Has hobbying f**ked up your life?

[sadbuttrue]

I liked this thread. I think it has many heart-felt responses. I was tempted to say something in response to every one of them! But I will confine it to just my own experience with the subject and a little background on myself.

I was divorced about 12 years ago. That night I was so pissed off that I went to an exotic dance club, which was my little protest against marriage, women and society. (It backfired!) I had been married for 19 years and something that was supposed to last forever somehow, and for not enough good reasons, had ended! She actually had left me and my 3 kids 2 years earlier and I guess it was time to admit that things would not come back together. But still, how unfortunate! We attempted an amicable divorce without lawyers and writing up our own papers, etc. (And by the way that doesn't work, without the legal-speak and legal-speakers it won't fly). In any event, through no fault of hers she got half my pension, they wouldn't let us get out of the courtroom divorced unless that happened! But there was no alimony and no child support. I guess my jaded thinking started there.

My kids are all grown and all moved out except one who moved back in a few months ago. He will probably move out again. There are a few things that always kept me from re-entering the whole dating/marriage syndrome were that 1) I had little to no experience with it from before as we got married and had kids early 2) Her jealousy knew no bounds and I see it in most every woman I meet 3) Women don't tell you what you did wrong, you are supposed to know! 4) I would never want to put myself in the situation to allow the courts to decide what is right in terms of a split-up of a marriage if it happened again (I'm sure we all have friends that have had far-worse horror shows than my own. I do) 5) I never wanted to share parenting again, no matter how messed up single-parenting was. As a corrolary, I never wanted someone to come between me and my kids even after they had left. If I wanted to help them I could.

I have never stopped with exotic dance since that time and have always had a favorite that I saw regularly. So there was always someone I saw. Some situations were touching, some heartbreaking, but I never let it cause financial discomfort or come between me and my kids.

But years had gone by and there was no appreciable sex, and there was no woman that has entered my life that I felt was right. The older ones are often unattractive, and set in their ways as I am. The younger ones are unreliable and may eventually want to have kids even though they say they don't. The need for sex became more important than the need for companionship. So two years ago I found your city where there was relief and no ridiculous law to stop me. True there is a chance of addiction, it is probably well that Quebec is far enough away so that can't happen. (There are outlets here, but they truly suck by comparison.) And I have never felt the kind of money-grubbing parasites in your city as there are in the States.

So, I guess my answer is I was jaded before, and the hobbying is actually an evolution for me!

One thing I will say about finding the right one is something that was said to me by someone else. "You know when someone is into you." That simple. Don't try to make your desire for someone into more that it is.

-Sad-

 

[Regular Guy]

In any event, through no fault of hers she got half my pension, they wouldn't let us get out of the courtroom divorced unless that happened!

Now that is a kick in the teeth. Interesting the difference in laws. Here if the wife renounces her claim to any marital assets (including pensions) it will stand as part of the divorce settlement. Not only that but any assets acquired before the marriage are not factored in. Many working couples who divorce simply agree not to touch each others pensions in a divorce settlement.

 

[sadbuttrue]

Now that is a kick in the teeth. Interesting the difference in laws. Here if the wife renounces her claim to any marital assets (including pensions) it will stand as part of the divorce settlement. Not only that but any assets acquired before the marriage are not factored in. Many working couples who divorce simply agree not to touch each others pensions in a divorce settlement.

Massachusetts sucks in a lot of ways.

In another sense I was lucky, the first time we went before the judge with our own drawn-up papers (and were rejected) it would have been in front of a much-accused man-hating female judge in Worcester. Conincidentally, her picture was on the front page of the Worcester Telegram with such accusations right around that time. I wonder what would have happened if I had gotten her!

-Sad-

 

[hungry101]

I

So two years ago I found your city where there was relief and no ridiculous law to stop me. True there is a chance of addiction, it is probably well that Quebec is far enough away so that can't happen. (There are outlets here, but they truly suck by comparison.) And I have never felt the kind of money-grubbing parasites in your city as there are in the States.

So, I guess my answer is I was jaded before, and the hobbying is actually an evolution for me!

-Sad-

sadbuttrue

My experience is similar to yours

Anyway, my first visit to Montreal was over 7 years ago to attend a conference. Highlights of my maiden voyage to Montreal included a visit to the now legendary Grand Prix and an outcall session at the Omni. I was completely satisfied with the money I had spent to rent intimacy with no regrets. Previous to this experience, I had tried the hobby on and off in the States and I usually wound up with buyers remorse. Anyway, 5 years later fate landed me in Quebec once again. I treated myself to a 19 year old blond waif SP with stripper heels and a sexy lower back tattoo and belly ring. She hooked me to this hobby for life I think. Since then, I discovered MERB and I have visited Quebec several times.

Honestly, I have one regret. I regret that I didn't start this earlier in life...no kidding! In my life I have had girl friends, wives, affairs, one night stands and other half-assed SPs but I have never known true satisfaction until I started seeing SPs in Montreal. Does this sound crazy? I don't care if these girls are faking it. I rent their love for $160-$200/hour and I am satisfied. They appear to be "into it" and they are the best I ever had.

As long as you stay within a budget why not hobby? Woman are expensive! Divorse is expensive! Dating is expensive! Non-SPs are into your wallet just as much as SPs and they will end up taking more! SPs are a bargin in comparison.

Obvio - A less expensive option would have been to bring your golf clubs to cancun. Play 18 holes and then see an SP everyother night....maybe take in the Mayan ruins.

Marboro Man - I don't think this girl is into you. If she is the ice queen why date her 6 time or 12 times like Korbel did with his ice queen. One date and fuck you very much. You are better than that. Trying too hard to please someone is a turn-off.

I guess if I have one regret it is that I can be with such young beautiful SPs for so little money. Sometimes I am in the bar and I think I am still in my 20s-and 30s and 50 Lbs lighter. I look at a young 19 year old and I think to myself...I can be with her and sometimes I even try. Then reality sets in...

 

[Regular Guy]

Honestly, I have one regret. I regret that I didn't start this earlier in life...no kidding! In my life I have had girl friends, wives, affairs, one night stands and other half-assed SPs but I have never known true satisfaction until I started seeing SPs in Montreal. Does this sound crazy? I don't care if these girls are faking it. I rent their love for $160-$200/hour and I am satisfied. They appear to be "into it" and they are the best I ever had.

As long as you stay within a budget why not hobby? Woman are expensive! Divorse is expensive! Dating is expensive! Non-SPs are into your wallet just as much as SPs and they will end up taking more! SPs are a bargin in comparison.

Now if there is a realistic approach to this "hobby" (for want of a better word) then I have never heard it expressed in a better fashion. You have very nicely summed it up.

I guess if I have one regret it is that I can be with such young beautiful SPs for so little money. Sometimes I am in the bar and I think I am still in my 20s-and 30s and 50 Lbs lighter. I look at a young 19 year old and I think to myself...I can be with her and sometimes I even try. Then reality sets in...

The reality of life is that there ain't none of us getting out of this alive. Aging will eventually claim us all and the only option is to accept it with the best grace we can. Our cells have a built in reproduction limit - sad but true. Even the 19 year old you are viewing in the bar will eventually succumb. Her beauty will fade. It's what we do with the time we have that counts. The one type of relationship to envy is that where both are friends and lovers to the end. Companionship in old age I suppose has its pluses. Though building lifelong friendships can be important as well.
Are we being superficial here? Not if we keep it in perspective, realize and appreciate the girls who are part of this world. If there is any meaning of significance at all in any encounter it is the level at which we conduct ourselves during the interaction. It is great to find sp's who also subscribe to this. There are no guarantees and sometimes you may find that your approach is not reciprocated (as we all have on the odd occasion). But I subscribe to the Viktor Frankl approach (Man's Search For Meaning) at times like that. That's my take on it anyway.

 

[malboro_man]

Marboro Man - I don't think this girl is into you. If she is the ice queen why date her 6 time or 12 times like Korbel did with his ice queen. One date and fuck you very much. You are better than that. Trying too hard to please someone is a turn-off.

Korbel: thanks for your "Ice Queen" story.

Hungry101: I think you're right...this girl is not into me...I have reasons to believe that she is divorced (just found out two days ago) hence her defensive mode. Divorced women are really new territory for me. I have experience with knocked-up single moms, but divorcees is new.

 

[UHGL]

The French say that before a girl reaches 25, she prays: "Donnez-moi, Seigneur, un mari de bon lieu! Qu'il soit doux, opulent, libéral et agréable!" (Lord, give me a well-situated husband. Let him be gentle, rich, generous, and pleasant!") After 25, she prays: "Seigneur, un qui soit supportable, ou qui, parmi le monde, au moins puisse passer!" (Lord, one who's bearable, or who can at least pass as bearable in the world!") And when she's pushing 30: "Un tel qu'il te plaira Seigneur, je m'en contente!" ("Send whatever you want, Lord; I'll take it!"). [/I]

HA! I need to move to France(or Quebec) and start meeting more single 30 year olds!

I love French customs!

 

[malboro_man]

Even Ice Queen Has a Soft Spot

This year, I have made a conscious decision to get back in the dating scene in the civilian world. Hobbying just doesn’t do it for me anymore. It’s getting harder and harder to find that excellent encounter. After much search, I found my target. My target is someone pretty in her mid-20s. To make a long story short, she rejected my invitation, claiming recent breakup with bf and not wanted to start anything new. I know you’re not supposed to be fixated on one target. Casting a wide net is the best option. However, high school was over for me a long time ago.

I am the originator of this thread. I found Ice Queen's soft spot. She went out with me last week for lunch (on a weekday). Actually, she can be friendly and funny. She even laughs too! She's the reason I want to stop hobbying.

I am sorry about posting this matter here because I don't have anyone to talk to. Most of my friends are from work and there are certain things I don't want them to know about (i.e., leaving my current position).

At work, everyday feels like the last day. If something happens, I'll be the next out the door. I have to do the job hunt. Every 10k you make takes a month to find a new job. So, don't wait for them to give you the big envelope before you start looking. I have two job prospects lined up but it involves moving.

Job A: my dream job, moving half way across the country.

Job B: not so dream job, move about 1 hour by car from my current location.

Whichever offers comes first, I believe I have to take it given the current economic situation. I believe that I can get both offers. Now, I don't know what to choose. Getting Job A, I'll lose the girl for sure. The location in Job A has no dating prospects although a big city can be reached by train w/in 1 h. I can advance my career with Job A with no bounds in sight.

The dating situation in Job B city is better but it is not my dream job. I have to take a lower position here but the pay is a bit more than my current job. The prospects for advancements are there but it is a long road. There is a possibility of long distance relationship with (former) Ice Queen although it involves driving 1-h each way. I can see her on the weekend and maybe once during the week.

(former) Ice Queen knows I am looking for a job. I told her that I am inclined for Job B. We haven't gone for a second date yet, but I am sure that I can win this girl over. It'll take time for sure.

I am just a little torn. My spider senses were right about this girl turning around. I believe she's the "One". Because of my own stupidity, I lost the "One" more than a decade ago (that's what got me into hobbying). Since this is such a big decision, I am afraid to trust my spider senses. Taking Job B will stunt my career growth (not necessarily money wise though, but it'll be more stress and less prestige and more being bullied around).

If it weren't for the potential long distance relationship, I think I can win over this girl.

Sorry for the ranting, I was really stressed out and needed to blow off steam. Thank you for reading my post.

 

[Horny B]

Food for taught

Job A: my dream job, moving half way across the country.

Whichever offers comes first, I believe I have to take it given the current economic situation. I believe that I can get both offers. Now, I don't know what to choose. Getting Job A, I'll lose the girl for sure. The location in Job A has no dating prospects although a big city can be reached by train w/in 1 h. I can advance my career with Job A with no bounds in sight.

Sorry for the ranting, I was really stressed out and needed to blow off steam. Thank you for reading my post.

Food for taught: A career with no bound in sight! Like it or not, most of us are spending a minimum of 8 hrs/day= 40 hrs/week. After my divorce all I had left was my career (the career was not the reason of the divorce). Now my kids are adults with their one life, what have I left? If you guess my career. Bingo get at the top of the line ! I had bad jobs, spending 8 hours a days being bullied can sometime makes long days, weeks, years and end up in either quitting your job or worse in a depression. Your choice there.

Some Folks may or may not agree, but the most important thing in life is yourself, the first person that you should think about is you. Even if you eventually end up with a relation with this girl, the average these days are about 2 years. Should the relation end you will bite your nail and more for passing over the career of your dream.

Just weight what you think is right between the 2 options.

Just my 2 cents.

Humour: A young kid was asking his father " Is it true that in Africa, some men don't know their wife when they marry them" The father to reply " It's the same thing in all the country of the world"

 

[pyjama guy]

Thought I'd chime in with some of my own comments. I agree wholeheartedly with Tec's guidelines althought it takes great discipline to adhere to them. Since many of us have addictive tendencies( my list is much longer than just sp's,lol) discipline is extremely important and I often have to mentally bitch slap myself to ensure I stay within budget. I am single with a good income and average 2 one hour visits per week.
I wouldn't say hobbying has screwed up my life but it has changed it substantially. I started hobbying 8-9 years ago after having my heart broken for the second time in my life. I made a decision not to let it happen a third time, at least not for the foreseeable future. Unlike some others, I prefer women in their 30's although I have had my fair share of the young hotties. Although I miss many of the positive aspects of being in a relationship the simple fact is i'm just too scared and weary to open myself up again.
My original plan was to hobby about 10 years then find a nice Milf to settle down with.(simple question of demographics) I don't want children of my own but have no problem being with a woman who has children as long as we are past the baby stage. I have met many wonderful sp's and have travelled with several to my place in the carribean with the clear understanding that I take care of everything EXCEPT airfare. Cheaper than a girlfriend,lol. Coming home after a week or so of carnal pleasures is always difficult but it's generally the same for any type of vacation.
The big question is whether I will be able to adhere to my 10 year plan when time is up in 2010. I haven't been on a date in more than 4 years by choice. I have even refused offers to date from women because I'm old enough not to want to screw with anyone's head when I'm not ready for anything but sp's.
I will say hobbying has improved my self esteem not lowered it. I'm just a nice guy who loves many types of women and generally women enjoy their time with me so I'm quite fortunate. As many have said to me, "it's not work for me when we see each other". I am polite, respectful,clean and not bad looking so I do realize I am an attractive package for some women. However, on the negative side I am also quite independant, shy and introverted.
I have no doubt that if I didn't live in Montreal my life would be different. Not necessarily better but certainly less fantasy life and more reality based. That being said, since a young age I've always felt I would die before 50(only a few more years to go) and have lived my life by the motto "we're here for a good time,not a long time". When I grow up in a few years,lol I believe my self discipline will allow me to make the transition back to a normal relationship but only time will tell.

 

[General Gonad]

The insidious effects of this lifestyle...

Most guys here are totally addicted to SPs, MPs, and strippers, but if you do it long enough and have not taken out a mortgage to finance your adventures, then you realize that hobbying will never fulfill you in any meaningful way.

Think about it, even if you had a budget of $100,000 a year on hobbying, would you be happier? Before you rush to scream "Fuck Yeah!" , think about it. Has this detour in your life brought you anywhere closer to finding inner peace and happiness? If you answered yes, then you are a liar.

I was telling Gianna that the clients are luckier than the SPs because we can refuse an SP if we are not happy with them. They do not have a choice but to perform very intimate acts with strange men that often repulse them. This eventually eats away at their soul and some never fully recover.

I know you all like to believe they love SPing and love being with us, but that is total bullshit. SPs get addicted to the fast money and they (wrongly) assume that they can do this "job" forever. That fucks their perception of hard work and once you have the wrong attitude on work, you are tainted for life because those bad habits are hard to kick.

As for clients, if you do this long enough, you become a lazy bastard who will never appreciate the spontaneity and magic of true love.

Think hard about that last comment.

GG

 

[General Gonad]

I need to find her center.

First, you need to find your credit card. Then you need to find your dick and balls. Finally, you really need to get laid.

GG

 

[General Gonad]

Think I'm gonna make her an offer she won't refuse (hihihi)

Make sure you videotape it and post it on Youtube, like this priceless moment. I am serious, Mastercard pays big bucks for stupid stunts.

GG