Ever date an SP ??

[gamelessdork]

Wedding vows. Civil marriage. Normal couple. Couple who happily defeats societal norms. Just because your cup of tea is to forsake all others and be faithful as long as you both shall live, doesn't mean everyone shares that philosophy, or that faithful, 'normal', only means 'my body belongs to you forever and you only'. There are plenty of lifestyles out there, and I assume such is the case because there are plenty of folks who are perfectly fine with living their life in a way that defeats your norms. Normal is relative. Please don't try to cram it into such a narrow space.

JAG

Well, she said he didn't know at the beginning. If he accepted after knowing the truth, well, then he is informed. But imagine getting married, and I presume she told him before they got married, and he chose to get married, and someone not telling you this? see how it could be a problem?

The thing is I don't see how a guy with self respect, who actually wanted to be married. Why get married if you don't want to be committed? They could still have been bf-gf.. I just don't see why people in porn or escorts w ould get married.. How serious could the other partner take them? If you wanna share, don't get married. I just cannot see the point.

 

[gamelessdork]

What about couples who don't want kids? I believe the ultimate purpose and normal effect of Christian (till death do us part, which you seem to be referring to) marriage is to bring children into the world. Shouldn't get married? And who said he wanted to get married in the first place? Let's get step one down first: dating for a while. Then we'll see?

JAG

well why get married if you want other people? You don't HAVE to get married.

 

[golffan17]

Wedding vows. Civil marriage. Normal couple. Couple who happily defeats societal norms.

I don't agree with this. I'm not saying you're wrong...but the real measure of success as to whether they defeated social norms is if their relationship lasts the test of time. That takes a long while to discover.

Now, your post (#20) was very well put.

 

[ExoticSpirit]

I don't think the fact that he knew her before changes the main question that will determine whether this relationship will work or not. The question still remains, whether they have known each other just for a few weeks or since childhood --- how does he feel with her having sex with other men? If there is going to be even an ounce of negativity towards this somewhere inside him, then this relationship is doomed.

 

[lgna69xxx]

nope, never dated one, BUT the very first one i saw,(and im very very VERY new to this) "fell" for me, she stayed all night (no charge) and i even took her home the next day, and she gave me her real name and personal phone number, and wanted to see me again for a real date, no charge ......

 

[Koenig]

I had a relationship with an SP a few years back and it was great, we both knew what we wanted and I didn't care if she kept seeing 2-3 clients/week.

We were, as she put it "in lust". Basically we wanted to fuck each others bones.

But...

I was married and she had her SP business.

We went on like that for about 6 months into late December from early August. She even went to France on a trip during our relationship and she sent me a postcard that I still have hidden away somewhere in my office.

I was mostly great for me because I was getting free (and great) sex with an absolutely fabulous escort, and most of the time it wasn't even in a hotel room but at her place.

On occasion she even paid for the hotel room, I remember a few times she would call me at work and tell me to meet her at that hotel in such and such room.

I ran like a puppy to a plush toy.

Boy was she plush...

Like a moron, I called it quits because I was seeing more of her, than of my family, and it was beginning to hurt my relationship with my wife, at that time my child was not quite two years old so that was more important to me than anything else.

After I stopped seeing her I called a few SPs on and off for a few more years but my heart wasn't into it. It's been two full years now since the last time I had an SP, the longest I've been since I started in 1996, and I'm beginning to feel the itch.

As an added incentive I now have a few legit bucks to burn on this hobby so I might post a review soon.

I hope. But first some research, things have changed around here.

 

[Regular Guy]

Role reversal!

Are women generally interested in exclusivity in relationships as well as men? Even those who profess to have achieved a level of maturity that eludes many in the general population? It struck me as funny that if you took post #20 above and reversed the roles (e.g. substitute client for escort, the pronouns and adjust the grammar to achieve sentence sense) it almost seems to be a fit. Now I am not professing sexual exclusiveness as the sole glue which promotes the health of relationships (I believe in friends and lovers not just lovers). My point is that most people accept that "engaging in sexual relations" is instrumental in promoting bonding. With that idea in mind I wonder how many truly are comfortable with making one's mate sexually available to other potential suitors.

 

[banger]

Totally agree. Actually, I think a relationship like this is far more likely to survive if it hasn't started in the business to begin with.

Some of us (escorts) have considered going out with clients. I went out with one a long time ago - big mistake. I stopped working; he didn't stop seeing escorts But the main problem I see with dating in this business, is it seems (in my experience) that the men willing to date escorts are somehow predisposed to wanting to date them in the first place. A lot of men, let's not kid ourselves, see escorts out of lonelyness; aren't investing as much time in the regular dating scene as they spend money on this side. Many out of that bunch are on the look out for 'the one', the one to save and live happily ever after with. They're easy to fall for because they lavish you with gifts and compliments. But these are dysfunctional people - and don't accuse me of labelling people, I consider myself to be dysfunctional in many ways as well. The issues that brought the guy to the escort will inevitably come back to haunt the couple. I don't see how such a relationship can survive the test of time. He's seeing her because she paid attention to him. The moment that attention wanes, as it inevitably does in any normal relationship, the issues will turn back up, usually in the form of jealousy and manipulation. Then it's the end.

I don't know a single escort who's had a successful relationship with a client....

I've been seeing escorts for about 3 years now....and much of what you say above rings a bell in my head.....but I can replace client for escort in much of what you say above and it would still ring true....
From my exp...There are many lonely escorts too who come into this profession at first for the money, the ones that stay in longer than the 6 months to a year do for other reasons, though the money is still the main driver..For some its the empowerment they have in a session, the attention and affection they recieve, to validate themselves...they've had bad experiences with men in their real lives and find a comfort in these pre packaged encounters where they are in total control and where at the end there is a tangable value($) to the efforts...they are also looking for the "one" to save them and change their lives, though the "one" is not usu...thought of as a client....the dysfunction goes both ways.

Just my thoughts...my opionons...and ofcourse this does not apply to all escorts....

Banger

 

[banger]

Blue Bird, you knew your girlfriend before, you never "call" for her...That's a total other history...I find a little confusing that you are writing on this board, because I think you are not a "taker of services" or neither a "giver of services"....I think if you begin to read all that could be wrote here since a while, you will probably shocked to see, sometimes, how some men could think of the women, and maybe, you will be just more afraid for your girlfriend, to think that she could meet one of those who are just "strangely" talking about escorts, but still wanting to meet them.... It is probably not the better place for you...but you will have an idea to what she could be confronted... but, please, beleive me, if she is choosing well who she is meeting, probably she is meeting just nice gentlemen... Maybe you are not jealous, but others feelings could occurs and give you some preoccupations... The better is maybe to have an open discussion with her about them...if I may suggest you something...

Bluebird;

You have to truely ask yourself if you are really comfortable with her career and just you starting this post tells me you may say you are, but deep down I think you have your doubts...

For me...being truely in love with someone and giving, opening myself 100% entails a exclusivity in sexual relations that goes both ways....
I feel only then can you develop bonds that can grow and last.
Others that are more "open" sexually may disagree and thats not to say you cant have a open relationship and make it work,but it brings more complexity and pitfalls to the relationship...

I can never understand when SP's tell me they have a serious boyfriend but he doesnt know I'm a SP....its something that's very hard for most SP's to share for fear of alienation and disaproval just as some of us "hobbyist" have that same concern about our hobby activities.

How would you feel if she said that she will quit for you?? That will tell you your true feelings on the matter....
I would not advise asking her to quit or pressuring her....as you would want her to make that choice independently.

Keep the lines of communication open with her....Dating an SP??? I think your past that already as it sounds like you are in love with an SP.
Good luck!

Banger

 

[UHGL]

Whoa 10-19 that is one very deep post!

 

[Regular Guy]

Is there a true and justifiable model of a human relationship?

A copy of a copy, as Mr. Xerox would say.

Huh? That would be quite the reversal. GFE mimics dates, not the other way around, right?

Well… that's where the mimic turns toxic. Hypothetically speaking, what if there exists a point of no return? In other words, how much GFE service can a girl deliver before dating and getting into a relationship, one that would minimally meet its intents and ascribe some degree of permanency, become exercises of destruction?
In benign cases, GFE is a parody of sex but kick the fantasy up one notch and what you get is a parody of a date. Kick it up another notch and - bam! -you get the not so benign case of a parody of an affair. Push it to the extreme, you're her sugar daddy and both of you are delusional enough to believe that this parody of a relationship is for real - What was your fantasy again?

Parodies poke fun at the originals and may introduce a critical difference. The fun part of the GFE parody is to ignore the intents of a date, more so of a relationship. Whilst, in real life, dates aim at assessing each other's suitability as partners in intimate relationships, the GFE parody on the other hand ignores such aim because intimacy, or rather a parody of intimacy, though for a time limit, is more or less guaranteed by the agreed donation. (here's for you the truism of the day)

It gets toxic when, back to reality, real dates and real relationships mimic the GFE parody because, when you reach that point, the aim is neither to acknowledge nor to ignore the intents but to subvert or destroy them.
In retrospect, I agree with the idea of my relationship with her being a parody of a parody or a toxic mimic of a real relationship. I use the word ‘agree’ because the idea didn’t come from me in the first place. It actually came from her.

On a few occasions she asked (but the question was rhetorical because she had the answer ready for me) if there was a difference between herself and an escort. She couldn’t believe there was. Trying to prove her wrong was an exercise in futility though the converse, ‘I don’t believe that I mean more for you than a client’, met her disapprobation.

I think you have given him the answer he needs to hear by sharing that you have discovered that a dysfunctional view of relationships devoid of all the trappings of bonding is a potential black hole of complete and total dysfunction. You avoided being drawn into this. But whether dysfunction or rationalization on the part of the escorts you were involved with, they , it seems, did not avoid it – perhaps long before you met them – who knows? (Maybe through no fault of their own – who knows what they went through early on).
True relationships perhaps are bred in a certain climate of innocence and a social context which pragmatically promotes one on one bonding. It is functional, has been with us for thousands of years and serves many purposes both social and personal. Are we monogamous by nature? Certainly as it promotes family and society. Beyond that some may argue it is a simple construct. Unless of course we are willing to concede that it is hard-wired into us. Some here seem to be arguing otherwise.

 

[Regular Guy]

Just for clarification

Felice Navidad to you as well Gigi! Thank you for adding your point of view to this interesting discussion. That said, I am not sure of just how the following statement works:

Is it such a big deal for a woman to enjoy sex with other men than with her steady partner? I think not! I think it can enhance a relationship!!!

and

My partner could not get jealous of the other men I see because it is just not the same...

Could you walk us through just how a relationship under these circumstances could be enhanced, as you see it.
And
Now I assume that in your encounters there are are all of the actions of lovemaking, passionate and sweet kisses, mutual pleasure, soft whispers. I am a bit confused as I would have a problem imagining let alone watching my partner (if I had one at the moment) so wrapped up in passion with another, so obviously "into him". I can imagine some guys feeling a bit inadequate. Especially if at some time in the past he experienced this for real and lost his girl. Happens all the time in real life eh? Do you think there just might be a nagging feeling inside or am I being unrealistic?
Second:

I don't expet my sponsors to leave their wives for me so why should they expect me to give them all my heart???

This very true and there is a balance here. Some clients are already married so the both of you are on even ground mentally and emotionally. Would it be fair to say then, that single guys would be on a more equal footing with single escorts?
I would be interested in your opinion on these two areas, thank you.

 

[ExoticSpirit]

Again, it's only a small percentage of folks out there who can pull this off. I for one, am not among this unique group.

 

[Regular Guy]

Following you so far - just a point or two!

Hello Gigi. Tonight many are busy with festivities but for me the big occasion is tomorrow so I can kick back a bit tonight.
Thank you for your reply. I was a bit puzzled by one statement:

An orgasm can be very satisfying and liberating when there are no expectations of the emotional kind. Trust me, I know this for a fact!!!

Does this mean that an orgasm is less than satisfying and liberating when there are expectations of the emotional kind? It almost seems like sex would be better with clients. Not sure I understand.
And I still don't quite get the following:

escorting taught me I can have really good sex with a client but because he is paying for my time, I can detach myself emotionally from the act itself...does this make sense?

How does the fact of payment come into it. I mean in the strict sense of the word a man who is married is paying for sex, often a whole lot more - just in a different way. Does the payment in some way short circuit the courting process? If that is the case then it has a lot of the earmarks of the one night stand. Not too many preliminaries there! I do recall on an occasion or two being literally taken to an apartment with the express purpose of getting down. Still I feel there must be more here. Is there? I always thought it was the male of the species who like the bull with a harem is interested in impregnating as many females as he can.

 

[YouVantOption]

I agree with you that most men end up paying one way or the other. However, men who have an sp as lover know she can be totally financially independent. Now, isn't that refreshing for a change???

It is also bull. Thanks for a walk down the memory lane of the 1950s, though.

Thee days, there are plenty of women who make plenty of money (although, no, still not as much as men). Another shocking thing: Not all of them are prossies, either. Look around. There are plenty of professional women in the workforce.

I can't think of a women whom I have dated who wasn't financially independent.

 

[obvio007]

I've been seeing escorts for about 3 years now....and much of what you say above rings a bell in my head.....but I can replace client for escort in much of what you say above and it would still ring true....
From my exp...There are many lonely escorts too who come into this profession at first for the money, the ones that stay in longer than the 6 months to a year do for other reasons, though the money is still the main driver..For some its the empowerment they have in a session, the attention and affection they recieve, to validate themselves...they've had bad experiences with men in their real lives and find a comfort in these pre packaged encounters where they are in total control and where at the end there is a tangable value($) to the efforts...they are also looking for the "one" to save them and change their lives, though the "one" is not usu...thought of as a client....the dysfunction goes both ways.

Just my thoughts...my opionons...and ofcourse this does not apply to all escorts....

Banger

extremely well said banger.

 

[YouVantOption]

When I wrote about escorts having disposable income and being financially independent, I never said we are the only group of females to be so...as a matter of fact, in my group, most of the women are financially independent, and have other careers or are working toward one to make them even more financially independent...

I think it is great for the guy who posted he had only dated financially independent women but my comment was mostly intended for the poster who said "men end up paying one way or the other", which is, I believe, a widely shared perception.

You never said SPs were the only financially independent women, but you certainly implied it heavily when making note that it is a benefits of dating an SP "Now, isn't that refreshing for a change???" Begs the question 'change from what?" As you note above, the 'widely held perception'. I'm not certain how widely-held the perception is but you are probably right. To a degree.

Women tend look to men for security and safety, part of that traditionally comes from greater body mass (safety from other men) and financial wealth (security = home and hearth).

The cynical will say 'but you always pay for 'it'; "it' being sex. I suppose if one attempts to date one of the neo-superficial Paris Hilton clones sprung from the culture enamoured with the Cult of Bling, you may be right. Bimbos who have nothing going for them apart from T&A probably do have to Get Rich or Die Trying, and do it before beauty fades. Himbos respond in kind by living up to the clichés supported by MTV-based moronity.

I think the focus on the financial cost of wooing and winning a female ($Dinner + $Movie = fuck) is myopic. Yes, a women is looking for signs of financial security from the prospective male, for him to make some sort of sacrifice at her altar. But to take it the step further towards Sugar Daddydom, or out and out prostitution is predicated fallaciously and a logical misstep.

From the realm of my personal experience, I have had, for a couple of years some SPs who bequeath unto me their female favours. I will not sully our respective relationships by referring to them as 'fuck friends', that seems rather ugly a term. We are friends. Sometimes, we hook up. But, we do have a business relationship as well, I handle certain logistical matters on their behalf. So there is an implied quid pro quo

So, when one day a woman came into my life with whom I began to have Clintonian 'relations', it was almost a revelation when the relationship provided renewed confidence in my ability to bed a woman. She wasn't there because of favours, or the possibility of money being proffered (we rarely left my apartment except to get supplies to sustain our energy), she was there because she wanted to jump my bones.

I suppose where I am going with this is that women do find wealth and power attractive, but if the underlying physical pull, and being mentally sympatico isn't there, it won't work, long run.

So yes, a man could conceivably sweep a woman off her feet, spend a fortune, go to Toqué!, rent a suite at the W, but ultimately if the rest isn't there, it will be a one-night stand, and a very expensive one at that. And, in a cost-benefit analysis, One Night at Gisele's would come out on top.

 

[Regular Guy]

A little more.......

Good Morning: An orgasm is a treat no matter what

I should have said it is more liberating when there are no emotional expectations such as: "Will he call me tomorrow, in 3 days, ever again? Is there a future for the two of us?, etc." Do we agree on this?

There is no question that relationships take work and because of that is maybe why many fail. Being human we are basically selfish at times and concerned with primarily our own needs. That is just a fact of life and the reason where relationships are an effort for both sides. There will always be that little uncertainty, more at the beginning of the relationship but fading with the years.

Also, while I tend to choose very worldy, well-groomed men as clients, I would have an expectation that my lover be more attentive to small details to enhance the whole romantic experience just like I would go out of my way to enhance his/our intimate time.

True love is an affair of the soul so I am assuming you mean that he would constantly be working to take your feelings beyond and deeper than what the other men you see can take you - the difference between making love and making love with a soulmate. Does that sound about right? He must at times find it quite a challenge to keep up with the clients. Each client brings something a little different to an encounter. Taken together it makes for quite shopping list of “small details” to put together.

The burden of my lover is that he would have to try harder than what I already get from my clients...so, if my lover happens to be out of practice, is clueless or just being a guy, I could be perhaps disappointed to some extend. So far, so good with the explanation?

Forgive me but this almost sounds as if he is in constant competition with your other partners if I am getting it right. Must keep him constantly on his toes trying to come up with new and better. Your clients arrive with the demeanour of being vey worldy and well groomed but I would bet that is not always the impression they present to their own mates. I had a very wise old aunt who always used to say, “that you should never consider anyone as a real marriage prospect until you see them with the flu.” Your clients have the advantage over your mate as, mercifully, never having had to show you that side of themselves. Pretty hard to compete with that.

I would venture to say that a couple who shares tender feelings for each other must be patient to attain that sort of deep connection that is very, truly special...and stems not only from a good round in the hay but by sharing many things in common. Is this clearer???

This is true. But I would add that they have patience while they are working at it. With a true soulmate, at times, it is almost like looking in a mirror. They are the mirror, opposite gender version, of yourself. I know. I have been there so I can speak from experience. But there are still many occasions where one may be having a bad day and just wants things his/her own way and their SO suffers a severe tongue lashing. All part of the game. I guess my point is that it goes much further than sharing things in common but actively working towards togetherness by establishing the parameters of the relationship. The most important of these is balance of power. Capitulation by one side or the other is the kiss of death to any relationship. It leads to total control of one or the other in the relationship. As as is true in politics it is also often true in relationships that “Power corrupts!”

Now, in order to achieve that, both partners have to agree to go for it and work at it!!!

Agreed as I stated above.

It is like having take out at MacDo because you are hungry or getting dressed up on a Friday evening to go to a very good restaurant that has all what it takes to make the dinning experience a treat for all five senses...

Just having a problem comparing the very worldy, well groomed, financially successful, alpha males that women prize so highly as “take out at MacDonalds. I am sure some of these guys represent the ultimate treat for many ladies. And prospective partners if one could land one of them.

I agree with you that most men end up paying one way or the other. However, men who have an sp as lover know she can be totally financially independent. Now, isn't that refreshing for a change???

Actually more and more today there is a financial balance in relationships. I have to admit here that I was making this statement tongue in cheek with a bit of subtle humour.

And I am not talking of the typical abusive relationship where the lover becomes a pimp!!!!!! No, I am just saying that an sp has more disposable income than most therefore, if she feels like it, can spoil her man in any way she wants!

Or flip him the bird the moment he appears to be stacking up a little less than the super group of clients she makes love to. It may be that one spoils the other. I would hope to think he is not a kept man or a partner but more, a partner.

And about the bull in the harem, I am sorry but I have no idea what you are talking about...

As it concernes me, I have no desire to impregnate anyone A harem, on the other hand...populated by men who can each take me to the garden of earthly delights does sound rather interesting!

And I thought it was mostly males who were hard wired to run around breeding.

A tres bientog, G.

 

[Regular Guy]

My pleasure

Monogamy is a hard committment to sustain, in my very humble opinion. It takes much effort and willingness. I have come to believe that we all equally need some spice in our lives and by that we do not mean to abandon our families...or the meaningful relationships we may have built in our lives.

Most importantly, we each owe it to ourselves to find what our comfort zone is and live according to it...accountable to ourselves and to our own happiness. That is all!

I hope this is clearer now. I am not self-professed know-it-all...I just have the benefit of a few years of experience in the business both as a provider and a manager...

And with this, my last post for 2008, I bid you adieu hoping that 2009 will bring that "change we can believe in".

Since this discussion seems to be winding down, I would like to thank you Gigi for sharing your experiences. I hope you do not feel that I have been one of the rude or arrogant posters which you refer to. I would feel badly if I gave that impression.
I still have reservations about whether sharing intimacy with others is completely harmless to a relationship. So in conclusion let me add the following. Making love to anyone for a long time is always most intense at the beginning when it is a novelty. After that, love is sustained in other ways, chief among them being hard work. Making love to someone we do not completely know has the advantage of not really knowing that person's faults and so being able to, at times, idealize them beyond what they really are. There will always be the danger on some future day, of a very attractive client who one "clicks" with, being held up to comparison with one's own mate. And that comparison may not favour one's mate. The feeling of comfortable "like a pair of old shoes" will never compare to "new and exciting." I am reminded of Koenig's experiences in post No. 36 above. That could happen to any of us, client or SP. But as you say each of us has to find our own path.

Can an escort and a client ever fall in love/lust/like/mutual respect: absolutely!

On this we both agree!

 

[Gus Gable]

Old Chinese proverb...

He who looks for trouble eventually finds it.

GG

P.S. Dating a "regular" chic is hard enough. Why complicate your life with SPs who have many more layers to peel off?