "It would be my pleasure to do that sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
Trudeau: "Truthfully, I didn't bring any "ID" with me as I didn't think there would be any reason, he says, I'm the leader of the Liberal Party, "I am the Prime minister of Canada....
Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks today because of all the impostors and forgers and requirements of the CIDC legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing your ID."
Trudeau: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."
Cashier: "I am sorry, Mr. Trudeau, but these are the rules and I must follow them."
Trudeau: I am urging you, please, cash this cheque."
Cashier: "Look Mr. Trudeau , here is an example of what we can do. One day, Mike Weir came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Mike Weir he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Mike weir and cashed his cheque for him.
Another time, Wayne Gretzky came in without ID. He pulled out his hockey stick and made a fabulous shot with a hockey puck it landed in an over turned trash can at the other end of the bank. With that shot we cashed his cheque.
So, Mr. Trudeau, what can you do to prove that it is really you, and only you?"
Trudeau stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, ummmm "Honestly, my mind is totally blank, I have absolutely no idea what to do, I don't have a clue." I really don't have a clue.
Cashier: Says, Ok thanks Will that be large or small bills, Mr Trudeau?"
Why won't the Republicans impeach Trump?
Because they insist on carrying a baby to full term
How do you get Donald Trump to change a lightbulb?
You tell him Barack Obama installed it
President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
The driver replies, "I'm president Donald Trump's driver, and I just killed the pig."
An Irishman and an Englishman walk in to a bakery
The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets. He says to the Irishman, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me."
The Irishman replies, "That's just simple thievery. I'll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results."
The Irishman then calls out to the owner of the bakery and says, "Sir, I want to show you a magic trick." The owner is intrigued, so he comes over to see the magic trick.
The Irishman asks him for a bun and then eats it. He then asks for two more and eats those as well. The owner says, "Okay, my friend, where's the magic trick?"
The Irishman says, "Look in the Englishman's pocket."
Because they insist on carrying a baby to full term
How do you get Donald Trump to change a lightbulb?
You tell him Barack Obama installed it
President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
The driver replies, "I'm president Donald Trump's driver, and I just killed the pig."
An Irishman and an Englishman walk in to a bakery
The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets. He says to the Irishman, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me."
The Irishman replies, "That's just simple thievery. I'll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results."
The Irishman then calls out to the owner of the bakery and says, "Sir, I want to show you a magic trick." The owner is intrigued, so he comes over to see the magic trick.
The Irishman asks him for a bun and then eats it. He then asks for two more and eats those as well. The owner says, "Okay, my friend, where's the magic trick?"
The Irishman says, "Look in the Englishman's pocket."
When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, “I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.”
In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.
She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was such a box with such contents. That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner. After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, “I am so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?”
Bill thought for a while and said, “I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.” Hillary was shocked, but said, “Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I am very disappointed and saddened by your behavior. However, since you are addicted to sex I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad considering your problem.”
Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, “So why do you have all that money in the box?”
Bill answered: “Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash.”
In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.
She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was such a box with such contents. That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner. After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, “I am so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?”
Bill thought for a while and said, “I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.” Hillary was shocked, but said, “Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I am very disappointed and saddened by your behavior. However, since you are addicted to sex I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad considering your problem.”
Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, “So why do you have all that money in the box?”
Bill answered: “Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash.”
I have my son in a social experiment, he has to wear a " I love Justin Trudeau " T-shirt.
So far he has been laughed at, kicked, punched and spit on.
Hate to see what happens when he leaves the house.
So far he has been laughed at, kicked, punched and spit on.
Hate to see what happens when he leaves the house.
Trudeau gets up in the morning and he cant see his face in the bathroom mirror for all the kiss.
Difference between a dog that gets run over by a truck and trudeau would be
you would see skid marks where the dog was hit.
A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Winnipeg,
Manitoba when he sees a little girl leaning
into the lion's cage.
Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her
jacket and tries to pull her through the bars while her screaming
parents look on.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage, and
hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful
punch.
Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back letting go of
the girl; and the biker brings her to her terrified parents who
thank him endlessly.
A reporter had watched the entire event.
The reporter said to the Harley rider, 'Sir, this
was the most gallant and brave thing I've ever seen.'
The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing,
really. I just acted as I felt was right.'
The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this
won't go unnoticed.
I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's
paper will have this story on the front page.
So, tell me, what do you do for a living and what
political affiliations do you have?'
The biker replies, 'I'm a Canadian Soldier and
a Conservative.'
The following morning the biker buys the paper out of
curiosity to see if it, indeed, brings news of his actions, and reads,
on the front page:
CANADIAN SOLDIER ASSAULTS AFRICAN
IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH!
Manitoba when he sees a little girl leaning
into the lion's cage.
Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her
jacket and tries to pull her through the bars while her screaming
parents look on.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage, and
hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful
punch.
Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back letting go of
the girl; and the biker brings her to her terrified parents who
thank him endlessly.
A reporter had watched the entire event.
The reporter said to the Harley rider, 'Sir, this
was the most gallant and brave thing I've ever seen.'
The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing,
really. I just acted as I felt was right.'
The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this
won't go unnoticed.
I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's
paper will have this story on the front page.
So, tell me, what do you do for a living and what
political affiliations do you have?'
The biker replies, 'I'm a Canadian Soldier and
a Conservative.'
The following morning the biker buys the paper out of
curiosity to see if it, indeed, brings news of his actions, and reads,
on the front page:
CANADIAN SOLDIER ASSAULTS AFRICAN
IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH!
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