I fell in love with sp in Colombia. How f.cked am i?

[Gazoo64]

Yeah, of course it did, the first dozen or so times. It was after the next few dozens of times that I thought there was something more than just business. We often talk about it and share our experiences in work and life. I don’t believe there are romantic feelings at play, but more of a friendship vibe and an appreciation for one another. I have no doubt that the same thing occurs with her other regulars. But that she forgets them right after, I don’t think so. Or am I way off about it? I guess only she can truly answer that question.

I agree with this assessment. When you share nice experiences, know about each other’s private lives, enjoy the intimacy, etc, there is a friendship vibe that is happening. It can’t be all an act, she would have to be an extremely good actress for that to happen!

IMO, if it’s with a special regular, it’s not purely transactional and I don’t think she’ll forget the moment she walks out. Of course it is a transaction, but you can also be “friends”, both can be true.

IMO, the difference is that when things go sideways, for example, you see each other less often, one or the other discovers things they don’t like about the other, etc, it’s easier for the lady to move on. She has other regulars, maybe even a SD, etc, so life goes on.

It might take the guys more time to move on, as some are still living in the “fantasy”. They miss the feeling of being desired, thought it was a special relationship, etc.

Sometimes the lines get blurred, but we have to remember that it’s somewhat of a fantasy. It will end at some point, so best to not get too caught up or attached.
My 2 cents!

 

[Massagefreek]

Happened to me a couple of times. It helped when I revisited the SP and she completely forgot about me, or when the experience was not as good as last time

 

[Jordd]

i'm know you would prefer an answer from a provider rather than me, but I would like a chance to answer your query. I really beleive it is when they are able to deliver the fantasy of "desire". It is really ego-boosting to be desired, especially by an attractive woman. It goes straight to the construct of the male ego. But the desire has to go both ways, you have to desire the girl as well. You have to genuinely desire her, and she has to convincingly reciprocate that desire.

I know in a couple of circumstances the girls where just playful and probably just enjoyed the moment and their playfulness gets mis-interpreted as reciprocal desire. Another provider I knew was very ambitious in her work and was fully aware that her 'act' was very effective at getting a loyal following, which she did...

Of course there is always the chance that she just digs you too I have recently heard of a married couple that met in this industry. Anything is possible.

Of course not. I appreciate answers from everybody, especially those that have been in the game longer than me and have had more time to think about this. I’m sure everyone has a story to tell!

Sure, it’s one sided. But maybe the girls don’t want to share their secrets! (With good reason lol)

 

[MCTJ]

Sometimes the lines get blurred, but we have to remember that it’s somewhat of a fantasy. It will end at some point, so best to not get too caught up or attached.

I fell in this trap of attachement to a sex worker and I have suffered greatly for close to two years (high anxiety, insomnia (now chronic), bouts of depression). It did not help that the sex worker in question was highly manipulative and I would even say, to a certain extent, exploitative. Even with the "relationship" over I am still struggling. You need some personal vulnerabilities, which I won't get into here, obviously, but I am certainly not the first or the last person to whom this will happen. I have spoken in the past to a sexologist who has experience treating people in the sex industry and she told me she had seen several cases like mine.

Review boards are sometimes a questionable source for advice, but trust me: do not fall in love with a sex worker is the best advice you will find here (actually that, and don't do BBFS). Things will start to happen naturally, but the act of "falling in love", in such circumstances, must be resisted. I have been told by the same sexologist that ethical sex workers will actually discourage their clients from "falling in love with them" when they feel it's happening, and will even cut contact with them. Unfortunately that's not how things went for me, quite to the contrary.

 

[puss1985]

Review boards are sometimes a questionable source for advice, but trust me: do not fall in love with a sex worker is the best advice you will find here (actually that, and don't do BBFS). Things will start to happen naturally, but the act of "falling in love", in such circumstances, must be resisted. I have been told by the same sexologist that ethical sex workers will actually discourage their clients from "falling in love with them" when they feel it's happening, and will even cut contact with them. Unfortunately that's not how things went for me, quite to the contrary.

Out of curiosity, what advice would you give?

 

[Enjoying life]

I fell in this trap of attachement to a sex worker and I have suffered greatly for close to two years (high anxiety, insomnia (now chronic), bouts of depression). It did not help that the sex worker in question was highly manipulative and I would even say, to a certain extent, exploitative. Even with the "relationship" over I am still struggling. You need some personal vulnerabilities, which I won't get into here, obviously, but I am certainly not the first or the last person to whom this will happen. I have spoken in the past to a sexologist who has experience treating people in the sex industry and she told me she had seen several cases like mine.

Review boards are sometimes a questionable source for advice, but trust me: do not fall in love with a sex worker is the best advice you will find here (actually that, and don't do BBFS). Things will start to happen naturally, but the act of "falling in love", in such circumstances, must be resisted. I have been told by the same sexologist that ethical sex workers will actually discourage their clients from "falling in love with them" when they feel it's happening, and will even cut contact with them. Unfortunately that's not how things went for me, quite to the contrary.

I just make sure its just a great kinky time with my regular SP and I get a great climax thats it

 

[MCTJ]

Out of curiosity, what advice would you give?

I read your post above (#27) and I can relate a lot. I don't have an easy solution. Here are a few things I learned:

The better off you are in the other spheres of your life (friendships, romantic, family) the easier it should be to overcome your problem. Seeking help from a psychologist is good first step. You have to find one that is a good fit and that you trust. That therapeutic relationship might help you get over the problematic relationship with the SWer. I would even suggest to pick a therapist that you find attractive (not a joke) as it could help in that regard.

The fact of "not being able to stop thinking about her" is an extremely vexing problem that I still struggle with. Those who have never suffered from rumination or even  OCD will not understand. There is no "off switch" in the brain for that. Distraction (as with work) only works as a temporary band-aid, as you realized. Two common therapeutical approaches that could work with these obsessive thoughts are mindfulness (did not work for me) or acceptance and commitment therapy (did not try it). A general advice is to invest in or build other meaningful relationships in your life, which of course takes time and effort.

What I have learned through my experience is that this situation of falling in love with a sex worker is tied to problems with low self-esteem and also insecure forms of attachment (an interesting topic to read about).

 

[MCTJ]

I just make sure its just a great kinky time with my regular SP and I get a great climax thats it

Good for you man. It looks like you're @Enjoying life . For some of us it doesn't come as easily.

 

[Enjoying life]

Good for you man. It looks like you're @Enjoying life . For some of us it doesn't come as easily.

No Ive been that way too! I’ve got more wise and stronger!

 

[Enjoying life]

No Ive been that way too! I’ve got more wise and stronger!

Either you sink or swim!

 

[Nachoy]

I fell for a Latina SP that was new to Canada
Something about old world charm and getting to know your client and not your typical fast pace in-out turnstile SP-client relationship
Seen her regularly for a year and then she quit escorting. She kept me as a client after quitting for a short time Then didn’t respond to me after that. Still very fond memories but definitely had withdraws not being with her that I never experienced with other providers

 

[Dasiana]

We don’t fall in love with the other person.

We fall in love with the version of ourselves that exists with the other person.

We fall in love with who we get to be, through and with them.

Because love becomes so personified—
It feels like it’s over there, with them—
So when they leave, it feels like devastation.

But in truth, they were just the catalyst.

They revealed the love that was already in your nature.

Who were you when you were with that woman?

That’s what you truly want.
Not necessarily her,

But the you that you were when you were with her.

You were imagining possibilities, a future you created in your mind.

You associated those happy feelings with that person.

The lie is believing that when she’s gone, you’ve lost all that.

When you think you’re falling in love—whether it’s with someone special or even just an ordinary person—

What you’re really loving is how you feel around them.

They are the trigger, yes,

But it’s you you’re loving—how good you feel.

So it’s not about someone else. It’s about you.

Hope that helps

 

[MCTJ]

We don’t fall in love with the other person.

We fall in love with the version of ourselves that exists with the other person.

We fall in love with who we get to be, through and with them.

Because love becomes so personified—
It feels like it’s over there, with them—
So when they leave, it feels like devastation.

But in truth, they were just the catalyst.

They revealed the love that was already in your nature.

Who were you when you were with that woman?

That’s what you truly want.
Not necessarily her,

But the you that you were when you were with her.

You were imagining possibilities, a future you created in your mind.

You associated those happy feelings with that person.

The lie is believing that when she’s gone, you’ve lost all that.

When you think you’re falling in love—whether it’s with someone special or even just an ordinary person—

What you’re really loving is how you feel around them.

They are the trigger, yes,

But it’s you you’re loving—how good you feel.

So it’s not about someone else. It’s about you.

Hope that helps

I really appreciate those insights, and you have for sure thought about what it means to fall in love more than me.

In reality, "falling in love" represents the first stage in a relationship, and ressembles what you describe. The dopamine rush feels good (it's about yourself).

In a healthy relationship, those feelings subside with time and it becomes more of a mutually beneficial relationship, with shared projects, aspirations, experiences, etc.

We should distinguish falling in love, from being in love. In the latter case, I would argue that almost by definition, it is not a self-centered state.

If you fall in love with an escort, you are stuck in "falling in love" mode for as long as the relationship lasts. There is no possibility for evolution. It's a cycle of dopamine highs and crashes (i.e. love addiction) with each moment spent together, which is inevitably followed by separation. (Rinse and repeat).

 

[Julia Sky]

We don’t fall in love with the other person.

We fall in love with the version of ourselves that exists with the other person.

We fall in love with who we get to be, through and with them.

Because love becomes so personified—
It feels like it’s over there, with them—
So when they leave, it feels like devastation.

But in truth, they were just the catalyst.

They revealed the love that was already in your nature.

Who were you when you were with that woman?

That’s what you truly want.
Not necessarily her,

But the you that you were when you were with her.

You were imagining possibilities, a future you created in your mind.

You associated those happy feelings with that person.

The lie is believing that when she’s gone, you’ve lost all that.

When you think you’re falling in love—whether it’s with someone special or even just an ordinary person—

What you’re really loving is how you feel around them.

They are the trigger, yes,

But it’s you you’re loving—how good you feel.

So it’s not about someone else. It’s about you.

Hope that helps

This is such a beautiful way to put it. Thank you for sharing these thoughts!

 

[Jordd]

We don’t fall in love with the other person.

We fall in love with the version of ourselves that exists with the other person.

We fall in love with who we get to be, through and with them.

Because love becomes so personified—
It feels like it’s over there, with them—
So when they leave, it feels like devastation.

But in truth, they were just the catalyst.

They revealed the love that was already in your nature.

Who were you when you were with that woman?

That’s what you truly want.
Not necessarily her,

But the you that you were when you were with her.

You were imagining possibilities, a future you created in your mind.

You associated those happy feelings with that person.

The lie is believing that when she’s gone, you’ve lost all that.

When you think you’re falling in love—whether it’s with someone special or even just an ordinary person—

What you’re really loving is how you feel around them.

They are the trigger, yes,

But it’s you you’re loving—how good you feel.

So it’s not about someone else. It’s about you.

Hope that helps

That’s it!! That’s the explanation! Thanks!!!

 

[BDMachine]

Got back from trip in Colombia few days ago. Was with a sp and i cant stop thinking about her. Didnt do anything about it like telling her how i feel and stuff but she wont get outta my mind. Wtf do i do to get rid of this feeling??

re: Colombia, couldn’t DM y

Got back from trip in Colombia few days ago. Was with a sp and i cant stop thinking about her. Didnt do anything about it like telling her how i feel and stuff but she wont get outta my mind. Wtf do i do to ge

Got back from trip in Colombia few days ago. Was with a sp and i cant stop thinking about her. Didnt do anything about it like telling her how i feel and stuff but she wont get outta my mind. Wtf do i do to get rid of this feeling??

RE: Colombia, couldn’t DM u. Send msg if you’d like.