Joke Thread
- Thread starter donbusch
- Start date
Four guys have been going on the same fishing trip for many years. A few days before the group's departure
date, John's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. John's fishing buddies are very upset that he
can't go, but what can they do. Three days later the three get into the camping site to find john sitting there
with his tent set up, firewood gathered and dinner cooking on the fire, drinking a cold beer. "Heck John, how
long have you been here, and how did you get your missus into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since last night. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my recliner when my wife came up
behind me, put her hands over my eyes, and asked, "Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and there she was,
wearing a nightie. She took my hand and pulled me into the bedroom, where she'd lit candles and put rose
petals all over the place. Well, she's been reading "50 Shades of Grey"...
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
And then she said, "Do what ever you want."
So, boys, here I am.
date, John's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. John's fishing buddies are very upset that he
can't go, but what can they do. Three days later the three get into the camping site to find john sitting there
with his tent set up, firewood gathered and dinner cooking on the fire, drinking a cold beer. "Heck John, how
long have you been here, and how did you get your missus into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since last night. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my recliner when my wife came up
behind me, put her hands over my eyes, and asked, "Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and there she was,
wearing a nightie. She took my hand and pulled me into the bedroom, where she'd lit candles and put rose
petals all over the place. Well, she's been reading "50 Shades of Grey"...
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
And then she said, "Do what ever you want."
So, boys, here I am.
When going for a walk in the woods at night with your girlfriend/wife and she says she is scared the incorrect reply is not " Why are you scared, I am the one who has to walk out alone ".
Once I came back from work early and found my wife in bed with my best friend. I grabbed my wife threw her out of the house with all of her belongings and told her never to come back. Then I went into my bedroom grabbed my best friend by the ears and said " bad dog " !
Once I cam back from a saturday morning run only to find my wife all tied up in bed, blindfolded. She said "honey you can do whatever you want!". So I left her there and went fishing
Cheers,
The exact same joke has been written just a few posts above with more details
The exact same joke has been written just a few posts above with more details
Oups did not read that one! Seen mine this morning in a facebook pics that was quite funny
The exact same joke has been written just a few posts above with more details
Thank you, :kiss: i like the long version
SO this American businessman is visiting Japan for a few days. He decides to go to a Geisha house, and meets a really beautiful girl. But they can't really talk, they can't speak each other language. So they go off to a dark room and start making out. It's getting really hot and he starts pounding away. As things get more intense she starts yelling "Oki Saka" Oki Sake" and he figures she must really love this....this continues and continues and then satisfied he leaves for the day.
The next he meets his Japanese boss and they out playing golf. The boss, hits a hole in one. Tje businessman starts yelling "Oki Saka" Oki Saka. The boss looks at him and says "What do you mean "Wrong hole???"
The next he meets his Japanese boss and they out playing golf. The boss, hits a hole in one. Tje businessman starts yelling "Oki Saka" Oki Saka. The boss looks at him and says "What do you mean "Wrong hole???"
A couple of nights ago I had solid FS for one hour and 45 seconds, thank you daylight savings time.
When I was born God gave me two choices...I could either have a great memory Or be great in bed. SHIT! now i forgot what I was going to tell you!
Now that we are into that taxing time of year..There is one difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist—the taxidermist leaves the hide.”
•“Tax reform is when you take the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and put taxes on things that haven’t been taxed before.”
Now back to looking for deductibles:yo:
•“Tax reform is when you take the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and put taxes on things that haven’t been taxed before.”
Now back to looking for deductibles:yo:
I write comedy sketches, however I am so shy that I only write them, nobody ever hears them.....
I wrote this years ago and it seems appropriate today. Enjoy
I wish I were a funny guy, but a funny guy makes people laugh at bad jokes. Johnny Carson was the mater of this. For me to be successful I need a great joke, exact timing, a wonderful delivery and a bleary eyed drunk audience that spontaneously laughs whenever I say the word “erection”. Now, I figger, those elements come together as often as a solar eclipse. That’s why I call myself an ecliptic comic. So, I am not always funny but if any of you guys are planning a comedian for your next solar eclipse party….I am your man. WTF Today is the day!!!!
I wrote this years ago and it seems appropriate today. Enjoy
I wish I were a funny guy, but a funny guy makes people laugh at bad jokes. Johnny Carson was the mater of this. For me to be successful I need a great joke, exact timing, a wonderful delivery and a bleary eyed drunk audience that spontaneously laughs whenever I say the word “erection”. Now, I figger, those elements come together as often as a solar eclipse. That’s why I call myself an ecliptic comic. So, I am not always funny but if any of you guys are planning a comedian for your next solar eclipse party….I am your man. WTF Today is the day!!!!
My mom used to say to me. Anton, am I a bad mother?
I would reply, my name is Paul.
............................................................................................................................................
After work I help blind children.
BTW....... Verb, not adjective.
I would reply, my name is Paul.
............................................................................................................................................
After work I help blind children.
BTW....... Verb, not adjective.
[FONT="]Visiting a clinic one day, Joe looked into the nurses eyes and said, "Nurses aren't supposed to laugh, right?" [/FONT]
[FONT="]"Of course I won't laugh. I'm a professional nurse. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." [/FONT]
[FONT="]"Okay then," Joe said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest man penis the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery. [/FONT]
[FONT="]Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling then almost fell to the floor laughing. [/FONT]
[FONT="]A few minutes later she was able to regain her composure. [/FONT]
[FONT="]"I'm so sorry," said the nurse. "I don't know what came over me. [/FONT]
[FONT="]On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now tell me, what seems to be the problem?" [/FONT]
[FONT="]"It's swollen," Joe replied. [/FONT]
[FONT="]Things went downhill from there.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Of course I won't laugh. I'm a professional nurse. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." [/FONT]
[FONT="]"Okay then," Joe said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest man penis the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery. [/FONT]
[FONT="]Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling then almost fell to the floor laughing. [/FONT]
[FONT="]A few minutes later she was able to regain her composure. [/FONT]
[FONT="]"I'm so sorry," said the nurse. "I don't know what came over me. [/FONT]
[FONT="]On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now tell me, what seems to be the problem?" [/FONT]
[FONT="]"It's swollen," Joe replied. [/FONT]
[FONT="]Things went downhill from there.[/FONT]
A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales Clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.
After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29."
"I am actually 47!"
This makes him feel really good.
While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."
As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it's done. You are 47."
Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonalds."
"About 35," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.
After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29."
"I am actually 47!"
This makes him feel really good.
While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."
As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it's done. You are 47."
Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonalds."
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