Booking an indy: Tips, tricks, dos and don'ts

[LC18]

This thread is for information purposes only. You are not obligated to follow the recommandations discussed in this thread. For the French version click HERE


Read the provider's website
You don't like deposits, screenings or sending your ID? Make sure you read their ads and websites as they will for sure let you know what information they require. This will save you time because there's nothing more frustrating than finding THE one, sending a message and realizing you cannot go further in the planning process. You will not make them change their mind, if they require a deposit, nothing you will say will make them skip that part.

Know what you want and ask for it
You want this to be done within 3-4 text messages/emails? Give all the information required in the first text message/email. There is absolutely no need for you to send an introduction message that doesn't contain the information the provider might need to book you. Keep your "hey what's good today?" for another day. I know you mean well and you want to make it more personal but a lof of my colleagues will see it as "time wasting" and won't even engage.

Hello so&so,

My name is Mr. X and I would like to know if you're available on [date] for a [duration] session. I would like an [incall/outcall] session. Let me know what information you would need to complete the booking.

Thank you,
X

I would like to book a provider to be my date for an event. Will I have to pay the same rates?
Trips, concerts, restaurant and all that jazz can sometimes be a puzzle. A lot of us have what we call a "social rate" which is lower than our regular rates and allow people to book us for non-intimate events such as but not limited to: business cocktails, concerts, museum dates

If you don't see social rate on a provider's website or ad, ask nicely but do not suggest a price as it is considered rude.

Hello so&so,

I've noticed you don't have social rates, I have this event coming up and I would love for you to be my date. [give as much details as you can so that she can give you a quote] Let me know what information you would need to complete the booking.

Thank you,
X

A few will have a totally different section reserved to travelling, whether you fly her to you or you depart together. If it's not there, once again ask nicely but do not suggest a rate. If you've seen her a few times or if it's something she really wants to do, she might even give you a discount. I know of a friend who really wanted to go to Toqué! in Montreal so she lowered her dinner date rates but only if you were to take her there.

Can I know what's on your menu?
This question has probably made you lose your chance with a provider. While it's fair to ask what one might offer, there are certainly ways to ask. You could for instance, share what you like or need and ask the provider if that's something they offer.

"Hello so&so,

My name is Mr. X and I would like to know if you're available on [date] for a [duration] session. I would like an [incall/outcall] session. Let me know what information you would need to complete the booking. I am really into deep French kissing and kinkier things like COF. Are those things you offer?

Thank you,
X"

I am married or I have a partner. Discretion is a must for me, how do I play safe?
If you need the provider to be scent & makeup free meaning; no perfume, no scented body lotions, no body oil, no lipstick, no foundation
Let her know ahead, not everyone has fragrance free products so it's good to know a bit in advance in case they might need to find the said products. Same goes for asking her to dress more modestly if you are going to meet in public or if you want her to meet you at your hotel/residence. While none of us walk around with a neon sign that says I AM AN ESCORT, mentioning that you would prefer a more neutral outfit is totally fine.

How do I know she's not going to scam me?
Do your homework. Are the photos legit? Is she only advertising on one website? Is there any reviews? Is she active on twitter? Those are some good questions you can ask yourself before sending money. A reputable provider would not jeopardize her reputation over $50 while she can make more by actually seeing you.

References. I have never seen an independent companion before what do I do?
Some ask for references, some don't. Some will also not provide references. If you used to see someone in an agency and they have an active twitter account, you could ask the provider if they would accept to contact them on there. You should always give the most recent provider you've seen as a reference as many of us think it is strange that you always use the same person as a ref if you've seen 2 other companions after.

Screening: You want my what?
Some escorts will ask you to send a photo of a not expired government issued photo ID to make sure you are who you pretend to be and to make sure you are not a serious criminal. Some may ask for a link to your LinkedIn profile. Maybe they would ask you to send them a private message on a reputable review board. Whatever the screening they might have, you must comply or move on. Arguing over their screening protocol is not going to get you any further. There are many providers that do not require sensitive information from you. Just go with them.

I'd like to bring a gift. Is that ok?
Gifts are never mandatory but always appreciated. I recommend that you either find her wishlist or ask the person directly. You wouldn't want to bring a bottle of wine to someone who's been sober for months or chocolate covered almonds to someone who is deadly allergic so always ask before you bring anything. Twitter can be a good place to find out what a provider might be into or might like.

Confirm and do not cancel last minute
I know some of you have very unpredictable schedules but as much as you can, do not cancel last minute. It's ok to cancel but you have to let them know, don't just ghost them. A lot of us have to book a space to host you and it's not free so when you cancel last minute, you are putting the provider in a very unpleasant position. Apologize and ask if it's possible to re schedule. Some might have a cancellation policy, I recommend you read it thoroughly if you have an uncertain schedule. They will usually send you a message the day before or a few hours before to reconfirm, now would also be a good time to let them know if your plans have changed.

The envelope
An envelope makes it less awkward to hand cash to someone. If you meet in public you might even use a birthday card to hide the money. The provider will most likely excuse themselves to the bathroom to count the money. Is she going to run away with my money? No, not if you've done your homework and made sure she was a reputable provider. If you decide to go with the envelope, It's recommended that you do not seal it as it will be easier for the provider to count the money.


LC

Other useful threads
• Rencontrer une indépendante: Trucs, conseils, quoi faire et ne pas faire
• It's your first time? Read this
• C'est votre première fois? Lisez ceci
• Scam or Standard practice
• How to introduce yourself like a pro
• Screening and references FAQ
• How to use the 411 section

 

[Shantie_mtl]

Love it

 

[CLOUD 500]

This should be made a sticky. Booking an Indy 101. Well written and detailed.

 

[neverbored]

At what moment can I ask if she'll consider a discount cause I don't like her price?
lol sorry, just kidding, its a sad thing that common sense requires a sticky.

 

[LC18]

At what moment can I ask if she'll consider a discount cause I don't like her price?
lol sorry, just kidding, its a sad thing that common sense requires a sticky.

You got me there for a minute.

All jokes aside, if you develop a relationship, you might get some discounts or perks that other gentlemen don’t have.

 

[neverbored]

if you develop a relationship, you might get some discounts or perks that other gentlemen don’t have.

I'll be honest, I've never asked for a discount. As much as I'm die hard against NOT negotiating in life, sex workers are the only ones I would never attempt it with. Its bad enough that they need to live with the trauma of having seen me naked.

But I will say, the best SPs I've ever seen (and the few I've repeated with) were the ones good at sizing me. Figuring out what I liked and how I liked it. This is what I consider the foundation to chemistry. Because of this, I know I've sometimes gotten things others never could or at least not many.

 

[Halloween Mike]

References. I have never seen an independent companion before what do I do?
Some ask for references, some don't. Some will also not provide references. If you used to see someone in an agency and they have an active twitter account, you could ask the provider if they would accept to contact them on there. You should always give the most recent provider you've seen as a reference as many of us think it is strange that you always use the same person as a ref if you've seen 2 other companions after.

I like the post and agree with pretty much everything exept one part. That part tough (in the quote) is one that personally is something that fit in the "hassle" that i (and a few others) mentioned in the thread agencies vs indies. Its not that i am against her checking with others that i am safe, its really just the concept of me having to go out of my way to contact a provider i would had met before just to "bother" them to contact another provider. Especially if said past provider is one that i don't intend to see again (even if she was nice, could be $ related or maybe not the best chemistry ever or whatever). As you say yourself, some will plainly refuse to do references (unless its in their friend's circle), and often the reference must be under 6 months (wich lets face it is short, at least for me, i barely see 2-3 agency girls in that timespan). But realistic of course someone you met once 2-3 years ago is not likely to remember you... so it has its logic.

I know not everyone has a presence on merb, and even if they do, they may not post much, may not be "known" too much. But for me its really the best form of reference. The easiest at least from a client standpoint.

Obviously we all here want the providers to be safe, but in true honesty i don't think the reference method is really anything full proof.It happened in the past a provider saw a client multiple times herself, and then on the 4th or more date he became violent and pushy. Having 1 or 2 other escort says "yes he was nice with me" is not really a full proof solution. I said it many times in the past and ill say it again, i think best security options for the providers comes from equiping themselves carefully. If i was an escort, i would have a microphone in the room (live), think something like those baby talkies or whatever its call, where you put one near the baby and the other near you in the living room, and i would have a security agent in the next room ready to interven if there is an issue. Sure that mean a cost, but its the safest option.

 

[LC18]

I know not everyone has a presence on merb, and even if they do, they may not post much, may not be "known" too much. But for me its really the best form of reference. The easiest at least from a client standpoint.

That does not constitute a good reference. They want to know how you behave with their colleagues. Sharing your opinion is in no way an indication of how you might be while on a date with someone.

I agree that it is not infaillible which is why I’ve stopped asking/providing references.

 

[Halloween Mike]

That does not constitute a good reference. They want to know how you behave with their colleagues.

Its about safety. If a client was not safe he wouldn't be active on merb for multiple years. If he was dangerous he would had been reported and banned (and word would spread among providers). Thus why its in my opinion as good an alternative. Its very easy to confirm its really you once booking with text or mail. You send a dm on merb to confirm and here you go.

 

[DouMan]

That does not constitute a good reference. They want to know how you behave with their colleagues. Sharing your opinion is in no way an indication of how you might be while on a date with someone.

I agree that it is not infaillible which is why I’ve stopped asking/providing references.

I may be wrong but I tend to disagree. It goes without saying that we are talking about a member that has more than a few posts with decent comments.

I would be led to believe that an asshole on line would certainly be a red flag and the opposite should also stand true.

Maybe @LC18 you have had unfortunate encounters contrary to my belief?

 

[LC18]

That is your experience but from our point of view, we sometimes get people that will portray a “good guy” image online or with one provider and be extremely dangerous with others.

It has happened to a provider in Ottawa, the man booked an appointment with her and she gave a positive reference only for him to assault the next provider.

Being active on review boards doesn’t mean anything.

edit: I do not want to debate on this topic as I’ve mentioned in my initial post that if you don’t like a provider’s screening methods or deposit policy, there’s nothing you will say that will make her change her mind. Just find someone whom you are on the same page with ❤️

 

[LC18]

Maybe @LC18 you have had unfortunate encounters contrary to my belief?

No, not recently, last time was in 2017. Didn’t ask for reference, didn’t get to judge the character as I wasn’t the one managing my bookings at the time, I was working for someone who absolutely didn’t give a f*** about my safety.

 

[What's My Name]

This thread has probably been done a few times already but let's call mine a refresher.
I know a lot of you wish to make your booking experience short and sweet so let me help you.


Read the provider's website
You don't like deposits, screenings or sending your ID? Make sure you read their ads and websites as they will for sure let you know what information they require. This will save you time because there's nothing more frustrating than finding THE one, sending a message and realizing you cannot go further in the planning process. You will not make them change their mind, if they require a deposit, nothing you will say will make them skip that part.

Know what you want and ask for it
You want this to be done within 3-4 text messages/emails? Give all the information required in the first text message/email. There is absolutely no need for you to send an introduction message that doesn't contain the information the provider might need to book you. Keep your "hey what's good today?" for another day. I know you mean well and you want to make it more personal but a lof of my colleagues will see it as "time wasting" and won't even engage.

Hello so&so,

My name is Mr. X and I would like to know if you're available on [date] for a [duration] session. I would like an [incall/outcall] session. Let me know what information you would need to complete the booking.

Thank you,
X

I would like to book a provider to be my date for an event. Will I have to pay the same rates?
Trips, concerts, restaurant and all that jazz can sometimes be a puzzle. A lot of us have what we call a "social rate" which is lower than our regular rates and allow people to book us for non-intimate events such as but not limited to: business cocktails, concerts, museum dates

If you don't see social rates on a provider's website or ad, ask nicely but do not suggest a price as it is considered rude.

Hello so&so,

I've noticed you don't have social rates, I have this event coming up and I would love for you to be my date. [give as much details as you can so that she can give you a quote] Let me know what information you would need to complete the booking.

Thank you,
X

A few will have a totally different section reserved to travelling, whether you fly her to you or you depart together. If it's not there, once again ask nicely but do not suggest a rate. If you've seen her a few times or if it's something she really wants to do, she might even give you a discount. I know of a friend who really wanted to go to Toqué! so she lowered her dinner date rates but only if you were to take her there.

I am married or I have a partner. Discretion is a must for me, how do I play safe?
If you need the provider to be scent & makeup free meaning; no perfume, no scented body lotions, no body oil, no lipstick, no foundation
Let her know ahead, not everyone has fragrance free products so it's good to know a bit in advance in case they might need to find the said products. Same goes for asking her to dress more modestly if you are going to meet in public or if you want her to meet you at your hotel/residence. While none of us walk around with a neon sign that says I AM AN ESCORT, mentioning that you would prefer a more neutral outfit is totally fine.

How do I know she's not going to scam me?
Do your homework. Are the photos legit? Is she only advertising on one website? Is there any reviews? Is she active on twitter? Those are some good questions you can ask yourself before sending money. A reputable provider would not jeopardize her reputation over $50 while she can make more by actually seeing you.

References. I have never seen an independent companion before what do I do?
Some ask for references, some don't. Some will also not provide references. If you used to see someone in an agency and they have an active twitter account, you could ask the provider if they would accept to contact them on there. You should always give the most recent provider you've seen as a reference as many of us think it is strange that you always use the same person as a ref if you've seen 2 other companions after.

I'd like to bring a gift. Is that ok?
Gifts are never mandatory but always appreciated. I recommend that you either find her wishlist or ask the person directly. You wouldn't want to bring a bottle of wine to someone who's been sober for months or chocolate covered almonds to someone who is deadly allergic so always ask before you bring anything. Twitter can be a good place to find out what a provider might be into or might like.

Confirm and do not cancel last minute
I know some of you have very unpredictable schedules but as much as you can, do not cancel last minute. It's ok to cancel but you have to let them know, don't just ghost them. A lot of us have to book a space to host you and it's not free so when you cancel last minute, you are putting the provider in a very unpleasant position. Apologize and ask if it's possible to re schedule. Some might have a cancellation policy, I recommend that you read it thoroughly if you have an uncertain schedule. They will usually send you a message the day before or a few hours before to confirm, now would also be a good time to let them know if your plans have changed.


Any other questions or concerns, I'd be happy to help or clarify.


LC



Updated to add new points

I have something to add. I never know how to politely ask if the lady is shaved.
They way I say it "Are you shaved?" I have had some ladies not answer me back.

 

[LC18]

I have something to add. I never know how to politely ask if the lady is shaved.
They way I say it "Are you shaved?" I have had some ladies not answer me back.

Some will mention it in their ad or on their website. You should see something like “au naturel” for unshaved or something like bald for shaved.

It is a bit abrupt to ask it even though it is fair if your preference is shaved.

 

[What's My Name]

Some will mention it in their ad or on their website. You should see something like “au naturel” for unshaved or something like bald for shaved.

It is a bit abrupt to ask it even though it is fair if your preference is shaved.

Thank you, i think it's a fair question and should not be an abrupt question. For me if she is au naturel I will not book. I prefer shaved or bald.

 

[Halloween Mike]

I realize that some guys (not my clients and I’m not generalizing all men) on here are still members only because we can’t really prove he was dangerous or risky (no writing messages or something really concrete). I can’t say much but people are good with faking being nice.

I was speaking more of peoples with history. Obviously there is a ton of lurkers who signed up in 2017 or whatever and have like 1 or 2 posts. Not counting them Just the old guard of the board who been here and active for years.

 

[charmer_]

Thank you, i think it's a fair question and should not be an abrupt question. For me if she is au naturel I will not book. I prefer shaved or bald.

I agree, its a pretty fair question although I dunno what's the best way to ask about the situation "downstairs".

Probably the best way is just to check past reviews on MERB and/or ask the question in her review thread if it isn't mentioned.
In most cases though, it's usually bald/shaved.

 

[LC18]

Updated to add the following points: Acronyms and envelopes

 

[annabellerileyx]

I like the post and agree with pretty much everything exept one part. That part tough (in the quote) is one that personally is something that fit in the "hassle" that i (and a few others) mentioned in the thread agencies vs indies. Its not that i am against her checking with others that i am safe, its really just the concept of me having to go out of my way to contact a provider i would had met before just to "bother" them to contact another provider. Especially if said past provider is one that i don't intend to see again (even if she was nice, could be $ related or maybe not the best chemistry ever or whatever). As you say yourself, some will plainly refuse to do references (unless its in their friend's circle), and often the reference must be under 6 months (wich lets face it is short, at least for me, i barely see 2-3 agency girls in that timespan). But realistic of course someone you met once 2-3 years ago is not likely to remember you... so it has its logic.

I've noticed that very few providers ask for references as a mandatory part of their screening process. I myself have it as an option from only my colleagues of Indy Companion that I may or may not accept in lieu of other requirements the client may not want to do, which I'm accepting by itself less and less. If you don't want to give a reference, you can choose someone else whose screening better suits you.

 

[Obvio-0bvio]

This thread has probably been done a few times already but let's call mine a refresher.
I know a lot of you wish to make your booking experience short and sweet so let me help you.


Read the provider's website
You don't like deposits, screenings or sending your ID? Make sure you read their ads and websites as they will for sure let you know what information they require. This will save you time because there's nothing more frustrating than finding THE one, sending a message and realizing you cannot go further in the planning process. You will not make them change their mind, if they require a deposit, nothing you will say will make them skip that part.

Know what you want and ask for it
You want this to be done within 3-4 text messages/emails? Give all the information required in the first text message/email. There is absolutely no need for you to send an introduction message that doesn't contain the information the provider might need to book you. Keep your "hey what's good today?" for another day. I know you mean well and you want to make it more personal but a lof of my colleagues will see it as "time wasting" and won't even engage.

Hello so&so,

My name is Mr. X and I would like to know if you're available on [date] for a [duration] session. I would like an [incall/outcall] session. Let me know what information you would need to complete the booking.

Thank you,
X

I would like to book a provider to be my date for an event. Will I have to pay the same rates?
Trips, concerts, restaurant and all that jazz can sometimes be a puzzle. A lot of us have what we call a "social rate" which is lower than our regular rates and allow people to book us for non-intimate events such as but not limited to: business cocktails, concerts, museum dates

If you don't see social rates on a provider's website or ad, ask nicely but do not suggest a price as it is considered rude.

Hello so&so,

I've noticed you don't have social rates, I have this event coming up and I would love for you to be my date. [give as much details as you can so that she can give you a quote] Let me know what information you would need to complete the booking.

Thank you,
X

A few will have a totally different section reserved to travelling, whether you fly her to you or you depart together. If it's not there, once again ask nicely but do not suggest a rate. If you've seen her a few times or if it's something she really wants to do, she might even give you a discount. I know of a friend who really wanted to go to Toqué! so she lowered her dinner date rates but only if you were to take her there.

Can I know what's on your menu?
This question has probably made you lose your chance with a provider. While it's fair to ask what one might offer, there are certainly ways to ask. You could for instance, share what you like or need and ask the provider if that's something they offer.

"Hello so&so,

My name is Mr. X and I would like to know if you're available on [date] for a [duration] session. I would like an [incall/outcall] session. Let me know what information you would need to complete the booking. I am really into deep French kissing and kinkier things like COF. Are those things you offer?

Thank you,
X"

I am married or I have a partner. Discretion is a must for me, how do I play safe?
If you need the provider to be scent & makeup free meaning; no perfume, no scented body lotions, no body oil, no lipstick, no foundation
Let her know ahead, not everyone has fragrance free products so it's good to know a bit in advance in case they might need to find the said products. Same goes for asking her to dress more modestly if you are going to meet in public or if you want her to meet you at your hotel/residence. While none of us walk around with a neon sign that says I AM AN ESCORT, mentioning that you would prefer a more neutral outfit is totally fine.

How do I know she's not going to scam me?
Do your homework. Are the photos legit? Is she only advertising on one website? Is there any reviews? Is she active on twitter? Those are some good questions you can ask yourself before sending money. A reputable provider would not jeopardize her reputation over $50 while she can make more by actually seeing you.

References. I have never seen an independent companion before what do I do?
Some ask for references, some don't. Some will also not provide references. If you used to see someone in an agency and they have an active twitter account, you could ask the provider if they would accept to contact them on there. You should always give the most recent provider you've seen as a reference as many of us think it is strange that you always use the same person as a ref if you've seen 2 other companions after.

I'd like to bring a gift. Is that ok?
Gifts are never mandatory but always appreciated. I recommend that you either find her wishlist or ask the person directly. You wouldn't want to bring a bottle of wine to someone who's been sober for months or chocolate covered almonds to someone who is deadly allergic so always ask before you bring anything. Twitter can be a good place to find out what a provider might be into or might like.

Confirm and do not cancel last minute
I know some of you have very unpredictable schedules but as much as you can, do not cancel last minute. It's ok to cancel but you have to let them know, don't just ghost them. A lot of us have to book a space to host you and it's not free so when you cancel last minute, you are putting the provider in a very unpleasant position. Apologize and ask if it's possible to re schedule. Some might have a cancellation policy, I recommend that you read it thoroughly if you have an uncertain schedule. They will usually send you a message the day before or a few hours before to confirm, now would also be a good time to let them know if your plans have changed.

The envelope
An envelope makes it less awkward to hand cash to someone. If you meet in public you might even use a birthday card to hide the money. The provider will most likely excuse themselves to the bathroom to count the money. Is she going to run away with my money? No, not if you've done your homework and made sure she was a reputable provider. If you decide to go with the envelope, It's recommended that you do not seal it as it will be easier for the provider to count the money.


Any other questions or concerns, I'd be happy to help or clarify.


LC



Updated to add new points

With all due respect,I concur with most of your viewpoints, with the exception of your response to the client's inquiry about menu details, where you insinuated that the client would miss the opportunity to meet you. It is important to note that this platform is not a dating site; rather, it is a service for which the client is paying. Considering the substantial investment the client is making, they are entitled to know what culinary options are available. There is no need for any discourtesy or negativity when addressing this matter.Just as you have asked the client numerous questions, it is only fair that the client has the right to inquire about the menu offerings, it should be reciprocal. Both the client and the service provider should maintain a civilized and courteous demeanor when discussing these inquiries prior to the engagement.