Sex Addicts Anonymous

naughtylady · May 20, 2009

http://saa-recovery.org/

Found the above web site and though it might be of interest.
In particular I though the self assessment questionnaire might prove to be grounds for some interesting discussion.

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

metoo4 · May 20, 2009

You want to start discussions? Here we go!

What I hate about these groups is the concept of replacing an addiction with another instead of only teaching peoples how to recognize what trigger their addiction and how to control it.
I noticed the word "God" was present in 5 of the 12 steps presented and often more than once per step. Now, if pushing all the problem in God's yard isn't another addiction... to God?

I am not saying the end result these groups aim at is bad, far from it! Religion, for example, is a known "support" to explain the unexplainable and blame our "sins" on. God or Devil, good or bad, religion knows it all and have the answer! But getting peoples to know themself better, in order to prevent other addictions to sneak-in, instead of having them hide behind God would be more logical, in my opinion.

naughtylady · May 20, 2009

another web site: sexual recovery anonymous

and their self assessment questionnaire

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

naughtylady · May 20, 2009

I hate to admit it but, I love disturbing the shit!

Though I was hoping to talk about the idea of sex addiction and not 12 step groups. It was googling the idea of being addicted to sex where I fell upon the self assessment questionnaires. Originally I was going to copy and paste the questions without any reference to where they came from then I changed my mind.

I am a sex addict in the first instance since you only have top say yes to 1 question in their definition. I do not believe that I have a sex addiction since my libido does not interfere with my everyday life and I have no feelings of shame or guilt or other negative feelings about my sex life.

The second questionnaire says that its questions are only to help you decide for yourself and there is no magic number which says you are addicted or not.

If one can be addicted to sex (and I believe one can), then I am willing to bet that there are sex addicts on this board. Also just because you are addicted to something, doesn't mean you want to stop the behaviour in question.

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

naughtylady · May 20, 2009

daddyxxx said:
1000% agree. Most former addicts I know have simply replaced their "drug of choice" with something else, be it shopping cleaning, coffee etc. It can be just as destructive. Hell Everyone I've met from AA is addicted to meetings. Can't function without them. Do they help? Sure to a degree but I think dealing with the underlying issue would be better. Sometimes you need stitches not just a band aid.

You are probably right in saying they transferred their addiction from alcohol to going to meetings. A less harmful way of life IMHO. At least by going to meetings they are not hung over the next day and miss work. They are not getting fired for being drunk on the job. They are not costing our health care system for alcohol related illnesses. etc. etc.

metoo4 said:
You want to start discussions? Here we go!

What I hate about these groups is the concept of replacing an addiction with another instead of only teaching peoples how to recognize what trigger their addiction and how to control it.
I noticed the word "God" was present in 5 of the 12 steps presented and often more than once per step. Now, if pushing all the problem in God's yard isn't another addiction... to God?

I am not saying the end result these groups aim at is bad, far from it! Religion, for example, is a known "support" to explain the unexplainable and blame our "sins" on. God or Devil, good or bad, religion knows it all and have the answer! But getting peoples to know themself better, in order to prevent other addictions to sneak-in, instead of having them hide behind God would be more logical, in my opinion.

It seems to me that following the steps indicated would lead one to knowing themselves better, look specifically at step 4, 8, 9 and 10. I think it looks like a program of getting honest with yourself by looking closely at your life (admission, inventory, listing the people you have hurt) and making amends, then continuing to do so on a daily basis.

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

naughtylady · May 20, 2009

daddyxxx said:
You are probably right in saying they transferred their addiction from alcohol to going to meetings. A less harmful way of life IMHO. At least by going to meetings they are not hung over the next day and miss work. They are not getting fired for being drunk on the job. They are not costing our health care system for alcohol related illnesses. etc. etc.

How about the family time lost to meetings?? Don't forget most go every day and depending where you live meetings can be far away. Some even go more than once a day. Just follow the program it will work is what I've heard many times. I'll admit I'm borderline sex addict in the sense that I need it at least once a day if not I go mental but I can control myself. I would not go get it elsewhere if I didn't get it at home. however I don't think the program is a good option. I'll go see a shrink before I get out of hand if need be. You can keep putting air in a tire with a slow leak but eventually the tire needs to be changed. Same with people. So sex, drugs alcohol or gambling it's all the same, the meetings seem to put the blame on something other than the person and the responsibility of fixing it to "GOD" . Admitting you have a problem is one thing but taking responsibility for it is another. I just don't see it as a solution.

Then what are you doing here? If you are not getting sexual release anywhere but at home, what are you doing here? I am confused, I am not trying to be facetious.

From what I can see, the 12 step programs seem to be programs of action where if you do these steps, then you will no longer be plagued by your addiction. I am not sure where you see a lack of taking responsibility: moral inventory, defects of character and making amends are all part of the steps. maybe if I attended some "open" meetings then I would see there is a difference between what is written and what really is. What seems to be written is a system of taking responsibility for your addiction and your past-- as well as present-- actions(The way our laws are enforced? Many laws are overlooked by police.)

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

naughtylady · May 20, 2009

...and another self assessment questionnaire for sexual addiction.

According to this one I am a sex addict if I say so since there is no fixed number of yes answers to make a determination. Of course I answered yes to several questions (those who know me or have been reading my post for a while probably can guess some of which ones I answered yes), so I am one if I decide I am.

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

Porter · May 20, 2009

Well lets see a web site that exploits people:: New concept here!!!

So who's baseline are they using to deem what is "normal" or not ??? And what is "normal" these days??

Why is it we have to subscribe to a norm or to fit in ??? Why is it I cannot live my life the way I see fit. I am not hurting anyone! So get the "Fuck off my lawn"!

This state of ours is slowly brainwashing us to fit into nice little tidy cubicles of normalcy! We are fast loosing our individuality, our sense of being and la joy de vivre!

Live and let live!

Now we have to watch what we say, how we say it, what we eat, what we smoke, what we drink, how we drive, how to pee and now how and when to fuck!!! We have to have pure thoughts , cannot chew someone out, or denounce our religion because it might be offensive!

We now have the internet who wants to chime in on morality!! and make some serious bucks out of it too!! But I guess fucking people over for money is not offensive and fits right in our model of a society!

I would rather get stoned, do a bottle of jack and get a blow job in a back alley on the main than subscribe to this nonsense!

Am I a sex addict, hell yes and proud of it!! I have a dick, I like having a dick and I like using it.

Porter · May 20, 2009

B, I am permitted to be here as my wife participates with me, it is our hobby. Doing the 12 steps does not cure you of anything. Doing the 12 steps and attending meetings on a regular basis stops you from falling off the wagon. Most that stop attending usually end up coming back to start all over. The way it works is if you are in a meeting, you are not at a bargetting drunk or in a cheap motel screwing etc. I think most would probably be too embarassed to show up stinking drunk so as long as they can get to a meeting they wouldn't drink before. In theory it works but it needs to be combined with medical treatment such as a mental health professional. Although I don't believe it is a disease I do think something triggers the desire the act. Dealing with the trigger is what really needs to be done.

Are you guys serious!!!!

Dealing with triggers!!! A million years of evolution made me this way, why should I change!! And what is wrong with screwing in a sleazy motel ???

Now do not give me the moral lecture that men in general cheat on their wives!! Men do cheat and women do cheat, its nature, its lust and everything else you want to call it. And you know what , its my choice!!!

They can take the 12 steps and ram each one a inch further up the sphincter!!!

We are living breathing free willed people!

naughtylady · May 21, 2009

Porter>>> As I stated in post #7:

just because you are addicted to something, doesn't mean you want to stop the behaviour in question.

I was more curious who here considered themselves a sex addict?

I did not realize that so many of you would get so touchy on the 12 step sites where I found the questionnaires!

I am quite sure there are men who miss work, and other life events, because they are getting their rocks off instead. To me that would be a sex addict, where their need for sex is interfering with other parts of their lives. But that is my definition and by that definition I personally am not an addict. However I may be in denial

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

naughtylady · May 21, 2009

NONE in Quebec? Wow! I did not even think to check! LOL

Maybe we should try to start a group? Ummm on second thought that would be bad for business! Strike that thought! LOL

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

Regular Guy · May 21, 2009

Getting to the root of the matter.........

I was more curious who here considered themselves a sex addict?

I did not realize that so many of you would get so touchy on the 12 step sites where I found the questionnaires!

Perhaps it might be more profitable to ask, in general terms, what is the basis for an increased libido. The questionnaire would seem to suggest some variation.

The roots of one's approach to sex go deep and many on the boards have their own twist on it. You may find the reticence to answer this by some members indicates that it is a sensitive issue, perhaps because it is so revealing.

You might want to start with how some may have been skin-starved as babies. Can't get more Freudian than that.

Porter · May 21, 2009

If you are consumed by your hobby and destroy your life just to get a fix be it sex or whatever then it is not human nature.

So what is human nature ??? History has taught us that human nature is quite vile, violent, fearful and greedy! Is that what you are referring to?

The purest form of natural behavior can be found in the wild, at peace with its environment, though extremely difficult.

The notion that an institute, a state, a community or any other type of organization can dictate what is normal, is nothing more than an attempt to control people and gain power from such an action.

AS you have received permission to write on this board, with supervision as per your post, you are a perfect example of a controlled subject!

I can assume that your current state is what you deem to be normal!!

Porter · May 22, 2009

The simple point I am making is that we have let too many organizations decide for us what is normal or not!

An addiction, is an addiction .

I am a smoker was one since I was 11. It was "normal" in those days and even frowned upon when you did not want to light up!

Now its normal not to smoke !!!

What was normal then is an addiction now!

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