Serious relationship with a women in the sex industry?

[BaronVonKinkazoid]

"Would you ever be in a serious relationship with a women who works in the sex industry?"

1) For so many reasons, on so many levels, this is not the place to ask this kind of question.

2) No, not me. Personally I want and need true intimacy, a deep connection, both mental and physical, in my relationships. That's just not possible with an SP.

 

[SylvainP]

Une travailleuse du sexe qui aime son métier va-t-elle nécessairement le quitter et trouver un emploi non-sexuel pour plaire à son partenaire? Je n'en suis pas sûr. Il faudrait alors qu'elle me laisse la chance d'aller voir ailleurs car je ne verrais pas pourquoi elle serait la seule à "s'amuser" avec d'autres. Alors, je ne suis pas certain que je fréquenterais régulièrment une TDS.

 

[Maria Divina]

So, I can't answer really to the survey, but I feel to give my point of view. Hope this is okay. :smile:
It is because there are some choices in the survey who are making me reacting, and I just feel to expose my personal view on the matter... and I am sure that I am not alone who is thinking like that. :smile:
I am having potentially the exact position of a lots of "clients" for themselves.

I'm a very traditional woman. When I am single, I strongly believe that I can do whatever I want sexually, without hurting no one, and that's not the business of anyone what I can do. Even my future sex partners and/or even, a lover.

I won't ever tell what I did sexually in my life because that's a personal choice and that's a proper things to not talk about our sexual past to a new lover... and I won't ask anything to a future love-partner.
Would a "client of escort" tell a new lover that he has been seeing escorts the time he was single or before she met her?? ... The people who never lived some experience "to be escorting" or "seeing an escort" won't never understand, and that's a real big thing to make accept this to someone.

I want to add that in situation of love and becoming -for sure- a couple, the data are changing for me. Just dating, having fun and learning to know each other is a thing, but when things are becoming real sure and serious, I will manage to quit, and maybe do again one of my ancient occupations. I have several choices in fact, I am very not in the obligation to escort. That's very convenient for the moment, because I am having the time to do something else that working a 40 hres/a week in life, and that's perfect when you are having other projects to make true or certain family obligations. So, for me, to found love presently represent something who will slow down my ambitions to coming true. That's something to think seriously about before to take a decision in that matter. I will have to find someone really loveable to explain that kind of professional sacrifice.

 

[Amelie.courtesan]

Very interesting read

I, on the other hand, am not a traditional woman.
I don't believe I could be monogamous again, even if i will eventually move on to another phase of my life.
I have a lot of love to give, and I am always honest with my partners about what i do, or what i've done...
I can be in a very committed relationship, but it will always be open sexually.
I don't believe that has anything to do with my profession though, I reached these conclusions on my own terms, years ago

 

[Doggyluver]

This is a situation I actually found myself in. I met a girl who was introduced to me by a friend who owned a massage parlour. I subsequently dated her and we ended up in a long term relationship ( 6 years) during which time she quit the business and developed a career which she pursues to this day. I think being together gave her the opportunity (we were sharing expenses) to make the move to something else. I never pressured her to quit. She had worked as an escort here and in Ottawa and as a MT here in Montreal for several years. I have been a horn dog my whole life so far be it for me to judge what she was doing. I figured it was mostly money and once we were sharing expenses she would make the decision on her own.Did it bother me that this is what she did all day or all night then came home to me, yes, for sure. As open minded as I am I knew that after working all day and being exposed to other guys and their cocks there would be little left for me at the end of a day.This type of work ( sex industry ) takes its toll on some of these women in an emotional way more than anything else, thats where I found her to be lacking when she came home to me. Even though we aren't together today, I am glad that she has decided to stay out of the industry and concentrate on her new career.

 

[Merlot]

Hello all,

I want to add that in situation of love and becoming -for sure- a couple, the data are changing for me. Just dating, having fun and learning to know each other is a thing, but when things are becoming real sure and serious, I will manage to quit, and maybe do again one of my ancient occupations.

People seem to be looking at the question in 1 of 3 ways:

A) Dating and having fun while getting to know someone with no wish for something permanent.

B) Just seeing someone as a sex partner.

C) Dating and having fun while getting to know someone with a view toward something possibly permanent.

I get the feeling most or all are answering based on the thread question being viewed as (A) with the view it's all just for fun. Personally I answered based on (C) which is how I think Valerie meant to ask the question when she said "serious relationship". Would clients really date an escort with an open mind toward a permanent relationship if she refused to stop seeing clients? I've only known one guy who could tolerate anyone having sex with his serious girlfriend or his wife, and that guy made sure there was swapping so he would get sex too. But that was far, far different from having his SO go off with hundreds of random guys neither he or his SO knew nothing about.

I doubt there would be more than 2 or 3 out of 60 respondents who would pick the last option IF they had to allow someone they really cared about run around doing all the CIM, swallow, rimming, greek, and the other options with random strangers. If I had no intent of building a "meaningful relationship that will eventually go somewhere" or emotional connection it would be much easier to ignore her seeing clients for sex, which would be almost irrelevant, except for the health concerns.

...far be it for me to judge what she was doing.

Considering the form of the question it's not judgmental to have a negative opinion about your SO continuing to be an escort. The question asks, what can I live with in my life if it's to be in a serious relationship with an escort. Since it allows for my preferences too...I gave it. It seems judgmental to me only if I rejected her because of ever being an escort, which I don't.

Cheers,

Merlot

 

[orgone]

Amelie and Merlot, though in different ways, are among my favourite merbites! So, though I should be packing for an upcoming trip, I do want to respond to their contribution and add my own.

Amelie, as usual, takes things to a higher level: rather than asking whether it is possible to have a serious relationship with an SP, she thinks we should really ask whether it is possible to be in a serious 'open' relationship. Amelie also brings in a very important personal element: for her an open relationship is honest, and 'open' means sincere and transparent; also, rather than 'serious' she uses the word 'committed' (actually, 'very committed').

A few years ago, Amelie's ideal was called 'polyamory' and her type of relationships 'polyamorous'. To the question, Amelie answers YES, and she also adds that her personal choice is not to be ever monogamous. In response, I have to be equally personal and honest. IF I ever decided to be polyamorous forever, then my answer would be the same as Amelie: an unqualified YES! I do not yet know for how long I will consider myself polyamorous, though presently I do. So, for now, Yes, I could be in a committed relationship with a person who practices polyamory, whether she is an SP or not. Are there SPs who are polyamorous, that is honest and transparent? Amelie obviously is, and i have come across a few SPs who, I believe, are. I also have come across very non-transparent SPs who lie as they breathe, probably to themselves first. But I have run into as many people of both sexes who lie as they breathe. I have no wish to be friends with them, whether they are SPs, or nuns, or, for that matter, monks!


I love Amelie, and I like Merlot for his gentle heart and his sharp mind (if we ever meet I may end up loving him to, as a friend LOL()!). His A), B) and C) distinction is very enlightening. But I would add a third possibility:

D) Dating someone for fun, having sex with her (paying of not for it) and truly caring for her as a real friend does, hence with the commitment that one towards real friends.

I answered 'YES I would' to the poll, in the sense of D). I really would love to know how many people (SP in particular, but not exclusively) would sincerely answer the same way.

Orgone

 

[Aryaan]

I have been with quite a lot of women and if she has been with a lot of guys (though her number might be a ball park, literally), i guess it cancels out....as long as we open a new chapter in our lives and be happy and faithful with each other...Why not?

its better knowing now then finding out with a medical test later....

 

[clark_larson]

I have dated a girl that worked in the industry, even went as far as meeting my family and vice versa. She stopped right away though. It was a headache, not really worth it. I think that women that do this kind of work as well as men lose some sensitivity with respect to sex, but the problem is when you are put face to face with the values you grew up with and the constant feeling in the back of your head telling you "this isn't right". I've seen other girls outside the business, but it is different from what you find in the room when you pay the fee. When money is exchanged, the prostitute will project the best image of herself and so does the client, sometimes exaggerating certain things and when you meet outside it is a lot of effort to keep that same image or to destroy that image.

I remember seeing this girl named Sara(fake name) who was struggling to show me that she was a girl with values, some moral and that she wasn't easy. She tried to show me she had character by stating that she encouraged the feminist movement, etc. Her arguments were quite weak and I ended up annoyed. I had a choice either fake to be a little bitch and approve of all the crap she was saying or challenge her and make it uncomfortable for her. I challenged her put my ideas on the table and walked away.

I remember having a good chat with a girl and great sex, I was still high with the sex euphoria and asked the escort out for a drink. We met a few days after and realized I really couldn't stand the Quebecker accent beyond the two hours I pay, I find it vulgar, "Ouain lo, t'es dont bein drôle". I can't stand it, even if it's a beautiful woman, it totally destroys her charm. She's one of the highly praised escorts and she is very beautiful, but god, just shut up. (By the way this is 95% of the escorts you will find)

Then I remember seeing outside the biz, once again, an anglo, highly praised escort, went out with her and she was a mess, the way she lived, her house was upside down, smoking pot all the time.

Finally, but I could still name a few others, another highly praised escort that looked like movie star, very sweet girl when you pay for her service, but has this preposterous fascination for luxury, which was quite frankly grotesque. She liked to flash her expensive jewelry and brag about the brands she buys. She had no refinement, no elegance as woman which is what I seek and I could not see that.

What I find funny is that most of them claim to be "traditional", come on, if you're doing this kind of work you certainly are not, neither am I. Tradition means that you follow certain rituals and ways to live that have been passed from generation to generation. Unless your mother was also a prostitute, I don't see how this applies. what can be said though is : "I like people to think I am traditional" and there is nothing wrong with that.

After having those bad encounters, I started hating women and my relationships with regular women suffered from it. I believe an escort is worth dating only if you never know she has been in this business. Everybody has secrets and I would be fine with it as long as it remains, of course, a secret. In that sense, maybe the ones that do not date their clients are worth dating in a very distant future.

 

[valarie_curves]

Oh My gone for one day, to many postings to respond to. Some made me laugh, some I agreed with some I didn't, But I did read all of them, Thanks for all the responses!

After hearing her war stories of not telling men she was "going out" with and them, some googling her number or finding her ads online..OR being upfront and telling and them not returning phone calls and just disappearing, or pretending their ok with it just to use her for sex. I think I have finally convinced her that chances of finding a great relationship when your in this business is slim to none. Just date when your finished with this business. This is not Hollywood, Richard Geer is not coming LOL , and "Normal" men will not accept it, and does she really have the patience to keep dating until she finds her 1 in a million?

 

[Maria Divina]

This is not Hollywood, Richard Geer is not coming LOL

I think it might be possible - 1 in a million- that a relation began between as an escort could be successful for a long term relationship.
Most of the time, there is others reasons totally apart "love" who conduce a relationship between a "client" and his escort.... and that's another story.

and "Normal" men will not accept it

The problem in the survey here, is "clients of escorts" who are answering, and the votes are really showing different avenues.
Imagine if we are talking about "non-client". :smile:


NB: In my life, what I did say, when I met someone, was that I am very active sexually and that I tried many things, I don't hide this fact. The little details, I kept them for myself, that's all.
Anyway, at my age, nobody would believe that I am "brand new"... :lol: hahahaha....

 

[valarie_curves]

Yes I didn't mean abnormal.. Yes I meant "non-client".

 

[Amelie.courtesan]

This is not Hollywood, Richard Geer is not coming LOL , and "Normal" men will not accept it, and does she really have the patience to keep dating until she finds her 1 in a million?

But isn't everyone who is out there dating looking for their 1 in a million?
First of all, 1 in a million is still quite a lot when you look at the earth's population

Take into account someone else, with their own issues, family stuff, money stuff, fetishes they don't deal with WHATEVER it is that makes them them... I'm sure they have just as hard a time telling all of it to someone they meet, and just as much fear of being rejected.
Ok so we do this job for a living, everyone else has a reason why they believe they could be unlovable, and they apparently still have the "patience" to go out there and date

I'ts just not all black or all white, and everyone is allowed to dream, and that actual 1 in a million won't give a rats ass what you do for a living if he's actually right for you


One of my biggest realizations in life is that it's really hard to be TRULY yourself, because much less people will TRULY like you...
But it's incredibly worth it because the few people who will will like the real you

Just my two cents

hugs!

 

[Merlot]

...that actual 1 in a million won`t give a rats ass what you do for a living if he`s actually right for you

Just my two cents

hugs!

Hello Amelie,

I believe that only a very small number in this poll who say...``yes``...would would be okay with the love of his life continuing to escort. If you define your ``1 in a million`` as someone who truly cares about you I believe the odds of him going along are close to zero.

I think you and the other ladies need to look at it from the other side before you give an answer, which so far is about him understanding what you are doing as a sex worker. What if this was about you, as a civilian, having to decide to give your heart and soul to a guy escort who was going out to be paid to have sex with 3-5 women per night 4 or 5 times a week. If you were his 1 in a million he was hoping would understand his male escorting past and future...would you accept it continuing???

It might be easier for an escort to believe her or his profession should not be a factor than it is if you were on the non-hobbying/non-escorting side of the issue.

Happy choices,

Merlot

 

[FrankTheStang]

I will chime in here and say this: " If you truly care for the person then it shouldn't be a problem as long as the two people lay down the ground rules and follow them " You definitely are seeking advice though in the wrong avenue, since you asked about non-clients opinions and I don't believe you will find many non-clients here.

Say this to yourself though, not all clients seek out companionship for the wrong reasons, and what I mean by wrong reasons, is seeking out an SP while they are married/seing some one/dating etc...

So yes it is possible to find someone that can be compatible with you, and to some degree it can even work out wonderfully but COMMUNICATION I believe is the key in keeping it healthy (relationship).

 

[Siocnarf]

The question reminds me of the book by Melodie Nelson. When she was an escort she had a husband who knew, but it was not working very well. Someday she met a client and they both fell in love. The new guy would not accept that she continue, so she quit and married him. I think the majority of women like their men to feel territorial. I'm not sure if this is genetic of just a cultural thing. I think the average couple would work better if the escort found some other job. Even Shakira's husband doesn't want her to make videos with sexy men anymore.
http://au.ibtimes.com/articles/543155/20140313/gerard-piqu-possesive-shakira.htm#.UyIyj4WwSrM

 

[Amelie.courtesan]

I believe that only a very small number in this poll who say..."yes"...would would be okay with the love of his life continuing to escort. If you define your "1 in a million" as someone who truly cares about you I believe the odds of him going along are close to zero.

Then it's just not the love of her life... that's my opinion.

Here is my current equation:
Non monogamous person who happens to be a sex worker meets non monogamous person who happens to not be, both have active sex lives, both fall for one another, both are happy and non threatened by jealousy, because they just aren't wired that way.

We aren't talking about normal girls here, some women in this industry are actual nymphos, and need to be with actual nymphos, and sex is just a thing they do.

I will actually flat out come out and say I have found love, and we are extremely happy... even if it hurts my business I don't mind cause I hate lying about it.
He's the first to write me when i get a new review to congratulate me, he is proud of what I've accomplished in this industry, and the two of us oversexualized silly people are very very fond of one another...

It's rare, but it happens, so keep reaching for that rainbow

But then again I'm quite the hippy.

big hug!
Amelie

 

[easyguy]

" will actually flat out come out and say I have found love, and we are extremely happy... even if it hurts my business I don't mind cause I hate lying about it.
He's the first to write me when i get a new review to congratulate me, he is proud of what I've accomplished in this industry, and the two of us oversexualized silly people are very very fond of one another... "

First of all congratulations, it is nice to see happy people in this rare relationship. You definitely have to be intellectually open to be in it. I am actually interesting in mechanics on how it works. For example, if your partner is in the mood to have sex with you and you have an appointment do you sacrifice an appointment or send your best friend/co-worker as a substitute to your partner?

 

[Siocnarf]

This gives me a weird idea: you have couples hiring escorts, but why not a couple working as a duo?

 

[Amelie.courtesan]

First of all congratulations, it is nice to see happy people in this rare relationship. You definitely have to be intellectually open to be in it. I am actually interesting in mechanics on how it works. For example, if your partner is in the mood to have sex with you and you have an appointment do you sacrifice an appointment or send your best friend/co-worker as a substitute to your partner?

He is always aware of my schedule in advance, and very respectful of it. We don't even have sex on days before or days I work, so I'm in top shape!
And yes, I do prefer that he see other girls on nights that I'm seeing other men, that way we have more of our little amount of free time to be together

There's a reason I never work Sundays or Mondays... neither does he