Why do nice guys cheat?
- Thread starter General Gonad
- Start date
The sixties,etc.
The above post is somewhat out of whack or extremely incomplete.
The sixties was the first era that was completely mediatised.From the Cuban
Missile Crisis to the Viet Nam War to the JFK and RFK assassinations the media -TV/RADIO/NEWSPAPERS were omni present providing immediacy that did not previously exist - Oswald was killed on live TV.Since the media tends to become the message - apologies to Marshall McLuhan it also tends to exaggerate that which it covers,ergo the sixties
The experimentations with drugs and sex during the sixties have parallels with the roaring twenties but the roaring twenties were covered differently - mainly newspapers,radio and movies in their infancy,no TV.Compare how Babe Ruth was portrayed to how the athletes of the sixties were portrayed.Babe Ruth was idolized despite many flaws while in the sixties the trend was started where the media looked for flaws.Extending to the drug culture the leaders were given a fair amount of media play - Dr.Timothy Leary etc,as were the proponents of the sexual revolution Hugh Hefner(50's personna) etc.
Your last sentence is very puzzling to say the least.Pope John Paul II was
easily the most recognized personality during a twenty-five year period.
Mother Teresa received a tremendous amount of media attention.Here in Montreal "Dans la rue" founded by a priest is very media savy and does great work.
"Our generation seams dead compared to that one.".Are you referring to today or an era when you were growing up? Regardless if one makes an assumption that knowledge is the foundation of pleasure then the present era is significantly ahead of previous generations since we know alot more about all facets of epicurean or hedonistic pursuits.
General Gonad said:
The above post is somewhat out of whack or extremely incomplete.
The sixties was the first era that was completely mediatised.From the Cuban
Missile Crisis to the Viet Nam War to the JFK and RFK assassinations the media -TV/RADIO/NEWSPAPERS were omni present providing immediacy that did not previously exist - Oswald was killed on live TV.Since the media tends to become the message - apologies to Marshall McLuhan it also tends to exaggerate that which it covers,ergo the sixties
The experimentations with drugs and sex during the sixties have parallels with the roaring twenties but the roaring twenties were covered differently - mainly newspapers,radio and movies in their infancy,no TV.Compare how Babe Ruth was portrayed to how the athletes of the sixties were portrayed.Babe Ruth was idolized despite many flaws while in the sixties the trend was started where the media looked for flaws.Extending to the drug culture the leaders were given a fair amount of media play - Dr.Timothy Leary etc,as were the proponents of the sexual revolution Hugh Hefner(50's personna) etc.
Your last sentence is very puzzling to say the least.Pope John Paul II was
easily the most recognized personality during a twenty-five year period.
Mother Teresa received a tremendous amount of media attention.Here in Montreal "Dans la rue" founded by a priest is very media savy and does great work.
"Our generation seams dead compared to that one.".Are you referring to today or an era when you were growing up? Regardless if one makes an assumption that knowledge is the foundation of pleasure then the present era is significantly ahead of previous generations since we know alot more about all facets of epicurean or hedonistic pursuits.
eastender said:
eastender,
I disagree but have no time to reply. I will leave it to others to ponder...
GG
to General Gonad
Je ne sais si nous sommes victime de l'histoire ou de l'époque. Peut-être que oui.
Mais ce que je sais est que l'histoire du mariage me fait énormement réfléchir.
Pourquoi hier et pourquoi cet interdit aujourd'hui.
Et que ce tabou, cet interdit provoque bien des drames qui ne n'en sont pas.
Dans ma vie de courtisane, j'ai tenue dans mes bras quelques amants éphémères mariés, qui cherchaient ce quelquechose qu'ils n'obtenaient pas auprès de leurs douces moitiés. De bon père de famille, d'hommes d'affaires heureux en ménage, mais voulant ce petit piquant dans leur vie. Franchir ce tabou..
Le fameux syndrôme de la maman vs putain. Syndrôme mythique depuis le début des temps...Syndrôme millénaire qui fait dicter les actes ce que jepeux faire avec elle et ce que je ne peux pas faire avec l'autre.
Voilà quelques années, de celle où ma vie de courtisane n'existait pas, j'ai reçue les confidences de mes copines qui n'étaient pas heureuse avec leur conjoint. Leurs relations manquaient ce quelquechose de passionnel, cet élèment qui nous fait dire que nous sommes encore désirable, quand le conjoint prend pour acquis l'Autre... Moi aussi je vivais cet état malheureux..
Lorsque j'étais avec mon conjoint, une fois j'ai craquée pour un autre homme. Ce fut lors d'un séminaire, en dehors des frontières. Aucun risque. Et pourtant, cette relation n'était pas contre mon ex-conjoint, bien au contraire. Je l'aimais, il était l'élu de mon coeur, de ma tête et de mon corps. Mais cet autre homme, m'offrait ce que nul ne m'avait offert. Un uniforme, cet accent étrangé, une danse lascive dans un climat officiel de fin de séminaire, des paroles. Bref...il répondait à l'un de mes fantasmes !
Mais je n'ai pu discuter de cet état de grâce, une fois arrivé chez-moi, avec mon conjoint. Il n'aurait rien compris de cela. Il aurait eu peur. Peur de quoi ? Peur que je le quitte. Peur que j'aille le rejoindre, lui, cet autre, cet intrus.
Et pourtant ce n'étais pas le cas.
Des années plus tard, cette aventure a refais surface...quand lui a eu des aventures...Tiens, c'étais de donnant-donnant...désir de vengeance. tu l'as fait, je n'ai pu confiance en toi, alors je fais ce tu as fait..
Et pourtant cela nous aurais éviter bien des douleurs, bien des remises en questions inutiles, si honnêtement nous nous aurions livrées nos moindres désirs, confidences, nos craintes, nos fantasmes mutuels, notre désarrois face à notre vie intime, nos peurs d'assouvir nos fantasmes ensemble lui et moi. Peur que l'autre, cet autre qui partage notre vie au quotidien, nous porte un regard emplis de jugement...
Si nous nous serions parlés ainsi, je ne crois pas que nous nous aurions séparés..
Mais oui, je crois à l'amour, au désir de l'autre. Mais je ne crois plus qu'une seule personne puisse répondre à tout nos besoins tout le long de notre vie...
Fidai...
Je ne sais si nous sommes victime de l'histoire ou de l'époque. Peut-être que oui.
Mais ce que je sais est que l'histoire du mariage me fait énormement réfléchir.
Pourquoi hier et pourquoi cet interdit aujourd'hui.
Et que ce tabou, cet interdit provoque bien des drames qui ne n'en sont pas.
Dans ma vie de courtisane, j'ai tenue dans mes bras quelques amants éphémères mariés, qui cherchaient ce quelquechose qu'ils n'obtenaient pas auprès de leurs douces moitiés. De bon père de famille, d'hommes d'affaires heureux en ménage, mais voulant ce petit piquant dans leur vie. Franchir ce tabou..
Le fameux syndrôme de la maman vs putain. Syndrôme mythique depuis le début des temps...Syndrôme millénaire qui fait dicter les actes ce que jepeux faire avec elle et ce que je ne peux pas faire avec l'autre.
Voilà quelques années, de celle où ma vie de courtisane n'existait pas, j'ai reçue les confidences de mes copines qui n'étaient pas heureuse avec leur conjoint. Leurs relations manquaient ce quelquechose de passionnel, cet élèment qui nous fait dire que nous sommes encore désirable, quand le conjoint prend pour acquis l'Autre... Moi aussi je vivais cet état malheureux..
Lorsque j'étais avec mon conjoint, une fois j'ai craquée pour un autre homme. Ce fut lors d'un séminaire, en dehors des frontières. Aucun risque. Et pourtant, cette relation n'était pas contre mon ex-conjoint, bien au contraire. Je l'aimais, il était l'élu de mon coeur, de ma tête et de mon corps. Mais cet autre homme, m'offrait ce que nul ne m'avait offert. Un uniforme, cet accent étrangé, une danse lascive dans un climat officiel de fin de séminaire, des paroles. Bref...il répondait à l'un de mes fantasmes !
Mais je n'ai pu discuter de cet état de grâce, une fois arrivé chez-moi, avec mon conjoint. Il n'aurait rien compris de cela. Il aurait eu peur. Peur de quoi ? Peur que je le quitte. Peur que j'aille le rejoindre, lui, cet autre, cet intrus.
Et pourtant ce n'étais pas le cas.
Des années plus tard, cette aventure a refais surface...quand lui a eu des aventures...Tiens, c'étais de donnant-donnant...désir de vengeance. tu l'as fait, je n'ai pu confiance en toi, alors je fais ce tu as fait..
Et pourtant cela nous aurais éviter bien des douleurs, bien des remises en questions inutiles, si honnêtement nous nous aurions livrées nos moindres désirs, confidences, nos craintes, nos fantasmes mutuels, notre désarrois face à notre vie intime, nos peurs d'assouvir nos fantasmes ensemble lui et moi. Peur que l'autre, cet autre qui partage notre vie au quotidien, nous porte un regard emplis de jugement...
Si nous nous serions parlés ainsi, je ne crois pas que nous nous aurions séparés..
Mais oui, je crois à l'amour, au désir de l'autre. Mais je ne crois plus qu'une seule personne puisse répondre à tout nos besoins tout le long de notre vie...
Fidai...
Sad but true
Just to chime in for the "recovering divorcee" demographic, I would say that many of us "nice guys" cheated because after we had kids our penises still worked but our formerly passionate wives no longer had a use for them. To make this abundantly clear to me, my ex did everything she could to make herself unattractive, including gaining thirty pounds, cutting her hair short, wearing clothes from LL Bean, and other horrific shows of a blatant desire for menopause to set in. I even wondered if she was becoming a lesbian, which I could have lived with as long as I could watch, but she didn't seem to like women either.
When I finally stooped to grovelling for five minutes of relief, she would lay uninterested, motionless, and silent other than to ask if I was done yet. At this point I finally came to grips with my fate and realized that I had a clear choice to make. This wasn't the way I had envisioned marriage but I no longer knew this woman on any kind of intimate level and that made me terribly lonely. I personally wasn't ready for an involuntary life of celibacy so I bailed, on her, NOT my kids.
I'm still recovering and one of the first things I ask women I date is if they have kids. If they do I ask them if intimacy is important to them or if they have just sacrificed it for the sake of their children. If they even give me the slightest notion that they are they type that forsakes romance I politely end the relationship immediately. Never again will I waste my time with someone who doesn't feel a need for a warm, loving, passionate, and yes, sexual, relationship.
Just to chime in for the "recovering divorcee" demographic, I would say that many of us "nice guys" cheated because after we had kids our penises still worked but our formerly passionate wives no longer had a use for them. To make this abundantly clear to me, my ex did everything she could to make herself unattractive, including gaining thirty pounds, cutting her hair short, wearing clothes from LL Bean, and other horrific shows of a blatant desire for menopause to set in. I even wondered if she was becoming a lesbian, which I could have lived with as long as I could watch, but she didn't seem to like women either.
When I finally stooped to grovelling for five minutes of relief, she would lay uninterested, motionless, and silent other than to ask if I was done yet. At this point I finally came to grips with my fate and realized that I had a clear choice to make. This wasn't the way I had envisioned marriage but I no longer knew this woman on any kind of intimate level and that made me terribly lonely. I personally wasn't ready for an involuntary life of celibacy so I bailed, on her, NOT my kids.
I'm still recovering and one of the first things I ask women I date is if they have kids. If they do I ask them if intimacy is important to them or if they have just sacrificed it for the sake of their children. If they even give me the slightest notion that they are they type that forsakes romance I politely end the relationship immediately. Never again will I waste my time with someone who doesn't feel a need for a warm, loving, passionate, and yes, sexual, relationship.
btyger said:Damn, HA, that sucks. My wife at least remained attractive and (somewhat) interested in sex. We grew apart after our son was born, though. We both gave him everything, leaving nothing for each other.
This brings me to my next point. Dropped my son off with my wife the other day. She tells me that not only did she miss him, but she misses me...terribly. She wants to come back. I suspect she's seen what's out there, and doesn't like the menu. She's 27 and attractive, but you know how it is...as a man approaches middle age, his options increase. As a woman approaches middle age her chances of remarrying are about the same as her chances of drowning in the desert. On top of that, since I hit rock bottom, I've rebounded and she finds me more attractive.
I know I should be happy.
I've been in a freefall since she left. I've hobbied to the extent that it's become self-destructive. I've become emotionally attached to an SP. I knew that couldn't end well.
I should be thrilled, right? Even if I don't love her passionately, we get along now...I should thank my lucky stars. Shouldn't I? I'd get to see my son every day. It would be better for him. It would be better for me financially to avoid divorce. I have felt lonely and empty at times since she left. Everything would be so much easier...so why am I hesitant?
What the fuck is the matter with me?
I don't know if I can stop hobbying. If I do go back to her, Montreal will be off limits...permanently. No more Alexia, Gisele, Kiki, Katryna, etc. Even if I stop hobbying, I'll crave numerous sexual relationships. I know I'm a selfish prick for thinking this way...if nothing else, I should reconcile for the sake of my son, right?
I'd be bored, I know. As scary as the dating scene can be when you've been in a long term relationship, it's exciting. I'm young and fairly good looking. I can't say I have a good head on my shoulders...
But then, it would be so much more comfortable to go back with her. Easy. Safe. But I don't want to go back just to have the marriage fail in a few years.
I'm not sure why I'm posting this here, as little can be gained. I guess it's because I can't sleep, but can't call anyone at this hour
Friends tell me they hope everything works out for the best. I don't know what the 'best' thing is. In theory it's to reconcile, but what if I fail?
I'm wondering if there's anyone out there who succesfully quit hobbying...and if so, how hard was it? My family is important to me, but so is sex...
Plus, I don't want to damage the Montreal economy by quitting. People are counting on me
You said, ''After we had a baby we gave him everything leaving us nothing for each other''
You and your wife became parantes and forgot to remain friends and make time for you both as lovers.
Find a babysitter for the baby and take her out.
Began dating her again.
Write her poetry.
Write a sexy script where you both are the only characters. Do that often.
Do meditation and write all her qualities every day in the morning and before you go to sleep.
As I told you you need more focus.
Actualise some of your intelelctual or artistic dreams, and then sex will not matter as much, your senses and mind will be busy making you more interesting to hang out with.
She gave you the most beautiful thing in your life now celebrate her.
Take a massage course and learn to care more for her and the baby.
If I had a kid with someone that is what I would do.
My theory is this: Love does not end it changes it forms.
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some replies...
>>HonestAbe, I feel for you. A woman who let's herself go after she has kids and rarely has sex with you is giving you the green light to wander elsewhere. It's like "ok we had the kids now I see no need to engage in sex with you; you are of limited use to me now."
>>btyger,
I think it's normal that you have ambivalent feelings about going back to your wife. But do not go back with her just because of your son. This would be a terrible mistake. I would tell her that you need to reflect a little more. I would try taking her on a date, romancing her and trying to have fun with her. Try discovering her again. What attracted you to her initially? Is it still there?
As far as SPs filling your emotional needs, we have explored this issue ad nauseum. It will not happen. I had an amazing encounter with Emely last night and I would date this babe in a second not because she's gorgeous but because she has a great personality. She made an impression on me. But like I told her, this is fantasy and while I enjoy it, I know that it comes to an end and we both move on to our separate lives. That is just the brutal truth. It doesn't mean that I will not be glad to meet her again but I will not meet her or anyone else continuously to fill an emotional void.
Gentlemen, we have sex drives but we also have souls to nurture. Do not confuse one for the other. As we grow older, we become less fixated with sex and begin to value other things in a relationship.
GG
>>HonestAbe, I feel for you. A woman who let's herself go after she has kids and rarely has sex with you is giving you the green light to wander elsewhere. It's like "ok we had the kids now I see no need to engage in sex with you; you are of limited use to me now."
>>btyger,
I think it's normal that you have ambivalent feelings about going back to your wife. But do not go back with her just because of your son. This would be a terrible mistake. I would tell her that you need to reflect a little more. I would try taking her on a date, romancing her and trying to have fun with her. Try discovering her again. What attracted you to her initially? Is it still there?
As far as SPs filling your emotional needs, we have explored this issue ad nauseum. It will not happen. I had an amazing encounter with Emely last night and I would date this babe in a second not because she's gorgeous but because she has a great personality. She made an impression on me. But like I told her, this is fantasy and while I enjoy it, I know that it comes to an end and we both move on to our separate lives. That is just the brutal truth. It doesn't mean that I will not be glad to meet her again but I will not meet her or anyone else continuously to fill an emotional void.
Gentlemen, we have sex drives but we also have souls to nurture. Do not confuse one for the other. As we grow older, we become less fixated with sex and begin to value other things in a relationship.
GG
Julianna>>> Nicely put.
btyger>>>Might I suggest something I already reccomended in a nother thread... talk to a therapist. They are trained to help you sort out your feelings, gain perspective, learn new coping skills and in general hel you figure out what is best for you.
Has what drove you and your wife apart realy changed? If it was a problem, what will happen when you find your self experiencing the same problem again?
I do believe the relationship is salvageable if you are both ready to work at it but this might require some couple counseling to learn new strategies and skills to get through the rough, painful times. When it is good, it is easy, in time of stress, that is when a relationship gets put through the test.
Ronnie,
Naughtylady
btyger>>>Might I suggest something I already reccomended in a nother thread... talk to a therapist. They are trained to help you sort out your feelings, gain perspective, learn new coping skills and in general hel you figure out what is best for you.
Has what drove you and your wife apart realy changed? If it was a problem, what will happen when you find your self experiencing the same problem again?
I do believe the relationship is salvageable if you are both ready to work at it but this might require some couple counseling to learn new strategies and skills to get through the rough, painful times. When it is good, it is easy, in time of stress, that is when a relationship gets put through the test.
Ronnie,
Naughtylady
Btyger and NaughtyLady
NaughtyLady You are allways great !
Btyger, Sexual desire in the female body can be easily increased with a combination of things.
I truly believe that the female body is far more sexually powerfull then the male body, I desagree when you guys say that female sexuality dies earlier, only if you are a horrible lover, and unfortunately lots of guys are self absorbed and gives nothing. But here is my recipe to increase your wife's desire.
Self masturbation
Reading erotic stories ( do it together or apart )
Learn about PC muscles and practice everyday, dont forget to also give your muscles a break. ( this is far one of the best strategy to make you and your wife multiple orgasmic, and have control of orgasms as well, that is what I do If I know I know I will meet someone who might give me lots of great sex, unfortunately great lovers are not that easy to find )
Explore Sexuall fantasies: Sexual desire is between the ears. A guy can make me sooooooooooo wet if he began exploring sexual fantasies I might be in to it, by just sharing it with me.
[/B%
NaughtyLady You are allways great !
Btyger, Sexual desire in the female body can be easily increased with a combination of things.
I truly believe that the female body is far more sexually powerfull then the male body, I desagree when you guys say that female sexuality dies earlier, only if you are a horrible lover, and unfortunately lots of guys are self absorbed and gives nothing. But here is my recipe to increase your wife's desire.
Self masturbation
Reading erotic stories ( do it together or apart )
Learn about PC muscles and practice everyday, dont forget to also give your muscles a break. ( this is far one of the best strategy to make you and your wife multiple orgasmic, and have control of orgasms as well, that is what I do If I know I know I will meet someone who might give me lots of great sex, unfortunately great lovers are not that easy to find )
Explore Sexuall fantasies: Sexual desire is between the ears. A guy can make me sooooooooooo wet if he began exploring sexual fantasies I might be in to it, by just sharing it with me.
[/B%
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Pain no never, pleasure and fun yeah !!!!!!!
ChefPlus my sweet, I said that I am a vanilla SM chick, and Vanilla means sex without pain or restrain.
SM means role playing, consesual exchange of power, and exploring sexual fantasies, and adopting fantasies roles !
ChefPlus darling I despise pain too, I just want pleasure and sexual excitement to go up and up till I explode !
ChefPlus my sweet, I said that I am a vanilla SM chick, and Vanilla means sex without pain or restrain.
SM means role playing, consesual exchange of power, and exploring sexual fantasies, and adopting fantasies roles !
ChefPlus darling I despise pain too, I just want pleasure and sexual excitement to go up and up till I explode
!I totally agree with you....
A woman can learn to enjoy sex in many different ways. (She can have different types of orgasmes) I'm no expert but I guess the excercises you mension could help a women to learn how to enjoy sex more. As for us guys we only have one out-come to a good rump.
But my point in an earlier post in this thread was that the woman has a choice. If she does not want to learn how to enjoy sex more, nothing in her system push's her to. As for us guys there is something more then the pleasure, there is a physical need too. When we try to ignore this need we go out of our minds. lol. Believe me I tried !!
Juliana said:
A woman can learn to enjoy sex in many different ways. (She can have different types of orgasmes) I'm no expert but I guess the excercises you mension could help a women to learn how to enjoy sex more. As for us guys we only have one out-come to a good rump.
But my point in an earlier post in this thread was that the woman has a choice. If she does not want to learn how to enjoy sex more, nothing in her system push's her to. As for us guys there is something more then the pleasure, there is a physical need too. When we try to ignore this need we go out of our minds. lol. Believe me I tried !!
Bringing out the soft side of a man
Btyger,
I used to allow myself to think that way too. Its a self blaming syndrome commonly seen amongst victims of crimes. Now I'm not comparing myself to a victim of a rape here but the mentality of such thought is the same. Many people look to blame themselves when something doesn't go right. However, the fact that a man has a penis that works and a natural desire to use it is not something that any of us should be made to feel guilty about.
Anyone who enters into a relationship does so with the knowledge that both parties have "responsibilities" that need to be taken care of. If those responsibilites are not seen to then the other party has the right to end the relationship. Obviously there are a lot of variables in every different situation as far as what is reasonable to expect from your partner. I think a healthy sexual relationship between a man and a woman is a must personally.
If sexual responsibilities are not seen to by the woman then she should not be surprised if he fulfills his needs elsewhere. At first this may seem harsh and I'm sure there are plenty of women who loathe this sort of logical argument, but that doesn't make it any less true. Entering into the marriage she should be well aware of what his expectations are and in addition to that she should do a little research on men in general.
We have a sex drive for a reason and women should be happy for that because if we didn't want to reproduce so damn bad there would be millions of biological clocks going off with no one to turn them off. The interesting issue is that more women than I care to count seem to like to complain about how non emotional or insensitive men are. However they seem to have a hard time figuring out that if they want a man to be sensitive and emotional then the best way to do that is to keep him as satiated as possible and spend as much time sharing pillow talk as they can.
Guys seem to have an easier time opening up to a woman emotionally during the afterglo of a great sexual session which has relieved him of all his built up sexual tension. Invariably men will be more sensitive to a womans needs if she takes care of his. Its quite simply a two way street. If you care to be more complex about it then consider this. Research indicates that men who share more "intimate" time with their significant other tend to stay in relationships and feel happier about them. They all tend to describe a relationship that has open lines of communication coupled with a desire to see to the others needs. In short they are 'in tune' with each other. So a good sex life is like an anti-oxidant for divorce.
This "phenomenon" is widely viewed as a genetic trait passed down generation after generation. The reason is that it helps insure that our species will continue to repopulate itself by making men feel a special bond to a woman who sees after his sexual desires. This in turn makes him more likely to stay around too look after her and their offspring. Cut to present day. Problem is that too many women have gotten confused over the popular image of independence from male domination and as a result are viewing men as unnecessary other than as sperm donors and they even have anonymous donors at sperm "banks" for those who refuse to have sexual relations with the FATHER of a child they so desperately want to bare. Its just so much easier to cut us out of the picture so they can concentrate on what THEY want. To me its just plain selfishness carried to an extreme.
btyger said:
Btyger,
I used to allow myself to think that way too. Its a self blaming syndrome commonly seen amongst victims of crimes. Now I'm not comparing myself to a victim of a rape here but the mentality of such thought is the same. Many people look to blame themselves when something doesn't go right. However, the fact that a man has a penis that works and a natural desire to use it is not something that any of us should be made to feel guilty about.
Anyone who enters into a relationship does so with the knowledge that both parties have "responsibilities" that need to be taken care of. If those responsibilites are not seen to then the other party has the right to end the relationship. Obviously there are a lot of variables in every different situation as far as what is reasonable to expect from your partner. I think a healthy sexual relationship between a man and a woman is a must personally.
If sexual responsibilities are not seen to by the woman then she should not be surprised if he fulfills his needs elsewhere. At first this may seem harsh and I'm sure there are plenty of women who loathe this sort of logical argument, but that doesn't make it any less true. Entering into the marriage she should be well aware of what his expectations are and in addition to that she should do a little research on men in general.
We have a sex drive for a reason and women should be happy for that because if we didn't want to reproduce so damn bad there would be millions of biological clocks going off with no one to turn them off. The interesting issue is that more women than I care to count seem to like to complain about how non emotional or insensitive men are. However they seem to have a hard time figuring out that if they want a man to be sensitive and emotional then the best way to do that is to keep him as satiated as possible and spend as much time sharing pillow talk as they can.
Guys seem to have an easier time opening up to a woman emotionally during the afterglo of a great sexual session which has relieved him of all his built up sexual tension. Invariably men will be more sensitive to a womans needs if she takes care of his. Its quite simply a two way street. If you care to be more complex about it then consider this. Research indicates that men who share more "intimate" time with their significant other tend to stay in relationships and feel happier about them. They all tend to describe a relationship that has open lines of communication coupled with a desire to see to the others needs. In short they are 'in tune' with each other. So a good sex life is like an anti-oxidant for divorce.
This "phenomenon" is widely viewed as a genetic trait passed down generation after generation. The reason is that it helps insure that our species will continue to repopulate itself by making men feel a special bond to a woman who sees after his sexual desires. This in turn makes him more likely to stay around too look after her and their offspring. Cut to present day. Problem is that too many women have gotten confused over the popular image of independence from male domination and as a result are viewing men as unnecessary other than as sperm donors and they even have anonymous donors at sperm "banks" for those who refuse to have sexual relations with the FATHER of a child they so desperately want to bare. Its just so much easier to cut us out of the picture so they can concentrate on what THEY want. To me its just plain selfishness carried to an extreme.
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btyger>>> I am glad to hear that you are going to get some help in sorting out your feelings. Getting back together with your EX will most likely not work if nothing has changed regarding what drove you apart in the first place.
Ronnie,
Naughtylady
Ronnie,
Naughtylady
Big you are absolutely right !
You are absolutely right, having sexual esctasy is a personal action and decision, ( a woman has to decide if she wants to have a great sex life and do her personal home work )
At one point in my life I thought sex was not for me, that I was asexual, then I thought, no I dont want to miss all of the satisfaction from this possibility in my body. Then I began reading all could about sex and how to make myself sexual and good sex better. Then I as I explore more and my sexual confidence increased I found out that good sex is like knowledge the more you have the more you want.
My conclusion is no men can make a women come, either she knows already what works for her ( that is why it is better to allow her to inform you of the DOs and DONTs, about her sexual pleasure ) because she has personal practice with her own sexual self, or she does not.And that if she does the best you can do is to be accomodating, a good listener and follow her instructions carefully, there is if you trully care about pleasing her.
B1G you are so right about this:B1G said:
You are absolutely right, having sexual esctasy is a personal action and decision, ( a woman has to decide if she wants to have a great sex life and do her personal home work )
At one point in my life I thought sex was not for me, that I was asexual, then I thought, no I dont want to miss all of the satisfaction from this possibility in my body. Then I began reading all could about sex and how to make myself sexual and good sex better. Then I as I explore more and my sexual confidence increased I found out that good sex is like knowledge the more you have the more you want.
My conclusion is no men can make a women come, either she knows already what works for her ( that is why it is better to allow her to inform you of the DOs and DONTs, about her sexual pleasure ) because she has personal practice with her own sexual self, or she does not.And that if she does the best you can do is to be accomodating, a good listener and follow her instructions carefully, there is if you trully care about pleasing her.
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chefplus said:Juliana: there is a hole in your theory....let's say that the man is very sensitive to non-verbal feedback from the woman (he observes her body's reactions) and of course, he is able to touch parts of her body that she cannot reach herself comfortably, and she then relaxes completely and lets him explore (remember he is sensitive to her reactions)...he has the potential to make her discover her own body in ways she was not aware of. This beats her giving him specific directions such as "One inch to the left, then make a sharp right
ChefPlus it is interesting your sensibility, because the first time I had sexual fun, I had not clue about how to enjoy myself sexually but I was with the most sesitive and caring and loving guy, so he just kept on arousing and pleasuring me to the point that for the fist time I had fun with my sexual self.
So you are soooooooooo right ! That is because you are observing and you care, it takes some emotional intelligence to have this awareness. You are great !
Juliana, what you are interested in is D/s not S&M
S&M is Sadism and Masochism, Giving and recieving pain wether it is light or hard is always up to the two people playing.
D/s is Domination and submission, to let go and give the other your full trust so that he/she can have (semi)complete control over you.
The restraints add to the feeling of empowerment/helplessness, that's why it is often linked to it. A well executed restraint can be a turn-on for both, especialy if there is tease and release done afterwards. It is one of the things I would love to learn at one point.
You also have BDSM which is the amalgamation of all that.
S&M is Sadism and Masochism, Giving and recieving pain wether it is light or hard is always up to the two people playing.
D/s is Domination and submission, to let go and give the other your full trust so that he/she can have (semi)complete control over you.
The restraints add to the feeling of empowerment/helplessness, that's why it is often linked to it. A well executed restraint can be a turn-on for both, especialy if there is tease and release done afterwards. It is one of the things I would love to learn at one point.
You also have BDSM which is the amalgamation of all that.
Juliana said:
What you are saying here is the more you explore yourself sexually, the more you enjoy sex. And the more you enjoy sex the more you want it.
My question to you is, how strong is that need?
Let's say you are truly in love with a man. You have children with him, a home... the whole kit. Suddenly some day you realize you are have less and less sex together. You talk to him and he says he hasn't really noticed and that it must be because of stress at work. Then he tells you not to over react. Would your 'want' (need) for sex be strong enough for you to jeopardize what you have with him by paying a male escort? Would you go as far as do research on a board like MERB to find the perfect BFE?
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