Permanent NHL Free For All Thread

[joelcairo]

To the Toronto Maple Leafs:

Gentlemen, sincere thanks for a half century of laughter:thumb:

A special nod of appreciation to: Brian Burke, Dave Nonis, Harold Ballard, Jonathan "Nelson" Bernier, "Captain" Phaneuf, David "Take the Money and Run" Clarkson, his "FANTASTIC, JUST FANTASTIC" replacement Nathan "Never Play Again" Horton, Mitch "Minor" Marner, the departed king of plus-minus Phil "the Stick" Kessel, Joffrey "Iron Man" Lupul, the Kissing Bandit Jiri Tlusty, Andrew "Not Tuukka Rask" Raycroft, Colton "Not Bobby" Orr, and the hilarious scouting department.

Best wishes for ANOTHER half-century of failure and uproarious laughter as the doormat for the other 29 teams in the league:thumb:

 

[Doc Holliday]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[joelcairo]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

My sentiments exactly: Better than Seinfeld, Rock, Rickles, the Three Stooges and the Marx Brothers all rolled into one!

 

[joelcairo]

P.S.: And a no-nonsense guy like Doctor Babcock is the PERFECT straight man for this gaggle of clowns. (Think: Dean Martin for Jerry Lewis, Dick Smothers for Tom, Bud Abbott for Lou Costello - Babs is now up there with the greats:thumb: )

 

[Doc Holliday]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[joelcairo]

If the Leafs had lost to the Blues tonight (Saturday) they would have been tied for last in the NHL. Unfortunately the Leafs fluked out a rare victory to proudly hold on to 26th place. Of course, as usual NO team has fewer victories than the Leafs.

The only bright spot in the game was when Backes laid a well-deserved beatdown on Kadri.

 

[joelcairo]

In a game that - to the shock of virtually everyone in the free world - was won by the Leafs 4-1..."Captain" Dion was a .....MINUS ONE.

 

[joelcairo]

Long-Lasting Koolaid

Incredibly, there are still some Leaf fans gullible enough to believe that the "rebuild" (chuckle) will eventually lead to success.

You hear from them when they emerge from their hiding spots on the very rare occasions that the Leafs manage to fluke off a win.

These poor souls actually think that the "rebuild" (guffaw!) is something other than a marketing ploy designed to keep them paying the highest prices in the NHL for the absolute WORST product in the NHL.

The "rebuild" (explosion of laughter!!!) so far consists of:

1. Drastically overpaying a coach who has a winning record with only ONE of the THREE NHL teams he has been with - mainly because that team had the best owner, best GM, and best scouts in the league, along with the most skilled player in the world, one of the best leaders in the world, and (until recently) the second best d-man who ever lived.

2. Hiring a GM who USED TO BE one of the best in the game until he got old and stopped winning.

3. Giving away the ONLY player on the roster who was able to score - but still paying about 1 and a half million of his annual salary (!!!) - and getting two wrenches and a pair of pliers in return.

4. Using their fourth overall draft pick to select a little guy who didn't make it to the big league this year.

5. Anointing Jonathan "Nelson" Bernier as their # 1 goalie (good move Babs!) and treating Reimer like a used Kleenex. Then...only when they were FORCED by circumstances to use Reimer...Babs might finally have realized just how wrong he was. Of course by then Reimer started missing games, probably following in the footsteps of Joffrey "Iron Man" Lupul. Nelson is now in the minors and the Leafs have 2 tenders with a total of 3 NHL games under their belts.

But hey....give the Leaf braintrust full marks for getting the suckers who are still in their rapidly-dwindling fanbase to fall for this "rebuild" malarkey.

The Leafs are still where they belong: right near the bottom of the standings and without a hope in Hell of EVER winning another Cup (48 years so far, about to be 49 in a few weeks, and likely to go on until the end of time).

 

[lgna69xxx]

The Fragile Psyche of the 2015/2016 Montreal Canadians is upon us and the REAL habitants have finally showed up.

Price goes down and the scoring dries up, the (mike) Condom continues to break and is being overwhelmed having to fill and play in Carey (the only likeable habnot) Price's skates/shoes/shadow. Subban is overrated (ONE goal in 29 games so far, all for a mere $9 mil per) and now being made into a defensive dman which he is not that great at, always taking dumb penalties, continuously out of position, diving, embelishing, running his big mouth etc etc etc (well the more things change the more they stay the same) and at this point the Price-less Canadians are merely a bubble playoff team at best just as predicted if Carey ever were to go down for any length of time. Good thing Carey helped lead them to all those points early on or this could have been very ugly. Oh well, still 53 games to continue the slide downward, keep the faith :thumb:

 

[Doc Holliday]

I totally agree with your expert analysis, Igna69xx.

I've been saying from day 1 that the habs were playing over their heads. They're not much more than a one-man team and the prove is there for all to see. I also knew that this team couldn't keep scoring at the pace it was. I mean, come on....Dale Wiese was at one time scoring at a 60-goal per season pace! Pacioretty isn't doing anything these days. He was scoring when the season started, but many of his goals were empty-netters or flukie goals. Galchenyuk is way overrated. He should have been sent to his junior team when they drafted him as an 18-year old and then kept in the minors for some seasoning. They may have ruined the kid! Plekanec should have been traded during the off-season. Subban never should have been signed for 8 years at $72 milllion US. Pacioretty never should have been named captain. Heart n' soul Brandon Prust never should have been traded for that drug addict who's yet to play a game. Signing Semin was ridiculous! Markov is still their best defenceman, but he should have been traded while they could still fetch something for him. Desharnais is still too small and at best a third-line center, not a first-liner. There are some bright spots: Dale Wiese, a true 4th liner. Brendan Gallagher. Nate 'The Great' Beaulieu has progressed well. And of course, all-star goalie Carey Price.

This is basically the same team as last season minus Brandon Prust. Not fair for the coach. Tomas Fleischmann was a good pick-up, but it's ruined with the Semin acquisition.

Were it not for Carey Price's nightly heroics, they'd be a team on the bubble.

Les Habitants' fans better hope that Mr. Price's knee injury has healed properly once he returns in a month. They better hope he doesn't go down again for the rest of the season. But i wouldn't be surprised. My sources told me that the guy needs to undergo knee surgery and it's just a matter of time before he blows out his knee again.

 

[Sol Tee Nutz]

The GEO are now in 7th last place ( do not care about games in hand, I am grasping at straws here ). Four in a row, team record this year. Just waiting for them to piss me off again.

 

[Doc Holliday]

They just had a very good conversation about the Oilers on Primetime Sports between John Shannon, Bob McKeown and Jeff Marek. Even if i'm not an Oilers fan, it was very worth watching.

 

[joelcairo]

Price goes down and the scoring dries up, the (mike) Condom continues to break

Scoring: After 29 games the Habs have 95 goals. After 28 games the Leafs have 64 goals. I'll help you with the math: the Leafs have played ONE less game and have THIRTY-ONE fewer goals.

Condon (please note correct spelling) is 9-5-3 with a .911 save percentage and 2.28 goals against average. Meanwhile the guy that SOMEONE calls "Big Game Bernier" (ha ha ha ha HA!) is 0-8-1 (!!!!) with a pathetic .888 save percentage and a laughable 3.28 goals against average.

The Habs are near the top of the league standings and the Leafs as usual are right near the bottom.

The Habs have 41 points and are plus 29. The Leafs have 25 points and are MINUS 12.

The Habs have SEVEN players with 17 or more points (Plekanec 26, Pacioretty 25, Subban 21, Galchenyuk 20, Gallagher - now injured - with 19, Markov 18, Desharnais 17). The Leafs have NO players with more than 17 points and exactly ONE (JVR) with 17. The leafs are SO weak offensively that Leo Freakin' Komarov (!!!) is second in Leaf scoring with 16!

The Habs have exactly one minus player (Smith-Pelly at minus one). The Leafs have only three players who are plus! The HIGHEST plus Leaf is Roman Freakin' Polak at plus 5!!!!! Subban, who you are badmouthing is plus 10...compared to Leaf "captain" Dion, who of course is a minus player.

Only one team has more wins than the Habs and NO team has fewer wins than the Leafs.

You know, when the FACTS are presented, it's kind of funny that a LEAF supporter (poor soul) would have the chutzpah to make fun of ANY other team...even including the girls' ringuette teams in elementary school!

Then again, Leaf fans have been bragging about their inept heroes (ha ha ha) for the past decade...at least until their heroes REPEATEDLY got exposed as stumblebums who could only make the playoffs ONCE in that same decade.

Thumbs up indeed! Ha HA HA!!!!:thumb:

 

[joelcairo]

Strategic Plan

A successful organization usually has a well-thought-out strategic plan. Sometimes an UNsuccessful organization also has a strategic plan.

I wonder if THIS was the history of the strategic plans of the Leafs:

1. We've sucked for over 30 years. Let's make John Ferguson Jr. our GM. His father was tough. HE will surely be our savior.
2. We've sucked for over 35 years. Let's fire Ferguson and throw a shitload of money at Brian Burke. HE will surely be our savior. Hey we should also hire Ron Wilson. He's a great coach.
3. Let's trade for Dion Phaneuf and throw a shitload of money at him. We'll make him our Captain and sign him to a long-term contract. He's a great skater, his shot is really accurate, and he's a terrific public speaker. HE will surely be our savior.
4. Let's trade away our high draft picks for Phil Kessel. We won't need Tyler Seguin or Dougie Hamilton anyway. Phil Kessel is a real character guy who always tries his best. He's a great two-way player and a terrific teammate. He's always in top shape and never lazy, and just like Dion he's a terrific public speaker with a ton of charisma. HE will surely be our savior. Let's throw a shitload of money at him and sign him to a long-term contract. We're right on the verge of winning a Cup!
5. Let's throw a shitload of money at Joffrey Lupul to make sure he stays here. The guy's an IRON MAN!
6. We desperately need David Clarkson! Let's throw a shitload of money at him and sign him to a long-term contract. HE will surely be our savior.
7. We've sucked for over 40 years. Let's fire Ron Wilson. He's a crappy coach. We'll hire Randy Carlyle. He once won a Norris Trophy. That must mean he'll be a good coach.
8. We've sucked for 45 years. Let's fire Burkie and make David Nonis GM. He's VERY different from Burkie. HE will surely be our savior.
9.This Nonis thing just ain't working. Let's fire him and throw a shitload of money at Brendan Shanahan and give him supreme authority. He played for the great Detroit Red Wings, our heroes. HE will surely be our savior.
10. Carlyle flat-out sucks. He doesn't even know how to use a toaster. Let's fire him and make the great Peter Horachek our head coach. HE will surely be our savior.
11. We've sucked for almost 50 years. Let's fire Horachek!
12. Kessel's no good. Let's trade him for a wrench and 2 pairs of pliers. But hey, the least we can do is continue to pay a million and a half dollars of his salary every year.
13. Clarkson stinks. Let's trade him for Nathan Horton. HE will surely be our savior. Oh? He'll NEVER PLAY AGAIN? That's okay - he'll still be a better savior than Clarkson. Besides, it'll only cost us $35 million for a guy who will NEVER PLAY AGAIN - that's a pretty good deal. In fact, it's "fantastic - JUST FANTASTIC."
14. Jonathan Bernier is a terrific goalie, not like that useless Reimer. Let's make it clear to EVERYONE that we have no respect for Reimer and that "Big Game Bernier" is our # 1 man! HE will surely be our savior.
15. Mike Babcock had a losing record with Anaheim, but he had a very good winning record with our heroes the Detroit Red Wings. Let's throw a shitload of money at him and sign him to a long-term contract. HE will surely be our savior.
16. Babcock can't do it ALL by himself. Lou Lamoriello USED TO BE a great GM with the Devils. Let's throw a shitload of money at him and sign him to a long-term contract (for his AGE). HE will surely be our savior.
17. Bernier sucks! Let's send him to the minors.


And so it goes....on and on and on...for almost a half century...and counting!

 

[lgna69xxx]

The Canadians play, the Canadians lose, again! No condom broke tonight, just tokarski sucks (told you Joe) and again the offense has dried up, happy holidays

 

[joelcairo]

The Canadians play, the Canadians loose, again!

I believe you mean "Canadiens" rather than "Canadians" and "lose" rather than "loose" but in any case there is certainly no shame in losing to the great Detroit Red Wings.

 

[Doc Holliday]

.......and i made another $200 last night when the habs lost again! :thumb:

 

[lgna69xxx]

A quick look at the scheule for les scabitants and this could get real ugly for the has-beens and could possibly drop to that "bubble" spot after the next stretch of 9 games.

I could see them losing them all considering the "Psyche of the Mtl Canadians" right now (See my excellent post on this from a day ago) Here are their next nine opponents in order: Ottawa, San Jose, Los Angeles, @ Dallas, @ Nashville, @ Minnesota, @ Washington, @ Tampa, then @ Florida the next night......1-8? 2-7 maybe? 0-9???? Let's hope!

 

[Doc Holliday]

I agree with you my friend that the habs will not get any easy games in the future. I just got paid the amount i won last night and i probably will let my money roll and bet on the Sens tomorrow. I have a feeling that now's the time for me to make a bit of money until the one-man team returns from his knee injury.

In other news, Nate "The Great" Beaulieu is now in Michel Terrien's doghouse. He benched him for last night's game, stating recent poor play. And now we're hearing that a video showing Nate "The Great" at a recent house party (last Saturday) is making the rounds on social media. Will Therrien and the habs run out of patience with their young defenceman (who does have a history of getting into trouble with the law) and trade him? They've been scouting the Flyers heavily during their past few games and rumour is that they're after Wayne Simmonds. But i was told that the Flyers want Brendan Gallagher for Simmonds, which the habs have refused to trade. Would the Flyers agree to trade him for Beaulieu and possibly Tinordi and Bournival?

 

[november]

I would like to remind some members, who's in first place. Beaulieu is a young player and will have his ups and downs but is a good . They will not give up on him. They are looking to upgrade the forward position, a trade is coming sooner or later. They are starting to miss their injured players and big Zac Kassian. Still believe they are a good team when healthy.