Joke Thread

[letsrock2012]

After a Beer Festival in a nice hotel, all the brewery presidents decided to go for a beer.
Corona's president sits down and says: "Señor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
Then Budweiser's president says: "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
Coors' president says: "I'd like the best beer in the world, the only one made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
Molson's president sits down and says: "Give me a Coke." The bartender a little surprised gives him a coke.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask: "Why aren't you drinking a Molson?"
The Molson president replies: "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."

 

[Doc Holliday]

Q: What is the difference between a habs fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after a while.

 

[Steely Dan]

Why doesn’t Hamilton have an NHL team?
A: Because then Toronto would want one.

 

[Doc Holliday]

Q: What is the difference between Frequent Flyer Miles and the Habs?
A: Frequent Flyer Miles score points.

 

[What's My Name]

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. And you thought blondes were dumb.

 

[panthere]

On devrait appeller le prochain film Xxx ...citrouille.... Yaurai plein de graine dedans

 

[Sol Tee Nutz]

Jim Jeffries.... One of my favorites.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbvrGiL_s70

 

[Sol Tee Nutz]

Met a lady who had a tattoo of a seashell on her upper thigh, when I put my ear against it I could smell the ocean.... Bahahahahaha...

 

[Sol Tee Nutz]

I am guessing that not all women like to be kissed on the neck.

Especially when they are driving and I am in the backseat.

And she does not know I was there.

Or who I am.

Apparently.

 

[letsrock2012]

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds,
Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

 

[Sol Tee Nutz]

US election prediction: Democrats take an early lead which will drastically change later in the day when the Republicans get off work.

 

[anon_vlad]

US election prediction: Democrats take an early lead which will drastically change later in the day when the Republicans get off work.

It's appropriate that you put your comment in the Joke thread.

 

[Passionné]

Republicans get off work.

Forget to vote in a huge rush to grab Donald Trump KKK/Nazi inflatable HUMP dolls. Too much fun to vote.

Not kidding. http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnnnext/da...latable-kkk-costume-nr-00005230-super-169.jpg

 

[lgna69xxx]

lol, that was good STN and oh so true :thumb:

US election prediction: Democrats take an early lead which will drastically change later in the day when the Republicans get off work.

 

[jalimon]

"I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21, I was so bad, she gave me a refund."

Robin Williams

 

[j-fingel]

Un gars sur le BS entre dans un centre d'emploi, il va voir la réceptioniste et lui dit qu'il se cherche un emploi. Elle le regarde et lui dit: "juste vous asseoir 5 minutes, ça va passer".

 

[Zumba650]

STN,

Funny stuff !!!!!

I never banged a 10, but one night I banged 5 twos and I thing that should count !!!!

 

[Sleemans]

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

The Hoover has a dirt bag inside and the Harley has a the dirt bag hanging on the outside.

 

[SilverDust]

Have you seen those testicles hanging off the hitch on some vehicles?
They always have a BIG dick behind the wheel.

 

[Zumba]

Why did the snowman take his pants off ????


He saw the snowblower coming.