She wanted payment for platonic meetings first, and then we would see if intimacy developed. While I see how that is a perfectly reasonable route for some couples and it might make the SB feel safer, it made me feel like I might be taken advantage of. I did not want to invest time and money on the possibility of something more down the line.
I have had numerous arrangements that started exactly like that. Although I did not invest much in the platonic dates ($100/$150, usually) and intimacy was usually achieved after 2-5 dates. Here is what you need to learn about Sugar Baby 101- and it's exactly what you said: women want to feel safe and have a comfort level with their arrangement partner. And if you are not socially inept or aggressively ugly, the chances are very high you will be able to provide her with that sense of safety and comfort level. Most women worth having arrangements with, and especially women in the age 18-22 age group, want to have this comfort level before they go back to your place. With a lot of them, it's a personal security issue. One of the women I dated, for over 2 years, was a huge fan of the TV show Criminal Minds, and she was worried she would end up a victim. I needed 5 dates with her before she felt safe that I wasn't a serial killer and that she could trust me. It is what it is- many women on SA do not want to have a P4P arrangement from the git go, they want to "see where it goes", which is code for you need to make her feel safe and respected. It's not that hard to do, and if you can't do it, you suck. If you can, you will get P4P. It's that simple.
A lot of guys, and I am one, like the adventure aspect of it, of having to actually earn the sexual trust. Other guys want it quick and easy, or quick and cheap, or else they know they are social trainwrecks who cannot put a woman at ease after 1, 2 or 5 dates. Those guys can't play the SA game. They are not built for it. You gotta look in the mirror and know who you are and what game you are built for. I have played all the games. I like the SA game, but I always remember it is a game and I have no illusions about that. In the end I have treated SBs the same as I have treated escorts on dinner dates, and I have enjoyed my times equally with both. With the non pro girls, most of them anyway, there is a feeling of exclusivity even if they are seeing another SD. Somehow it feels more GFE to me. Maybe that isn't real or reality, but who fucking cares? It's all a game. Anyway, we have a lot of people who are incapable of playing the game for one or more of the reasons I have mentioned who are posting in this thread, and it's sort of like reading commentary about legal strategy from someone who is not an attorney, has never been inside a courtroom, or picked a jury, or argued a hard or losing case to a Judge or jury, or lost and won cases. SA is a game and it's a game that can be enjoyed if one is willing to understand, accept and execute some basic strategies. I truly believe that 90% of the guys who do that, and who do not have some social anxiety disorder or other social trainwrecking issue that gets out of control, and does not look like Jabba the Hutt, can pull it off.
Dasein, with all due respect, your post I quoted above is a classic losing mentality. Built in to your post is the negative statement that you are "being taken advantage of." No you are not being taken advantage of. You know the rules, and you play to win and to take advantage of the game, or not. You chose to not take advantage of the game, and you did not choose to not be taken advantage of. That is not what happened, my friend. It's not a possibility, it's a "probability" to someone who has clearly defined the rules of engagement and plays the game to win. These are attitudinal issues which determine whether you win the game. You make a statement like that around women, she will smell a loser. You have to have the mentality that you are in it for at least 3-5 dates if you like and want her, if not, game is not for you.