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Long term arrangements

CaptRenault

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... sex can be just a starting point in a relationship. My SB and I will hit the two year mark next week and our relationship has gone way beyond that...
.

Rumples, glad to know that your relationship continues to go well. I could imagine having such a relationship but it would require more cash than I can afford to spend and it would have to be a special woman, probably someone older than my current SB. I did kind of experience such a relationship, but only for a few days and in a foreign land. I described it here. So I understand what you're talking about.

I agree that it's not always all about sex. Even with an escort, an encounter is not always all about sex. The nice thing about an arrangement is that there is an assumption by both people that, if things work out, you will see each other on a regular basis and get to know each other as real people and not just impersonal sex objects.

Of course, a guy can develop that kind of relationship with an escort too but it is less likely to happen than with a sugar relationship. And some sugar relationships can last only one encounter, just like many meetings with an escort. In sum, I think there is a wide range of possible arrangements that can occur and that's a good thing.


...this several types of "arrangments" set boundaries that helps to protect our privacy...keeping us away from dramas, insecurity, expectations, arguments, and heavy/negative stuffs that can drag us down in a personal relatioship leaded by feelings...

Thanks for sharing your perspective. So if I understand correctly, you are saying that you have had "arrangements" outside of your work as an escort. Did you meet guys on Seeking Arrangement or just in the course of daily life?
 

CaptRenault

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...My sweetheart knew beyond doubt when reading my profile that I was the guy for her. When she wrote me, I suspected from her handle that her letter was probably worth reading and I ponied up the $70 to do so. Best move I ever made.

Rumples, your last point is a good one, i.e. she wrote to you first. In my experience, the women who take the initiative to reach out first to the guy often have the best potential for an arrangement. I'm not saying that you should only pursue women who reach out to you first, but you should give them a careful look.
 

Kinky Cinderella

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Capt; I haven't find enough time yet to really try SA, I do have an account with way too much unread messages...but I passed through so much stress lately: it was certainly not a good period to think honestly about my needs and which site will respond/satisfy best my criterias... I favorised a comfort zone meanwhile I can experiment both styles of boundaries/arrangments...
 

kabukicho

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Jun 29, 2012
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CR,

I have been on SA for almost 4 years and it is DEFINITELY a learned skill. My success rate improved over time in getting dates and I sincerely believed it was due to adjusting my “Seeking Arrangement Shtick.” And playing by the rules. I have progressively had success with hotter and hotter women and I am currently dating a local college girl, who is 20 years old. She is very refined and cultured and an academic stud and a good match for me.

thank you everyone, lots of fine informative responses, i've learned alot now. I do have two questions, one is for EB... so you go out to restaurants, social time... do you get stares due to the age difference? Inquiries from a waiter hidden behind a quick 'joke'?

Secondly a question for anyone... you folks pay the monthly membership with your CC and you're okay with that? Or use something else.... BTC?
 

EagerBeaver

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thank you everyone, lots of fine informative responses, i've learned alot now. I do have two questions, one is for EB... so you go out to restaurants, social time... do you get stares due to the age difference? Inquiries from a waiter hidden behind a quick 'joke'?

Secondly a question for anyone... you folks pay the monthly membership with your CC and you're okay with that? Or use something else.... BTC?

As to your first question, not as much as you think, although I recall a few years ago I was on a date at a restaurant and the lady I was with, who was 23, kept mentioning to me she thought we were getting stares from others in the restaurant. She seemed unusually paranoid, because most of the other women I have dated on SA really do not seem to care one iota. I can think of two incidents, and both arose with busybody, middle aged, female waitresses. In the first incident, I was with a 20 year old knockout mixed racial woman I met on SA. We dined at the same restaurant on two different occasions, and had the same waitress both times, a yakky, busybody type, the kind of person who is not bashful about asking questions. On the second visit to the restaurant, after my date got up to go to the bathroom, she said to me, "she is gorgeous, is she a model? and then, before I could reply, she said, "who is she to you??????" And I answered "I don't know" to the first question and "she is a friend" to the second one, which was asked in a low, conspiratorial tone of voice.

The second incident was similar. It was at a different restaurant, same kind of waitress, same kind of question except it was more of a statement than a question, commenting on how great looking my date was and asking if she was a model. It's possible that this waitress had lesbian interest in my date, but I kind of interpreted her comments as prurient curiosity.

Implied, but not stated, in both these incidents, was "hey dude, an older guy like you is really lucky to have some hot young pussy sitting at your table and I am curious how that came to be." But neither incident phased me very much, as I am single and really do not care what anyone else thinks. So I do not overreact and usually just brush off such questions or comments with vague and euphemistic answers. I told both of the ladies about the comments later on and they were amused.

As for payment for SA I do use a credit card but it does not appear as SA on your statement, it's the name of some unrecognizable holding company. It's a secure transaction and it's certainly not any more cause for concern than using your credit card online on Amazon to purchase shoes. All you purchase on SA is the right to send messages and interact with other users. There is nothing illegal about that in and of itself.
 

rumpleforeskiin

It's a whole new ballgame
Jan 20, 2007
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Where I belong.
The monthly charge last time is signed up was $70 and is non-recurring.

As for the other issue, I've been dining out for years with younger women. Most often these days it's my sweetie, who is 32, though I've dined out with escorts as well, usually considerably younger. I've also dined out with my daughters, from the time they were little girls to the time they became beautiful young women. It's a non-issue.
 

Kinky Cinderella

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Secondly a question for anyone... you folks pay the monthly membership with your CC and you're okay with that? Or use something else.... BTC?
EB and Rumple answered you what I was about to say from my experience here on merb as an advertiser...
Sites providing things possibly related to people secret life have as #1 priority to keep their members identity anonymous...just remember Ashley Madisson's case gives a very good example on how essential keeping private information back channel is for the majority of the members going in those communities.
 

kabukicho

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Jun 29, 2012
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As for payment for SA I do use a credit card but it does not appear as SA on your statement, it's the name of some unrecognizable holding company. It's a secure transaction and it's certainly not any more cause for concern than using your credit card online on Amazon to purchase shoes. All you purchase on SA is the right to send messages and interact with other users. There is nothing illegal about that in and of itself.

EB, I'm probably not concerned about who looks at my credit card balances and statements (though if someone got a hold of them, it probably wouldn't take much to determine what the holding company FOR SA.com is...

I'm more concerned about a data breach... like at that Ashley site...

If you paid w/ cc, your payment info has your real name and address, so if SA's computers has your billing records,and suffers a breach/leak.... then would we not be in a pickle. Perhaps we hope due to Ashley, and SA's founder being a MIT grad, he's got great protection in place?

Or, if they use a 3rd party handling its billing ? then SA's computers wouldnt have your CC: info, billing and address... the 3rd party would... but being that there must be some 'linkage' between 3rd party and SA, (otherwise how they know YOU paid) in the event of the right type of leakage, its probably no safer than if SA directly handles the billing.
 

kabukicho

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What about profile verification on SA's site? I read that you can elect to allow to have your profile on SA be verified, and it's done by 3rd party. , this means allow yourself to be background checked. Afterwards your SA profile has some sort of marker identifying you as being verified. I get it, great disarmer for a SD because you are verified.


But has any one done this and recall the mechanics? what info (identifiable obviously) to SA's 3rd party.

Mechanics as in, does the 3rd party just do thieir thing and just tell SA your customer is "verfiied" and that's it? keeping your personal details away from SA?


Then there's the decision on uploading your own photo to your SA SD profile... have any of you care to admit that you have? You can PM me if you care to answer and privately.
 

Kinky Cinderella

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Well, On SA I show normal pictures...a bit blurry, tattoos retouched but not as much as I do here...Yes it is an arrangement that turns around financial boundaries; the amount is basically the pivot when it starts......

But lets face it; look at all married couples and keep in mind about 45% stick together to avoid the mess a divorce would do...I don't think a man who happens to be one of the directors at Bombardier who cheats on his wife and didn't have intercourse with her in years but doesn't file for divorce mainly because [sic]:"she would not get mad; she would get everything!! Seriously, she will sponge me off if I file for divorce..."...He is not any more entitled to point finger at me for my lifestyle....

My best friend is 57 and we got very closed (confidences things..nothing sexual)...The very first thing he told me few years ago when I went back to school and was living only on the Loans and Bursaries Program, which is nothing compared to what I was used to...:"what is better? you as you restart everything from 0 but you are doing it to built a solid and stable life for your kids because you see clear what is coming right of front of you if you do not change your path....or me, who kept my head in the sand while pretending everything was fine..just until recently when the reality was starting to crack up all the facade I used for 25 years while not being happy in my marriage, cheating on my wifge...leaving lovers before I hurt them because they were getting attached to me ...even though it was hurting me since I was just as much as in love with them but I couldn't *break* my family....because in my head, it wasn't already broken yet....if you think restarting your meter at 0....let me tell you I am damn sure wasting your life in a lie and waking up with your best years behind you is most certainly not any better..."

When I was stripping, a guy once told me:"who is worse; you who 'sell' your ass to please a man while not giving a shit about him as much as he doesn't give a shit about you for 10$/song...or me who sell my ass to please a man while not giving a shift about him just as much as he doesn't give a shit about me..for 25$/h?...you see, we are all someone else bitch....the only difference is the amount we sell our ass for; some are cheaper than others...but in the end, we are all hookers in our own way"

:lol: we were kind of smashed but I still remember that and it was a decade ago..

All in all, I can't tell you what is the key to live your life in the happiest way....but the best way to fail is to not do what you would like to, just because of some small possibilities that you end up being judged (but even here....if your boss see you on SA, what the hell he was doing on SA at the first place?? lol and I don't even think SD can see other SD, indeed for SB)
 

EagerBeaver

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Verification is for SBs. I have no idea how that’s done. I never paid any attention to it and would not put much stock on it. I think it’s mostly to verify that SBs have a college background - a lot of SDs want that.
 

Kinky Cinderella

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I thought he was referring to keeping himself anonymous when he was talking about profile pictures....not verification (just to see it is not a scammer),

SA asks for my studies but never asked for any proofs though,...but well, it isn't very complicated for anyone to see from himself...even here, once in a while, I receive PM and "Freud" is sneaking in the men's introduction...maybe it is a coincidence, but I am 100% sure most of them are not talking about Freud out of nowhere...lol I can't see a guy writing to an SP on humpchies and talk about Freudian theory....And I always tell the same thing (which is honestly my real opinion); I give him all the credit for what he did as he added valid foundations of human being mindings....but foundations remain basis...which is now out dated after others took his works and sharpened it in their own way....So, I don't mind talking about him and his psycho-dynamic theory ("It", Me" and so on). But, I am not a Freud erudite...I favorise a lot more Erikson, Rogers and Nietzsche even though he is kind of chaotic but nailed the ugly truth like no one else did, IMHO,..(and a bit of Machiavel, I know he is not a psychologist, but he brought his own theories which helped futures psychologists to understand the motives in someone's mind, so much that he got his name used as an adjective ever since to enforce his quotes... "the end justifies the means" could easily resume his ideology described in "The Prince")....I don't know how con people could answer such things...but my response has a pretty good effect, I must say... :love: lol
 

EagerBeaver

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Verification seems to be mostly for SBs, and is not necessary for SDs. The SB will tell you what she wants financially and either you as SD can do it and will do it or not. I know several people on SA as SDs and nobody has needed verification. Your actions will speak louder than any BS verification and the discerning SBs all know this. In 4 years on the website verification never has come up and I have dated dozens of women on there. Women know you are for real when you are for real.
 

CaptRenault

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. ..Then there's the decision on uploading your own photo to your SA SD profile... have any of you care to admit that you have?

There are two kinds of photos on SA---public and private. For your public profile photo, there is no requirement to use a photo that people can easily recognize as you. You can use a blurred photo or one that does not show your face at all.

However for your private photos, you need to include at least a couple that show your face and preferably give some idea of your height and weight. Only women that you give permission to can see your private photos.

It's the same for women. They may or may not use photos that show their face in their public profile. Their private (and sometimes public) photos usually show a face and sometimes they show women in a sexy outfit and/or pose. But women only give some guys access to their private photos.

For both men and women, access to private photos can be revoked at any time. It's not much different from any dating site.

Kabukicho, if you are not comfortable dealing with issues like buying a service online and sharing your photo with a woman that you would like to have sex with, then Seeking Arrangement is not for you. Stick to escorts. Simple.

Also, I agree with Eager about "Verification." Ignore it. You have to use your own good judgment and common sense to determine whether you trust someone. The definitive test of trust is to meet in person and talk. Again, if you're not comfortable with that, stick to escorts.
 

EagerBeaver

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Most of the women will not go on dates unless you at least have private area photos you can share with them. They want to know they will not be seen around the town with Jabba the Hutt. All of this falls into the category of common sense. It's very risky to put pics in the public area unless sufficiently blurred. There is an easy way to take selfies that partially obscure your true facial recognition while still giving the girl an idea what you look like and that you are not Jabba the Hutt.

My private area has two stock pics, dressy wearing sunglasses, casual wearing sunglasses. They show that I am proportionally built and not 300 pounds overweight or good competition for Jabba for most hideous countenance.
 

Sol Tee Nutz

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Look behind you.
Most of the women will not go on dates unless you at least have private area photos you can share with them. .

At first I thought you meant dick pics, get the wide angle lens out.
 

jalimon

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At first I thought you meant dick pics, get the wide angle lens out.

For a girl receiving a dick pic is like when their cat brings them a dead mouse. The cat is happy but no way in hell the girl will ever touch it ;)

Cheers,
 

Raw1

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Not seen an escort last 8 months and have met over 30 girls from SA in this time frame for intimate meetings. 4 of them hosted me at their apartments and the rest in hotels. Just follow the strategies mentioned above and you will have lots of choices. I messaged 4 girls for a meeting tomorrow who I have not met as yet and 3 said yes. Need to decide who to meet and which 3 to postpone for coming weeks. It’s a problem of plenty.
 

EagerBeaver

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At first I thought you meant dick pics, get the wide angle lens out.

Not even allowed. SA must approve all pics. When you upload a pic to your private area it does not post for 24 hours until the SA editorial or Moderator team review the pics and are satisfied that they are not vulgar or offensive. My own pics show me in a sports jacket and slacks wearing sunglasses, in one pic, and in a T shirt, shorts, baseball cap, and wearing sunglasses in the other. The idea, if one is intelligent, is to post "happy pics" or pics that make it look like you are enjoying yourself or having fun in the photo.
 

CaptRenault

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Not seen an escort last 8 months and have met over 30 girls from SA in this time frame for intimate meetings. 4 of them hosted me at their apartments and the rest in hotels... I messaged 4 girls for a meeting tomorrow who I have not met as yet and 3 said yes...It’s a problem of plenty.

:eek:

If all that is true and I guess I have no reason to doubt you, then it's about time that you spoke up in this thread. :D

However, I would caution SA newbies that Raw1's experience on SA is not typical. Most of us have to work harder at the game of seduction to gain the favor of a woman on SA.

Raw1, you must be a younger, rather good looking guy or a genuinely rich guy or both. Or you have such fantastic "game" that you should write a book on how to succeed as a sugar daddy.

Of course, you are playing the game in an extremely target rich environment, the city of Montreal.

Let's hear more about your adventures.
 
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