Approaching women

[MmiG]

Hello readers,

I ask myself many questions. Like why don't I approach women in my usual environmennt. As a young man of 23 years old, modestly looking, 140 pounds, average height, tanned, good hair, I completely avoid interaction with the girls I'm very attracted to. But somehow, completely fine talking with the ones I'm not interested in.

This week, I exhanged deep looks with this girl. Tempting looks with smiles and all. I had to walk across the room and she was in the other side. As she was standing in front of me, I simply said ''excuse me I have to pass'' while looking down! She was totally at my taste. Brunette and gorgeous.

Is not like I am a massive pedo. I don't understand. I haven't seen hookers in months and try to avoid sex as much as I can even if my drive is through the roof. It's a constant battle between my mind and my desires.

Any opinion on this?

 

[Giselle Montreal]

Confidence can come with age. Or you can try developing it.

 

[MCTJ]

I haven't seen hookers in months and try to avoid sex as much as I can even if my drive is through the roof. It's a constant battle between my mind and my desires.

Any opinion on this?

I wish I could help you more with your situation, beyond saying that consulting a therapist may be a good idea to further explore the topic. A few things that come to mind are issues like fears of intimacy or rejection, low self-esteem.

I just want to say that I agree with you here. Using escort services is not a solution to the problem you are facing. Any short-term gains in self-esteem may not translate in relationship success. Addiction-like behaviors may also develop. Trust me.

 

[Thor Jr]

Man, 23 yrs young, what a time I had at this age. My only advice is to develop a sense of humor, confidence will be implied with humor. I may not of approached every woman I wanted to, but I did okay at your age. I was a class clown, so it was easy.

I remember one time when I was doing a job in an office building, we were there for 6 months, there was a beautiful young, blonde and sexy woman. The way she dressed, spoke, walked, just ate me up. We saw her everyday, one day my partner and I were on the elevator with her, standing in the back, my partner pushed me into her, she turned and I apologized,
As we were getting off the elevator, I turned, held the door open, with the look of annoyance of the others on the elevator, I asked her to dinner, before I even finished my sentence, she said " I have a boyfriend" I know, ouch, but I was not defeated yet, I replied" Okay, bring him along, as long as he's quiet, I can make this work" she laughed as well as the others on the elevator, and they encouraged her to go out with me. It took her couple of days to say okay, and no, she didn't have a boyfriend.

So, all I can say is, the worst that can happen is she will say no. But if you ask 10 girls out, you only need one to say yes. Keep asking till you get that first yes, this will build your confidence.

My opinion, so take it as you please.

 

[Enjoying life]

Hello readers,

I ask myself many questions. Like why don't I approach women in my usual environmennt. As a young man of 23 years old, modestly looking, 140 pounds, average height, tanned, good hair, I completely avoid interaction with the girls I'm very attracted to. But somehow, completely fine talking with the ones I'm not interested in.

This week, I exhanged deep looks with this girl. Tempting looks with smiles and all. I had to walk across the room and she was in the other side. As she was standing in front of me, I simply said ''excuse me I have to pass'' while looking down! She was totally at my taste. Brunette and gorgeous.

Is not like I am a massive pedo. I don't understand. I haven't seen hookers in months and try to avoid sex as much as I can even if my drive is through the roof. It's a constant battle between my mind and my desires.

Any opinion on this?

It will still cost money!

 

[bodick7]

Hum…I can see myself in my early twenties through your sayings…
I remember awakening in a motel room with a big headache after spending all my money on alcool, cocain and escort…
I knew something had to change.
It took me some time before getting out of this state of mind.
I began socializing with friends around my family and started building a whole new network to change my life.
At some point, I naturally found out I just wanted to have fun with girls and pretty much everything changed.
I got no expectation until a friend of my brother brought 2 girls to see a show, the rest is history

 

[EagerBeaver]

Hum…I can see myself in my early twenties through your sayings…

Myself as well.... am reminded of an interaction I had with a woman I met on vacation when I was around 30. I met her near the swimming pool at the resort we were staying at. Initially I was attracted to her but we ended up becoming platonic friends. We exchanged numbers and communicated after returning home from vacation. She invited me and a male friend to a house she owned for a "singles weekend", while warning me that one of the female friends she was inviting was in a relationship with a man and would not only not talk to my friend and I, but wouldn't even acknowledge our presence. By way of explanation, she then said something to me I considered prophetic: "when she is in a relationship with a man, that's it. She doesn't look at or talk to other men. She doesn't really understand that men are people too."

I thought about what she said and carried it over to women. Women are people too, whether you look at them as a sexual object or as nothing more than friend material. As soon as you begin to look at women that way, you begin to mature as a human being and are able to communicate with women normally and effectively. If no expectations get attached to the communications, you will be surprised at how rapidly your communication skills and shtick develop. I didn't have them as a younger man, but developed them later in life. The key is to be yourself, and keep things light and humorous and never too serious.

My suggestion to you is to force feed development of these communication skills upon yourself. Continually put yourself in situations where you test them and don't worry about the consequences. Take some lumps if needed. You will be a better man, a wiser man and a more fulfilled man if you accelerate your own social development.

 

[masterfreak]

Moi aussi j'avais de la difficulté à faire les premiers pas dans la vingtaine.
Dans la communication le plus difficile c'est apprendre à écouter.
La peur du rejet ca empêche de prendre action oublie pas que si ça t'arrive c'est seulement une blessure dego.
Moins tu te prends au sérieux plus tu utilise l'humour c'est gagnant avec les femmes.
La confiance en soi ne s'acquiert pas en ayant un gros ego non c'est avec de l'expérience positive et ajustement lorsqu'on fait des erreurs.
Tu peux avoir des conseils sur merb mais moi si j'étais toi j'éviterais ce site.
Ici c'est la facilité de rencontrer une escorte, tu vas pas apprendre à développer tes compétences sociales si tu pratique cette activité.

 

[bodick7]

Tu peux avoir des conseils sur merb mais moi si j'étais toi j'éviterais ce site.

Suis pas en désaccord mais en même temps, c’est quand même mieux que toute la merde masculiniste mysogyne…A une époque, j’aurais eu toutes les raisons au monde de devenir un incell…C’était devenu à un point que certaines filles de mon entourage m’avait affublés d’horribles surnoms…Au moins, j’ai toujours eu de l’introspection. Je savais exactement pourquoi les dames n’étaient pas attiré par le jeune homme à la confiance fragile que j’étais et je les comprenais. Ça m’a aidé à cheminer et à sortir de ma coquille.

 

[Sylar]

I never had the issue, but I highly recommend this book: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

Don't worry, it's not one of those "how to pickup women" bullshit written by grifters that exist these days. It won't help specifically with women, but build your overall social awareness.

 

[Mandouke]

When I was your age I was lucky enough to be around numerous different women on a nightly basis. I did not have to look far for sexual entertainment. This went on for over a decade and let me tell you it did not do a thing for my confidence in approaching women that I truly admired and found interesting.

When I moved away from that lifestyle, I found that my ability to approach women I liked, left me feeling awkward and insecure. I would often find myself in situations that baffled me in terms of women that I liked and wanted to get to know more intimately.

In short, I found it easy to have sex with women but when it came time for a relationship, I was confounded. It was something I had to adjust to over time and I am still working on it. You are not alone and many males in that age group have similar stories and experiences.

 

[Mandouke]

I never had the issue, but I highly recommend this book: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

Indeed, a great book.

Another great book of his that I learned a lot from was; How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.

 

[Fradi]

It is like hockey the worst shot is always the one you didn’t take.
A certain amount of rejection is normal, that should not stop you from trying. It comes with experience.

 

[nico61]

Fear of rejection is no doubt hard on a lot of men at any age. In your 20’s your experience with women in general can be low. Depends on character I guess. In my case had a few girlfriends before I met my wife. In general I was very shy around women. Lucky I was surrounded by friends who were much more outgoing. One actually set me up with my future wife at a party. If he wasn’t there I would have never gone to talk to her. I was 25 at that point. She was the most beautiful woman at that party. In my mind, I thought I had no chance with her. That was far from the life we shared after for 31years. Then unfortunately cancer took her away. If you want change, you need to put in the work.
Good luck!

 

[Lunaseraphim]

We're all afraid of rejection.. I think understanding that rejection will happen is part of the process of becoming okay with approaching relationships. You also have to figure out what you want before you approach someone. What are you expecting from the interaction? I think there are many contexts in which it's inappropriate to approach women.. (or anyone that you're interested in romantically or sexually, really) An advice I've often been given and given other people is that in order to meet a romantic partner you have to go to events and do activities that will enable you to encounter people who have similar interests as you. And trust me, no matter how nerdy your interests are, you will absolutely meet girls who share these interests, either online or in real life. Someone is more likely to want to engage in conversation with you if they know you will have something interesting to talk about, and if you're pleasant. Don't use ''pick up artist'' tactics that are offered on reddit and sketchy forums like that.. It will absolutely backfire. There's this false belief that women ''don't like nice guys''. It's absolutely not true. Of course people are attracted to confidence, but someone is way more likely to pay attention to you if you are kind to them, listen to them, etc.

 

[Valentina]

As I like to say: rejection is redirection.

 

[Valentina]

Don't use ''pick up artist'' tactics that are offered on reddit and sketchy forums like that.. It will absolutely backfire.

 

[Enjoying life]

Pick up lines is so lame that’s old school!

 

[CLOUD 500]

We're all afraid of rejection.. I think understanding that rejection will happen is part of the process of becoming okay with approaching relationships. You also have to figure out what you want before you approach someone. What are you expecting from the interaction?

Unfortunately all the burden is on men when women refuse to make the first move. They wait for men to make the first move, all the burden of rejection falls on men. The embarressment and the ego busting of being rejected is tough, dating is strongly in favor of women. I think women in general do not understand this and many can be brutal in their rejection methods. It is weird that in 2025 with all this gender equality that there is total gender inequality in courtship. I think it is time women start making the first move. Many men are very shy and it just sucks for them.

 

[Enjoying life]

Unfortunately all the burden is on men when women refuse to make the first move. They wait for men to make the first move, all the burden of rejection falls on men. The embarressment and the ego busting of being rejected. I think women in general do not understand this and many can be brutal in their rejection methods. It is weird that in 2025 with all this gender equality that there total gender inequality in courtship. I think it time women start making the first move. Many men are very shy and it just sucks for them.

That’s why many men got tired of it and just ignore them now and go about their day!