nice topic, if you don't mind I'll let my over analytic mind go for a spin here
The thing about this topic is there are way too many things that could be added in the cake mix.
Loneliness? Guilt? Addiction? sure, how about self-image and self-worth too.
Then you have fear, exhilaration, pride and well, you get the point.
I'll elaborate... I'm an extremely shy person, an introvert and a daydreamer. I'm a bit on the chubby side as well (working on that, 60lbs lost so far but thats besides the point). There are women who say I'm cute and they would date me but they happen to inconveniently live a billion miles away or be currently taken/engaged/married.
compound that with a lot of stuff I'd rather not talk about and what you get is the image of myself that I have, which is a very low one.
I've been in the hobby for about 5 or 6 years now, though it doesn't show in my number of post. I've been through canbest, biggdoggie and here. But I don't participate often, I might make a call once or twice a year, max.
That is mainly because every time I do, I run through the whole whole gamut of emotions described above.
--
I'm feeling especially lonely one night, I sit in front of my desktop and sift through my links. hey! merb, I haven t been there in a long while lets have a look.
I look at the posts, check the agency links, see a couple of potentially interesting ladies. Hmm maybe I should give this one a call, I pick up the phone, I have butterflies in my stomach because I'm about to do something that is "considered" bad *exhilaration*.
She clicked with this guy, what if she doesn't click with me. what if she caught something in between then and now, this girl wouldn't even look at me under normal circumstances, I put the phone down. I'm not only afraid, I'm also doubting myself. *self-worth*
This is ridiculous, I'm young, I'm a nice guy, a teddy bear some even said, why do I have to pay for a bit of companionship, especially when I don't want a bit of it I want a lot of it. *self-image* and *loneliness*
I spend the next hour or two reading the board, looking at her pictures and reviews as well as dialing and erasing the number on my cell, nervous as hell.
I finally decide, screw it, I'm not getting any attention as it is might as well pay for a little bit.*self-image* I make the call.
Either;
she isn't available but we have someone else *dissapointment*
or
sure, she's free in X amount of time. *exhilaration*
Book the appointment, she arrives and introduces herself... She's beautiful and amazing, I'm going to be spending some time with a woman like this. *exhilaration and pride*, Your paying for it, she's just using you as a paycheck *self-worth*
chit-chat *nervous and slightly uncomfortable*
Things progress to the intimacy portion of the show, will she enjoy it even a little? does she find me repulsive? *performance anxiety*/*self-worth*
The sessions ends, usually all too soon, the woman takes her money, gives me a courtesy hug and peck on the cheek and walks out.
I actually spent time with her *pride*/*happiness*
I did something "bad" *exhilaration*
I actually paid a woman to spend time with me *self-worth*
I did something "bad" *guilt*
I wish she could have stayed longer *loneliness*
--
Geez that was longer than I expected
the same can probably be seen from the woman's perspective I'm sure, and I'm just describing myself here but I'm sure there are a lot of hobbyist who go through some, part, or a slightly different version of what I've described.
Then again you have those who are all pride, they will write the reviews here, and you feel like your reading a letter to an adult publication or a xxx novel/movie script.
and of course lets not forget those who treat the hobby as being similar to buying a slab of meat at the butcher.
Anyway, thats all for this weeks edition of I over analyse things way too much, tune in next time for my expose on why grass never grows when you're watching it.
Edited for typo intolerants (it's like lactose intolerance only more annoying.
)