How do SPs "keep it together"?

[General Gonad]

I am always fascinated by the psychological aspects of escorting. Yes, it is the oldest profession but it also takes its toll on one's mind. I have many conversations with SPs. It might surprise many clients that many SPs have a very low self-esteem which can often be traced back to abuse in their childhood. They often feel the need to 'fill a void' by meeting a man that compliments them. The "easy money" is undeniable but this is not an easy profession. I remember watching Ron Jeremy's (male porn star) documentary and feeling for the guy because he was never able to develop a meaningful relationship; he was lonely and in constant need for attention.

I wonder how SPs deal with this loneliness. How easy is it to switch off and go into SP mode? How hard is it to leave the profession and start a "normal" life? How hard is it to confront the demons from the past and to liberate yourself from them?

I guess this thread is mostly intended for SPS but I doubt many will feel comfortable discussing these issues in a public forum. But you never know...


GG

 

[J. Peterman]

Some handle it better than others, if you accept that SPing or MPing as something that is not demeaning or degrading then there may be little or no guilt. Let me ask you how your self exteme would be if you were seen hauling a mop and bucket to clean out public toilets? Most of us would not want to do janitorial work because we deem it to be dememaning. Some MPs and SPs are there to make money to use as a stepping stone to better things.
I once met a SP that told me she would rather be an SP than to be a exotic dancer because she thought that dancing nude was demeaning. A nude dancer told me that being a SP is demeaning, and she would rather dance nude. How your work effects you is how it effects your self esteem.

 

[The Wizard of Oz]

Hum ... here's my 2 cents!

I would think that how much confortable an SP can be would depend on why she's an SP or became one ...

Now I'm very interested by the stripper vs SP situation...

Let's see ... an average stripper will be naked all evening and migth get some private dances and ... maybe a few extras ... oups! Anyway, she will go back home with xx$$ after paying her bill at the bar (for some). Ok, I guess that they feel more comfortable in this situation.

Other side ... an average SP is going to be naked a couple of times in the evening in private (with all that includes) and she will go back home with xxxxx$$ after paying an agencie and a driver. Ok, I guess those one feel more comfortable in this situation.

For the common posters that usually don't understand what I'm talking about...here's the question for the SP's:

Do you prefer expose yourself in public (because stripper club's are) and go back home with maybe some $$? or;
Do you prefer have some sexual experiences in private and make sure you're going back home with some $$$?

Here you go guy's, hope you'll get more answers ...

 

[General Gonad]

Stripper vs. SPs

So far this thread has not taken off but I am not surprised given the personal nature of the subject. Wizard, I do not think that you can lump SPs and strippers together. Some strippers make a lot more money than escorts a night because they work off huge volume. Not all escorts can be strippers and, vice versa, not all strippers can be escorts.

In my opinion, the act of penetration is very intimate and escorts have a different mindset than the typical strippers that simply lapdance and get groped. To use Marx's lingo, SPs are the ultimate "proletariats" because they use the last things that is available to them to make a living - their body and their mind.

GG

 

[eastender]

Interesting comment......

To use Marx's lingo, SPs are the ultimate "proletariats" because they use the last things that is available to them to make a living - their body and their mind.
GG

Disagree,they use the FIRST things that are available - their body and their mind.

In Hannah Arendt's "The Human Condition" she distinguishes between the three human activities - labour,work,action.The body and the mind are integral to all but originate from the basic labour - the activities the form the bases for the survival of the species.Along the same lines of reasoning you will find the origins of "the world's oldest profession".

 

[Mike Mercury]

I remember seeing a documentary of local french television.

The interviewer was a well known local female reporter.
She asked "Est-ce que vous jouissez?"

The escort answered "Oui! Deux fois! Quand il me paye et quand il crisse son camp!"

The interviewer was a bit shocked.


The implication is one method of defense that we are just Johns. SP & Johns are on the opposite side of the SP/John coin, but it is the same coin.

A lot of guys are relaxed hobbiest.
I started to use the term hobby of mine the second time I saw an SP a few years ago. I was not surprised when I saw the term used here.
We are one side of the SP/John coin.

But a lot of guys are unconfident, nervous, uptight and suspicious.
They are one side of that SP/John coin.

Does SPing take a psychological & physical toll. Yes.

 

[Mike Mercury]

No problem.

Interviewer "Do you have an orgasm?"

Escort "Yes!. Twice! Once when pays and once when his ass is out the fcking door!"

 

[Regular Guy]

No problem.

Interviewer "Do you have an orgasm?"

Escort "Yes!. Twice! Once when pays and once when his ass is out the fcking door!"

Seems to contrast with others on this site who have established friendships with escorts. Like anything in life there are jerks; sp's who hate men, and clients who are boorish, uncouth, unsanitary etc. No one can truly tell what is in the heart of another. But people aren't fools and that goes for many of the guys who frequent sp's. Some have highly developed people skills and can read phony and insincere like a book. After all, many of them make quite a good living at it. Judging from the posts on this site "putting the pin" on sp's who feel a client is a support system for a wallet it seems to work.
It would be nice to have some sp's comment on whether the unsavoury client as I described above has soured them somewhat on the business.
All that aside, sex is the most powerful force for bonding. Where there is physical attrraction it tends to make us want exclusivity. Where there is a personality clash it can leads to bouts of betrayal of oneself. Perhaps it takes an effort of imagination to create the mindset which allows an sp to survive emotionally. And women have a different psychology to that of men so perhaps only a woman is best qualified to answer the question.
I like to think that the more intelligent sp's have a bit of a soft spot for the clients who are really sweet guys who need the emotional healing which only they can provide, for example, who are hurting from a breakup, feel lonely or abandoned and so on. Also from many of the posts I have read there are many occasions where client and sp really get on quite well together, and share a playful and friendly experience. In short I suppose there is no hard and fast rule. But as I said this question is one which really only the girls can answer as to how they protect themselves emotionally.

 

[Just-ass-weet]

Ok - I will be the first SP in this thread. I reserve the right to revise what I have "thunk" here (wink)

I don't consider myself having to "cope" with doing this work... funny thing is, the hardest part of this business is not the business we do. The hard part is the emails (a good deal of rude and disrespectful stuff), rude, hurtful and disrespectful telephone calls (I actually had one guy call to say that he would like to do my mother - btw - she's dead), and having to constantly defend our rates, our pics, our rules and screening, our website, etc, lot's of guys have trouble moving on. People who claim that you are not their type, are usually the ones saying we charge too much... why would they care how much we charge?

Every now and again, these things start to get to me, and I enjoy time with my great clients a little less... when I start feeling like that, I take time off. Make some changes and get revitalized, I think that I am extremely lucky that I have always been a saver, so when I take time off, I am still secure.

Now, I would like to address a few things brought up here:

Not all girls come from an abusive past, especially the younger girls, who are bombarded with todays "pimp and ho" culture. They have been exposed to overt sexuality since they were young and so, in many ways, this lifestyle is idolized in many ways. I don't think that is a good thing. I think at this time, most of the younger girls in the business don't have to cope because they haven't yet evaluated the implications of what they are into, how it will affect their future, their health, their romantic encounters, etc.

Now, between stripping and SPing... I can only explain why I don't strip. I can't dance, I am clutzy (I would only ever make tips if the guys felt sorry for me and all my bruises), I don't like crowds, and I can't dance (lol)... what I like about SPing... I love to meet new people, I enjoy getting intimate, it is one-on-one, if I am clutzy it is only one person who will witness it, oh, well, I just can't dance!

xoxox
Anik

 

[Carla]

In my opinion, the act of penetration is very intimate and escorts have a different mindset than the typical strippers that simply lapdance and get groped. To use Marx's lingo, SPs are the ultimate "proletariats" because they use the last things that is available to them to make a living - their body and their mind.

GG

Very funny comment, I think we should call up Marx from his grave and ask him if this is what he really meant by proletariat.

Food for thought:
In Germany they push people on welfare to work as whatever they are best at for 1 euro /hour. Since SPing is perfectly legal in Germany they debate whether they should let welfare women to SP for 1 euro an hour.

Carla

 

[sybaritic]

Thanks for the quiperies

Carla, Anik and Zaphyr, you are living proof that some in this endeavor are smarter and more interesting than most of us clients.

Very funny comment, I think we should call up Marx from his grave and ask him if this is what he really meant by proletariat.

Carla

 

[The Wizard of Oz]

GG,
It took me a moment to figure out the meaning of ''lumb'' but now that I know, I can repeat that it was regarding J.Peterman that had a talk with an SP about being a dancer.

I do agree that some strippers can't be SP and vice versa, but when you say that a stipper can make a lot of money ... well it was truth when men were putting $$ in the string, practice that disapeared with the private dance ...

Other exception, if the stripper his God dam gorgeous welll she can do pretty good, dot I didn't talk about that case at all.

Still I have to admit, even if it's obvious for some girls, I was very suprise to read from you: ''... because they use the last thing that is avalable to them ...'' You must had some kind of sad experiences ...

Have to repeat my opinion: I would think that how comfortable an SP can be would depend on why she's an SP or became one ... and if I understood the reason of your tread, well I guest it was pretty much an answer to it.

Hydragoat: If I would be the interviewer I would have my ass off even do it's not funny ... (I read too much the jokes about this). But I would really like to understandd the story about that SP/John coin ...

JAS: Not only your post was very good about the subject, but I beleive that strippers must have similar hard part when they do private dance, but in there situation, it must be more physical.

 

[Mike Mercury]

...story about that SP/John coin ...

I'm just saying that johns & sp's are two facets of the same situation.

One influences the other and vice-versa.
One perceives the other and vice-versa.

The influences and perceptions can be mutually positive, negative or mixed.

 

[Regular Guy]

romantic encounters

Anik

In the first part of your response I think I see two issues.

First, you feel, and rightly so, that you have the right to be respected as a human being despite what issues anyone else may have with what you do. Fair enough! I agree! The majority of us here, I believe do have a very positive image of sp's. Take regnads comments for example.
Second you are concerned with clients who question your "rates , your rules, your pics, and your screening. That is the business end of it all and as such there will always be some negotiations involved. As long as such things are conducted with civility then I would say it is part of the price of doing business. With screening, however, there should be no question. As a human being with feelings no one can force you to feel any one way about anyone or anything. And as in business, clients who object, can do so with their feet.

Your comments about young girls are interesting though. It may be true that some enter into this with starry-eyed misconceptions about the glamour of it all. You caution against this for a few reasons. It is the last reason I find most revealing - how it will affect their romantic encounters later on. Now barring the fact that future prospective objects of their affection will be in the dark as to their past exploits in sp'ing, in what other ways could they face problems? Are you concerned about emotional complications? I think this may be the thread we are all dancing around here.

 

[General Gonad]

The secret to great experiences

I was pleased to read the excellent responses. First, to the two SPs, Anik and Zaphyr, I thank you for your honest thoughts, which I truly appreciate. Anik, I understand your frustrations with the emails and rude phone calls. I can only say that all SPs should not post their numbers. They should specify that serious clients are invited to email them and express their thoughts and requests and if the SP thinks it is worth pursuing, then she should arrange to call the client at a specified time. Zaphyr, living a double life is very stressful and cancellations are part of the game but you can also take measures to make sure it is a high probability client. If you call them at a specified time and "feel them out" then you may minimize the risks of cancellations. Always call them an hour prior to meeting them.

Now, for my favorite post, which comes from the wise Regnad. Are you my soul brother? I can summarize your amazing post in one phrase: empathy and respect will take most clients who enjoy this hobby a long way. I always think of it this way: I am paying but I want her to remember me when I leave. I want her to say what a sweet, charming and great guy this was. What a great conversation we shared. I want her to feel like a queen, like she was the most important, precious person in the world. If I fail to accomplish this, then I regret the whole experience. You see gentlemen, this hobby is not about "us", it is about how you can make "them" feel special. When you finally understand this, you'll go a long way and truly enjoy your experiences with these blessed souls.


GG

 

[The Wizard of Oz]

I'm just saying that johns & sp's are two facets of the same situation.

One influences the other and vice-versa.
One perceives the other and vice-versa.

The influences and perceptions can be mutually positive, negative or mixed.

Thank you very much for the explanation!

And yes, Regnad, I was sure that you would reply something very intelligent into it and have find it very interesting.

 

[naughtylady]

What an interesting thread...

Anik>> I also had a guy call me and ask about my mother... I hung up on him... he called me back the next day... so I hung up again. Some guys are real jerks.

It is true that the most difficult part of being an indy is the email and the phone. It takes a lot of time and energy. It is not always easy to tell the difference between a jerk, and a nice guy from an email. The other big pain in the a$$ thing is people who make appointements and don't follow through. It is so frustrating to know that I turned down a client for a specific date and time because I thought I was already booked and the rendez-vous never happened! (General Gonad>> your advice to Zaphyr makes sense but I suspect that she already does that)

For me SPing has done wonders for my self esteem. I realise now that there are gentlemen who do prefer curvy women over 19 year old skinny-minis. I am learning to love my body. I also have learnt that I do deserve to be treated like a lady and with respect all the time. My expectations are higher, I don't have to settle for good enough in my personal life. I am no longer afraid to say I don't need to put up with this and move on. This change in self perception has changed the way I am treated in my every day life. Little things like a smile and a have a nice day from cashiers. Cabbies and doormen offering to help me with my bag or opening the door for me. I no longer feel invisible.

When I first started in this business I had a hard time saying NO. I would let the client establish the rules. This is a sure recipie for disaster. (I was very green and did not want to lose my job at the agency) I am the one who knows my limits, likes and dislikes.

As for the double life, I am very luck that I do not lead one. I do not believe I could do this business if I had to. When I came out to my mother (which was very difficult) it was as if a weight was lifted, no more lies!

As for dancing... I could not be a stripper... even though I do have a big exhibitionist streak in me and am very comfortable with social nuditity, to be put in the spot light like that... Couldn't do it. The fact that I am also clumsy and cannot dance very well does not help. Also standing in heels for several hours a day... hurts my feet just thinking about it. I am only 5' tall. If I wore flats nobody wold see me when working the floor

Ronnie,
Naughtylady

 

[General Gonad]

Regnad,

Perhaps I am pushing the envelope in my last post but my point was that too many men on this board start off by thinking will she give me GFE or not? As if they are entitled to all the silly acronyms because they fork over some cash. All I am saying is that if you take the time to chat a little and get to know someone and exchange a little more than sexual services, then you might be pleasantly rewarded. If your attitude is "uhh...me want BBJTCIM...I paid you for BBJTCIM!," then you're a lost cause and will never understand what I am talking about.

As I get older and wiser, I am slowing down, becoming more selective and prefering to spend at least two hours with someone. I screen SPs as well and I can tell whether or not she will offer what I am looking for by conversing with them prior to meeting them. Just like SPs do not have time to fool around with rude clients, I do not have time for selfish SPs that have nothing special to share.

As far as the SPs on this thread, just by the way they responded, I would consider all of them.

GG

 

[gtadick]

Thread Title

The title to this thread is " How do sp's keep it together?"

The fact is most only can for a short time span and most don't over long periods. Even the ones that seem to survive a longer time span either have to take a break, or have issues of reliability, etc after the excitement of new is gone.

One of the explanations for the cosntant coming and goings of talent, and the rebirth of former careers in this "hobby".

 

[Mariane]

Have sex a few times a week with a respectful stranger or regular client and get paid for it, too. Sounds fabulous.

Oui, c’est fabuleux. Et à mes yeux c’est ce qui rend ce travail intéressant. Je rencontre des gens charmants et je partage avec eux un peu de bon temps. C’est très stimulant, je retire beaucoup de bénéfices de ces rencontres et règle générale je n’ai pas de problème dans mes communications par e-mail/téléphone alors le travail en soi ne «m’affecte» pas vraiment… du moins pas de manière négative.

Par contre, assumer totalement ce travail n’est pas totalement sans effet pour moi. Je ne cache pas que je suis escorte: mes proches savent ce que je fais et je ne le cache pas aux nouvelles personnes que je rencontre. Conséquemment je dois faire face aux réactions des gens lorsque je parle franchement de mon emploi du temps. Parfois ça va mais parfois c’est pénible d’entendre les théories à la gomme balounne, les commentaires déplacés et irrespectueux et les conceptions « néandertalienno-abolitionnistes » sur le sujet… c’est pénible de constater que même au XIXe siècle les gens avaient une pensée plus évoluée et une opinion plus flatteuse des courtisanes que la Fédération des Femmes du Québec en 2006… c’est pénible d’ouvrir la télé et de voir « Les Trois Connes » exposer leur avis sur la décriminalisation du TduS... Des fois la permanente me défrise!

Et aussi… Ce serait si simple si je pouvais simplement écrire « escorte » sur mon rapport d’impôt.

Voilà pour moi!
Mariane