I liked this thread. I think it has many heart-felt responses. I was tempted to say something in response to every one of them! But I will confine it to just my own experience with the subject and a little background on myself.
I was divorced about 12 years ago. That night I was so pissed off that I went to an exotic dance club, which was my little protest against marriage, women and society. (It backfired!) I had been married for 19 years and something that was supposed to last forever somehow, and for not enough good reasons, had ended! She actually had left me and my 3 kids 2 years earlier and I guess it was time to admit that things would not come back together. But still, how unfortunate! We attempted an amicable divorce without lawyers and writing up our own papers, etc. (And by the way that doesn't work, without the legal-speak and legal-speakers it won't fly). In any event, through no fault of hers she got half my pension, they wouldn't let us get out of the courtroom divorced unless that happened! But there was no alimony and no child support. I guess my jaded thinking started there.
My kids are all grown and all moved out except one who moved back in a few months ago. He will probably move out again. There are a few things that always kept me from re-entering the whole dating/marriage syndrome were that 1) I had little to no experience with it from before as we got married and had kids early 2) Her jealousy knew no bounds and I see it in most every woman I meet 3) Women don't tell you what you did wrong, you are supposed to know! 4) I would never want to put myself in the situation to allow the courts to decide what is right in terms of a split-up of a marriage if it happened again (I'm sure we all have friends that have had far-worse horror shows than my own. I do) 5) I never wanted to share parenting again, no matter how messed up single-parenting was. As a corrolary, I never wanted someone to come between me and my kids even after they had left. If I wanted to help them I could.
I have never stopped with exotic dance since that time and have always had a favorite that I saw regularly. So there was always someone I saw. Some situations were touching, some heartbreaking, but I never let it cause financial discomfort or come between me and my kids.
But years had gone by and there was no appreciable sex, and there was no woman that has entered my life that I felt was right. The older ones are often unattractive, and set in their ways as I am. The younger ones are unreliable and may eventually want to have kids even though they say they don't. The need for sex became more important than the need for companionship. So two years ago I found your city where there was relief and no ridiculous law to stop me. True there is a chance of addiction, it is probably well that Quebec is far enough away so that can't happen. (There are outlets here, but they truly suck by comparison.) And I have never felt the kind of money-grubbing parasites in your city as there are in the States.
So, I guess my answer is I was jaded before, and the hobbying is actually an evolution for me!
One thing I will say about finding the right one is something that was said to me by someone else. "You know when someone is into you." That simple. Don't try to make your desire for someone into more that it is.
-Sad-
I was divorced about 12 years ago. That night I was so pissed off that I went to an exotic dance club, which was my little protest against marriage, women and society. (It backfired!) I had been married for 19 years and something that was supposed to last forever somehow, and for not enough good reasons, had ended! She actually had left me and my 3 kids 2 years earlier and I guess it was time to admit that things would not come back together. But still, how unfortunate! We attempted an amicable divorce without lawyers and writing up our own papers, etc. (And by the way that doesn't work, without the legal-speak and legal-speakers it won't fly). In any event, through no fault of hers she got half my pension, they wouldn't let us get out of the courtroom divorced unless that happened! But there was no alimony and no child support. I guess my jaded thinking started there.
My kids are all grown and all moved out except one who moved back in a few months ago. He will probably move out again. There are a few things that always kept me from re-entering the whole dating/marriage syndrome were that 1) I had little to no experience with it from before as we got married and had kids early 2) Her jealousy knew no bounds and I see it in most every woman I meet 3) Women don't tell you what you did wrong, you are supposed to know! 4) I would never want to put myself in the situation to allow the courts to decide what is right in terms of a split-up of a marriage if it happened again (I'm sure we all have friends that have had far-worse horror shows than my own. I do) 5) I never wanted to share parenting again, no matter how messed up single-parenting was. As a corrolary, I never wanted someone to come between me and my kids even after they had left. If I wanted to help them I could.
I have never stopped with exotic dance since that time and have always had a favorite that I saw regularly. So there was always someone I saw. Some situations were touching, some heartbreaking, but I never let it cause financial discomfort or come between me and my kids.
But years had gone by and there was no appreciable sex, and there was no woman that has entered my life that I felt was right. The older ones are often unattractive, and set in their ways as I am. The younger ones are unreliable and may eventually want to have kids even though they say they don't. The need for sex became more important than the need for companionship. So two years ago I found your city where there was relief and no ridiculous law to stop me. True there is a chance of addiction, it is probably well that Quebec is far enough away so that can't happen. (There are outlets here, but they truly suck by comparison.) And I have never felt the kind of money-grubbing parasites in your city as there are in the States.
So, I guess my answer is I was jaded before, and the hobbying is actually an evolution for me!
One thing I will say about finding the right one is something that was said to me by someone else. "You know when someone is into you." That simple. Don't try to make your desire for someone into more that it is.
-Sad-
