Predatory practices/fleecing vulnerable people

[HonestAbe]

Does anyone have anything thoughts to share about being used by someone, other than Coralie since we now know she didn't do anything wrong. Seriously, has anyone ever been taken advantage of by someone else who exploited a weakness in you and left you heartbroken, or just plain broke?
How did you deal with it? Looking back what was your biggest mistake? Were there any signs that you didn't pick up on at the time? How do you protect yourself from making the same mistake twice? Did you feel any anger or desire to get revenge? What stopped you from taking revenge? Any advice for others who may be in your shoes on what to look out for?

 

[sybaritic]

You are kidding yourself

....many people are duped at one point or another in their life. It really sucks when its about love though, often the question rushes through a victims mind when they are finally faced with the harsh reality, "How could I have been so blind?" Simple answer, "Love is Blindness."

HonestAbe, I think you have answered your own question, in the same way as others have answered it for you. When we are duped, it is almost always because we deceive ourselves. You say that you have no prejudices, but it seems to me that you are quite fascinated by the predatory female myth. Lawless says "it takes two to tango", but I would remind that it only takes one to misinterpret, misunderstand, harass, stalk, etc. In answer to your last question, probably almost everyone who has lived life and tried more than one relationship has had bad endings of one kind or another. It is part of life. That's how we learn, by trying and failing, over and over again, until we finally succeed.

Train, thank you. You have repeatedly taken the time to eloquently state that which should be obvious, but which clearly is not. I fear that in the future we going to have to sign a formal contract for every encounter, because so many clients seemingly don't understand the rules. That will kill the mood won't it! Keep on educating us!

 

[sybaritic]

Ahhh, love

I fall in love with all of them .....for about two hours.

Ain't it the truth! And for me it wouldn't be much fun if I didn't.

 

[Magda]

*repeatedly smacks forehead in dismay*

MONEY. YOU ARE PAYING HER!!! That should be hint enough.

 

[sybaritic]

Oh dear

*repeatedly smacks forehead in dismay*

Please don't hurt yourself.

 

[Magda]

Please don't hurt yourself.

I am just stunned that there is even discussion about reality vs. fantasy, and that this needs explaining to anyone on this board.

 

[Lawless]

I was told years ago that the best times for an SP were when she takes the money and when she closes the door behind you leaving the room or her leaving it....!!!!!
Always remember!!!
Whatever one may say!!!!

 

[EagerBeaver]

I am just stunned that there is even discussion about reality vs. fantasy, and that this needs explaining to anyone on this board.

Magda,

I wholeheartedly agree. I don't understand how an SP can ever be criticized for being too friendly. But some of these guys cannot distinguish between fantasy and reality. It is their heads that need to be slapped, not yours.

 

[joeblow]

EB, Magda et al,

Bottom lime, it certainly is the john's responsibility not to confuse fantasy with reality, and not to infer any amorous sentiment on the part of the provider in the context of a paid appointment. That I believe we all agree upon.

But in society there are regular johns and lovesick johns, as there are social drinkers and alcoholics, social gamblers and others who can waste their earnings away, occasional tokers and druggies, regular Internet forum members and board addicts. In each of these forms of leisure, there are even-keeled participants and flawed people who let themselves get carried away, who allow a hobby to turn into an addiction.

Aren't we all a bit excessive in this or that? Has anyone here not been on the verge of an addiction at one point or another in their lives? Right. Our flaws are what make us human, even likeable to some extent. So let's not so off-handedly throw stones on all the lovesick johns of this world who may have trouble distinguishing between a paid-for fantasy and real sentiment.

A good bartender will tell a patron when he/she has had enough for the night. I am not a gambler, but I believe state-run casinos (in Qc at least) will help their patrons fight their addiction. Do pushers tell their customers to stop buying? Surely not, but neither are pushers asking for social acceptance. Do SPs tell their lovesick johns when they have spent enough and are imperilling their livelihood? Obviously I don't have any survey to rely on, but I would conjecture it doesn't happen very often. Should they? Well perhaps yes they should, especially at the high-end when the SP does not live hand-to-mouth. I fully support the SPs thrust to gain social recognition. I support their quest for rights. And with those rights, come some responsibilities.

JB

 

[Magda]

EB, Magda et al,
A good bartender will tell a patron when he/she has had enough for the night. I am not a gambler, but I believe state-run casinos (in Qc at least) will help their patrons fight their addiction. Do pushers tell their customers to stop buying? Surely not, but neither are pushers asking for social acceptance. Do SPs tell their lovesick johns when they have spent enough and are imperilling their livelihood? Obviously I don't have any survey to rely on, but I would conjecture it doesn't happen very often. Should they? Well perhaps yes they should, especially at the high-end when the SP does not live hand-to-mouth. I fully support the SPs thrust to gain social recognition. I support their quest for rights. And with those rights, come some responsibilities.

JB

I am not a babysitter, I am a sex worker. I am not your mother. I am a sex worker. If you cannot handle your own emotions, you need to grow up. It is not, I REPEAT NOT my responsiblity to look after your mental state. Seek counselling, psychotherapy, whatever....I wouldn't even expect this from an unpaid lover, much less someone who is just doing their job.

The only time I will say something about a client's mental state is if it causes me discomfort. At that point I am risking further discomfort from a possible stalker/assault/kidnapping/psychokiller...etc! Thus, we have a situation such as the one we are currently discussing in this thread.

Don't play that rights/responsibity card with me. I know what my responibility is, and it certainly isn't playing shrink to some lovesick, obsessed client. This job is dangerous enough without having to confront emotionally unstable clients about their mental state.

Also, to compare alcohol comsumption to sex work is ludicrous. First of all, when one is drunk, it is quite obvious - not so obvious with obsession, though. Secondly, when one is drunk in public they are a danger to society as a whole and thus it is EVERYONE'S responsibility to make certain they are not driving or causing violence. However, if they want to sit at home and drink themselves into an oblivion that is no longer a danger to society and the bottle certainly won't protest being molested and tongued. However, someone who is obsessed can be obsessed anytime, anywhere, and unlike a bottle, an SP may protest. This comparison is weak and irrelevant.

 

[Special K]

Now that we've established that Coralie is totally innocent...

I think it would be a good idea to start a separate thread starting with Honest Abe's post entitled....

Now that we've established that Coralie is totally innocent...

I'm sure it will provide many interesting observations.

BTW Magda..your extremely candid and insightful posts really have a way of turning me on.

SK

 

[sybaritic]

Wow! Have you been drinking and typing????

EB, Magda et al,
Do SPs tell their lovesick johns when they have spent enough and are imperilling their livelihood? Obviously I don't have any survey to rely on, but I would conjecture it doesn't happen very often. Should they? Well perhaps yes they should, especially at the high-end when the SP does not live hand-to-mouth. I fully support the SPs thrust to gain social recognition. I support their quest for rights. And with those rights, come some responsibilities.
JB

I don't know about you, but I don't share my tax returns with even my most favorite SP friends!!! Can you explain to us how they are supposed to have a clue when a client is busting his budget?

Magda is right, of course.

 

[Lawless]

Magda,
That's the only approach......fully agree.
Whoever retain services like the ones you offer ....they have to do it at their own risks...for them to enjoy the moment.....an SP is there for one purpose only....whatever else they may say on this board!
Otherwise they simply try to get business through this media!

 

[Magda]

Despite what Magda says don't the best sp's have a little bit of shrink in them ?

Yes, but we NOT obligated to be such, not properly trained, nor do we have the education to provide this service (in most cases). In this circumstance also, (that of obsession with an SP) the sex worker is no longer objective enough to provide such a service, anyway, even if they were fully trained to do so.

 

[HonestAbe]

Wow.

Some of you need to relax. It never ceases to amaze me at how uptight some of you get over the idea of having a discussion over certain issues. In this case it seems that many of you are jumping through hoops trying to defend Sp's from some stigma that you think they are specifically being labeled with when nothing could be further from the truth. No accusations have been made about anyone in particular, nor any profession in particular. Disclaimers were made numerous times so as to ward off this kind of "feeding frenzy" of knee jerk reactions. So uptight are some of you in fact that you aren't even paying attention to the previous remarks which qualify and put into context the questions being asked. I think some of you might be a little unstable, LOL! Especially those who constantly make condescending remarks about other posters when they disagree with you. Thats just boorish.

As for me being prejudiced because of some misperceived fascination with a "predatory female myth?" Thats ridiculous since a disclaimer was made previously saying that BOTH men and women are equally capable of doing the same thing, you would have known that if you bothered to read the previous posts. In addition I would ask who is deceiving themselves if they call it a "myth." It is a plain fact that there are plenty of people, MEN AND WOMEN, who look to take advantage of other people every day, every where. To deny that is to fool oneself.

Its a simple question really. It has nothing to do with paying an Sp money since the context of the question is a scenario OUTSIDE of the working environment, NOT DURING A SESSION with an Sp. Therefore the simple conclusion that paying her should tip you off that its fantasy not reality has no bearing. Its not relevant to what is being asked. What is being asked is if it is wrong to pursue someone who exposes a vulnerability to you in order to exploit them beyond any working environment you may share with them.

Say you are a bartender and you meet a person who is lovesick or heartbroken, you may serve them drinks at the bar til they are more drunk than they need to be and one could argue that you overserved them. But thats not abnormal because thats what bartenders do in many cases. They shine you on to keep you opening your wallet and buying drinks and tipping them. But what if you (bartender) pursued that person after work on your own personal time, calling them, asking them out for dinner, and pretending to fall in love with them in order to gain their trust so you could take advantage of their wealth? That wouldbe crossing the line of your working environment wouldn't it? Because you are no longer serving them drinks, now you are serving them a big dose of bullshit in order to enrich yourself, aren't you?

The insinuation that other posters in this thread are having a hard time separating reality from fantasy is showing just how far you are missing the point. Forget Sp's. Forget Man or woman. Think People. Think everyday life. Sp', waitress, bank teller, fireman, police officer, ditch digger, bartender, WHATEVER profession you need to think about so you don't get defensive is fine. Just be objective and don't jump to conclusions.

 

[sybaritic]

Impressionable

I was told years ago that the best times for an SP were when she takes the money and when she closes the door behind you leaving the room or her leaving it....!!!!!
Always remember!!!
Whatever one may say!!!!

I take back what i said about this because I think I misunderstood you. I still not sure I understand, so I can't comment.

 

[Sadie]

Its true that
1) clients don't generally describe their financial situations to us, or, us to them. I mean, if I were a bit strapped that week, I can't imagine telling a client this to make him feel sorry for me or 'convince him' to take me for more than one hour. Conversely, a client shouldn't ask for a discount if he is 'low' that week.
2) I agree that both men and women have a predatory side. And I would say most predatory women I know are NOT SPs, guys.
3) SPing is a job, so it hardly can be seen as being 'predatory'. Its pretty straight forward I think.

'Say you are a bartender and you meet a person who is lovesick or heartbroken, you may serve them drinks at the bar til they are more drunk than they need to be and one could argue that you overserved them.'

As for the bartender example, sometimes you are broken hearted and just want to ruin yourself for the night. When it comes down to it, we are all big boys and girls, and we have to look after ourselves. Cos sure as hell nobody else is going to do it!

As for revenge, I used to be a revengeful kinda gal.. Now, I am of the opinion that revenge is like trying to keep hold of a hot coal while you're waiting for the opportunity to throw it at someone.

Sadie

 

[Magda]

what happened to my post?

I suppose it got lost in the move...

I'm not looking at it as providing a service so much as having some skills allowing the sp to enhance the existing service. At one extreme( I do mean extreme) would be BDSM and at the other something as innocuous as dirty talk.

I am not sure how bdsm or dirty talk relate to an sp determining the mental health of an obsessive client and treating them. Sure those things can be theraputic, but that is incidental. The majority of sp's are not qualified to make a proper diagnosis and prescribe a treatment. It could even be dangerous to attempt to do so.

How best could we handle things after a client becomes too emotionally attached? If a client gets too demanding, then I cut it off. I do not attempt to try to fix him or even point out the issues I have with them. I will just refuse service. At this point, it is very delicate and the client, if they are not mentally stable, might actually threaten me or try to harm me. This point, the point of perceived rejection is when a relationship can turn very bad. Any attempt to "counsel" a client through it while I am the subject of obsession is putting myself in danger. I don't think it is my responsibility to do that.

 

[naughtylady]

I must admit that I have fallen for my client on occasion. I find this difficult, but the reality of the situation keeps me from calling him...

One very good client I sent to marriage counseling when after much talk I realised he could save his marriage... From a financial point of view this was a very stupid thing for me to do. From a human point of view, when he asked my opinion, I had no other choice... I do not hear from him anymore. I hope he is doing well.


Ronnie,
Naughtylady

 

[Canadian Joe 652]

Every one is a victim and an abuser

HA,

At the end I think we have all the necessary capacity to be both. The context determines what role we play and in some cases it is without ou knowleldge or consent.

In that sense, the hobby makes for the ilussion of intimacy that can at some point lead to the erroneous interpretation.

If the bartender decides to pursue you outside his/her work enviroment, the intimacy expirienced and therefore the expectation created is one, the context is different when you meet an SP as some of us may have the impression of a different level of intimacy, which quite probably is not there.

Whom, has not walked about of a great session wishing it could be like that again? I know I have had some great drinking binges but never walked out wishing it could always be like that (unless I have an addiction).

Being abused has more to do with your own self steem and vulnerability than it does with the type of person that will eventually do the abusing.