Approaching women

[CLOUD 500]

“The sting of rejection is way better than the pain of regret.”

I strongly disagree. Nothing worse then rejection, it is very embarassing. I rather not do anything. I cannot handle rejection.

 

[sweetlivia]

Hmm, I would not go into workplace harassment.

On the topic of rejection, we will have a new generation of sexless teenagers. The reason is porn as porn gives instant dopamine hits and zero rejection. Before the Internet, you have to work just to see sex. And porn magazines, and apparently you have to rewind stuff to watch porn.

Now you are faced with a menu for every need and body types and acts. So, men are getting so rewarded. Then comes the dating apps that make them believe it’s the same choice system to only have no match.

I agree that the dating procedures are complicated. Is this love-bombing my friend asked. Was his intention to have sex tonight or just to meet, asks another.

 

[maymay]

Hmm, I would not go into workplace harassment.

On the topic of rejection, we will have a new generation of sexless teenagers. The reason is porn as porn gives instant dopamine hits and zero rejection. Before the Internet, you have to work just to see sex. And porn magazines, and apparently you have to rewind stuff to watch porn.

Now you are faced with a menu for every need and body types and acts. So, men are getting so rewarded. Then comes the dating apps that make them believe it’s the same choice system to only have no match.

I agree that the dating procedures are complicated. Is this love-bombing my friend asked. Was his intention to have sex tonight or just to meet, asks another.

Men are walking away and tired of the dating scene. (this is not to say that some men are not idiots), but its gotten so complicated. A women gives you attention and is interested, and yet she as other options, if she as Facebook, Instagram, is online dating apps you can bet any amount of money you are not the only one she is chatting with.

A women at work was looking at me, giving me all the vibes, long glance, eye contact, smile touch. Being out of the market for a while I lost my touch, and i wanted too long to ask her out (job=bad idea i know) and now we are talking on Facebook guess what, she met another guy, she was talking to about 5 guys at the same time. Of course seeing this was a bit frustrating for me, I did dodge a bullet, but even then.

When you talk to a 45 year old women who has 3 adult kids, got full of tattoos and is partying hard with her 2 other 40 something friend, then she tells you she wants a real relationship but me having no tattoos is a deal breaker, its a what the fuck thing right.

Of you meet those older women who act like princess and prizes to be won, you go on the date to meet them and get to know them and all they do is brag about how they are in demand and men want them.

Get insulted, ghosted, and more. I understand why young men stop chasing women, unless you are really good lucky and even then good luck dating in the world today.

This as nothing to do with porn, young men today have low testosterone levels and are simply not interested in sex, they rather stay home and play online video games with there friends then go out and have fun and meet women like we did in our younger years, but still every club and place i went younger is now closed.

 

[RayaMaven]

It's interesting to read how rejection is so painful for some people. It feels like the woman you are trying to approach is no longer a human being. Her humanity is not being acknowledged, the sole focus is the outcome and the circumstances aren't considered. Is it possible nowadays to approach someone and connect over something else than looks (even if that's what caught your attention)

Secondly, can someone explain why it's an issue if women are talking to multiple people at the same time? How does that change the quality of your interactions with her if you are an interesting guy? Isn't she naturally going to drop her other boring conversations to keep talking to you?

 

[David Sel et Poivre]

There was a time in my life where I thought I was addicted to sex:
Always aroused
Always looking for release
Always chasing bodies and calling it “preference”

But the truth is:
I wasn’t addicted to sex
I was starving for love
Craving connection
Thirsting for the feminine energy I never received in wholeness

So I used sex to fill the emotional hunger I refused to face
I used women to distract me from the boy inside me still waiting to be held

And what hurt most is
They thought I was with them because I desired them
But in reality, I was using them to numb the ache of being emotionally unfed

Every orgasm was a cry for closeness
Every hookup was me begging God for healing
Every drained moment was a reminder that I still hadn’t met myself

MOST MEN AREN’T HORNY , THEY’RE HOLLOW:

What looks like arousal
Is often just emotional emptiness that hasn’t been named
Most men aren’t chasing sex
They’re chasing the version of themselves they never got to become

They think they want a woman’s body
But what they truly crave is feminine nurture, trust, softness, and surrender
And because they’ve never learned to identify those needs
They reduce their cravings to lust

And the tragedy
Is that the more they chase sex
The further they drift from what they actually need
They never experience intimacy
Because they’ve confused intensity with connection

And every time they ejaculate without love
They bury the boy deeper
And crown the addict louder

Until they’re a grown man with a broken nervous system
Unable to sit still
Unable to love
Unable to lead
And convinced that pleasure is the only path to peace

But real peace doesn’t come from sex
It comes from the mastery of it

Now I don’t chase pleasure
I cultivate presence
I don’t touch a woman to be filled
I touch her because I’m already overflowing

Now I love slowly
Now I lead consciously
Now I’m aroused by her submission
Not her curves
Her devotion
Not her cleavage

Now sex isn’t where I go to hide
It’s where I go to worship
It’s not where I lose myself
It’s where I return to God with her

I no longer beg for closeness through orgasm
I create it through mastery
I no longer consume women to feel powerful
I protect them because I already am

YOU DESERVE TO BE A MAN WHO MAKES LOVE WITH HIS ENERGY, NOT HIS WOUNDS

YOU DESERVE TO BE A MAN WHO’S TURNED ON BY WHAT’S REAL

YOU DESERVE TO BE A MAN WHO IS NO LONGER A SLAVE TO HIS UNMET NEEDS

 

[RayaMaven]

Its a numbers game, like i said today if you have a Facebook account Instagram, text you are pretty sure that the women you are talking to as other options. Like I said that women at my job gave me all the signs but I found out she was talking to other men aside from me.

I might be the problem here too since when I am interested in one women I don't go after 5 or 6 on the side I concentrate on her and her alone. And who says she has boring conversations with the other guys maybe they are all good at texting etc. This is why men walk away from dating, too much game, too many do this but don't do that, at some point you get discourage and you said fkit i am out of here.

I still don't understand why it's a problem and considered playing games.

I understand the part of people having physical preferences, but lets say a woman is talking to 5-6 guys who look exactly like who she wants to be with, she still needs to talk to them to find out if the vibe is good and if she likes them and access enough situations with them to know if she can deal with someone like this.
How does it change anything for you what she does when she is chatting with other people as well. She is getting to know you and other people. Sooner or later, she will find out which person she relates to the most. Isn't it more efficient to talk to 5 guys at the same time, go on a few dates with them, have a feel at how the vibe is and pick the most compatible one. The process would have been the same (but much longer) if she was going one by one. Imagine 1 month talking to one and then she finds out she doesn't like him, second guy takes 3 weeks to show things she doesn't like and finally after 3 months she sees that the flaws of the 3rd guy is something she can deal with. Thats a total of almost 5 months, she could have instead be talking to all the dudes simultaneously and after 3 months stuck with the 3rd guy since she likes him best.

To me it really is more about efficiency and how can I best use my time to find the one guy I am most interested in. A lot of dude disqualify themselves pretty quickly. And I hope that men are confident enough in their skills and charisma. And on the other side, it's also ok if things don't work out, we can't be compatible with everyone.

A friend of mine admitted that he liked when a woman focussed on him only from the start because he was jealous of the capacity of women to entertain multiple guys while he could not, simply because he did not have the mental capacity to focus on the girls and he did not have the funds to take them all out.

 

[RayaMaven]

MOST MEN AREN’T HORNY , THEY’RE HOLLOW:

Is often just emotional emptiness that hasn’t been named
They’re chasing the version of themselves they never got to become

trust, softness, and surrender
And because they’ve never learned to identify those needs
They reduce their cravings to lust

And the tragedy
Is that the more they chase sex
The further they drift from what they actually need
They never experience intimacy
Because they’ve confused intensity with connection

I don't know if you will agree. But I also think that these things some men are lacking: Emotional Emptiness, Trust, Softness, Surrender, Intimacy

They’re absences. And what’s striking is that so many of these needs could be fulfilled… through friendship. Especially with other men.

But somewhere between ego and expectation, that possibility gets shut down.
Is it fear of being seen as weak? As gay? As less-than?
Whatever it is, it’s costly.

Because imagine how freeing it would be not to place every deep emotional need on the shoulders of one poor woman who is just trying to figure out which dude would make a good partner.
Imagine having brothers you could be soft with. Open with. Held by.

Many women, myself included, know what it means to be carried by deep friendships.
We don’t ask one lover to be everything. We scatter our needs across safe harbours. And that makes us feel whole without a relationship. Helps not be bitter after every rejection.

So why is it so rare to see men do the same?

I’m not talking about the friend who’ll bury a body for you.
I’m talking about the one you can unzip your chest for. experience vulnerability with.
The one who simply says, “You’re safe with me.” "It's ok that you don't have all the answers right now"

That kind of intimacy isn’t weakness. It’s strength with its armour down.
And I wonder… how many men wished they could talk about more than sports, women and money, and dive into their feelings with fellow men as supports.

 

[StephenHarper]

I also work 40 hours per week on construction site so women are pretty rare over there. It affects my mood being around nic addict workers all week long

I feel you. Same thing in my industry. A woman would walk in and everyone get surprised and then they're start to ask each other if she's lost or what. After that, they would daydream about her 'til the end of the day (even for days in some cases). Pheromones I guess... and being surrounded by singles guys too!

 

[Jacobisrael]

I don't know if you will agree. But I also think that these things some men are lacking: Emotional Emptiness, Trust, Softness, Surrender, Intimacy

They’re absences. And what’s striking is that so many of these needs could be fulfilled… through friendship. Especially with other men.

But somewhere between ego and expectation, that possibility gets shut down.
Is it fear of being seen as weak? As gay? As less-than?
Whatever it is, it’s costly.

Because imagine how freeing it would be not to place every deep emotional need on the shoulders of one poor woman who is just trying to figure out which dude would make a good partner.
Imagine having brothers you could be soft with. Open with. Held by.

Many women, myself included, know what it means to be carried by deep friendships.
We don’t ask one lover to be everything. We scatter our needs across safe harbours. And that makes us feel whole without a relationship. Helps not be bitter after every rejection.

So why is it so rare to see men do the same?

I’m not talking about the friend who’ll bury a body for you.
I’m talking about the one you can unzip your chest for. experience vulnerability with.
The one who simply says, “You’re safe with me.” "It's ok that you don't have all the answers right now"

That kind of intimacy isn’t weakness. It’s strength with its armour down.
And I wonder… how many men wished they could talk about more than sports, women and money, and dive into their feelings with fellow men as supports.

I partly agree with you. Sad thing is that many lack personality especially younger ones. Relations lack depth because some people are boring and have no opinions about anything unless it’s ass and tits. I as a guy in my thirties have better conversation with ladies in their 50s than guys my age (not even expecting sex lol) . The only part I disagree is trusting 100% guys your age. I think a mentor a father an uncle or an older brother would play that role better. So yes putting everything on a poor woman is bad 100%. So we mostly agree expect for that small detail. Interesting conversation. Not generalizing but talking about some cases

 

[StephenHarper]

I partly agree with you. Sad thing is that many lack personality especially younger ones. Relations lack depth because some people are boring and have no opinions about anything unless it’s ass and tits. I as a guy in my thirties have better conversation with ladies in their 50s than guys my age (not even expecting sex lol) . The only part I disagree is trusting 100% guys your age. I think a mentor a father an uncle or an older brother would play that role better. So yes putting everything on a poor woman is bad 100%. So we mostly agree expect for that small detail. Interesting conversation. Not generalizing but talking about some cases

About me, lack of depth is probably what blocks me. I've been told that my vision of love is too romantic and not enough passionate. The problem for me to get passionate, I need to be turned on and empty shells won't do it. I consider myself a true sapiosexual. Looks will get my attention, but if the brain doesn't follow the body, it would be about it. That's not something easy to spot at first view and not easy to find neither. When I see someone who has it, she's already in a steady couple. So I still search someone who's a high quality candidate for me, but I've been told to compromise and settle for less. Worst, I even been told that thinking about high and low quality candidates is plain rude. Sorry, but having preferences is totally normal and everybody has their own way to see who's who. in my opinion, I think that I am very open minded, but I don't think that lower my criteria (as I've been told) will get me further. If I water down my criteria, don't you think that I would also water down my match quality over quantity? Moreover, my first choice would be to find someone great, but I still prefer to be single rather than with a bad match.

This week, I was thinking about this thread and I was thinking in a new manner. I hate when people tell me to lower my criteria, but maybe I should keep my criteria and instead try to focus on other qualities, other parts of the personnality to see get more choices or more matches and then explore if she has the brain I need to get a spark rather than focusing on the brain before everything else.