Serious relationship with a women in the sex industry?

[valarie_curves]

Ok, a friend and I are having a discussion and I think this poll will help us see who "wins" . I am making it anonymous so please be truthful, take a minute to think about it if you aren't sure. Question is...

Would you ever be in a serious relationship with a women who works in the sex industry?.. Not meeting her in her profession, but maybe through a friend, at a bar or maybe a dating website.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, un ami et moi sommes en discussion et je pense que ce sondage nous aidera à voir qui "gagne" . Je la fais anonymes, s'il vous plaît être honnête, prenez une minute pour y penser si vous n'êtes pas sûr. La question est ...

Es-ce-que tu "sortier" sérieusement une femme qui travaille dans l'industrie du sexe? ..Pas la rencontrer dans sa profession, mais peut-être grâce à un ami, dans un bar ou peut-être un site de rencontre.

 

[r_u_u_r]

where's the poll? or is the poll our individual replies?

 

[hungry101]

I think it could work for some people. My problem is that I like to see super young SPs. Therefore, I don't think that would work. We could be friends and I could be more of a father figure/mentor. Too big of an age gap.

 

[valarie_curves]

Sorry had to edit it...

 

[daydreamer41]

This subject has been discussed here in many different forms.

SP's and their clients are going to attract in some instances. I had one dating experience with a SP when I was in my late 20's. I found her to be very attractive, and she was attracted to me also. She was a year older than I was, and had a bad experience in her civil job, which she was interior designer / artist. She had quit. Since she was a very sexual person, so she found an escape in being an escort. She didn't stay in the business long, about 8 months. I met her a couple months before she quit. We dated for about 4 to 5 months. It was an intense and troublesome relationship. She certainly wasn't a happy person. She often wanted to spend our time discussing her problems, which grew old. It was required to get her in the mood for sex, but it was still tiresome. She had mood swings and eventually she moved back with her parents (a couple hours from me) because she couldn't decide what she wanted, and she didn't want to go back to escorting. After that we broke contact with each other.

So my advice would be if the SP was a happy woman and content with herself, and the guy is attracted to her, and she is attracted to him, why not? But how many are like that?

On the flip side, some SP's won't cross that line. I met a SP which I was very attracted to. She was doing her Master's degree at a prestigious University and I could tell she was attracted to me, as I was attracted to her. She was a busty light brown hair beauty with a very slim and toned body. And she was a marvelous kisser. I was 12 years older than her.

When I asked her out, she said: "No, when I started doing this, I made a pledge never to date someone I met while doing this. I like you. You are a nice guy, a little bit older than me, but it's not because of the age difference. It's the pledge I made. I cannot break it." She was a very upbeat and funny girl. The next time I made an appointment with her (it was an agency), another girl came out and told me that the girl I wanted to see was not available, but I could see her instead. I declined. I knew the one I wanted to see refused my appointment.

 

[marc7]

I felt some many times for stripper and courtisane ! trust is everything .... Its hard but they don't do that all their lives ..Love as it reason that reason don't know nothing about ...
When your love goes above simple sex , when they hart is yours I say yes !

 

[hungry101]

Yes DD, you have to watch what you say to an SP. They take it seriously. I want to tell everyone of them I love them and I really do....It is a form of love but it is their youthful appearance and the way they make me feel.

 

[valarie_curves]

Daydreamer...Thanx for responding! Ummm well what we were discussing was actually a little different. She also works in this industry and is single. She is trying to date but is torn on how to go about it. She would never cross the line and date clients. She meets guys when she goes out to a bar, maybe online dating, at the grocery store where ever. But her dilemma is to tell or not to tell. It is never a good time to bring it up. Should she rip off the bandage on the first date? Or wait until their both emotionally invested in a relation ship. I personally told her she needs to stop dating until she is ready to quite this industry for good. what do you think?

 

[Merlot]

Hello Valerie,

If you define "dating" as the beginning of a relationship where the goal would be to have a serious permanent relationship, then the answer is she would have to stop escorting eventually for me to move toward taking the relationship toward that goal.

One of my all time favorites asked me about this once. Some might have played along with promises of a very open attitude to get what they want sexually. But I have this fatal flaw called Honesty. For me, I told her, I could not see how it is possible to really care about someone and also feel it was nothing to know she was going off night after night to trade herself for money to who knows what kind, never mind the health risks of diseases and the dangers of harm from some brutal or deviant person. In my view asking for that to be overlooked and caring for her at the same time can never coexist within the same person. In my view dating means caring, not just seeing each other for limited needs.

If you define dating as having a steady sexual relationship and going out just for fun without real commitment or real caring then it's not dating. It's a "fuck-friend" thing. That's completely different.

I personally told her she needs to stop dating until she is ready to quite this industry for good.

We seem to share very similar views.

BTW...thanks for offering so many thoughtful choices in English...et en Français. Je suis impressionné. :thumb:

You Rock,

Merlot

 

[valarie_curves]

Hello Valerie,
One of my all time favorites asked me about this once. For me, I could not see how it is possible to really care about someone and also feel it was nothing to know she was going off night after night to trade herself for money to who knows what kind, never mind the health risks of diseases and the dangers of harm from some brutal or deviant person. In my view asking for that to be overlooked and caring for her at the same time can never coexist within the same person. In my view dating means caring, not just seeing each other for limited needs.

We seem to share very similar views.

BTW...thanks for offering so many thoughtful choices in English...et en Français. Je suis impressionné. :thumb:

You Rock,

Merlot

Thanks Merlot ... She has lots of "fuck friends" that pay her, she not into giving it up for free. But she does want to find a meaningful relationship that will eventually go somewhere. I believe she will never find it as long as she in still in this industry, she believes someone will except her that way it is. So the purpose of this poll is to see who's right

 

[marc7]

Hello Valerie,

In my view dating means caring!


Merlot

How much can you let go someone for that ,how much can you fight yourself and your own stupid values ... The risk is higher for a sp to meet her doom that for us getting hit by a bus .
It's so much hard to find reel pasionate love today that when it finds you ,you should take the risk ! I have a past whith sp... and she have past also. Does she need to tell him .... I don't think so ,if the guy never been a hobbyist .. no
Yes its a bit hard situation to lye and it can be real problem later but as the relation grows older and i mean years , past can be brought...but for me i never will tell her.... the past is the past and i'm not the same men i was 10 years ago. same thing for sp/stripper

 

[gugu]

I don't see sex workers different from anybody else. Sex work is her job. I'd feel terrible if she did not tell me, however. I met many sex workers who had lovers in life. Two types: those who hide it and those who tell it. All those in the first category suffer from the secret and the consequences of revealing it. Those who say it and find a guy who accepts it have a match. I'd say it's better to have that discussion right from the start. There are thousands of men with whom she would live a happy life. She meets guys all over the place as she says. Does being open about what she does eliminate everyone?

However, I admit that if women have the high end in casual sex, it men who have it in mating for life.

Some economics models of prostitution have this dichotomy as a starting principal: you chose to be a prostitute OR you marry. They say high prices in prostitution simply reflects the lost opportunity cost of marriage. But, you know... economists are good at modeling. You can't reliably test anything in the economy of prostitution. Too much missing data.

 

[daydreamer41]

Valerie, I thought you were asking us if we would date a SP, if we met her as a SP.

But now I see the situation.

But if the SP meets someone off the job? Most guys would have trouble with her profession, because in the back of your mind would be what if she met someone she likes better? Or if she couldn't break away from the money that SP is providing her.

An interesting story of a SP I saw in Montreal several years ago. She was a very attractive 18 year old, not long in the business at the time, and she broke down and cried in the middle of 2 hour session. It was the second time I was seeing her. She said she met a male stripper. She said she didn't know what to do. He was a player, but she believed no other guy would date her because of her profession. She said he picked her out when she and a group of friends went to celebrate one of their birthdays. She dated him for a few months and he has started to be disinterested. She said she feared he had an endless pool of potential candidates from his job as a stripper for his next fling. She said he was in his early 30's.

I said to her that she was only 18 and very attractive. Why is she selling herself short? Don't guys come on to her all of the time? Doesn't she get asked out when she goes to bars, nights out with her friends, just like how she met this guy? She said yes, but as soon as her potential suitors find out she does, they don't call her back. She kept on harping on the fact that because the stripper is in the same business, she doesn't have to explain her chosen profession to him. It was perfect in that way. They were both in the "sex" industry, although he didn't have sex with his patrons. He understood her position. I told her she could not control if he would find the next fling the same way he found her. Plus, I said she was young, only 18. I asked her if she was going to be a SP until she was 30 something. She laughed (a respite from her crying) and said of course not. She was only saving money to buy real estate. She had plans and this was temporary. I told her when she quits, that's when she should seriously look for guys she would like to have relationships with.

So your friend is going to run into many guys with the same attitude as the civilian guys that this SP had run into. Some will be open and many will not.

 

[panthere]

I completely agree with Merlot.....could not have posted better....great post Merlot...honestly is always the key..Bottom line.:amen:

 

[spanishfly]

I believe that it would be possible to pursue a meaningful relationship with an SP. Definitely a must, to be up front about it at the start! I consider an SP as two different persons, one is the sex worker making a living as best they can ( a job), and the other is a human being just like me and you with a heart,feelings ,goals,need for companionship, etc.... the problem to overcome is to accept that she would be seeing other men but on the other hand it is only on a "Professional basis" it is her job,no personal sentiments involved... Also you can't really tell her to quit her "job" and completely cut-off her revenues in the short term ,on a relationship which no one knows how long it will last etc... If "love" is really present then there is room for a compromise that could be reached in order to first, establish a time-line where the SP's work would gradually wind down over a few years ,ex: working only a few days a week,just with regular customers, in a very safe environment etc...and if after a few years living together the relationship proves out to be very strong etc..then some more permanent decsions can be made by the couple etc.... However the bottom line is the complexity of the initial relationship...the man has trouble accepting her job and you can't ask the SP to cut-off all her revenues at the beginning because the man has trouble with her work etc...she has to protect herself from a guy who drops her after a few months or god forbid cons her in giving him money ! etc... maybe I am too old school !!

 

[Siocnarf]

It's hard for me to answer, because I am not interested in a girlfriend at all. I say yes, but it would depend on the exact situation and her own attitude toward sex work. An independent who screens her client would be fine. I would much prefer that over a stripper. If she was a stripper it would depend at what kind of place she works. Like I said somewhere else, I wouldn't mind swinging with other couples if I had a wife, so sex work is not that much different if done safely. I think I would much prefer someone in the sex industry rather than someone in the army who might get shipped to some stupid war. In fact, I can think of a lot of jobs I would not like for a girlfriend!

 

[oldbutartful]

I guess an SP having sex as a worker and having Sex as a lover are different. Having a younger SP wanting me as a "Boyfriend" or lover would be Novel, but when it comes down to the basics its "The Person" who counts. If the right person comes along what she does for a living is secondary. There are many professions which are not so open and more risky, both morally and legally.

 

[Halloween Mike]

Yes i would... oh yes i would...

If you love somebody i guess you can pass her "profession"

 

[r_u_u_r]

i have dated an escort and it was great. I wasnt' jealous. it was fun since we both enjoy having sex with many different people. it works for some, but not others. some guys say yes to start with but then go crazy possessive of the girl after a period of time. kind of like how barney Stinson in how I met your mother started dating that stripper thinking he could handle it, but then started to crack. in your mind it might work, but does it work in your heart?

 

[foobarator]

She has lots of "fuck friends" that pay her, she not into giving it up for free. But she does want to find a meaningful relationship that will eventually go somewhere. I believe she will never find it as long as she in still in this industry, she believes someone will except her that way it is. So the purpose of this poll is to see who's right

I know at least one masseuse in this situation, she has been in an "open" relationship with her boyfriend for years. It seems to suit them both. Last time I chatted with her, she was still in the business dating the same boyfriend and with the same longtime lover which her boyfriend knew about.

I think this is an exceptional case, as most guys I know, Including myself, would rather not have a girlfriend who is fucking other guys too.

Which of course puts me sometimes in some odd situations where working girls have let me know with no doubt whatsoever that they would like to see me off the clock, and I'm like "ok..." (I think)
I'm still not sure if I can handle it, I mean last two girls who let me know this were VERY popular and I was reading their reviews on merb!! I mean wtf!!!

Mind you, I don't have this dilemma with strippers as I have dated several of them.