traveller_76 said:And while you were paying him, did your shrink mention anything re: the level of self-respect clients as yourself must have to knowingly see/pay SPs who don't have self-respect?
t76
Fair question, in fact, a damned good one.
I think that there is a lot fucked up in the world, some to a greater or lesser degree than The Game, so let's keep this in context. It isn't a huge crying canker sore like, i dunno, war, pestilence, and famine, but there is a hell of a lot of pain and suffering to be found in the area of prostitution:
Pimps
Sex slavery
Drug abuse (please include alcohol in here too)
Numerous tales of historical sexual abuse
STDs.
Rape
Hugely increased potential for violence and overly-rough sex.
Hot chicks screwing fat disgusting pigs for money.
We've been over most if not all of these, folks tend to poo-poo them, hoping to cloak themselves in a comfortable level of denial. OK, I've done that. Hell, i do that. But none of these things is endured without some negative impact upon the human psyche. Can anyone here honestly say they enjoy the work, despite all of those, perhaps especially the last one? Can any guy here say they enjoy the prospect of some young foreign girl handing over ALL the money to someone who is holding her hostage. Open your eyes and you can see it everywhere.
NEWSFLASH: Hot chicks don't need to go too, too far to get laid, their usual choices aren't your average MERB member. I remember. I was a hot boi once upon a time too. (Luckily, I'm still charming, when I'm not being an a-hole online, and I clean up pretty good). But sure, generalizations don't fit everyone. I'm sure there is that rare breed of hot prostitute who wants to sleep with the occasionally decent older guy, and get away with a fist full of ducats. From what I've heard, decent johns are pretty rare, they run from the disgusting to the tolerable, mostly. If you close your eyes, and are high enough, you can forget for the moment. Smoke enough herb and you fall asleep at night. or so I've been told many more times than once. You tell me, T. What of it?
So, what of the other side of the coin?
Well, i remember rolling to my first MERB GT with ****. She and i were chillin outside and we met one of her colleagues. She asked 'Where IS the party inside the bar?'.
Her friend replied 'Just look for the tables of men sitting there by themselves'.
True dat. It was hilarious except it was pathetic to see table upon table of guys too shy to be talking to HOOKERS, Women who would talk to them, make them feel important, sleep with them (for money).
I've cut down drastically on The Game. Why? Because it began to make me feel like that was the only way I could get laid, and it has been extremely beneficial and helpful for my own self-esteem to sleep with women who actually want to be in my bed, not for money, but for me.
This past year has been a wonderful adventure for me, hanging with the hookers, watching, being watched. Got a lot of free fucks thrown my way, had some interesting un-namable relationships (friendship/custie/father-figure, love? who-the-fuck-knows) with a few of them. But it was always 'a free fuck' (except with one person). Paying cheapens what, for me, is what is wonderful about love and sex within a relationship - being wanted for oneself, not for one's wallet, or car, or home, but for one's character.
That said, I have an unquenchable desire for variety. I've had this argument with people who have taken women's studies at Con U., but i do believe it is biological. I'm driven to spread my seed so we can better the herd. Such is my lot as a man. So, variety comes cheap and easy - just pick up any newspaper, cruise the net. No strings.
I learned a lot about myself this past year, some of it not very pretty, but like all things in life, one grows from such learning. I am very grateful to that one person who taught me more than she knows, gave me the self-confidence to chercher la femme with a vigour and intensity and confidence that I wish I'd had when i was younger (I, uh, was never lacking in female companionship, but I regret all the women I didn't love).
I had hit 'pause' on that for a long while, because I liked the variety, liked the ease of no-strings fucking, but it began to wear, and I found myself nearly incapable of, well, going the traditional route. My fortunate intersection with someone who cared enough to bolster my self-esteem, in part by her extended presence in my life was a gift. I'm not sure many who end up in a rut like mine will be that lucky.