Long term arrangements

[EagerBeaver]

Believe,

I do believe you are right. Those baby steps should only be discussed in person after you set up a meeting and not on SA or on the phone. All I ever say on SA is I am looking for an arrangement which includes "intimacy" which can include many things of course. I never talk about or use any specifics until an in person meeting.

 

[sugarbear1966]

Hey I need some guidance from the wise ones...just signed up to SA...flooded with messages!! How do I filter, and how do I move from 1st base to home?

Cheers and thanks...

SB1966

 

[CaptRenault]

...how do I move from 1st base to home?

Easy...$ $$ $$$ $$$$

 

[EagerBeaver]

just signed up to SA...flooded with messages!! How do I filter

SugarBear,

If you go into SA profile settings, you can hide your profile and activity if you wish. If you don't you will get blitzed and spammed with messages. The ones I often would get were from girls in the Philippines. There was one who was really hot and got my attention and we messaged each other. Ultimately, after exchanging messages, she offered a webcam show in exchange for a PayPal donation. I told her I wanted an in person arrangement. She said to me, "but the Internet brings people together." And I said "yeah but it doesn't bring people together in the way that I want."

In some cases getting spammed leads to an interesting offer. Two different girls at UConn have offered me nude pics and masturbation videos of themselves for under $50. Although I am not one of these guys that gets super-jacked off by webcam masturbation shows, I did take up the two UConn girls on these offers, mainly because they were smoking hot. We did the monetary transfer on PayPal.

Generally however, I keep all my pics in the private area and only share them with targets. So the targets know what I look like but nobody else does.

I have a problem now in that I am dating 3 girls, all of whom have agreed to some level of intimacy, and I am trying to decide whether I juggle all 3 or see who is the best fit in the bedroom. Here are the 3:

Jasmine (not her real name) - 19 year old, yoga instructor, half Argentinian half Italian, brunette, long hair, 5'1" 95-100 pound spinner. Despite the age difference I actually think I pair well with this one. She is sophisticated, is a foodie.VERY nice girl, very cute, kind of shy and old-fashioned, has a endearing shy smile. Has agreed to a nude massage but she is on vacation overseas with her family at the moment. I dated her platonically (except for kissing), and did not pay for dates except for dinner costs last summer, she then left the State and now is back and texted me last week and we went on a dinner date at which she agreed to do a nude massage when she comes back from her overseas vacation (she will not be back until second week of September). My offer to get her to do a nude sensual massage was a bit high ($300), but she said yes. She said she was not ready for sex yet, kind of suggesting it might be available down the road, presumably for more $$$. This girl is very hot and would be considered a star at any Montreal massage parlor or escort agency. If she moved to Montreal for college and I sent her to Patrick of Adagio, he would probably offer me minority partnership. However that isn't happening LOL.

Nelly (not hear real name) 23 year old African American college student, 5'7", 125 pounds, accounting/finance major, works at some accounting firm, extremely well dressed lady. I have been on around 6 dates with her, have not paid her except for dinner and drinks and she agreed to full service for $300 but this has not happened yet. She came to my condo with me after one dinner but all that happened was kissing.Nice girl who goes to Church twice a week. This girl has a great body, a cute face but probably the least pretty of the 3. Very above average though in all other respects especially personality. And super classy looking which means a lot to me.

Jennifer (not her real name) 21 year old college student, 5'8", 120-125 pounds, brunette, Caucasian with possibly some latina blood, this one agreed to send me specified nude photos and a masturbation video for $50 and said if I did, she would then agree to meet me on a date. I verified her through Facebook and her Facebook pics are what she has put on SA. I want to see what happens with her before I make any decision because she looks like she could possibly have the best body of the 3, although all 3 have really nice bodies.

This is the first time in my life actually I am trying to manage 3 arrangements/flings with women at one time. I am a single guy and am permitted to do this, but just because I am permitted to does not necessarily mean I can pull it off. I find it mentally draining and exhausting to juggle different women and I am thinking that 2 might be more manageable but I don't know which one doesn't make the cut at this point. I like all 3. What should I do Sugar Bear? Like I said in the past it was always one at a time and through sheer coincidences it has happened. Jasmine has suddenly returned to the State after being absent since last summer when I had invested a lot of time in dating her (she had a BF out of state in the interim), and Jennifer and I just connected recently. Nelly has been in the picture since June, and I have been on 6 dates with her and around 7 with Jasmine including last summer when we had around 6 dates. One of my friends who is on SA and has experience in juggling a wife with mistresses has urged me to continue with all 3 and see what happens. However the real problem I am having is Nelly who has been very persistent the last two weeks in wanting to pursue an arrangement as outlined above and we did two platonic, no charge dinners during which I put her off by saying I had dated some other people and wasn't sure yet if I was ready for a commitment to one person. We are supposed to have another dinner tomorrow to further discuss this. This Nelly has a fondness for chicken wings and through her I found some new restaurants that make fantastic chicken wings. She is a really, really nice girl and I don't want to lose her but also want to pursue sex with the other 2. So I am very confused and drained. It's a very unique situation which I never would have expected to be in, but now I am in it and have to deal with it.

 

[rumpleforeskiin]

If you go into SA profile settings, you can hide your profile and activity if you wish. If you don't you will get blitzed and spammed with messages.

I would caution against that. There is always the Delete button. Last Spring, 2017, I was involved with a young Quebecoise named Marie, but left my profile active. She was gorgeous, but we really didn't connect on any level...and the sex was boring. I'd made the mistake of offering her a vacation and didn't have the heart to take it away with her, so I continued the relationship for a month or so longer than I wanted to. In that period, I was "favorited" by a woman, Amanda, who seemed quite interesting and would never have seen my profile had it been hidden. As soon as we returned, I broke it off, and returned the favorite, not knowing if Amanda was still active. She promptly dropped me a line, I forked over the $70 and the rest is history. It's been 14 months, we see each other almost every day. If ever there was a win-win, this is it.

Yes, you get flooded with messages, many from escorts just trying to get your attention, but you can get rid of them easily. You never know what you might be missing if you hide.

 

[Al Swearengen]

Long term arrangements ..............................I think that is called marriage.

 

[curly]

Long term arrangements ..............................I think that is called marriage.

Nope.... no monogamy expectation on either side and no grabing the other's bank account when breaking up......

 

[rumpleforeskiin]

Nope.... no monogamy expectation on either side and no grabing the other's bank account when breaking up......

Bingo. I know for certain that my girl doesn't have another arrangement and she knows that I don't. I also know that she doesn't have or want a boyfriend. Other than that, what she does when we're not together is none of my business. Does she have fuck buddies or other short term fun? I don't know and I don't want to know. I assume she feels the same. It's a topic that never comes up.

 

[curly]

Bingo. I know for certain that my girl doesn't have another arrangement and she knows that I don't. I also know that she doesn't have or want a boyfriend. Other than that, what she does when we're not together is none of my business. Does she have fuck buddies or other short term fun? I don't know and I don't want to know. I assume she feels the same. It's a topic that never comes up.

As Chester Brown would put it, monogamous romantic love only causes pain in the long term for most people......

 

[EagerBeaver]

As Chester Brown would put it, monogamous romantic love only causes pain in the long term for most people......

My parents are married 50 plus years but they seem to be a rare exception. I believe most men are not monogamous by nature and biology. Monogamy is something that is culturally and religiously programmed and encouraged, but this attempted brainwash actually runs counter to the innate desire and curiousity most men to have sex with different women. Seeking Arrangement enables men to facilitate acting upon those desires. As such it is a useful tool in promoting sexual diversity and sexual diversions from one's existing relationship/marriage. Some posters here who shall remain nameless have been battered by multiple unsuccessful marriages. SA provides refuge and what they really were seeking all along for the same or less financial cost. And without the emotional costs.

 

[starry]

As Chester Brown would put it, monogamous romantic love only causes pain in the long term for most people......

I tend to think that neither men or women are naturally monogomous. Men are not because perpetuation of the species is bound to be more productive the more partners they have. Women tend to trade affection and attachment in large part for stability and material well being because they have been socially disadvantaged (though much more so in the past than today). Men and society in general are more accepting and tolerant of male extracurricular sexual activity than female. Us guys are just studs doing what comes naturally and with no real social stigma. Lets face it we don't think less of ourselves. A lady doing the same is just a whore. Some think this is because perpetuation of the species can only work if from the perspective of the individual male it is encoded genetically as perpetuation of his particular gene pool and no one else's. Thats why male lions kill the cubs of competing males before mating with the mothers. Its always easy enuf to know who the mother is but in a promiscuous environment its a lot harder to know who the father is, and being the father is all important given the way males are genetically wired. So the female is shall we say encouraged to be monogomous and that could partly account for social conventions.
Of course this all happens on a visceral level and does not account for the rational thinking that human beings are also capable of. Viscera can be a very powerful thing however as we all know and can interfere with our (better?) judgement.

 

[EagerBeaver]

Well said Starry. A good friend of mine who has a long history of extramarital affairs and mistresses confided to me that when he was 12 years old he caught his father cheating on his mother with another woman. He told me this story as a way of justifying or explaining his own extramarital dalliances. I never totally accepted his self-psychological assessment. I think it's just the way he is wired. The only difference between him and me is I recognized this wiring in myself and never bothered getting married.

 

[Sol Tee Nutz]

Every person I know that cheated on his wife/girlfriend had the same story.... The other gradually decreased the amount of sex she had with them, all say that if the quantity of sex did not change they would never have cheated.

 

[rumpleforeskiin]

As Chester Brown would put it, monogamous romantic love only causes pain in the long term for most people......

A wise man, that Chester Brown. The problem with monogamy, in one of the more insightful passages in "Paying for It," is the link between love and the desire to possess that usually accompanies "love" in western society. What make my "arrangement" so successful is that we are able to love each other quite freely with no desire to own the other. And I confess, I owe much to Chester Brown for his eye-opening insights.

...actually runs counter to the innate desire and curiousity most men to have sex with different women.

Beav, I dare say that this innate desire is hardly unique to men. Our society has, however, done a much better job of suppressing it in women.

 

[EagerBeaver]

Beav, I dare say that this innate desire is hardly unique to men. Our society has, however, done a much better job of suppressing it in women.

I never said it was unique to men. However it is only men posting in this thread. Although I would imagine there are women on SA, none of them are posting in this thread, from what I have seen.

 

[curly]

https://mobile.nytimes.com/2007/08/12/weekinreview/12kolata.html

 

[rumpleforeskiin]

You can love someone, without having to possess them, there are many long lasting relationships that don't end in divorce/ separation.

Quite true, but if you don't possess your partner of many years, the logical extension is that you are both free, within the bounds of the long lasting relationship, to enjoy pleasure with other people. To deny yourself this is quite simply stupid.

There is always the unattainable happiness that comes with having children also in a committed relationship.

Why is happiness having children in a committed relationship unattainable? I happen, by the way, to have three fabulous, successful adult children, one of whom has given me a the cutest brightest little grandson. The fact that their mother and I are no longer making each others lives miserable in no way diminishes the pleasure I get from them. Quite the reverse.

 

[Sol Tee Nutz]

Why is happiness having children in a committed relationship unattainable? I happen, by the way, to have three fabulous, successful adult children, one of whom has given me a the cutest brightest little grandson. The fact that their mother and I are no longer making each others lives miserable in no way diminishes the pleasure I get from them. Quite the reverse.

Very true, my kids are much more at ease when the ex left the picture for 90% of the time, much more relaxed now and we can actually have fun.

 

[rumpleforeskiin]

Never felt chained in the 30 plus years I was married, being only with her was my choice, which I have never regretted.

If you read the article linked to near the end of page 18, you'll find that it's pretty well proven that men are programmed by nature to want to have sex with as many women as possible. Our society attempts to override that programming so that we become something utterly unnatural: monogamous. In most cases, society fails in this regard and men are either unfaithful or frustrated. Clearly, you took to the programming well.

While your marriage may not have been ABOUT possessing each other, clearly you did. I have a close friend who has been with the same woman for well over 30 years. No matter how much she bosses him around, and boy does she ever, he claims to be happy as a clam.

 

[curly]

I was in a rush, so I posted that link quickly.

I should have added that there is a very interesting article on this called "Promiscuous Men, Chaste Women and Other Gender Myths" in the latest Scientific American. All of our scientific evidence about this monogamous relationship are based on early studies of flies sexual behaviors in test tubes (early 20th century). There are other species where men are satisfied once they reproduced themselves once with a female while the female is active seeking other partners. If we had based our initial studies on these species, our stereotype would be very different. But that's not the case. We could argue that the scientists of those days were looking for evidence to confirm their views and used this as an example, instead of observing widely and factually and then drawing conclusions.