oliver kloseoff said:
So Olie,
You're my prime example that no matter how frustrating a marriage can get, we do not need to resort to cheating. Now, where is my baby oil?
GG
Why do nice guys cheat?
- Thread starter General Gonad
- Start date
So Olie,
You're my prime example that no matter how frustrating a marriage can get, we do not need to resort to cheating. Now, where is my baby oil?
GG
General Gonad said:cloudsurf,
Yes, women cheat but it's not about sex...most of the time, it's about their emotional needs. Men cheat because blood rushes out of our brains down to our penises!
GG
Emotional needs?
GG, have you ever seen a horde of horny women screaming at the sight of a male stripper? That is sooo emotional .....no, actually its raw unbridled sexual lust . Many women, more than you may imagine, love sex and sexy young guys, and will have a one night stand (aventure) at the drop of a wink. Don`t fool yourself, men don`t have a monopoly on tosterone and lust....at least not in our Western society.
cloudsurf said:
I have to admit that if I divorce and go out there in the jungle to meet someone, I might be tempted to remain single for the rest of my life.
Either that or remarry with an SP who has gotten it out of her system.GG
I'd say that nice guys aren't always nice, just accept that we are often selfish - we like to have our cake and eat it too.
Why not put more effort in communicating our needs and feelings with our wives instead of taking the easy way out?
Why not put more effort in communicating our needs and feelings with our wives instead of taking the easy way out?
General Gonad said:cloudsurf,
Yes, women cheat but it's not about sex...most of the time, it's about their emotional needs. Men cheat because blood rushes out of our brains down to our penises!
GG
Sorry GG but you are wrong, when looking for a boyfriend/husband women will look for a provider, someone who can be there for the kids and provide support. In other words, they are looking to fill emotional and financial needs in both themselves and their future offspring.
When looking for an affair or a one night stand, it's all looks, sex and passion/romance. That's why a lot of older women go for the younger guys, they are getting close to their peak and they want a guy that is close to it as well.
Monogamy IS the unnatural element, look at the behavior of all the other animals. Look at our pre "civilised" actions, living in tightly knit groups where everyone provides for everyone else in the group.
Ancient Greece had marriage almost only for procreation.
the Roman era had it's massive orgies.
Polyamori was and is still common in some places.
I'm getting REALLY annoyed at this whole it's the women who want emotional stuff and men just think with their penises bullshit. It is completely false, but we are conditioned to think that way because in the way we are brought up, any other way would mean you are not a man.
I'm not saying there aren't men who do it purely for the "sex", they are out there and they are definitely cheating, but they are definitely not "nice guys", I pity any man who cheats only for the orgasm, or even as a single guy goes for 1 night stands only for the orgasm.
Take a moment to read the reviews of the popular SP's... Drinking, chatting, flirting, undressing, kissing, touching/caressing, tasting, intercourse, orgasm and sometimes resting together before a second attempt.
All of this, is to fulfill the need for physical, psychological or emotional intimacy. But most men are too dumb to notice it or say that that's what we really want.
With that said, what I'm about to say here may sound bad but this is how things should be... If your relationship is no longer giving you some of the things you need, you have two choices.
If you feel you no longer really love the person you are with and the missing elements are just adding water to the dimming fire. It's time to sit down, have a chat and probably call it quits, then move on.
If you still love the person but your needs are not being met. It's time think about other ways to fill those needs. Again you can sit down and have a chat about it, this is the most important thing that I tell any of my friends when they are having relationship issues. "Did you take the time to talk about it... not accuse, not bitch, not whine, but TALK, give them time to think about it? and especially not get the conversation to go into offensive/defensive arguments."
Some people are going to read this and go "what? You're nuts, how are you supposed to talk to your wife about wanting to have an affair."
Well you don't at first, in the beginning you try to talk about what's bothering you, what has been missing. Your goal is to figure out if there is a way to fix things without going elsewhere.
Is she just not interested in being intimate anymore?
Does she have something on her mind that just tires her out too much?
Is it because you're doing things she doesn't like? (Let's be frank here, some guys do only go for the sex... wham bam, good night... zzzz, and after a while they wonder why the wife won't have sex as often anymore, and then they cheat and dissapoint yet another woman and sometimes don't even realise their behavior.)
Did she fall out of love with you?
If you find the root, in any situation, I tell my friends "If you really love one another, is there a middle ground that the two of you can find for your current "hiccup"."
Nothing can fix the falling out of love part but the many of the other issues do have those middle grounds.
If you can't reach it because neither is really willing to budge too much from their spot. Then it's you can either go for the external source it and keep it quiet or be direct and tell her your intention without making it sound like an ultimatum and without being jerk about it.
It's all about being rational, and trying to make things better quickly, not 10 years later. On your body, If you don't treat a wound right after it happens, the chance of infection rises exponantialy, same thing for relationships.
Juliana said:To me monogamie is like God, dead for lots of people !
While I think that having a stable loving and caring relationship with someone, is fundamental for one's well being. Monogamie has not work for centures and many males like yourselves have known this for a long time therefore we have a blooming sexual industry.
Unfortunately we live in a male center society that imposes a double stardard.
Man can have their sexual freedom ( sexual industry )
We women if we do venture in to sexual affairs we are linched simbolicaly.
As more women have education and more interesting careers, we also have more freedom including sexual.
I think monogamie is great when both parts are active participants in been interesting and loving and giving and sexy and fun to be around.
The moment one person stop been loving, and fun and charming we then will go after elements of love else where. Love is a search after all.
Life needs constant motivation and without love it is hard to fell the necessary focus to pursue our dreams.
We have infidelity because we as humain we need to fell alive, attractive and desired.
We have an interesting post here writting by CK_NJ
His tale is a concreet prouve of my point.
CN_NJ
I also think that women might cheat sexually but not emotionally and I am sure most males do the same.
CN_NJ you sound great !
General Gonad said:cloudsurf,
Yes, women cheat but it's not about sex...most of the time, it's about their emotional needs. Men cheat because blood rushes out of our brains down to our penises!
GG
I think you have to be careful about holding these stereotypical views too close. While they may be partially true for some, they are certainly not always true or completely true, about either sex. For example, would you not agree that the blood rushing to the penis thing is often just a manifestation of emotional needs?
You have often repeat such saws in your comments, and argue in their support when confronted by individual commentators that differ.
The fact is that people--men and women--do things for a wide range of reasons, and it is impossible to capture that range with simple generalizations.
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sybaritic said:
Gee, sybriatic,
Fair point, I shouldn't generalize about why men and women cheat. Also, it is up to me to communicate and to resolve my own internal matters. Gee, in a way both my wife and I have taken each other for granted. I am as much to blame as she is for the way things ended up. I do not plan on going 10 years or even 10 months like this. Regardless of my behavior, I do not believe in being married and seeing SPs. At one point, you have to make a choice - either work through your marriage or end it. But seeing SPs on the side for years while I am married is not what I want out of life.
GG
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Marriage started off as a group thing, you married into the tribe and became loyal to that tribe. This was for survival, for procreation and also to fill those needs that every creature has.
Polyamory is closer to that state than any other type of relationship.
The root of the old imagery of the caveman dragging the woman by the hair back to his hut comes from the first two people weddings, The man would abduct a woman that was only attached to the tribe, and the woman would have to marry her kidnapper.
As we evolved and religions and cultures formed, marriage became deeply controlled by those factors and through them those the notions of being together forever.
For the longest time divorce did not exist because to separate was considered a sin. As women became more liberated they started to free themselves from the miserable marriages they got into.
I've no doubt that some people do marry for love and if they are able to keep that relationship for a long time I am happy for them. But in most cases people marry because they are forced to, or because their needs are currently being filled by the person they are with now, they love who they are with but it's not that all encompassing, passionate, core melting love anymore and searching for a new partner that does bring out that feeling is kinda hard.
We act differently before marriage or even before the relationship reaches a certain point. We are trying to show the other that we are worth keeping. In other words, we lie about ourselves. Once the relationship moves out of the new and passionate discovery zone and into to the comfortable "probably forever" relationship both sides let their guard down and that's when you start seeing the things that might irk you.
Oddly enough 50% of that double standard is not imposed by men but by women, especialy now.
A woman see's another woman with lots of success with guys and jealousy rears it's ugly head, they hide that jealousy behind contempt, all the while wishing it was them who had all that attention.
Polyamory is closer to that state than any other type of relationship.
The root of the old imagery of the caveman dragging the woman by the hair back to his hut comes from the first two people weddings, The man would abduct a woman that was only attached to the tribe, and the woman would have to marry her kidnapper.
As we evolved and religions and cultures formed, marriage became deeply controlled by those factors and through them those the notions of being together forever.
For the longest time divorce did not exist because to separate was considered a sin. As women became more liberated they started to free themselves from the miserable marriages they got into.
I've no doubt that some people do marry for love and if they are able to keep that relationship for a long time I am happy for them. But in most cases people marry because they are forced to, or because their needs are currently being filled by the person they are with now, they love who they are with but it's not that all encompassing, passionate, core melting love anymore and searching for a new partner that does bring out that feeling is kinda hard.
We act differently before marriage or even before the relationship reaches a certain point. We are trying to show the other that we are worth keeping. In other words, we lie about ourselves. Once the relationship moves out of the new and passionate discovery zone and into to the comfortable "probably forever" relationship both sides let their guard down and that's when you start seeing the things that might irk you.
Juliana said:
Oddly enough 50% of that double standard is not imposed by men but by women, especialy now.
A woman see's another woman with lots of success with guys and jealousy rears it's ugly head, they hide that jealousy behind contempt, all the while wishing it was them who had all that attention.
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The Problem
The problem seems simple enough, the solution seems impossible to find.
Here is what I think:
Man has a definate need for sex. I don't mean we like it so much we need it. But it is a chemical need that is uncontrollable. Women don't have this chemical need. Don't get me wrong here, I know women, like men, will have urges for sex because of the pleasure it brings them but men also have this chemical need for it.
Once the pleasure of sex diminishes, due to whatever reason, women can more easily put it aside. You see, the chemical need isn't there for them. So it is easy for them to move on to other things, like raising a family or concentrating on thier proffessional carear. It's at this point that the man has a problem. He has this incredible urge that is impossible to put aside. It's in his system.
Now what?.... He tries talking to his SO about it, but she thinks he's over reacting. She can't understand why he doesn't see that other things are more important in this point in there lives.
I guess the only answer would be for some doctor to find an antidote to this chemical need. " Take a pill and your urges go away "
Hummmm?? wonder with pill would sell the most, that or Viagra...
The problem seems simple enough, the solution seems impossible to find.
Here is what I think:
Man has a definate need for sex. I don't mean we like it so much we need it. But it is a chemical need that is uncontrollable. Women don't have this chemical need. Don't get me wrong here, I know women, like men, will have urges for sex because of the pleasure it brings them but men also have this chemical need for it.
Once the pleasure of sex diminishes, due to whatever reason, women can more easily put it aside. You see, the chemical need isn't there for them. So it is easy for them to move on to other things, like raising a family or concentrating on thier proffessional carear. It's at this point that the man has a problem. He has this incredible urge that is impossible to put aside. It's in his system.
Now what?.... He tries talking to his SO about it, but she thinks he's over reacting. She can't understand why he doesn't see that other things are more important in this point in there lives.
I guess the only answer would be for some doctor to find an antidote to this chemical need. " Take a pill and your urges go away "
Hummmm?? wonder with pill would sell the most, that or Viagra...
In Between
I would then imagine that most here would definitely agree that it is quite alright (and maybe even recommended) to hobby if a man is in between relationships or marriages. I would think that SPs would be much better than seeing non-SPs who are just horny. Non-SPs, even those who say they are just interested in casual sex, might be too unpredictable. They may say that they don't want any emotional relationship but who knows if they will not change their minds in the future?
I would then imagine that most here would definitely agree that it is quite alright (and maybe even recommended) to hobby if a man is in between relationships or marriages. I would think that SPs would be much better than seeing non-SPs who are just horny. Non-SPs, even those who say they are just interested in casual sex, might be too unpredictable. They may say that they don't want any emotional relationship but who knows if they will not change their minds in the future?
General Gonad said:
Yadda, yadda, yadda....yadda.
Get fucking real already. Guys cheat, guys experiment, guys try new things (threesomes and foursomes), guys have wandering eyes, guys want to experience new things...and 1,000 more reasons i dont want to bother posting right now.
Are you whipped? Did a girl cut off your balls? Go to a fkk club and see 50 hot naked girls and state your post again. Live a little before you end up dying already.
Am I being harsh? Well, I guess im just embarking on one of my hardest threads ever.
breadman said:Am I being harsh? Well, I guess im just embarking on one of my hardest threads ever.
You fucking prick, here I am exposing my life to you and all you can do is make fun of me?
I will take your advice tomorrow night...maybe it's high time I set up a date with Emely! GG
P.S. Before I die, I also want to see Karma (hint, hint,hint...).
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difference in sex drives
Great post B1G.
I have an older friend of mine in his sixties who still bangs like a rabbit but he told me that after a certain age, men's sex drive also diminishes but not as much as women's. He feels more confident at 60+ years than ever before. But he looks for women in their late thirties, early forties because he feels it is the best age for a woman (best sex too). He hasn't met Lili Love yet!
GG
B1G said:
Great post B1G.
I have an older friend of mine in his sixties who still bangs like a rabbit but he told me that after a certain age, men's sex drive also diminishes but not as much as women's. He feels more confident at 60+ years than ever before. But he looks for women in their late thirties, early forties because he feels it is the best age for a woman (best sex too). He hasn't met Lili Love yet!
GG
Finished reading most of the posts (sorry, some are just toooo long !) .... speaking for myself, I hobby because there is no emotional involvement. I pick up the phone make an appointment et voila ! I'm naked in bed with a pretty girl who will work very hard to please me. How great is that?
Otherwise I would have to work very hard at cheating on my wife. Meet other women, a lot of other women, find time to hook up clandestinely for drinks/meals. Fill her with bull about how great she is & whatever else is required to get into her panties ... ouff!!! too much work for me. Besides, if I want to be turned down, I can get that at home !
my 2c
Frank
By the way, I respect the SPs very much for putting up with us guys. Thanks for being there when we need/want you! There are quite a few great girls out there, take good care of them guys...
How great is that? Otherwise I would have to work very hard at cheating on my wife. Meet other women, a lot of other women, find time to hook up clandestinely for drinks/meals. Fill her with bull about how great she is & whatever else is required to get into her panties ... ouff!!! too much work for me. Besides, if I want to be turned down, I can get that at home
! my 2c
Frank
By the way, I respect the SPs very much for putting up with us guys. Thanks for being there when we need/want you! There are quite a few great girls out there, take good care of them guys...
Autre temps, autres moeurs
Pour ma part, je crois tout simplement que la monogamie ou la polygamie n'est qu'un phénomène culturel.
Comme le mentionné Gee "Ancient Greece had marriage almost only for procreation. the Roman era had it's massive orgies. Polyamori was and is still common in some places " En Chine, au Moyen-Orient, en Afrique. Plus près de nous...il y a les Mormonts,
Tout est culturel. La nourriture est culturelle, la religion, les dickats de beauté corporels, la mort, la musique, la littérature, la pensée philosophique et politique...ainsi que la douleur.
Nous avons vécus, ici en Occident, dans un système de croyance où la monogamie était et demeure encore une valeur relativement récente sur l'échelle de l'Histoire. Ainsi, nous avons grandis dans un système familial et sociétal où l'on apprend que tromper son conjoint ou son épouse est mal, fait mal et ruine un mariage ou une relation. Et nous transmettons, bien malgré nous à nos enfants, cette croyance, via la télévision, les films, les romans, ect...qui eux à leur tour, vont transmettre celle-ci.
L'histoire occidentale du mariage, est parsemée des courants de pensées que seul les hommes avaient le droit de se permettre d'être infidèles. Il en allait de leur "bien-être". Une façon comme une autre de faire disparaître leur "stress". Pour la femme, si elle était pris en faute, lors de ces courants de pensée, elle n'était ni plus ni moins qu'une âme à faire disparaître: elle osait mettre un terme à la certitude d'une paternité...Point de salut hors du mariage...
À d'autres moments de l'Histoire, vers le 17e et 18e siècles, il était sage de faire usage de l'influence de l'amant de sa femme à la cour du roi...qui celui-ci affichait sa maîtresse devant la reine...ou vice-et-versa !
Le mariage d'amour, tel que nous le connaissons est tout récent, il ne date d'un siècle à peine. Avant, il n'avait comme but de renforcer les alliances politique, artistocratique ou encore de finance...l'amour et la fidélité n'était réservé qu'aux amants éperdus..
Autre temps, autres moeurs.
Fidai...
Pour ma part, je crois tout simplement que la monogamie ou la polygamie n'est qu'un phénomène culturel.
Comme le mentionné Gee "Ancient Greece had marriage almost only for procreation. the Roman era had it's massive orgies. Polyamori was and is still common in some places " En Chine, au Moyen-Orient, en Afrique. Plus près de nous...il y a les Mormonts,
Tout est culturel. La nourriture est culturelle, la religion, les dickats de beauté corporels, la mort, la musique, la littérature, la pensée philosophique et politique...ainsi que la douleur.
Nous avons vécus, ici en Occident, dans un système de croyance où la monogamie était et demeure encore une valeur relativement récente sur l'échelle de l'Histoire. Ainsi, nous avons grandis dans un système familial et sociétal où l'on apprend que tromper son conjoint ou son épouse est mal, fait mal et ruine un mariage ou une relation. Et nous transmettons, bien malgré nous à nos enfants, cette croyance, via la télévision, les films, les romans, ect...qui eux à leur tour, vont transmettre celle-ci.
L'histoire occidentale du mariage, est parsemée des courants de pensées que seul les hommes avaient le droit de se permettre d'être infidèles. Il en allait de leur "bien-être". Une façon comme une autre de faire disparaître leur "stress". Pour la femme, si elle était pris en faute, lors de ces courants de pensée, elle n'était ni plus ni moins qu'une âme à faire disparaître: elle osait mettre un terme à la certitude d'une paternité...Point de salut hors du mariage...
À d'autres moments de l'Histoire, vers le 17e et 18e siècles, il était sage de faire usage de l'influence de l'amant de sa femme à la cour du roi...qui celui-ci affichait sa maîtresse devant la reine...ou vice-et-versa !
Le mariage d'amour, tel que nous le connaissons est tout récent, il ne date d'un siècle à peine. Avant, il n'avait comme but de renforcer les alliances politique, artistocratique ou encore de finance...l'amour et la fidélité n'était réservé qu'aux amants éperdus..
Autre temps, autres moeurs.
Fidai...
Are we victims of history?
Fidai,
So are we victims of our historical period? I often wonder how it would feel to grow up during the sixties when the real cultural revolution took place. Our generation seems dead compared to that one. Life is always a struggle between Epicureanism and Asceticism. We might think that the Epicureans were right but there is value in being ascetic. I do not consider monks who devote their life to God and practice celibacy to be losers. I couldn't do it but I admire the inner strength of those who really are pure and help the world's poor. The media only focuses on the priests that molest little boys but we rarely here of the thousand of monks and nuns that do great work around the world.
GG
fidaï said:Autre temps, autres moeurs.
Fidai...
Fidai,
So are we victims of our historical period? I often wonder how it would feel to grow up during the sixties when the real cultural revolution took place. Our generation seems dead compared to that one. Life is always a struggle between Epicureanism and Asceticism. We might think that the Epicureans were right but there is value in being ascetic. I do not consider monks who devote their life to God and practice celibacy to be losers. I couldn't do it but I admire the inner strength of those who really are pure and help the world's poor. The media only focuses on the priests that molest little boys but we rarely here of the thousand of monks and nuns that do great work around the world.
GG
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