This I do take as a good counsel of prudence. I have often wondered how the biz might condition/influence (warp?) even the sweetest seeming SPs perception of men.
GFE: To Be Or Not To Be
- Thread starter starry
- Start date
This I do take as a good counsel of prudence. I have often wondered how the biz might condition/influence (warp?) even the sweetest seeming SPs perception of men.
Starry,
You like to make us believe you come from some macho culture but in reality you are the complete opposite. You got are very fragile and maybe even desperate. Having said that you got to ask yourself this why are you so fixated on this girl? Are you hoping to have something beyond a client/escort relationship? Separate the money and you two got nothing in common. I think you are getting too emotionally involved and it best you move on. There are so many high quality GFE escorts on Merb... Why not book one of them. Me myself no DFK = No money.
You like to make us believe you come from some macho culture but in reality you are the complete opposite. You got are very fragile and maybe even desperate. Having said that you got to ask yourself this why are you so fixated on this girl? Are you hoping to have something beyond a client/escort relationship? Separate the money and you two got nothing in common. I think you are getting too emotionally involved and it best you move on. There are so many high quality GFE escorts on Merb... Why not book one of them. Me myself no DFK = No money.
Well its certainly true that I've morphed into a pretty WASP latino. For sure I see big differences between me now based on the path I took long ago and my former homies, a few of whom I'm still in touch with. But I have to say my reaction to what I found out was typically latino, a reaction of anger, and I believe that to be in the blood. So in my mind the thread was more about me than the girl, but since you ask yeah I have to admit to a bit of a fixation with this lady. Why? Because she's an awesome person IMO.
You encourage me to see other SPs. I do see other SPs and get exactly what I'm after and in spades pretty much whenever I want (which is often). I have great rapport with these ladies and they with me so all is well. I was always making an exception for the lady in question so its obvious to me that there was something else going on there. And yes I already do have something beyond the basic client/SP relationship with her since I see her away from the biz and there is no exchange of cash for services on those occasions. But now for me things have changed. I havent seen her since I found out but I'll discuss it with her when I next see her. Unless things change I won't be a client going forward. If she still wants to see me socially I'm game for that- like I said she's an awesome person. If she no longer is interested in that well it will be adios.
She was used to guys seeing her a few times and then disappearing without a trace. That is normal for this business. She can't call them up and ask how they are doing, that is a huge taboo. So she accepted that nothing was permanent and there were no real commitments. That is the whole point for most guys, you walk away after, no strings attached.
Unfortunately for me this carried over into our relationship.
When we were together it was great. But she never gave any sign of missing me if we didn't communicate for a few days. I always had to be the one that called and asked if she wanted to go somewhere or do something. She was always agreeable and left her work phone at home, she never brought up the business, and was a terrific companion. She often picked up the tab or went halfway. No problem there, she was not a gold digger or freeloader. I think she was conditioned to think that it was up to the guy to make contact and have a plan.
The other thing was she never seemed interested in any kind of commitment. She was so used to the come and go of the business that she thought that way about all relationships. A paradox, very kind and loving but at the same time if I fell off the face of the Earth she would miss me for about thirty seconds. She was used to guys walking away, promising they would call next week, but vanishing. So no commitments.
The very best of these ladies are very accepting of our shortcomings. Some have seen me at my worst (which is very very bad) and forgiven me. And a couple really are lifelong friends. But they both married someone else dammit.
WW, reading your post creeps me out because some of the behavior you describe is eerily familiar. My experience is from the sounds of it much less than yours. I do however think to have seen the same curious combination of a capacity for truly affectionate companionship on the one hand and a reticence tending to resignation/indifference on the other. It both puzzled and fascinated me. You may have put your finger on what causes this. In any event you seem to have a good handle on the pathology. Thanks for the words of wisdom and of warning.
Dont Starry try to get a ''away from the biz relation'' with the numerous good GFE providers he knows? He would get a better chance, no?
Not sure I understand your question. If you're saying I'd be better off pursuing a relationship with one of the excellent GFE providers I know, that might seem logical I guess. But I'm not at all interested in doing that (and neither are they). I (and they) are fine with things the way they are. Seems to work very well for all concerned. I'm not a lonely guy looking for a good dating service.
Sure I was mad that I was being denied intimacy that was on the menu for other clients but this is where WW's comment about maybe being better off not getting what you think you want has to be kept in mind. Girl has enuf attractive power through her personality as it is even while "underperforming" as a provider. Imagine if she could knock my socks off as well - whao!
Starry and others also...
You make me thing of one of the saddest part of my activities that happened many times.
Some gentlemen with whom I click so much very well, having fantastic time at all levels, a very strong complicity... and decided to not see me anymore right on the spot.
I am not the kind to play on the emotions and make believe things, but what the heck am I suppose to understand?
Am I suppose to look to suffer or being not so well in the encounter, and then those ones who don't want to have so great time with their escort will then continue and become regulars? There a certain illogism here, let's agree on that. Aren't we all looking for the best experiences that life has to offer? Including the best exchanges, vertical or horizontal?
We say often that women are the humans that have most difficulties to separate well "love/feelings" with "sex". With my experience, I can say that's not only related to the feminine sex. Because I know that's exactly in fear to become in love or even because they feel something very positive for me. But let's set the record straight here: My mandat when I am meeting someone is to create a very particular moment based on pleasures (hopefully to my eyes, both pleasures) so I will do everything possible to enhance the experience. So you will see me in a good mood, smiling, kidding around, interested to connect with you, being sexy for you and willing to share some hedonist pleasures together. So well, that's what and why someone want to share a moment with me. And what is permitting someone to have that kind of encounter with me (or any other escort-companion) is the fact that we accept a shortcut, that money will prevent you to do the real work of seduction, but apart that, depending of each escort on how she manages this, you will have a real encounter based on a duration. That's the clear deal from the start, no?
Apart that, yes we can say that after meeting few and even many times, we can develop connivence and friendship, but we are still doing a kind of a deal.
In other words, when you are meeting an escort-companion, you are meeting her under a best presentation/mood... We have to be realistic, we are humans and yes, we are having our bad times/moods also, but generally speaking, we are not in your company to share that part (maybe some times yes, but let's say it is when comfort/friendship is there...)
I adore my gentlemen that I meet from many years, that's precious the complicity we are having. All this is real.
I am writing this because I am a bit tired to read that some of you just clame that "escort are fake" and "they are trying to play in your head" or what else. Let's just agree that I dislike your general statement because that's not ALL escort-companion that are having this behaviours. Yes it exists, I know. But can we agree then that maybe you just not hired a good one for you? Me too, I dislike manipulative people, I can understand your repulse. But we are not all, please, stop to spread this false generalization. Have a good evening xox
You make me thing of one of the saddest part of my activities that happened many times.
Some gentlemen with whom I click so much very well, having fantastic time at all levels, a very strong complicity... and decided to not see me anymore right on the spot.
I am not the kind to play on the emotions and make believe things, but what the heck am I suppose to understand?
Am I suppose to look to suffer or being not so well in the encounter, and then those ones who don't want to have so great time with their escort will then continue and become regulars? There a certain illogism here, let's agree on that. Aren't we all looking for the best experiences that life has to offer? Including the best exchanges, vertical or horizontal?
We say often that women are the humans that have most difficulties to separate well "love/feelings" with "sex". With my experience, I can say that's not only related to the feminine sex. Because I know that's exactly in fear to become in love or even because they feel something very positive for me. But let's set the record straight here: My mandat when I am meeting someone is to create a very particular moment based on pleasures (hopefully to my eyes, both pleasures) so I will do everything possible to enhance the experience. So you will see me in a good mood, smiling, kidding around, interested to connect with you, being sexy for you and willing to share some hedonist pleasures together. So well, that's what and why someone want to share a moment with me. And what is permitting someone to have that kind of encounter with me (or any other escort-companion) is the fact that we accept a shortcut, that money will prevent you to do the real work of seduction, but apart that, depending of each escort on how she manages this, you will have a real encounter based on a duration. That's the clear deal from the start, no?
Apart that, yes we can say that after meeting few and even many times, we can develop connivence and friendship, but we are still doing a kind of a deal.
In other words, when you are meeting an escort-companion, you are meeting her under a best presentation/mood... We have to be realistic, we are humans and yes, we are having our bad times/moods also, but generally speaking, we are not in your company to share that part (maybe some times yes, but let's say it is when comfort/friendship is there...)
I adore my gentlemen that I meet from many years, that's precious the complicity we are having. All this is real.
I am writing this because I am a bit tired to read that some of you just clame that "escort are fake" and "they are trying to play in your head" or what else. Let's just agree that I dislike your general statement because that's not ALL escort-companion that are having this behaviours. Yes it exists, I know. But can we agree then that maybe you just not hired a good one for you? Me too, I dislike manipulative people, I can understand your repulse. But we are not all, please, stop to spread this false generalization. Have a good evening xox
I think it really depend on the guy. Some guys will see an escort 2-3 times max then move on. Others prefer to have a regular because the complicity and chemistry is better. Sometimes when you realize you get too much attached, it may be better to cut ties. Nothing on you at fault there, its just there decision, there thinking.
I would say keep being who you are, and offer great services and all, but its normal that at times some guys may cut ties.
Personally i experienced probably one of the worst type of foolery possible. I was "close" to a provider and was seeing how she would act with some of her clients. I was sometimes reading the mails and replying to clients (part of my booker/helper job) and i would see what she would write to them and how she would always make them feel specials and loved. It was all fake and she would let me know. But then at the same time i tough i was special and it was different with me. She did do gave me meeting of 4 hours sometimes more for the price of 1. Did she do it with others? Well she said many times she had clients who had discounts or special extras etc... but they where long term regulars etc etc. Anyway the bottom of this is i was played right in my face, imagine a car seller playing a client in front of you and then he plays the same trick on you. Yes i was an idiot. Thanksfully she had reliability problems in her job, with everybody and at the end it was happening more and more with me, to a point i had enough, even if our meetings felt "magical" in a way. She knew my situation and how it was not easy to go to mtl. Yet it happened one too many time. So i eventually cut ties... and it was a good decision.
Do i miss her at times? Surprisingly even knowing all was lies, yes i do... lol. She was that great of an actress i supose. And yes the sex was pretty freaking great lol. But this situation was toxic to me so i did what i had to do.
SOOOOO obviously Maria you can be different, but maybe they don't all know it, maybe its a mechanisme for them to protect themselves.. Who knows...
I supose its just part of this business.
HM:
It happened with gentlemen that I met only once sometimes..... and they say it to my face, that they like me so much they don't want to meet again.
And that wasn't a "fake excuse" because I am able to realize when I just lived great chemistry & then a great encounter.
It is just very discouraging when all you want in life, as an escort, is to build "a good clientèle". And for me, counts the pleasures I got in the quality of my encounters.
And I wasn't talking about the beautiful gentlemen that stop meeting with me after a while, oh well, that's another subject and yes, it's in a way, heartbreaking because having so much sympathy for someone and not having anymore any news after... I am wondering where and how they are doing. Hoping everything is good for them. But that's part of this life of no string, no attachement, no obligation. I even cried when some announced their retreat, just because we had such good times and that was meaning that we won't anymore see each others even talk to each others.
In the other hand, I had few accomplices from many years, almost from my beginnings, and that's been 10 years I am around. So I am the living proof (and those gentlemen as well) that we can meet during years and everything is fine. I think the secret is to diversify, to have maybe 2 or 3 minimum regulars escorts that you visit, so the attachement is less easy. That's what I suggested many times to my gentlemen. Maybe that's a "piste of reflexion" some could explore?
It happened with gentlemen that I met only once sometimes..... and they say it to my face, that they like me so much they don't want to meet again.
And that wasn't a "fake excuse" because I am able to realize when I just lived great chemistry & then a great encounter.
It is just very discouraging when all you want in life, as an escort, is to build "a good clientèle". And for me, counts the pleasures I got in the quality of my encounters.
And I wasn't talking about the beautiful gentlemen that stop meeting with me after a while, oh well, that's another subject and yes, it's in a way, heartbreaking because having so much sympathy for someone and not having anymore any news after... I am wondering where and how they are doing. Hoping everything is good for them. But that's part of this life of no string, no attachement, no obligation. I even cried when some announced their retreat, just because we had such good times and that was meaning that we won't anymore see each others even talk to each others.
In the other hand, I had few accomplices from many years, almost from my beginnings, and that's been 10 years I am around. So I am the living proof (and those gentlemen as well) that we can meet during years and everything is fine. I think the secret is to diversify, to have maybe 2 or 3 minimum regulars escorts that you visit, so the attachement is less easy. That's what I suggested many times to my gentlemen. Maybe that's a "piste of reflexion" some could explore?
Oh ok, well in that case... i guess you should see it as the ultimate compliment...
Some peoples are like that.. i would sugest not trying to NOT be a good provider because of those lol. As for regulars who go away yeah i feel you. May be totally different situation but i still think sometimes about the guys from my old guild on a game i played 15 years ago. I shared time and fun, even if online, with these guys, we where 16 when we started playing together(most of us) and 2 and a half year-3 years later they got into "la fac" as they say in France, or university pretty much, they don't have cegep over there lol, then i lost track of them. Some of them i got news years later, all was good for them, that was nice, some others i never heard again. Sometimes i still wonder about them these days. Its old stuff but i still feel like they where my boys as i was the guild foundator , even tough i know its old stuff for them First of all Maria thanks for replying to this thread. I said when I started it that it would be good to have the views of contributing ladies because there is always two sides to every story and women are wired differently than men. You being an experienced and thoughtful person in addition can only add value to the discussion.
I am 100% sure that you are right when you say that SPs are not selling you a fake bill of goods, as many appear to think - though it is important here to make clear that we are only talking about the best, most accomplished SPs. The best SPs are really very adept at figuring out the clients physical and psychological needs and then addressing them through the relationship. That relationship is limited in time and place and is also basically a commercial transaction. But in the best of cases, such as the one's you say you have experienced, this does not prevent the exchanges from being real. To that extent I agree with you.
But I also understand why a client (whether new or regular) would decide to cut ties with you. They are simply and prudently risk managing their position. Why? Because they realize that they maybe "like you too much". You see men are, or can be, vulnerable.
This is not to say that they are "weak", just that they are men and that their emotional needs and reactions can be deep and intense, perhaps even inappropriately so. Their vulnerability might be buried so deeply in their psychology that they fail even to fully understand it or what exactly it is about a particular SP that triggers it - but they know that it is there and that they need to deal with it because it is a powerful force. In many cases the SP might not even realize that she is eliciting this response in the client and neither the client nor the SP know exactly what it is about her that causes it to happen. And neither does it mean that the client is necessarily psychologically exposed to having this type of reaction. By and large I am not the kind of person who "needs" other people. Only one of the many SPs that I know has this power and frankly I have no idea why.
I would guess that this simply does not happen to experienced and professional SPs and that is probably why you have difficulty understanding your clients' reactions. It is a requirement of your job that you keep separate your own emotional life and vulnerabilities from your professional encounters and I have no doubt that you are expert at doing that. But that is not always the situation of your client. As in any service business you are a seller of personal services for money. Your client though is a buyer of those services, and he buys them not because he needs to spend money but because he has a need to consume those services. Now consider for a moment what those services are and you can understand how they can awaken needs and reactions that go beyond the commercial transaction, and that I think you will agree is probably not a good thing.
So I can certainly understand if occasionally a client says to himself "I had better steer clear of this Maria Divina lady".
Starry
I wasn't saying at all that I can't understand what you are living and some other as well.
I am one very human person and very empathic, sorry if you seem to understand the opposite, and no it is not because I escorted from few years that it prevents now to have some kind of caring.
Maybe also not being myself a high volume escort helped me certainly to stay interested and happy. And yes, I am able to have sex only for the fun of it, not being in love with a partner. And yes, I know what it is to be in love, and I am still able to be. <3
In prove of that, maybe you should have a look at my other posts in this thread, me too, I have lived some kind of, let's say, heartbreaking situations.
The only thing that I always found strange is when, suddenly, after seeing someone only let's say, one hour or 2, under these so perfect conditions (let's agree on that), someone can pretend to be really in love with someone else?
Even in my private life, if someone unknown would declared suddenly that he loves me.. or even, someone I would have date only once declaring "loving" me, I would be scared, that's really too much quick. Real love took time to develop, you have to know the other person, to have live few experiences even misadventures, you have to have been able to see him/her in ordinary days, or even when everything went bad. Real love is a thing that is build days after days and let's say that he can take like 2-3 months to begin to take place in a regular relationship. Oh yes, you can be very sympatic to each others or you can have a crush or even a big crush, the "coup de foudre" but this is not even recognized to be real love but passion. And passion is hugely sex related.
I know, some people tend to attach very quickly in life, but generally speaking, you should ask yourself if this is the case, why are you attaching yourself so quickly to a stranger? And here again in this case, I would like to underline that's not the fault of the other person, she has not played in your head, put a spell on you or else. Understand me well, if really in life you tend(meaning that you always do) to attach yourself very quickly, it's coming from inside of yourself.
I wasn't saying at all that I can't understand what you are living and some other as well.
I am one very human person and very empathic, sorry if you seem to understand the opposite, and no it is not because I escorted from few years that it prevents now to have some kind of caring.
Maybe also not being myself a high volume escort helped me certainly to stay interested and happy. And yes, I am able to have sex only for the fun of it, not being in love with a partner. And yes, I know what it is to be in love, and I am still able to be. <3
In prove of that, maybe you should have a look at my other posts in this thread, me too, I have lived some kind of, let's say, heartbreaking situations.
The only thing that I always found strange is when, suddenly, after seeing someone only let's say, one hour or 2, under these so perfect conditions (let's agree on that), someone can pretend to be really in love with someone else?
Even in my private life, if someone unknown would declared suddenly that he loves me.. or even, someone I would have date only once declaring "loving" me, I would be scared, that's really too much quick. Real love took time to develop, you have to know the other person, to have live few experiences even misadventures, you have to have been able to see him/her in ordinary days, or even when everything went bad. Real love is a thing that is build days after days and let's say that he can take like 2-3 months to begin to take place in a regular relationship. Oh yes, you can be very sympatic to each others or you can have a crush or even a big crush, the "coup de foudre" but this is not even recognized to be real love but passion. And passion is hugely sex related.
I know, some people tend to attach very quickly in life, but generally speaking, you should ask yourself if this is the case, why are you attaching yourself so quickly to a stranger? And here again in this case, I would like to underline that's not the fault of the other person, she has not played in your head, put a spell on you or else. Understand me well, if really in life you tend(meaning that you always do) to attach yourself very quickly, it's coming from inside of yourself.
Well Maria I guess I have to agree that it seems unusual to me for a client to have this reaction after only just meeting an SP for the first time. This has only happened to me once and only after seeing the lady in question regularly over about 18 months. So in my case these feelings only developed and gained traction over time. I suspect however that it is possible for it to happen more quickly and not only where the client is susceptible. And whether it happens quickly or over time I think it always largely comes from within.
And I agree that there is a difference between having a crush on somebody and being in love with them, and that in the business when these situations arise it is a crush. But remember that most "permanent and enduring" relationships begin in this way, so really it is a normal experience and part of a progression. And I have to disagree with your statement though that this "crush" is always sex related. I am much more energized and satisfied sexually by the business relationships I enjoy with other SPs. When I think of sex believe me I think of them, not her.
Like I said I don't think I fully understand the reasons for this and it is very much out of character for me. What I can assure you though is that it has as much to do with a power of attraction, an ability to draw men in, that the SP (and apparently you) has as a special attribute at least for certain clients. I know this for a fact because I was sufficiently surprised by my reaction that I collected the views about the SP in question from clients and I got quite a few opinions going back 10 years. They fell into two groups. Basically everybody appreciated the service and experience, no negative views, but to some she was just a "cute, average looking" girl. And I can absolutely see why they would say that - I consider that to be an accurate assessment. But there is the other client group who are really over the top in terms of their appreciation of this SP and for whom she is very beautiful (I am in that group). That too is a true and accurate assessment, even though it is very different than the first one. I know of veteran experienced hobbyists who have had to cut back their visits with this lady because they could see they were starting to fall.
I think that this person is really very disciplined and in spite of the true feelings and the genuineness of what she shares with her clients she surrounds her deeper feelings with a wall to protect herself (and perhaps for other reasons too) and to permit her to carry on her personal services business. In other words she, unlike some of her clients, does not develop a "crush" on any of them, though she may have normal human concern and sympathy for them (as I am sure you do as well). To that extent she remains detached. And you can correct me if I'm wrong but my guess is that you too are very professional and disciplined in the same way.
And I agree that there is a difference between having a crush on somebody and being in love with them, and that in the business when these situations arise it is a crush. But remember that most "permanent and enduring" relationships begin in this way, so really it is a normal experience and part of a progression. And I have to disagree with your statement though that this "crush" is always sex related. I am much more energized and satisfied sexually by the business relationships I enjoy with other SPs. When I think of sex believe me I think of them, not her.
Like I said I don't think I fully understand the reasons for this and it is very much out of character for me. What I can assure you though is that it has as much to do with a power of attraction, an ability to draw men in, that the SP (and apparently you) has as a special attribute at least for certain clients. I know this for a fact because I was sufficiently surprised by my reaction that I collected the views about the SP in question from clients and I got quite a few opinions going back 10 years. They fell into two groups. Basically everybody appreciated the service and experience, no negative views, but to some she was just a "cute, average looking" girl. And I can absolutely see why they would say that - I consider that to be an accurate assessment. But there is the other client group who are really over the top in terms of their appreciation of this SP and for whom she is very beautiful (I am in that group). That too is a true and accurate assessment, even though it is very different than the first one. I know of veteran experienced hobbyists who have had to cut back their visits with this lady because they could see they were starting to fall.
I think that this person is really very disciplined and in spite of the true feelings and the genuineness of what she shares with her clients she surrounds her deeper feelings with a wall to protect herself (and perhaps for other reasons too) and to permit her to carry on her personal services business. In other words she, unlike some of her clients, does not develop a "crush" on any of them, though she may have normal human concern and sympathy for them (as I am sure you do as well). To that extent she remains detached. And you can correct me if I'm wrong but my guess is that you too are very professional and disciplined in the same way.
Did you have a real girlfriend (not a GFE-SP) you were in love with in recent years? If yes, why dont you try to have another one that you dont pay? Maybe you dont make difference between payable sexual services and real life? Can you afford a loving relation with a SP? It dont come easy.
No I do not now have nor have I recently had a "real" girlfriend. And actually I dont see much of a difference between paying for sexual services and real life. SPs want money but many real life girlfriends also evaluate their boyfriends based on what benefits they can expect. There is nothing wrong with that. Natural selection is genetically encoded in the DNA of many animals, including human beings. I have enuf money to be able to afford a loving relationship with an SP. Can I afford the possible psychological wear and tear - that I dont think you can know until you find out. I agree it does'nt come easy - red sky in the morning, sailor take warning.
Maybe are you expecting benefits that are not available for you with money. Some benefits have no price. Women know it.
Similar threads
