Montreal Escorts

How to quit the Hobby/Addiction?

man77777

Well-Known Member
Jul 28, 2011
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Hi Halloween,

IMO your problem is that you give too much importance to physical assets. You talk about the girl you met and the girls you see on street like if just their physical apparence were important. And you talk about the guys in the same way. And thats probably why

1/ you cant be interessed by a regular girl (not good looking)

2/ You have zero confidence in yourself cause for you, you are just what you see in a mirror...

Cmon MIke, there is a lot of more important things than the physical appearance. I think you would feel better in your life with a wife who understand you and love you, even if she's not super hot, than alone, dont you ?

I think your cousin is right about porn, but it's not irreversible, stop looking and judging people from their appearance. Im sure you can love someone for what she has in her head and heart...

Look, you love your grandmother but she's not that hot ! ;)
 

Halloween Mike

Original Dude
Apr 19, 2009
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lol yeah but loving your relative is different than stranger. But i think your right about point 1 and 2. Its always been about the look for me, in everything... I know its weird... but i could be friend with an unatractive girl anytime, but only friends. I have no problem being friend with anybody as long as they aint religious fanatics(only thing that bother me) but when it comes to loving... i have very few experience... I loved one girl a couple years back, but she was also attractive(ex stripper) but i guess i didn't really loved her, more like i wanted her as a GF because she was hot and cared about me(for her, i was a very good friend, but thats it) Its weird... i guess i will have to know love eventually to apreciate it, so far for me its about how hot a girl is and how much i would want her.... Its just i would had trouble getting hard if the girl dosen't arouse me physically.
 

man77777

Well-Known Member
Jul 28, 2011
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Its just i would had trouble getting hard if the girl dosen't arouse me physically.

The way you get hard or not is just 10% of a real love relationship. And if she loves you, there will be no problem for her to have sex while you look at porn on tv or I dont know, you even still see SP for your fantasy...

A love relationship lasts 50years. And a girl is still hot for 5/10years if you take her at 25yo (and you can substract at least 2years of pregnancy !), so as you can see sex and hotness is actually nothing if you look at the duration of a real loverelationship. All the hot stripteaseuses will look quite the same than the regular girls you ignore right now, in 15years..

Find a really nice girl that loves you, no matter what she looks, it will change your life. And try to separate sex and feeling keep your sex fantasies but try to find a real and normal girl to build a solid relationship and a family...

Your main problem is not to get hard, but to stop being alone...
 

Halloween Mike

Original Dude
Apr 19, 2009
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Well its more complicated than that man... For once i believe in trust, if i would had a girlfriend i would not "hobby" like i do right now. Its wrong to me. Second, pregnancy... woaaa wait a minute... Im just not mature enough to have kids man... not now at least. I play video game, drink booze and im always on my last $, and i live with grandma... lol a familly, maybe in 10 years but thats about it...

Then there is always the problem of i don't know how to "cruze" , my biggest asset right now is being a good video game player.... good luck interesting girls in that... I don't think saying to a girl i ranked 4th in the world on mortal kombat in the past would interest her in me.

I have a friend, a girl, im supose to see her this winter. I was in school with her(adult school) and we where both the shy ones waiting for class 30 min before it started... we started talking to each other because looking at a person during 30 min without talking was weird... We became friend but it remained mostly in school, not out of it. We kept contact on facebook when she left for chicoutimi, and i think i may have interest her at some point, i may still, i dunno. She is small, slim, not the most attractive girl in the world but not ugly either. She didn't had much boyfriends cause she is "nerdy", younger and shy. I suspect she may still be a virgin...

When i see her this winter i may try to make a move.. but i don't know. Thing is she always have interest stuff to say about her studying, her life, she traveled in the last year, she seem much deeper than me.. All i can say is "yeah last time, i was drunk as hell, but still won 12 games out of the 15 i played on Gears of War.. Yeah well... she won't give a damn...
 

man77777

Well-Known Member
Jul 28, 2011
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The selfmockery you can have on your hobbies and of your life make me thinking you're deeper than you can think. Your main problem is that you underestimate yourself, Mike.

Good luck with this girl..
 

jeff jones

Banned
Mar 23, 2009
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At cleo's
Don't gett me wrong, i always try to be the best possible i can, but im not in the attractive class, and i know some of these girls will probably talk to there friend or fellow escorts co-workers later and mention "i hope next client is better looking, that one was fat" or whatever. I mean i wash to be super clean, i try to be the nicest i can, but im still a fat dude who pay girls to sleep with them and that they are miles above my league.

HM,

You seem to have some real self esteem issues when it comes to your weight and the way you look. Now no one can change the way they look but you can do something about your weight. Perhaps if you joined a gym or started working out, jogging anything you could lose some weight and you might feel better about your appearance.
 

Siocnarf

New Member
Jul 30, 2011
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Snuggletown
i agree with you on that first part but the last line about a therapist helping... not always and there's no silver bullet.

I know. Many people see therapist when they would not need one and become dependant on that. When I said professional help I meant support in general, not necessarily a shrink (the last part about a therapist that love you was more like a joke). Like drugs or gambling some people realy need support to solve their problems.

If prostitution becomes legalize, I can imagine the adds from the governments: the hobby must remain a hobby!
 

Siocnarf

New Member
Jul 30, 2011
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I don't play GOW3 anymore when im sobber... i try but i leave after 3-4 games(when im drunk its hours of GOW)

The way I see it if you managed to stop drinking that would take care of your gaming addiction also.

I've seen plenty of fat guys with good looking GF and not all rich guys either. (Maybe not top-model gorgeous hot babes, but you also have to be realistic.) I suppose some women like chubby men :D.

You said you liked martial arts. Go to classes and don't stop until you're qualified for the olympics. (Maybe you can find an interesting Zumba teacher also.)
 

reeviint

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Dec 18, 2012
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For some of the above mentioned addictions, there exists various support groups such as “AA” which stands for alcohol anonymous, “CA” which stands for cocaine anonymous, and “GA” which stands for gambling anonymous, etc. All of these support groups share one thing in common, and that is to help the individual cope with their addiction but more importantly to overcome their respective addiction by offering a forum of support from other individuals afflicted by the same addiction.
 

pat98

ebonylover retired...
Mar 26, 2010
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in fact seeing a therapist can be harmful to many ppl as you're relying on the opinion of 1 individual to validate or help you. i've seen ppl who've been destroyed by therapy alone.
Dunno wat kind of "therapist" u were talking...

IMHO and am not therapist of any kind but a REAL/GOOD therapist will help u find solution to ur problem watever it is...
More precisely he will eventually leads u to figure how to help yourself !
It this "therapist" only tells u wat to do...
Ask him right away how much u owe him AND go find another one and this time look for a REAL therapist...
AND yup sometimes therapy could be harsh difficult!
Myself Ive seen ppl denying their problems and destroying themselves really hard.

Bottom line finally is to recognize that there is a problem and find some quality help :nod:
 

footman

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Nov 11, 2005
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Because it is a coping mechanism...

( All coping mechanisms have an inherent logic & serve an important function. Underlying each coping mechanism is a need. If you discard a coping mechanism without finding another way to understand & meet the underlying need, the change wont last. Therefore you have to identify the need before you can effectively replace a self-destructive coping pattern with a healthier one)

Take a piece of paper & write down for each coping mechanism >
1) Coping mechanism: Ways this coping mechanism can still be useful to me:

2) Ways this coping mechanism is damaging to me:

3) The needs I am meeting with this behavior are:

4) Healthier ways to meet these needs would be to:

Seeing prostitutes on a regular basis is serving a sexual addiction... Addictions can manifest themselves in several ways, but the common element is a compulsive urge for gratification, albeit temporary. A fellow foot fetishist articulated on the subject of addiction perfectly; he said “I’m not addicted to anything…except temptation!” People become addicted to all sorts of things, some may have positive addictions but unfortunately most victims acquire negative addictions. A negative addiction is one that may have dire consequences should the person pursue their addiction long term. Addictions such as cigarette smoking can lead to cancer and heart disease. Addictions such as excessive alcohol consumption can lead to damage to the brain and the liver. Addictions such as the abusive consumption of various illegal narcotics known as cocaine, crack, ecstasy, marijuana, heroin, LSD, etc. leads to the destruction of brain cells, plus a host of various types of other health related issues, and in some cases to an overdose of the drug being consumed, causing death. Addictions to overeating will lead to obesity, resulting in a host of other health related issues such as diabetes. Addictions to gambling can often bankrupt a person, leaving them broke and resulting in possible suicide. Addictions to steroids can cause a person to develop liver and kidney problems, plus the real possibly of developing various forms of cancer not to mention extreme aggressive behavior.

A man’s sex drive is one of the most powerful forces within himself and it can be very hard to ignore those voices inside your head (both of them)! Addictions to sex, if you are paying for it can also bankrupt you if you are out of control. I recall a prostitute once telling me that from her experience, seeing a sex worker can easily become very addictive for many men. I didn’t believe her at the time, but now I am convinced of it. Furthermore, addictions to sex can often have dire consequences for people involved in either a marriage or a long term serious relationship. For example, If someone is involved in either a marriage or a serious relationship and are going outside their marriage or relationship to have their sexual addiction fulfilled, then something is either very wrong with the relationship or with the individual afflicted with the sexual addiction.

Your life is the sum total of all your choices. Choose well!
“ "The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he
still lives.”
 

malboro_man

Active Member
Feb 24, 2005
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I would quit this hobby in a minute if I had a regular girlfriend.

Sex with a girlfriend is definitely better than with SPs (generally speaking).I would do the same but I don't have one now.

It's hard to quit this hobby, esp. for long-term hobbyist. Even if you have a girlfriend, you may not be able to quit. I have started this hobby 15 years ago, but would not consider myself a hobbyist until 11-12 years ago.

A few months ago, I decided to cut down my hobby activities, just seeing the SPs that are really top notch. There are a number of reasons. First, it's spending. I've spent over 110k since I started this hobby (I would include hotel expenses in this amount). Second, I became too picky (maybe cheap too) and just want to spend my money strategically.

I have not hobbied in 2.5 months. The longest I have not hobbied is 4-5 months. I tried to quit a number of times but eventually the "urge to merge" wins.

I can see myself cutting down to several times per year. We'll see how it goes in 2013.

The cold turkey approach in the past did not work. A gradual slowdown may be the key (at least for me).

Joyeux Noel/Merry Christmas :)
 

footman

New Member
Nov 11, 2005
216
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Most of you don't know or understand the underlying reason why you have a need to see an SP/MP.. For myself the answer is both simple & sad. My half sister who is 10 years older than me sexually abused me when I was a young boy from the age of 2 years old until I was 10 years old. My half sister being 10 years older started fondling my soldier with her feet & toes when she was just 12 years old & it lasted until she was 20 years old. I think that it’s safe to conclude that most addictions stem from a powerful event in a person’s childhood whether positive or negative but more often than not it is a negative event that sparks the addiction. Addictions can also be labeled as a mental disorder if they are destructive to the individual being afflicted.

Psychology is the science & study of the mind and human behavior. Its immediate goal is to understand behavior and mental processes by researching and establishing both general principles and specific cases. For many the ultimate goal of psychology is to benefit society. Psychologists attempt to understand the role of mental functions in individuals and social behavior while also exploring the physiological and neurobiological processes that underlie certain functions and behaviors. Why do we behave in a certain way? What triggers us to develop abnormal behavioral habits? The most basic theory of Psychology teaches us that 70% to 80% of a human being’s mind, behavioral patterns and personality are formed & crystallized in the first 7 years of our childhood life. Therefore, it can be stated with great conviction that whatever dramatic or influential events which we are exposed to during our early childhood years shall have a profound impact on us later on in our adult life.

I wrote a book about how my half sister's incestuous abuse negatively impacted my life. The book is based on a true story of my life, on how I developed an extreme foot fetish and all the foot fetish events that I have experienced with prostitutes, strippers, massage parlor masseuses & a few escorts. Expanding on the above statement regarding the definition of psychology, let us take a different example than mine. Suppose you would give a young boy alcohol from the ages of 2 years old until 10 years old. Chances are very strong that the young boy will develop into an alcoholic in his adult life..For myself I developed an extreme obsession with women's feet as a result of the interactions I had as a young boy with my half sister. I can tell you that my obsession consumed way too much of my time, hence my life was wasted & derailed on a meaningless sexual addiction to women's feet..
I have indulged in my foot fetish sexual addiction as a single unattached male, never hurting anybody but myself, or more precisely my bank account balance. I confess that paying a sex worker who has no emotional attachment to me is oftentimes a very empty experience emotionally. The fact is the sex worker is basically interested in making money as fast and as easy as possible, and cares very little about you other than making you orgasm as quickly as she possibly can. A smart sex worker who sees the potential of a long term regular client will sometimes go out of her way to please you sexually, by doing the extra things that bring you the greatest amount of pleasure and enjoyment.

Personally I see my foot fetish as a gift but at the same time as a curse. Allow me to elaborate further. In many ways I do see my foot fetish as a gift, as stated above it does bring me a lot of enjoyment and pleasure. Furthermore, I can very safely engage in sexual activities with sex workers and the like by way of receiving a foot job and feel 100% secure that there is absolutely no risk of contracting any type of sexually transmitted disease for either myself or the woman performing a foot job on me. Another added bonus, I don’t need to install a condom on my soldier when receiving a foot job.
I also see my foot fetish as a curse for the following reasons; it is rather difficult for me to maintain a normal relationship with a woman, unless she would be always willing to satisfactorily fulfill my foot fetish needs and desires. Furthermore I have a double edged fetish, not only a foot fetish but a voyeurism fetish as well. How many women would be willing to participate in my voyeurism fetish by performing a foot job on another man before my very eyes, preferably with a total stranger? Then there is my very strict criterion that I look for when in pursuit of beautiful high arched feet attached to a pair of gorgeous legs, which said criterion already eliminates 99% of the female population. That leaves me with only 1% of the female population, and how many of the remaining 1% of women is either married or involved in a serious relationship with someone else? This is why at the age of 57, I am single and have never been married. My foot fetish has also caused me to suffer both monetarily and emotionally. I calculate that I have spent somewhere in the vicinity of between $150,000 and $200,000 (after tax dollars) during my lifetime in paying for prostitutes, strippers, and masseuses to indulge my foot fetish needs, not to mention all the numerous negative experiences I have endured with some of these evil service providers, not to mention almost being arrested by the police for being found inside a massage parlor/bawdy house, not to mention being placed in the back of a police cruiser after being caught inside a motel room with a prostitute, not to mention coming very close to being beaten up by a very large doorman who worked at the strip club “motel st. pierre” up in St. Jerome.

Happiness isn’t found in sex itself, but sex does ultimately play a role in human happiness. Sex is good, but sex with intimacy is even better. A large part of this has to do with the chemical changes that occur in your body when you are touched. Caressing, hugging, stroking, and cuddling all send a chain reaction of chemicals to signal your brain that it is pleasurable.

For anyone interested in reading my book titled "The Impact Of Incest" it is available in e-book format only & can be bought for $9.95 on my website > www.ImpactOfIncest.com
 

sugarbear1966

Member
Jul 30, 2011
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So the merb community was exposed to many positive reviews from footman regarding a MP in exchange for complimentary sessions with the MP....now posts disguised to aid a merb member which lead to a sales pitch...IMO, looks to me like someone is trying to pay for their hobbying more than an honest contribution.
 

Sol Tee Nutz

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Apr 29, 2012
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Look behind you.
Looks like something for Dr.Phil or Steve Wilco... I am also starting a book " The shame of being an Oiler fan and how to cope ". The first 3 copies will be available after I am finished.
 

malboro_man

Active Member
Feb 24, 2005
309
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I gave the issue some more thought this morning. Seeing prostitutes is a drug. To quit a drug, you need another drug. If you believe in God, go back to being religious. Didn't someone say religion is a drug. I actually tried that. I was very serious in wanting to quit last year. I don't think I was ever this determined in wanting to quit. It worked for a little while but my faith was shaken. I was religious when I was young. My faith was strong. That was a long time ago.

I also tried going back into the civilian dating scene last year. Boy, it was very different than 3 years ago before that. That was because I crossed that magical age threshold. The 20 year-olds see me differently. I was going for 30-s and early 40-s. It was hard to get excited about early 40 y.o. that not all SPs half that age excite me when I was hobbying.

Back to hobbying then.....but what ultimately slowed me down or put a temporary stop was the spending.

Spending money was not an issue before, but it is now. I am getting older and need to think of retirement or the economy could get worse - need to save for a rainy day. Money is a weak spot for me right now.

So, you need to find your weak spot......put a temporary or permanent stop to hobbying if you want to quit.
 

loverboy

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Aug 2, 2004
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difficult to Quite

I try myself to quit since last december.I am in the same situation Malboro, i spent over 200k in the last 15 years,now i realize that it is the time to think about my retirement.

I don't think that i can quit completely but i will try to see Sp only not more than once a Month.




I have to add my 2 cents. My self I spent a whole lotta of money on this also. Blame the media first it was the Mirror / Le Voir with there sexy ads in the back of SP advertisers & now you have it anywhere on the web.

My problem is a little different in my early years in college & even in my 30's no woman would give me a break, not because I'm un attractive but just because women always looking for the bad boy / muscle bond type. I'm either I find some women to be mean ,cold & heartless from my experiences in the dating world.
I spent 6 years with no sexual contact & that brought my spirits down really down to depression.
Then I said screw this I have options unfortunaly not the best option.So this is why I do this.
I was in a relationship for 5years & never even needed / wanted to call an SP.Then the relationship ended & again I abstained for 2 years & then I decide it was time again.
Now I'm still single & do this to get my libido tuned once in awahile.In other words need to keep my mojo active.
I still cannot understand how married men do this.
That's just me anyway. None of my business.
Now I only tune my mojo once every 3-4 months.
Life just is not fair sometimes. If we all had solid relationships we would not need the SP & they would not be making money off of us.
Then again many married men say SP is cheaper than getting married.
 

Stoo

Happy Wanderer
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Old or not, this is an interesting read...

I'm also in the "I'd like to quit" camp, but not enough to actually do it completely. I'm of the age that I need to be saving money, and making less than I used to, so it's a bad combination.

I am also finding that on average, sessions are less exciting than they used to be. I think I'm just bored with "vanilla" stuff, but rather than quitting, I am looking for more willing partners. Unfortunately, this has led to more "fringe" encounters, including groups etc. In one case I had BB sex with an amateur girl and the next few weeks were terrifying as I waited to be tested (all good!). And no, I won't be doing that again, but it did seem like a good idea at the time.

My biggest fears are financial and health. I am married... happily even, I'd say.. and the thought of getting caught is much greater than it used to be. (Ironically, I started hobbying after my first wife had an affair and we divorced.)

I find I hobby most when I am unhappy... and this is generally work related.

On occasion, I "quit" to prove to myself that I can do it. Then book a lady to celebrate! Ugh.
 
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