Ask us anything part 3

Lunaseraphim said:

Here's a question for clients. Aside from the obvious stuff like physical and verbal abuse, what would be a good reason for a provider not to want to see a client or for her to stop seeing him? What is a valid criticism you listened to, that made you change your behavior?

Question for providers : what are some problematic client behavior that aren't usually talked about or often not taken seriously? I have my own answers but I'm curious about yours

The reason why I'm asking is because sometimes I feel like clients are a bit clueless about how their own actions can be harmful, and it's good for them to be educated so they won't repeat the same mistakes

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any reason is a valid reason, if she doesn't consent to see you
that said, in my experience I haven't have many cases, and on those few, I barely received any kind of feedback at all.
some examples:

1) a well know indy provider, I had to postpone our session, the 1st time she accepted, the 2nd time she "fired me"... and no amount of apologies, begging, sending gift card, offer to pay a penalty, nada helped... nothing worked

2) couple of times I was respectfully declined ("I don't think we'll be a good match." -- during the 1st email introduction) because I put some details on kink, and they were vanilla. Lesson learnt, It is probably a good idea to go very vanilla on the first meet and only then ask if they are into that. unless her X posts are kinky wild.

3) I remember one that never replied back, she never said why, but I think she didn't enjoy our sexy time, it took me a lot of time to come, maybe I was too much work. I booked 2 hours and she asked to reduce it to 90min.

4) last one, there was this Toronto woman that I only met once, I think we both followed us in twitter and she didn't like something I posted, so she blocked me. She was with an agency, so I guess I could had asked the owner for feedback, but I didn't. If the reason was valid (abuse, violence) I would had been banned from that agency, and I still saw many other ladies from there and attended many of their orgy parties. Actually I didn't know she didn't want to see me until we met at an orgy around a year later, but that is story for another day

LC18 said:

I don’t really talk about my limits online. Mostly because I don’t want people to try and push them and also because they differ based on the person I’m with

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But that's not what I'm talking about, not physical limits like restrictions, more like things that generally SP's don't appreciate that a lot of clients do. I find that when I started being really clear about my boundaries, people stopped trying to push them.. however there are certain things that are less obvious

minutemenX said:

Log time ago one girl told me that my looks and behavior remind her so much of her dad that she feels uncomfortable with me.

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That's actually happened with me, it's a valid reason to not see a client imo but that doesn't mean you did anything wrong

LC18 said:

I understood the question and that’s still my answer

The only limits I’m willing to talk about publicly are the fact that I don’t tolerate racism of any forms and if I don’t like something I don’t force myself to see someone ever again. I don’t need to specify what are the things I don’t like publicly or even to my date

Whenever a man texts me to ask what my limits are, I simply don’t reply

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I see your point and I understand why you have that boundary. I find that it's better to be on the same page, but I also find that question a little oddly phrased usually. I think for me, and I think you might feel the same way.. it is surprising how clueless some people are. I don't think it's always the client's fault and we all have different tolerance levels, if something isn't communicated the person will keep going.. but some men have may have a problematic attitude, and not realize it because they think it's normal.

kstanb said:

any reason is a valid reason, if she doesn't consent to see you
that said, in my experience I haven't have many cases, and on those few, I barely received any kind of feedback at all.
some examples:

1) a well know indy provider, I had to postpone our session, the 1st time she accepted, the 2nd time she "fired me"... and no amount of apologies, begging, sending gift card, offer to pay a penalty, nada helped... nothing worked

2) couple of times I was respectfully declined ("I don't think we'll be a good match." -- during the 1st email introduction) because I put some details on kink, and they were vanilla. Lesson learnt, It is probably a good idea to go very vanilla on the first meet and only then ask if they are into that. unless her X posts are kinky wild.

3) I remember one that never replied back, she never said why, but I think she didn't enjoy our sexy time, it took me a lot of time to come, maybe I was too much work. I booked 2 hours and she asked to reduce it to 90min.

4) last one, there was this Toronto woman that I only met once, I think we both followed us in twitter and she didn't like something I posted, so she blocked me. She was with an agency, so I guess I could had asked the owner for feedback, but I didn't. If the reason was valid (abuse, violence) I would had been banned from that agency, and I still saw many other ladies from there and attended many of their orgy parties. Actually I didn't know she didn't want to see me until we met at an orgy around a year later, but that is story for another day

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I think I agree that providers don't have to keep tolerating certain things. I just witness and experience certain issues that are recurrent, so I wanted people to answer for themselves.. I don't know what you posted on twitter but 2 and 3 sound like cases of ''it's nobody's fault''. I remember one tourist I really enjoyed who took me on a date to talk about a future booking lol he wanted to take me to a swingers club and I said it was not my thing, but other providers would have loved that experience.. Same thing with your example on 3. Some providers can tolerate a long time or even really love it, some are more sensitive physically and need breaks.

do you have more examples of recurrent "annoyances"? obviously not abuse or violence or stalking or anything that will put you on a black list. but things you disliked to a point of "I don't want to see him again", but without crossing the black list level

kstanb said:

do you have more examples of recurrent "annoyances"? obviously not abuse or violence or stalking or anything that will put you on a black list. but things you disliked to a point of "I don't want to see him again", but without crossing the black list level

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When clients ask more and more questions and ask « why, why, why » about my dislikes and boundaries.

kstanb said:

do you have more examples of recurrent "annoyances"? obviously not abuse or violence or stalking or anything that will put you on a black list. but things you disliked to a point of "I don't want to see him again", but without crossing the black list level

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Here is my personal list.. Keep in mind that I tend to give people many chances and I like to have an open dialogue with clients in order to have a good experience
These are pet peeves and things that may lead to a conversation or not wanting to see someone again

-When I can tell someone is becoming obsessed with me and developing feelings and expectations that shouldn't exist.. It doesn't lead to good situations at all. One sign of this is when somebody seems to be ''doing too much'' and the generosity doesn't feel genuine, and when it seems like the person is going beyond his own budget.. I fear that it will lead to resentment. Keep in mind I have pretty good intuition and I can tell when someone is just being kind and loving towards me as opposed to another involuntarily trying to manipulate.. Sometimes that will involve things that go beyond my boundaries and drain my energy. My biggest issue with this is that it could lead to resentment

-Very connected to my first concern, when someone asks for discounts, tries to customize sessions to pay the least possible, or pushes for free time.. I can say the same thing about someone who is expecting conversations between bookings and constant interactions.. To be fair when I get along with a client I may feel compelled to interact with him a lot outside of bookings if he tries to reach me ma lot, but I often end up feeling like I hit a wall.. Sometimes guys ask for more just because they're cheap and not because they're obsessed, and it's often accompanied with an overall disrespectful attitude

-Things that make me feel like confidentiality is breached. For instance, when a client tells me personal info about other providers, when he talks about his experiences with colleagues, or makes comments about them.. Particularly negative comments. If he is gossiping to me about others, he will do the same to me. I also feel uncomfortable when clients will post anecdotes about me or repeat things I said to him without naming me. It makes me really uncomfortable. I see a lot of clients do this here and it can lead to gossip.. honestly being overly present on the boards isn't a deal breaker necessarily, but in some contexts it can feel awkward. Like this isn't a spectacle..

-When clients don't seem mindful of my physical comfort during intimacy. If I am in pain during bookings or I end up in pain at the end of a booking, I will dread seeing him again, or just might not. I don't want to address this on my own review thread but someone left a vague negative comment about me recently.. I found out who it is and I remember the intimacy was very rough and unpleasant and I just felt like an object. This is something that happens very rarely nowadays. Sometimes clients don't mean harm but they are clumsy and rough, and I don't think it's that hard to learn to be a bit more delicate.. Another issue is boundary pushing. A lot of clients think all providers will tolerate the same, but it's not the case.. and I think it's up to the client to pick the right provider for his needs

-A client just generally having a cold, judgemental or negative attitude.. I've had clients come in and offer 0 politeness, just make weird passive aggressive remarks, pass judgements on how I work etc. This is once again very rare, but after 2 times I usually don't want to see him anymore.

-Somebody being late frequently and wanting the extra time or somebody always taking a really really long time to leave. I told a client I had an issue with how he took extra time from me really often, in a very gentle way.. he stopped booking me after that. I think that says a lot

-When someone asks very very frequently, in an impolite manner like ''hey u free??'' ''avail?'' for super last minute bookings, or texts me frequently late at night..

These are pretty much the issues I commonly have to deal with, a lot more than straight up abusive behavior, even if it can be hard to define what counts as abusive sometimes

Giselle Montreal said:

When clients ask more and more questions and ask « why, why, why » about my dislikes and boundaries.

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Yeah, it doesn't happen as much anymore but I do not like it when I am asked those questions in person, I don't feel like explaining myself

kstanb said:

any reason is a valid reason, if she doesn't consent to see you

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That's it.

kstanb said:

do you have more examples of recurrent "annoyances"? obviously not abuse or violence or stalking or anything that will put you on a black list. but things you disliked to a point of "I don't want to see him again", but without crossing the black list level

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Inability to read into context clues and hints lol. Like, for example there's 3mins left to the appointment and I ask if he wants a shower and the client says "yes I'll go in a bit" but then proceeds to stay in the bed another 15min so you have to offer a shower again which is awkward.

Or the appointment is over, client took his shower, got dressed and is ready to leave, but he already over stayed by 15mins and won't stop talking despite the provider's responses being shorter and shorter, the fact that she keeps moving closer and closer to the door or even is holding the door handle by this point. Lol

To be clear, I'm not a clock watcher and don't mind if a few minutes go by because we're genuinely lost in conversation or whatever, but I'm speaking of clients who find new random subjects to talk about on the doorstep while I have to start tidying because I have a colleague using the incall in 30min and my body language is visibly anxious about it and confused about the lack of self awareness.

Julia Sky said:

Inability to read into context clues and hints lol. Like, for example there's 3mins left to the appointment and I ask if he wants a shower and the client says "yes I'll go in a bit" but then proceeds to stay in the bed another 15min so you have to offer a shower again which is awkward.

Or the appointment is over, client took his shower, got dressed and is ready to leave, but he already over stayed by 15mins and won't stop talking despite the provider's responses being shorter and shorter, the fact that she keeps moving closer and closer to the door or even is holding the door handle by this point. Lol

To be clear, I'm not a clock watcher and don't mind if a few minutes go by because we're genuinely lost in conversation or whatever, but I'm speaking of clients who find new random subjects to talk about on the doorstep while I have to start tidying because I have a colleague using the incall in 30min and my body language is visibly anxious about it and confused about the lack of self awareness.

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Yeah that's definitely part of my list. I'm not a clock watcher but sometimes I have something to do right after the booking or someone is showing up to the incall. It feels like it's done on purpose. I had a client recently who booked me for 45 minutes but he ended up staying over an hour. He also looked irritated when I told him he only had 15 minutes left. If you want to book longer book longer.. Initially I thought the term clock watcher literally meant someone who,s always looking to see if the time is up. Most of us don't have a lot of leeway between bookings or we have other things to do.

Here's one for the SPs. How good a judge of character do you think you are?

You meet a lot of new people. Given 5-10 minutes with them, do you have a good idea of how that person is going to behave for the remainder of the date?

tishina said:

You meet a lot of new people. Given 5-10 minutes with them, do you have a good idea of how that person is going to behave for the remainder of the date?

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It takes me 1 minute at most.

tishina said:

Here's one for the SPs. How good a judge of character do you think you are?

You meet a lot of new people. Given 5-10 minutes with them, do you have a good idea of how that person is going to behave for the remainder of the date?

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I've had some surprises but generally 1-3 minutes.

Giselle Montreal said:

It takes me 1 minute at most.

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I feel like that is an escort superpower!

tishina said:

Here's one for the SPs. How good a judge of character do you think you are?

You meet a lot of new people. Given 5-10 minutes with them, do you have a good idea of how that person is going to behave for the remainder of the date?

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Sometimes I can tell during the booking process. But honestly once someone walks through the door I already have a good idea as well.

However it's hard to anticipate how the connection might evolve over time. I'm a good judge of character but some people are very skilled at hiding their true selves.

Being an escort really helped me understand the human psyche in different ways

Lunaseraphim said:

Being an escort really helped me understand the human psyche in different ways

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That was where I was headed with that question actually. I imagine SPs see people laid bare (literally) in a way that few other people do, and it sounds like people are predictable even then. Does that insight translate into other interactions outside of sex work?