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Thread: Why am I attracted to escorts... anybody ever asked himself the same question...

  1. #1

    Why am I attracted to escorts... anybody ever asked himself the same question...


    There's something I don't understand and it's somehow poisoning my life, well to some extent.

    In a simple description:

    Im engaged to one of the most sexy and gorgeous woman I ever seen. I love her, I really do. We've been together few years now. Still I find myself facing the desire and urge of going to see an escort once in a while. ( It happened 2-3 times in the last year).

    I feel bad because Im somehow betraying someone who doesnt deserve it - even thought she knows nothing about it...

    Of course, for me there's a difference in the type of sex going on with an escort... I have a very stressful job and big responsabilities... I believe it's my method of easing the stress.

    But I have a hard time dealing it with my mind... As an example: Tonite Im out on a business trip... I decided to walk-in an incall agency where I am. Really No girl did attract me so I decided to turn back... I couldn't stop feeling guilty... but deep inside I was tempted and know I would have done it if the girl was attractive to me...

    I would like to understand if the way I feel is normal or if someone ever felt the same. Do you believe it's possible to love someone and have the need to have sex with escorts once in while. Dont you just feel as bad as me at times too?

    What doesnt help is a few years back then - I had a disastrous experience with a escort... the condom broke ( see older post... ) now I have someone in my life and Im so scared this happens again. Btw I didnt catch anything after the incident but imagine how much I stressed waiting for the results...

    So.... Im trying to resist and not do it... by fear of condom breaking again or by fear of hurting emotionnaly the one I love.... and on the other hand I want to ...

    complicated I know, anyways let me know if you feel the same or felt the same once...


  2. #2
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    You know, if you're having trouble dealing with your emotions, writing about it on this board is NOT going to help you. You need to consult with a professional Psychologist if you don't want these feelings to worsen...

  3. #3
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    NY State
    shijak, I agree with you that someone having questions of why he does something should ask a professional. However, feelinglost is asking if anyone has felt the same way. I don't see any harm in the question.

    I agree 100 percent that turning to SP's when you really don't want to is a reaction to stress. I have done that in my past when I did not really want to. You should a psychologist who specializes in behavior. Their approach is to train you to select other responses to your stress. Good luck.

  4. #4
    i don't know if i can say i understand. i'm married, but i enjoy seeing escorts from time to time because the idea of trying someone else from time to time feels great. i won't leave my wife because i love her, but the rush and excitment i get from cheating makes me happy. now if i think about how you feel in comparison to me, it's an extreme opposite. what i could suggest, is that you try to find the exact source of your urges. it could be sexual frustration because you're not getting enough or you ain't getting it the way you really want it. try having a fantasy night and get your girl to dress up like someone else, it might help. maybe you want her to act naughtier than she actually does. talk to your wife and see what happens. good luck

  5. #5
    All this guilt that oozes from ``visiting`` companions is prefaced on the notion of a failure at being faithfull whereas faithfullness is a mental construct often not clearly negotiated and resolved between loving partners. My «faithfullness» was all about not engaging in any «I love you» shit with any other woman not my beloved. Sex had nothing to do with it and didn`t come under any limitative rules, and it was clearly again something understood on both parts. SO...

    «Je suis devenu l'esclave de ma liberté.»

    «...and thanks for all the fish.»

  6. #6

    has anyone tried this escort service?

    hello has anyone tried this independent escort lady? i feel the pics are fake?

  7. #7
    Feelinglost - if you are engaged and likely to be married soon you could just be pannicking, feeling trapped, and having fears of committment.
    I have noticed these same feelings in myself - the more my girlfriend (at the time) spent time with me too much or was a bit smothering (not her intent) I began to have wandering feelings and fantasies - I enjoyed the closeness but the thought of sex with only one woman scared the hell out of me and made me think astray. when she was cool and gave me my space - the wandering thoughts went away. In short I have experienced similar feelings to yours which I chalked up to fear of committment - once you identify the root cause of things they are much easier to deal with. Of course I am not with her anymore and free to see SPs whenever I choose. (sorry if this last bit wasn't helpful).

  8. #8
    Respect & Honour
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    On The Front lines
    I hear where you're coming from lost. I've been with certain women I cared about in the past, but after a period of time started feeling kind of empty that they are the only woman I can be with sexually. It made me sad. No matter who you are with, it does get kind of old after a while. I've rarely cheated on women I was with. I just broke up with them, if being with other women became more important than being faithful. I don't want the guilt of feeling I'm betraying someone and, at least right now, feel I cannot be with just one woman sexually. Because of these two factors, I have no choice but to remain single (there are both good and bad to that). Of course I am not engaged to a woman I love like you are, so do not have the same dilemma. I really don't know what I would do if I were you, but would certainly feel the same way. As some have mentioned, the only thing I could do was to talk to a professional and see if they could help me resolve the issue.

  9. #9

    History lesson

    History teaches us that before romantic love as we know it, a man would marry a good woman as a life partner, to be the mother of his children, to keep his house, to cherish and to care for. He would go outside with other women to fuck. Fucking was seen more as an animal thing, related to desire and possession, something nice when a bit dirty; not what you want to do with the woman you respect. This gave way to to many bastards and both the Church and the Law were happy that romantic love involved faithfulness for life thus less bastards.

    Today we marry for many good reasons but have the bad habit of including sexual desire of our love one as a main criteria.Sorry to say that desire does not last, it is part of it's nature to be temporary. Some of us know how to keep the flame burning by making our desire evolve, but mostly it must be answered by fucking other women.

    So I would say, love your woman for the rest of your life, let your heart be faithful to her and do not love any other. But please fuck another girl once in a while, just so that you see and understand the difference between love and desire.

  10. #10
    I sure is a fun hobby hard to give up. Tell your future wife about it.... If you live through that maybe you should marry. Hyperthetically of course.

  11. #11

    Don't tell her!

    "Gambler" is an appropriate user name - you are gambling on ruining your life if you tell your fiancee, wife or significant other. Don't tell her, for God's sake. There are very few men that can tell anyone -- let alone their wife -- without opening a hornet's nest.

    Unfortunately, this hobby is in our DNA. Follow the advice of "onceinawhile", and stop feeling guilty. Never cheat your future wife of any love or sex; but if you need to play once in a while, do so without guilt.

  12. #12
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Right here, except when I'm elsewhere.
    456nick, another perspective is not to marry someone who doesn't want you to enjoy life to its fullest in whatever ways make you happiest.

    My wife spent the weekend going over agency and indy websites and giving me her valuable opinions for an upcoming trip ("Do her, she looks fun." "She is ungainly and ungraceful - you don't want to deal with that during a blowjob!" "That is NOT a 20 year-old" and the usual range of comments about ugly shoes, chipped nail varnish, and laddered stockings) and helping me get all my stuff together to pack. I now have a half-dozen girls on my TDL that weren't even on my radar before. She knows my perversions well so her advice is nearly always spot-on.

    Guilt is poisonous, but so is lying. I recommend against both. If you feel as if you're sneaking around but can't be honest about what you're doing, you need to stop doing it.

  13. #13

    You are a lucky guy to have such an open relationship; most wives are not like that at all. As well, our society (other than perhaps the wonderful people of Montreal) are not prepared to discuss the hobby openly. Out of curiousity, if the tables were turned -- if your wife asked you to vet Male SP's for her -- would you respond in the same positive way as she does to you?


  14. #14
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Shijak is right in that you may want to see a psychiatrist (not an insult). Onceinawhile is right too.

    And "gambling" is an understatement. You're literally throwing your meat down a craps table. Merb lounge is where the meat throwers hang out, maybe not your best place for advice.

    This bastard don't love them hoes, I'm out the door.

  15. #15
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Right here, except when I'm elsewhere.
    Quote Originally Posted by 456nick View Post
    Out of curiousity, if the tables were turned -- if your wife asked you to vet Male SP's for her -- would you respond in the same positive way as she does to you?
    I've offered. She says she's only interested in women and me.

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