Why do nice guys cheat?

[General Gonad]

I am about to embark on one of my hardest threads ever. You see once I took the step to see that first SP, breaking my marriage vows, I crossed a line that I knew there would be no return. I cannot begin to describe how nervous, anxious and terrified I was on my first SP encounter or the shame and guilt that consumed me in the hours and days that followed.

I was angry at my wife for ignoring my needs, but most of all angry at myself for not sticking to my principles that were instilled in me by my mother and father, the two most beautiful people in the world. All my life I loathed cheaters and here I was transforming into one of them. I have rationalized that seeing an SP is different than getting involved in an extra-marital affair, and while I still believe this, I know that I will have to carry a weight on my heart till the day I die.

I keep asking myself why. Why did I do this? What did I gain? How am I going to be a better person from it? Why am I scared to confront some difficult realities in my relationship? Why do nice guys cheat? WHY DO NICE GUYS CHEAT?

There are no easy answers to my questions. Life rarely goes the way you think it should. At times, I feel like I am observing my life and not living it. I feel that I am slowly losing control of certain aspects and that fate has brought me here to discover something about myself. In a twist of irony, I am enjoying my encounters because I am also discoverig a lot about myself - my weaknesses for beautiful women, my strengths, my hypocrisy, my joy and sadness. In short, I am rediscovering my soul: the good , the bad and the ugly.

I am starting to realize that this hobby can suck you up and twist you up like nothing you've ever experienced before. It's like a never ending vortex that keeps spinning your emotions. Even the strongest minds are no match for this hobby.

For those of you who are thinking of taking the plunge, a word of advice: once you're in, it's extremely difficult to get out. I think I can eventually let go of this hobby, or at least I pray I can. But I now realize that my life has irrevocably changed...I just hope it's for the better.

GG

 

[mrten]

The way I see it is we've married the wrong people. Perhaps they were right for someone else but not us. Alot of "nice guys" end up getting married because they didn't have the balls to say no when thay should have (count me in that group) The thrill is gone but the marriage lasts for whatever reasons..........Then again when your in your early twenties and the girl has already started to send out invitations for the wedding, thats one big freight train to stop, let alone de-rail

 

[ck_nj]

I never thought I would participate in a thread like this, but this topic really struck home for me. I have been having issues with my significant other for years (been together over 15 years). I am always considered the 'nice guy.'
I work very hard, 2 jobs, 7 days a week, to support my family. I hardly complain, and I tend to all her needs and my family's needs. But I feel that I have been taken for granted for the longest time. And it stinks.
I gave up communicating my issues with her long ago because she called it 'whining and complaining.' Unless I come into a lot of money, leaving her is out of the question, for now. I do not want to have any kind of affair, because maintaining 2 relationships is harder than maintaining one. And one is hard enough as it is. Plus the 'Fatal Attraction' thing always pops up in my head.
So I took up hobbying several years ago on one of my business trips to Montreal, although I have frequented strip clubs all over North America for years.
Because I live in the States, and seeing escorts is highly illegal in 99% of the states (thanks to our Puritan ancestors), I go to Montreal for my hobbying fix. It is (pretty much) legal, and far enough away where I can't go there a lot and dry out my funds. I go once or twice a year if I am lucky.
For me, hobbying was a blessing, and it helped me gain my confidence back. Seeing SPs, and talking to them like regular people, helped boost my confidence with women (and people in general) as well. And it actually got me motivated to get in better shape. My sex life with my partner has actually increased tremendously, and my physical appearance has improved, so much that everyone I know, both men and women, have noticed. I also have had a better attitude, and better performance, at work.
With the exercise, positive attitude change, and confidence boost, the bad depression I was in disappeared, with no medication whatsoever. I can't explain it. And the trips to Montreal always clear my head.
So GG, for me it has been for the better. The only thing that still stinks is that I feel that my significant other barely sees the changes I have made. Oh well. You can't get everything you want.

CK

 

[Board Stiff]

GG,
I appreciate all these tangential additions to the board, but some of them are in danger of being too sappy. Keep it up though.
Cheating is just par for the male course.

 

[General Gonad]

I am enjoying reading your responses.

>>mrten, you're right that a lot of nice guys end up marrying the wrong person because they lack the balls to pull away. This wasn't my case since I had the balls to pursue her. I wanted to marry her, maybe more than she wanted to marry me.

>>Chefplus, strippers and masseuses are nice but nothing compared to romping with a great SP from time to time. If you're on the threshold, think it through. Do you really want to do this? Because once you start, you'll be hooked for a while.

>>ck_nj, I really enjoyed reading your post. You've hit the nail on it's head when you say you feel neglected and taken for granted. At one point, communication ends and you decide to explore alternative routes for dealing with your sexual needs. I am glad it has been positive for you and I hope your SO does notice.

>>BS, what can I say? I am sappy but glad you like the posts. As hyprotical as it may sound, I am not convinced that males need to cheat. Not by a long shot. I just hope that the ladies reading this also believe that we do not need to cheat and that we are not bad people. Just normal guys struggling with our relationships.

GG

 

[General Gonad]

Je dirais que c'est exactement la même chose pour nous... Une fois qu'on fais cette job là, ça ne s'arrête pas aussi facilement

Très facile d'y entrer, pas facile d'en sortir...

Maylee xxx

Yes Maylee, you're absolutely right, it's no easier for an SP or in your case, an MP, to quit once they have started this profession. You need an exit strategy...we all do.

GG

 

[McVie]

No one asked, but as I see it...

... the only thing that is screwed up is the concept of monogamy. Most people are not wired to remain in a completely monogamous relationship most of our lives. I firmly believe that it is both unhealthy and unnatural.

Unnatural because most animals -- and face it, folks, we're just fancy animals -- are not monogamous.

Unhealthy because, as this thread is evidence, many of us are good people, who work hard, who provide our families with shelter, sustenance and, yes, lots of love. Still, because this bullshit concept of monogamy has been foisted upon us by church and state, we are wracked with guilt afterward and question our morality. That something that feels good and hurts nobody and is between consenting adults yet leaves us so full of doubt and self-recrimination is criminal.

Anyway, that's just me.

 

[Vibesgirl]

Similar thread

Hey guys, take a look at the last few posts on the "are we depraved thread" It has turned into a "cheating" thread. My post there, could have fit in here. Maybe they should be combined.

 

[EagerBeaver]

... the only thing that is screwed up is the concept of monogamy. Most people are not wired to remain in a completely monogamous relationship most of our lives. I firmly believe that it is both unhealthy and unnatural.

McVie,

I completely agree with your post. I made these realizations at a young age and decided that monogamy was not going to work for me, and that sexual experimentation with a vast array of women was preferable to boring repetition with one. I am now way past that stage, as I came to this very astute realization years ago.

My problem now is my desire for more and more sex with more and more partners, and managing that desire. It is not so much a financial problem as a finding the time problem. I don't have enough time in my schedule to take the trips necessary to accomodate these desires. I am a multi-State, multinational hobbyist. The primary destination remains Montreal, of course, but when business and family related travel take me elsewhere, a rendevouz is booked. Can't do it here any more. Due to work commitments I just don't have the time to have sex with 19,700 women in my 40 likely remaining years on this Earth (thereby enabling me to tie the Wilt Chamberlain record of 20,000). So I am going to start playing the lottery every week and if I hit the Powerball Jackpot I am going to retire, buy a condo in Montreal and see 20 new SPs every week.

 

[General Gonad]

So I am going to start playing the lottery every week and if I hit the Powerball Jackpot I am going to retire, buy a condo in Montreal and see 20 new SPs every week.

LOL...now that is what I call libido!

 

[picasso]

I am a multi-State, multinational hobbyist.

EB,

Exactly my sentiments. Where I differ from you is that I am a strictly international hobbyist. I realized a while ago that it's a waste of time and money hobbying in the US, not to mention the risk of dealing with LE. The quality, beauty, attitude and service of women outside the US are just outstanding and you'd have to be nuts not to partake if you have the desire and the means to enjoy it.

 

[cloudsurf]

Why do nice guys cheat?....for the same reason that nice girls cheat....insecurity!
That said, there is a better reason.
The other reason is that monagamy is unnatural and not the norm in nature, so why should it be the norm in society. Guilt is not hard wired in us. Its a learnt emotion and it can be unlearned just as easily.
GG don`t feel guilty....but if I was in your shoes I`d wonder why my wife is taking so many bussiness trips.

 

[General Gonad]

A little synthesis of views

So far we have EB, cloudsurf, Picasso, McVie, Boardstiff and others that think it's very natural for men to cheat. In fact, monogamous relationships are the unnatural thing, so we should try to be true to our male nature and just indulge. Forget guilt, it's a waste of emotion, just realize you can't fight nature. It's in the genes stupid!

Maybe but is there something inherently good about trying to maintain a monogamous relationship? Or is it a complete waste of time? I think there is value in a long-term commitment even if it isn't always easy. Stability is especially important when kids are involved.

Any other views on this? Are we males genetically programed to cheat? Are there environmental influences that also contribute to this behavior? Shouldn't we try fighting our urges instead of succumbing to them like adolescents?

GG

P.S. Chefplus, go see Maylee, she'll charm your pants off!

 

[JustBob]

Perhaps nice guys don't cheat. In a word, the original question is loaded in favor of guys who do cheat. Not saying you guys who cheat on your wife are all assholes, just giving you something to consider.

 

[Juliana]

An observation on this controvertial issue !

To me monogamie is like God, dead for lots of people !

While I think that having a stable loving and caring relationship with someone, is fundamental for one's well being. Monogamie has not work for centures and many males like yourselves have known this for a long time therefore we have a blooming sexual industry.

Unfortunately we live in a male center society that imposes a double stardard.

Man can have their sexual freedom ( sexual industry )

We women if we do venture in to sexual affairs we are linched simbolicaly.

As more women have education and more interesting careers, we also have more freedom including sexual.

I think monogamie is great when both parts are active participants in been interesting and loving and giving and sexy and fun to be around.

The moment one person stop been loving, and fun and charming we then will go after elements of love else where. Love is a search after all.
Life needs constant motivation and without love it is hard to fell the necessary focus to pursue our dreams.

We have infidelity because we as humain we need to fell alive, attractive and desired.

We have an interesting post here writting by CK_NJ

His tale is a concreet prouve of my point.

CN_NJ You are cool and observing good for you !

 

[cloudsurf]

Wait with that synthesis

Women cheat almost as often as men.
I know women who`ve cheated on almost every man they`ve been in a relationship with. ....and they are fuckin` proud of it!
Its natural for both sexes to be polygamus (concurrently or consecutively)
Nature is aware of this and the proof is in the fact that a large percent of sperm cells are not there to impregnate the female egg but to fight off and kill competing sperm from other "donors"
Hey, its only natural.

 

[ck_nj]

Juliana,
Thank you for the kind words.
Hope to meet you one day on my next trip to Montreal.
Just be warned that I love to massage more than being massaged.

CK

 

[General Gonad]

Maylee

Herr General: I intend to see Maylee...soon, I hope.

Maylee is one of the best independent masseuses around. I saw her almost two months ago and she looked great, providing me with a great sensual massage:

https://merb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=12656&page=9&highlight=maylee

Funny thing...Maylee was my first ever repeat! She is mature and very sweet. I always feel very relaxed with her. Just make sure you wash your hands before the massage. Also, avoid garlic for a few days prior to seeing her. (she wrote this on my grooming post - I guess it`s a fair comment even though you can`t kiss her).

GG

 

[General Gonad]

Women typically cheat for different reasons

Women cheat almost as often as men.

cloudsurf,

Yes, women cheat but it's not about sex...most of the time, it's about their emotional needs. Men cheat because blood rushes out of our brains down to our penises!

GG

 

[picasso]

Correction

So far we have EB, cloudsurf, Picasso, McVie, Boardstiff and others that think it's very natural for men to cheat. In fact, monogamous relationships are the unnatural thing, so we should try to be true to our male nature and just indulge. Forget guilt, it's a waste of emotion, just realize you can't fight nature. It's in the genes stupid!

Maybe but is there something inherently good about trying to maintain a monogamous relationship? Or is it a complete waste of time? I think there is value in a long-term commitment even if it isn't always easy. Stability is especially important when kids are involved.

Any other views on this? Are we males genetically programed to cheat? Are there environmental influences that also contribute to this behavior? Shouldn't we try fighting our urges instead of succumbing to them like adolescents?

GG

Cheating implies hurting or at the very least being dishonest with your significant other. For single, unattached guys with no kids like myself, where's the cheating? Who's cheating whom? I'm not hurting anyone by seeing sp. If the argument is that I'm hurting myself by sleeping with so many women then that's also pretty weak. All I know is that I'm the one who knows me best and my work and travel schedule make it nearly impossible to maintain a regular, monogamous relationship. On the more philosophical and perhaps biological question of whether it's natural to be non-monogamous, the evidence is there to support that theory. But a theory is just that, a theory. There is also plenty of evidence to show that it's flawed. It is human nature to desire what we know we can't have under normal circumstances so in that context, it's tempting to say that we're programmed to be non-monogamous when you're fortunate to have that option.