Staying single for the rest of your life?

[maymay]

I am 48 and separated with my ex girlfriend almost 2 years ago now, she was a good women but the relationship sort of went sour, it was not a bad break up it was a decision we both took. She had a 19y old daughter that lived with us for a while after she also separated she chipped in paying bills etc the time she got back in her feet. So no horror story here either.

I still keep contact with my ex, we remain friends so to speak, she find someone else good for her she is happy.

Now the thing that hit me and see is that most people say over 40 remain single, honest I tried to meet, went online dating, at 48 there is not a lot of places you can go to meet, I am not the style of men to get in a social dancing class or yoga class to meet a women, I tried activity groups, etc. The women I talk to have so much baggage theses days its insane. After a few bad dates I guess I kind of gave up and I realize that I might be better on my own.

Now I know this might not be for everyone, some people feel the need to be in relationships, its all good. But I guess I realize I am best on my own, was thinking of adopting a small dog in my apartment we are allowed small animals.

After all i don't see myself going clubbing a my age.

 

[wtvmark]

I'm a few years younger but feel the same. Dating at this age is pointless seems to me. A lot of baggage and stories about what the last guy did to them, how life wasn't fair, ect.
I don't want to do the go on a date and just be friends thing. I'm not a sugar daddy. None of it appeals to me
If you can be ok alone it's not that bad.
Find things you enjoy, focus on them and just live for yourself.

 

[Giselle Montreal]

Jeanette Bertrand found her current boyfriend at 60. She's now 100. Just saying. It gave me another perspective on life.

 

[perso]

I am 48 and separated with my ex girlfriend almost 2 years ago now, she was a good women but the relationship sort of went sour, it was not a bad break up it was a decision we both took. She had a 19y old daughter that lived with us for a while after she also separated she chipped in paying bills etc the time she got back in her feet. So no horror story here either.

I still keep contact with my ex, we remain friends so to speak, she find someone else good for her she is happy.

Now the thing that hit me and see is that most people say over 40 remain single, honest I tried to meet, went online dating, at 48 there is not a lot of places you can go to meet, I am not the style of men to get in a social dancing class or yoga class to meet a women, I tried activity groups, etc. The women I talk to have so much baggage theses days its insane. After a few bad dates I guess I kind of gave up and I realize that I might be better on my own.

Now I know this might not be for everyone, some people feel the need to be in relationships, its all good. But I guess I realize I am best on my own, was thinking of adopting a small dog in my apartment we are allowed small animals.

After all i don't see myself going clubbing a my age.

I am older and still in a relationship and sometimes it gets heavy . I feel my needs have changed. I want peace. I want freedom, not to go wild. Just to be in peace.
I have been talking to friends and all feel the same. I guess older you get, that is how it becomes. Lol, my girlfriend feels the same too. So we have started to do things on our own.

 

[maymay]

Jeanette Bertrand found her current boyfriend at 60. She's now 100. Just saying. It gave me another perspective on life.

Yes but she must have a huge social circle, i had this when i was younger but now i am mostly alone.

 

[maymay]

Great replies i am not depressed i am doing fine on my own, its just a bit sad that the dating scene as gotten like this.

 

[Giselle Montreal]

Yes but she must have a huge social circle, i had this when i was younger but now i am mostly alone.

You are right, a huge social circle helps and increases the chances of finding a life partner.

I am doomed too, then.

 

[maymay]

You are right, a huge social circle helps and increases the chances of finding a life partner.

I am doomed too, then.

Giselle i don't think you are doom, situations do happen stupid as it sounds i had women come on to me a few times, Tim Horton, Walmart, grocery store. The new women at work. (i went out with a few women i work with over the years and you know its a bad idea)

But as i get older the only thing on my mind is do i want too? am i ready to get into someone life. Meet there siblings, i work in IT so i am a hot commodity for any siblings you know the typical hey my PC as issues can you take a look at it, and they offer you diner.

I met a women she was 47 with 2 adult kids 19 and 21 then she told me i cannot wait to be a grand mother. I kept thinking when i retire i don't want my place to be a day care centre, i had a girlfriend, her sister had 3 kids and her parents kept babysitting all the time even on weekends.

I guess all those things come into play when I think about relationships. Lots of women i met are on depression pills, lots of them have tones of tattoos and piercings (good for them) i am just not into that at all.

I have a lot of people at work who are my age and even younger and they don't want relationships they had enough, they have been single longer than me, they did the online dating its like a lottery some get lucky but a lot don't. So they live alone.

I have an SP i love her (not in love with her) but the service she provides to me is what i like cuddling, kissing etc she gives me a lot more than my ex girlfriend did so.

 

[Eurasian]

I know a guy in his early 40s, got lucky in business so semi-retired now. He has 2 kids and is separated with mother of kids.

He was alone for a couple of years and then start dating his age, then younger... tried different age groups. He found his peace in living "Di Caprio's lifestyle". He dates 20-25 while it's fun, when fun is out, so is the girl and he moves on to the next. He says most girls between 25-30 look for settling down and he already has 2 kids and wants no more. Most girls over 30 and single are damaged goods. Most girls in their early/mid 20s just want to have fun and just don't have the funds to do so... that's where he steps in. So think of it as sugar daddy role... just not through sugar daddy's website. He meets/knowns a lot and money seem to attract the opposite sex without him trying (he's not tall dark and handsome, just rich)

 

[Giselle Montreal]

Most girls over 30 and single are damaged goods.

This is a bit insane.

 

[Eurasian]

This is a bit insane.

this is a generalization based on his experience

 

[lou67]

This is a bit insane.

I agree with you , I don`t think people over 30+ even over 50+ are damaged goods, we all are set to a certain view and expectations of what we are looking for ,. we don`t see further than the envelope of the person, that it be women or men. Definitely the envelope has to be attractive first , but sometimes we need to go further and understand and change things, to try to be happy or comfortable.
When we all reach a certain age, we have different needs in life and it changes as we grow older.
So a 45 year old has a different need than a 66 year old like me.
My opinion

 

[Eurasian]

a 45 year old has a different need than a 66 year old like me.

exactly, I have different needs from 20 years ago

 

[Doc Holliday]

Married twice earlier in my life. The first time i was young, innocent & immature. Didn’t really know what i was getting myself into plus she was my first gf. She was only a year older but was more experienced in relationships than i was. It lasted three years & the last year we were often apart. We had drifted off in separate directions & both realized how incompatible we were with one another. She ended up with a friend of mine. Then i dated a lot & had tons of sex. The second one lasted four years. I was considerably older than she was & we got along great. She was a true nympho & that was likely what attracted me the most to her. We separated once & got back together a few months later. But a year later we realized our time together had resched an impasse. Since she was quite younger than i was she realized she had other needs that I wasn’t interested in providing (e.g. children) her.

And although our sex life was still great for whatever reason i often had the urge to try different sex partners (but never did). But we both realized that i had never really been in love with her. Not as much as she was with me anyway & she realized that i was still in love with #1. So we went our separate ways, i wished her the very best & a year later she learned that she was unable to have children. I became friends with her new husband & hung out with them as she often lined me up with some of her girlfriends. Then they moved to BC & i didn’t see her again. A decade later she contacted me right out of the blue & told me that she was very unhappy & would leave her husband if i would take her back. Since a lot of time had went by i told her i felt terrible for her however i had moved on by then. We hadn’t seen one another in over ten years, after all. She said she had made the biggest mistake in her entire life when she let me go & i replied we have to live with our mistakes.

By then i had discovered the hobby & the joys & benefits of being a sex/women loving single guy! I figured i’d be crazy to want to leave the life i had & go back to a life of monogamy & be imprisoned in another marriage. My outlook on life had totally changed & although married life may be good for a lot of people it wasn’t what i wanted & after two failed marriages i wasn’t interested in trying it out again to see if three times a charm! Lol. Sure marriage has its benefits but it also has its disadvantages. I probably would be ready for marriage more than ever at this point in my life however it’s been nearly 30 years since the last one came to an end i’ve been out of the game way too long! Lol

 

[Jazzman1218]

Thank you maymay for starting this thread. I've been happily divorced for 20 years. As long as I have my health, my liberty, a few good friends, a dog - and at the risk of sounding like Charlie Harper - someone to clean my house and some regular action, I'm good. There's "no one size fits all" solution. We all need to find our own happiness.

 

[maymay]

this is a generalization based on his experience

Your post makes a lot of sense but i am not sure about women being damage goods, this goes both ways, some men are also damaged too. I guess it depends on the life you had until that moment, and a lot of other things.

For me what i see is older people men and women say 40 and up got tired of this game, because it is a game, texting, being independent, showing this tread and this tread being confident etc, at some point all this can be overwhelming.

A younger man at my job dated an older women 9 years older than him for about 5 years, she had 2 kids he also had 2 kids, she was on anti depressant pills had 0 libido and huge anxiety issues. I don't want to be mean but sorry I would never have dated a women like that.

This online dating thing is a real joke, you are judge by your pictures, in a facebook open group you can see things clearer how older women go after younger men, and if you message them they ignore or insult you, i been message by women i was not interested i just did not reply i never understood why people are so mean. So online dating is off for me.

 

[maymay]

I agree with you , I don`t think people over 30+ even over 50+ are damaged goods, we all are set to a certain view and expectations of what we are looking for ,. we don`t see further than the envelope of the person, that it be women or men. Definitely the envelope has to be attractive first , but sometimes we need to go further and understand and change things, to try to be happy or comfortable.
When we all reach a certain age, we have different needs in life and it changes as we grow older.
So a 45 year old has a different need than a 66 year old like me.
My opinion

Would not say damage goods but more we have a lot of life experience, we know what we want and don't want in life, we do not want to get stuck with a partner and just go threw life being bored until we die. Damage goods is a bit rational i would say depend on life experience, a women that as been cheated on, disrespected and more as a reason to be damage its quit understandable and if she decides to date again she surely does not want to be in a same situation. Same as for men who are good guys and get used and abuse in relationships.

 

[maymay]

Married twice earlier in my life. The first time i was young, innocent & immature. Didn’t really know what i was getting myself into plus she was my first gf. She was only a year older but was more experienced in relationships than i was. It lasted three years & the last year we were often apart. We had drifted off in separate directions & both realized how incompatible we were with one another. She ended up with a friend of mine. Then i dated a lot & had tons of sex. The second one lasted four years. I was considerably older than she was & we got along great. She was a true nympho & that was likely what attracted me the most to her. We separated once & got back together a few months later. But a year later we realized our time together had resched an impasse. Since she was quite younger than i was she realized she had other needs that I wasn’t interested in providing (e.g. children) her.

And although our sex life was still great for whatever reason i often had the urge to try different sex partners (but never did). But we both realized that i had never really been in love with her. Not as much as she was with me anyway & she realized that i was still in love with #1. So we went our separate ways, i wished her the very best & a year later she learned that she was unable to have children. I became friends with her new husband & hung out with them as she often lined me up with some of her girlfriends. Then they moved to BC & i didn’t see her again. A decade later she contacted me right out of the blue & told me that she was very unhappy & would leave her husband if i would take her back. Since a lot of time had went by i told her i felt terrible for her however i had moved on by then. We hadn’t seen one another in over ten years, after all. She said she had made the biggest mistake in her entire life when she let me go & i replied we have to live with our mistakes.

By then i had discovered the hobby & the joys & benefits of being a sex/women loving single guy! I figured i’d be crazy to want to leave the life i had & go back to a life of monogamy & be imprisoned in another marriage. My outlook on life had totally changed & although married life may be good for a lot of people it wasn’t what i wanted & after two failed marriages i wasn’t interested in trying it out again to see if three times a charm! Lol. Sure marriage has its benefits but it also has its disadvantages. I probably would be ready for marriage more than ever at this point in my life however it’s been nearly 30 years since the last one came to an end i’ve been out of the game way too long! Lol

There is a market for older men and younger women, and i do believe that some of those young women want men not only for there money but to build something. The new women at work is 30 she got cheated on and separated, she kept looking at me etc, even if i am 18y older than her, she recently met her boyfriend and told me she was interested in me but i took too long to make a move and she wanted a relationship, fair enough we are still friends. Some women want older men and want serious relationships but i agree 100% with you at my age i won't have kids, add the cost of life etc, so who knows if i meet a younger women if she want kids i cannot offer this to her, but i am still amazed at the amount of young women who like older men.

 

[maymay]

Thank you maymay for starting this thread. I've been happily divorced for 20 years. As long as I have my health, my liberty, a few good friends, a dog - and at the risk of sounding like Charlie Harper - someone to clean my house and some regular action, I'm good. There's "no one size fits all" solution. We all need to find our own happiness.

I posted this because lately I notice that a lot of older people remain single, its like we tried and we just gave up seeing how the world as turned and see more benefits in being alone then with someone.

I wanted to have more input and what people think about this.

 

[Smokemeal2]

As I got older (now in my mid-fifties) I understood I would be single for the rest of my life. I have 2 older kids, my dog, and a good relationship with my ex.

But by god, am I glad to be alone. I have started to do stuff old people do. Like saying out loud what I'm about to do.

"I`m going to make a little coffee" "I'm going to sit on the porch" "I'm going to bed"...

My dog looks at me... Puzzled haha

The other day I left my dog outside. Forgot him. When I finally let him in he jumped and licked me all over. Can't imagine the shit I would have gotten had I forgotten my ex outside!

But after walking down the street, at the university (where I need to go for work sometimes), at the airport or on public transport, I see some 20 to 30-year-old girl walking... I imagine their boobs whatever the size, their tiny or bigger ass... The shape of their little thong... grrr

Then I need to call Euphoria, XO, Forever... Once or twice a month. I don't demand much from girls anymore. Just give me your body a little while.