The "incel" sub-culture

[curly]

Listeing to Alek Minassian's explaination of his hatred attack in Toronto, I was blown away to discover the "incel" sub-culture. I didn't know that some people wallowed in such a situation and identified themselves as perpetual victims without hope, fueling anger and violence....

While I was never a "chad" as they describe them, very far from it, I was always a fighter. I developed through hard work the social skills that gave me some successes with some women, and as a mature man I am happy that I've had my share. I was always the "good boy", friend-zoned all the time... I learned a lot from escorts and companions about how to please women, how to escalate a social situation to a more sexual situation, worked at it, failed miserably so often, but eventually learned some essential skills. It is far easier to be a good looking chap that every woman admire and forgive if you are mean or clumsy. I learned the hard way, but I never was abandoning the perspective of having some success, never reverting to violence and hate....

What do you guys think of this "incel" sub-culture? What has been your experience?

 

[Chef Boyardee]

In all societies in history there were incels, there is some impediment for them to get some sex. I suspect it all comes down to money, they do not look good to women because they are poor, so poor they can not even see an SP.

 

[cloudsurf]

From what I`ve seen incels are insecure and clumsy around women and society in general. They are filled with hate especially towards popular guys and girls.
The ones who spew hate filled fantasies may have psychological issues. Just my opinion.

 

[Fradi]

I guess I was on the other side being a jock and pretty decent looking, I never had problems finding girlfriends.
The difference was I never played the field I kept to single relationships as long as they lasted, I never believed in cheating on someone you are in a close relationship with.

I never knew that guys who had a difficult time with women could hate as much or go off the deep end until a guy I knew who was so awkward around girls finally found himself a girlfriend. When she left him he got drunk, took some drugs and ended up murdering her.
This guy was the most timid unassuming and one of the most book smart people I knew and if I had to pick who would be the most unlikely to do something like this it would have been him.
He turned himself in to the police the next day when he sobered up and realized what he had done.

 

[curly]

Ouch!.....

 

[Sic92]

From what I`ve seen incels are insecure and clumsy around women and society in general. They are filled with hate especially towards popular guys and girls.
The ones who spew hate filled fantasies may have psychological issues. Just my opinion.

Some incels might have resentment toward society for the sole reason that they've been treated like garbage by society (girls and men included) just because of the fact that they fared pretty low on the genetic lottery. For god sake, even some sp might reject some men who they consider too ugly to deal with. You would maybe have understood their plight better if you were in their shoes for a day.

But when it comes to the whole incel thing, there is many explanations as to what is the cause of the growing trend of that phenomenon. The mainstream leftist medias are pushing a very biased narrative on those frustrated lonely men. The majority of them wouldn't commit any act of violence.

 

[curly]

It's not the violence that puzzle me most. Each ideology had its extremists. It's the self pity. I can't understand how, unless you are severely mutilated for example, how your can accept involuntary celibacy as a lifetime karma and not want to attempt to move things in the right direction.

And Sic92 I've been in their shoes, for years, and nobody gave me any chances, women laughing at me, guys telling girls I was a loser before I could even say a word. But nevertheless I could not accept that this would be an immutable situation forever, worked at it and I eventually had modest but real successes and started to grow. That someone chooses to adopt a culture that will maintain them in that painful situation is beyond me... and must be so painful to them.

 

[CLOUD 500]

Incel culture exist due to a lot of expections from women in courtship. Many men just lack the social skills to attract a woman and that creates a lot of frustration some cannot deal with it in a constructive way and break. These people need help not to be dumped like trash. I am not saying Alek Minassian was right in what he did but maybe if there was help for these men who lack social skills, maybe a school to teach and show these men how to court a woman it might be more constructive. The incel culture exists due to an overlooked socio economic condition. Booking escorts can satisfy only the physical part.

 

[CLOUD 500]

It's the self pity. I can't understand how, unless you are severely mutilated for example, how your can accept involuntary celibacy as a lifetime karma and not want to attempt to move things in the right direction.

Some these do not know how to. There is no one to teach them. If you get rejected all life that has a deep psychological effect on you.

 

[hungry101]

But when it comes to the whole incel thing, there is many explanations as to what is the cause of the growing trend of that phenomenon. The mainstream leftist medias are pushing a very biased narrative on those frustrated lonely men. The majority of them wouldn't commit any act of violence.

I had to look up the word "incel." In the old days they used to call these guys bachelors. For whatever reason they never got married. They never felt too comfortable around women and so they remained bachelors.

 

[spagett]

I've never been good with girls (never had a GF) and I'm turning 30 soon ... Good thing I make money for escorts or it would be too hard to handle. I have no clue how to deal with it. I have no social skills. No worries, I'm not an incel. I'm very conscious that the problem is all me. I think that is the biggest issue with incels is not realizing they are the problem. What good does hate bring you ? How is hate more tolerable than acceptance. Life doesn't owe you anything ...

 

[Halloween Mike]

I've never been good with girls (never had a GF) and I'm turning 30 soon ... Good thing I make money for escorts or it would be too hard to handle. I have no clue how to deal with it. I have no social skills.

I never been good with girls either. Only had 2 brief girlfriends as a teen (around 3-4 months each) and it happened both times in a "special context", like one was litteraly matched by my half-sister and she did ALL the job lol, the other we met online on a video game so it really helped (only text keyboard back then too, no vocal chat). When the second story finish there was a huge time gap, like between 16 til 22 y.o nothing happened, then by 22 i started the strippers and by 24 the escorts.

Im really happy things turned out ok for me. I mean the discovery of the Montreal escort world (being a guy from a small town) and even tough you would ask me today what you would prefer, keep seeing escort or a "normal" girlfriend, well i would go with the girlfriend, yet the escorts fill something for me that i would otherwise lack. I always been a very sexual person, and when i was 17 or so til 24 i kept watching porn and could only imagine how it would feel, i had kinda resigned myself that it would never happen to me and it would be like those things in life i have very small chances to see happening. But one friend backed from our "music show + stripper trip" , at the same time one Montreal escort toured close to my little town, and boom it happened and here i am 10+ years later. Im gratefull for that even if TODAY i kinda wish i could go with something different.

But like you say i always lacked some social skills too. The online world kinda helped me a lot in that departement as i am very confident there but somehow i could never translate this to women. The jobs i had never really helped me meeting girls either (it was most of the time jobs where i was alone or with 1 or 2 dudes only) and i never been one to go clubbing or such. My apperance also always made me shy to try anything with girls.

With escorts i still keep some shyness but at the same time its not the same, i mean i know whats gonna happen, they know why they are there, so i just have to be me pretty much and the rest does not matter. I mean i always make sure to be nice, respectfull etc, its normal, but i don't have to be scared about what im gonna tell her or the conversation we will have. Im not trying to "impress" her thats what im meaning.

These days i don't really know where i am at in term of all of this. I lost 65 pounds compare to where i was just in April. And i show no sign of slowing down, i mean right now im at the gym and i eat healthy and never in large quantity etc etc. Im even thinking about trying that tinder thingy i keep hearing about when i drop 20 more pounds. But im now in my mid 30s, i lost a lot of hairs in the later years, i start to show my age a bit more, i couldn't be able to go back to the 20s dating scene style probably...

But the truth is im so behind in the dating departement that even if in a year or so i look "good" and gone under my current weight objective and things keep improving on my side, still i don't have the skills to go on a date with a mid 30s woman with kids and such. Im not ready for that. I mean me a father, or a father figure? LOL no...

So all of this to say yes my situation is not the most "normal" yet i would never wish harm on anybody for it. Do i wish i would had been that popular kid in school with the cheerleader hot chick? Yeah... Am i a bit jealous when i see all these instagram models in their early 20s having parties with big muscle guys and traveling the world and such? A bit... But thats life... There is some rich, some poor, some in between like me that despite not having all of what they want, is still lucky to have a roof, food, a fair share of the entertainement i want (in my case my movies and video games) and im enjoying life friends... So no hate on my part lol.

So basically this whole "incel" or whatever its call, i think its not different than the derenged terrorists and such. Peoples with mental illness who use something in life to justify their evil actions.

 

[harwell1690]

From what I`ve seen incels are insecure and clumsy around women and society in general. They are filled with hate especially towards popular guys and girls.
The ones who spew hate filled fantasies may have psychological issues. Just my opinion.

This seems pretty close.

I think "feminist" culture has also attacked men, and put them on the defensive. Perhaps they lack the mental skills to see all the BS in the feminist stuff. And the man-hating part of feminism.
So their reaction is violence. Or so I hear.
Yes, women are hard to deal, so are men. Most people figure out, better or worse, how to get along and get some. And to love.
These guys have not. I suppose some women have not either, in a different way. One difference: I think men naturally have more violence in themselves.

The incels are a indication of a fracturing of our society and a failure. Not that there is not always, to some degree, some of this. But it is somewhat bigger now. Or so it seems to me.

 

[CLOUD 500]

But like you say i always lacked some social skills too. The online world kinda helped me a lot in that departement as i am very confident there but somehow i could never translate this to women. The jobs i had never really helped me meeting girls either (it was most of the time jobs where i was alone or with 1 or 2 dudes only) and i never been one to go clubbing or such. My apperance also always made me shy to try anything with girls.

With escorts i still keep some shyness but at the same time its not the same, i mean i know whats gonna happen, they know why they are there, so i just have to be me pretty much and the rest does not matter. I mean i always make sure to be nice, respectfull etc, its normal, but i don't have to be scared about what im gonna tell her or the conversation we will have. Im not trying to "impress" her thats what im meaning.

These days i don't really know where i am at in term of all of this. I lost 65 pounds compare to where i was just in April. And i show no sign of slowing down, i mean right now im at the gym and i eat healthy and never in large quantity etc etc. Im even thinking about trying that tinder thingy i keep hearing about when i drop 20 more pounds. But im now in my mid 30s, i lost a lot of hairs in the later years, i start to show my age a bit more, i couldn't be able to go back to the 20s dating scene style probably...

But the truth is im so behind in the dating departement that even if in a year or so i look "good" and gone under my current weight objective and things keep improving on my side, still i don't have the skills to go on a date with a mid 30s woman with kids and such.

What you wrote is typical for many young men. There is so much expectation of men in the dating scene. He got to be tall, say all the right things, be funny, confident and the biggest thing he is expected to make the first move. Yet feminist culture and the #MeToo movement ruined it all. Women got power where it is convenient for them but when it comes to dating they want men to take all the risks. Hence why there are many men in your boat. The more feminism take over the more worse it will get for men. There is really a need for a how to court a women school. These skills are not always self thought for everyone. About your balding best option is to just shave your head. Make a bald head as part of your style to hide the balding. Nothing worse then guys who grow long hair who are balding. Makes them look like computer nerds who play video games all day and women are not into those types of guys.

 

[jalimon]

Women got power where it is convenient for them but when it comes to dating they want men to take all the risks.

What risk? The worst that can happen is rejection. A no go. Who cares? I have had a % of rejection of about 80%. I concentrated on the 20% left

What is killing it is men’s ego. We have never learned to be rejected. But love, affection or just even getting a fuck friend will go trough high level of rejection that we need to deal with. Its quite normal we just can’t fuck who ever we want (that’s left to women haha).

Also so many time i saw guys trying to get girl way over their reach. In had absolutely some beautiful gf and fuck friend in my life. But strangely the one i had much more fun and good time were the ‘average’ one. They were much more into me grrrr

cheers,

 

[DrJ_TheGhost]

Spagett: Damn man, it feels like I wrote this. I am pretty much in the same boat including your age. I don’t hate on the guys that get the women. You just learn to deal with being too ugly to get girls. Lmao. Seriously though, I just realized that once I managed to not let it bother me, it felt a lot better. Good thing we have this.

 

[No_Church_InThe_Wild]

The incel subculture is just another example of the internet’s dark side in our day and age. Misery loves company I guess,and in this case the internet has enabled likeminded peoples to share their views of misogyny, resentment against the world , entitlement and hate and whatever else it is that they talk about and basically validate themselves. Add the mentally ill in this sad group of men and then it starts to become a bit dangerous.

 

[Sic92]

There is absolutely no such thing as being "good" with women as it implies that getting them is a skill whereas it ain't the case at all. Women are the ones who decide whether they like you or not, it's just something that is uncontrollable to most men.

I'm not really an incel myself but I've been through this kind of hardship too. Many incels feel disenfranchised and jaded because society sold them so many lies. Women exclusively caring on your personality alone and not on your genetics if clearly one of them.

 

[2fast2slow]

a lot of innteresting posts here. Halloween Mike thats great! Keep up the good work. not only it helps with the girls, you'll live longer to spend more time with them

i was never awkward around girls (except maybe the really pretty ones a bit), but I was never Mr Charming either. But this hobby certainly has helped me in that department, to the point now that I seem to naturally draw women these days. I am popular with the women at my work, part of their groups, etc..., I can tell a couple of them would like to spend more time with me if I was not already with a significant other.

We have to stop over-worshipping women. Yes, they are beautiful creatures we desire, but they have flaws too, just like us, and there are a lot of women (despite the myth) that have a lot of trouble meeting guys, just like guys that cant meet women. I know because i know a few of them. I feel bad for these women too. Sometimes i think: too bad there are no real equivalents to the female escort world. This poor woman would really benefit from a good fuck and some male tenderness....

 

[hungry101]

Mike - Great work!!! Next time I see you I am going to buy you a beer (a light beer of course) and take you to dinner (low carbs).

Hello fellow involuntary celibates! In high school I dated two cheerleaders: The first, my first love was cute as hell and extremely beautiful (she looks like hell now.) We took each others virginity. The second (I took her virginity) is now an executive of a major cosmetics company. Both dumped me but I did fuck both on the same day. I've had success with girls in my life...wives, girlfriends, affairs etc. but at the end of the day I feel like you: An involuntary celibate male. None of us get the pussy we think that we deserve. Even those of us that have had had success know that these are fleeting moments. There were periods in my life where I have been popular but very quickly things change and I'm back to usual: Shit faced, eating the Grand-slam breakfast at Dennys at 2am alone and going home to polish my saber thinking about what could of been. We are kindred spirits.

The best advice was given by Jaliman. You put yourself in situations and you get turned down 80% of the time. Get on those dating apps. Put yourselves out there. Don't fear the reaper. Don't fear rejection. Find stepping stones. Women use us as stepping stones. It's called marrying up. (Note to women* I am available as a stepping stone. Use me for sex. Use me for love). Be used as a stepping stone. Try hard without appearing to try too hard. Buy that mid-life crisis car and hang out at bowling alley lounges.

Now I am entering the twilight of my life. I work out nearly every day. I have my cache of vitamin V ready if I need it. And I remember what Bill Burr said: "Stop trying to look fuckable in your 50's. You had your day. You had your day." So I rent escorts.