Serious relationship with a women in the sex industry?

[BaronVonKinkazoid]

I think you and the other ladies need to look at it from the other side before you give an answer, which so far is about him understanding what you are doing as a sex worker.
Merlot

Best response yet!!!

I'd like to add that SPs looking for love need to understand that a real and healthy relationship needs intimacy and connection. Being naked and having sex with someone is one of the most intimate things a human beings can do because doing so makes ourselves become very vulnerable. And being vulnerable is a risk, it's s very special thing to do and give, and not everyone should be worthy of that risk. So with that in mind, no one healthy and in their right mind, or is really serious about a relationship and love, will want to be with someone who is willing to give up/sell that kind of intimacy with anyone who pays for it. It's just not special. It's just not loving.

 

[BaronVonKinkazoid]

Non monogamous person who happens to be a sex worker meets non monogamous person who happens to not be, both have active sex lives, both fall for one another, both are happy and non threatened by jealousy, because they just aren`t wired that way.

[COLOR=``#0000FF``]Then the relationship is sex based and not based on intimacy and connection. That`s not a recipe for a long lasting, happy, deep and fulfilling relationship.[/COLOR]

We aren`t talking about normal girls here, some women in this industry are actual nymphos, and need to be with actual nymphos, and sex is just a thing they do.

[COLOR=``#0000FF``] There is a reason ``it`s just a thing they do.`` Nymphos have problems with intimacy and connection, and likely have confidence and self-esteem issues (maybe even narcissistic, borderline or histrionic issues). [/COLOR]

 

[Amelie.courtesan]

quite the opposite, our relationship is based on much deeper stuff than just sex.

sex is just one thing we do, and in that sense, has much less importance to us than normal couples.
The intimacy and connection is what is true here, and it is expressed in many more ways than just sex.

A monogamous relationship, seeing as they are one another's only source of sexual release, is much more "sex based" in my humble opinion.

And yes I'm borderline, doesn't mean I can't be happy too

Fact is, some people are monogamous some people aren't, an SP should not lie or try to be in a relationship with someone who is, but two people who truly aren't monogamous (even if you might feel the need to give them mental disorder classifications for being that way) can be happy together no?

I don't judge people for being monogamous, and I don't think they should try it my way... I'm just saying your way doesn't work for everyone either

big hugs!

 

[Lily from Montreal]

no one healthy and in their right mind, or is really serious about a relationship and love, will want to be with someone who is willing to give up/sell that kind of intimacy with anyone who pays for it. It's just not special. It's just not loving.

You do realize that there no such thing as absolute in life so do you really think that NO ONE in the entire population cannot be open minded and secure enough in his manhood not to feel threatened by not exclusive sex? Amélie obviously found someone?
And the way you express your opinion with all that implies of subjectivity is borderline (pun intended) insulting?

 

[SylvainP]

I don`t judge people for being monogamous, and I don`t think they should try it my way... I`m just saying your way doesn`t work for everyone either

big hugs!

Completely agree with you. It takes two to tango. Some people and comfortable in one type of relation, some people are not. As I am a client of SP, I do not think I can judge people who live the way you do: I would felel hypocrite.

 

[Merlot]

Best response yet!!!

So with that in mind, no one healthy and in their right mind, or is really serious about a relationship and love, will want to be with someone who is willing to give up/sell that kind of intimacy with anyone who pays for it. It`s just not special. It`s just not loving.

Excellent. It`s near impossible for the client to find that ``1 in a million`` when she is giving everything she is to so many. And, it`s not just clients who feel that way. I`ve read many times from the ladies about how they could never get serious with a former client.

Then it`s just not the love of her life... that`s my opinion.

Here is my current equation:
Non monogamous person who happens to be a sex worker meets non monogamous person who happens to not be, both have active sex lives, both fall for one another, both are happy and non threatened by jealousy, because they just aren`t wired that way.

big hug!
Amelie

Of course you don`t need anyone else to tell you you`re entitled to your feelings and concept of happiness. Still, it does seem like an irreconcilable contradiction that two people seeing so many others can ever have a 1 in a million SO. I think finding that 1 in a million means having the feeling you are uniquely connected to one other person, and I don`t see that possibility for two who are both ``oversexualized`` persons spreading intimacy freely physically and emotionally with many.

IMHO,

Merlot

 

[Amelie.courtesan]

As I said, it's just not the sex that makes us uniquely connected, it's everything else PLUS the sex

 

[Oban]

I've developed close and meaningful relationships with several women "in the industry" - in fact I'm engaged to one at the moment (although she has since retired).
Part of me wonders why this is such a topic of debate - to me, human connections are priceless and when they happen, it's simply magical.
Why would you want to deny yourself of this...?

 

[BaronVonKinkazoid]

quite the opposite, our relationship is based on much deeper stuff than just sex.

sex is just one thing we do, and in that sense, has much less importance to us than normal couples.
The intimacy and connection is what is true here, and it is expressed in many more ways than just sex.

Yes, it`s not just about sex (having someone there to prop their self-esteem, not feel lonely, share common interests, pay the bills with, whatever reason, etc.) but my point was that `polyamorous`, and in this case SPs, people cannot have deep, intimate and real connections with someone when they share one of the most intimate and important human interactions (intercourse) with many people each day.

And yes I`m borderline, doesn`t mean I can`t be happy too

Of course you can be happy. I brought it up because psychologists agree that narcissistic, borderline or histrionic people cannot have deep, intimate and real connections with people. And from my experience this industry if full of these types of people. Essentially, they cannot really love others. It is said that therapy might work and that it can takes years even decades to improve on this. ... hence why I have been in therapy for over ten years.

, but two people who truly aren`t monogamous (even if you might feel the need to give them mental disorder classifications for being that way) can be happy together no?

I guess so, but I never said that `nymphos` and SPs can`t be happy. I just tried to explain why they can`t have intimate, deep and real connections with their partner.

I don`t judge people for being monogamous

I wasn`t trying to judge anyone, but I think I was trying to explain what`s happening and why an SP can`t have a serious relationship. Like I eluded to above, I`ve been in therapy for my narcissism for over ten years. I feel like I know what I am talking about here.

 

[BaronVonKinkazoid]

As I said, it`s just not the sex that makes us uniquely connected, it`s everything else PLUS the sex

Being `uniquely` connected is one thing, having a deep, intimate and real connection, a `true love` relationship, is another.

 

[John_Cage]

The key being...

As I said, it`s just not the sex that makes us uniquely connected, it`s everything else PLUS the sex

I quoted your last message out of convenience but I am really responding to all of the messages. I dated a polyamory before and it just didn`t work out; I was too hard wired by mainstream culture to appreciate a poly-relationship. Thankfully, I am older and wiser now.

The common reason that some of the guys who doesn`t think their - for the lack of a better term - ``soulmate`` should escort is that they tie ``sexual intimacy`` with ``meaningful relationship``. Sex != Love (not equal). To artificially equate sex to love is as ridicules as equating ``watching a movie together`` with love. In fact, substitute the word sex with ``watching a movie`` in their arguments and you will see that the logical structure of their statements are flawed.

``You can never have a truly meaningful deep relationship with your SO if you watch movies with so many other people. We, mono-film-partners, share a much deeper bond than you...``

In order for their argument to be valid (the argument that if you have sex with many people, you cannot have a deep meaningful relationship), the premise must be sex is greater correlated with love. If this was true, then every time someone masturbates, that person is weakening his/her bond with his/her SO !!!

Sex with someone is just exactly that... SEX. I don`t if you are sexing a super model or your left hand, the end result is sexual gratification. Someone who is escorting and/or have multiple sexual partners can have EXACTLY the same type of committed serious relationship as a traditional monogamous couple. Why would they arbitrarily grant sex a special symbol as the harbinger of love?

To summarize... Do not worship sex and frame it on the wall and let it dictate your love life. You can love someone without sex and you can CERTAINLY sex someone without love. I am surprised people at merb aren`t more in tune with that idea. If one can accept that sex really has very little to do with love/relationship, then it should be a non-question that one should be able to have a serious relationship with an escort. Escorting is her JOB; just like a lawyer, doctor, programmer or accountant would do their job and not have it interfering with their relationship.

 

[BookerL]

Hi all

This is certainly a complex question with no easy scenarios !
Is there a right or wrong ,can a sex worker have a working relationship ,its a question ,I have ask so many times to so many of my girls and clients and none escort users .
Young girls working as escorts to date ,some even have regular or steady boyfriend .
My question was what to they tell them about escorting ?
What experience hobbyist know about escorting and the general population knows about escorting is different .
The answers I got from the young escort varied but mostly lies about their work very where honest about what was going on .
The most of them identified themselves as strippers or shooter girl in a strip club to justify their night work .
Other where saying they where escorts but lies was in the job description ,they where implying that they where accompanying old guys to diner dates and the" worst " or" Best" depending on where we are standing:lol:was giving him a foot massage so he would feel better ,Hummmmm. I guess lots merb guys are in for foot massages:lol:
Others where saying its really not sex because I am not enjoying it !Wow
Yes !Hummmm but what happens if you are enjoying it ?
Some said I really do try not orgasm !But what if you do ?
IT goes in circles .
And obviously they are the ones saying it what they really do and what goes on with clients !
I have personally dated escorts witch I knew they where escorts and the services they where offering ,I also know other bookers who have dated or are dating escorts or ex escort .
I have tried to date none escorts but when I told the ladies what I was doing as a job it kind of cooled them off even if everything else was working properly .
I have to admit that sex work is unconventional and not well regarded even by people using it !
Having read most of the post in this thread and other related thread ..
One of my closest friend is presently in a relationship with a escort ,He is close 40 years old she is in her early twenties ,they have been together for four years .They met in the escort industry he was his booker ,there is no hiding what she was doing ,
The young lady is really a great girl ,I know her too .
We always have to remember is the person offering the sex service worst then the person demanding it?
To be truthful with ourselves and to know who we are helps in any relationships .
My love ones knows about my career in the sex industry ,I have no stress that they might discover it my son knows it also .
Its a choice every one is faced with ,do you tell the truth or not ?
Some escort ladies are more truthful then secretaries or lady lawyers,police ladies or any other types of work .
Being a escort is not who they are its what they do !


Cheers



Booker

 

[rattrap]

Pornstars would tell that having a serious relationship with someone out of the industry is nigh impossible. I imagine it's the same for escorts. Sp aren't the exactly pornstars, but that's a close enough comparison.

Now as to why? I'll make my POV short.

Love, not infatuation/coup de foudre/amour fou/etc, is loving another for their own sake, for who they are. The reason most people cannot be in a relationship with an escort is because of what they make of the other's identity. Who the other is, is a prostitute. Can they love her for being a prostitute? No, most of the time. Dichotomy between the sp's view of their own identity and what a potential bf might see exists of course, but has no impact on the later's POV.

 

[hungry101]

The divorce rate among the general population is quite high.

 

[easyguy]

[To summarize... Do not worship sex and frame it on the wall and let it dictate your love life. You can love someone without sex and you can CERTAINLY sex someone without love. I am surprised people at merb aren't more in tune with that idea. If one can accept that sex really has very little to do with love/relationship, then it should be a non-question that one should be able to have a serious relationship with an escort. Escorting is her JOB; just like a lawyer, doctor, programmer or accountant would do their job and not have it interfering with their relationship.[/QUOTE]

It is true that the love between adults (let’s exclude parental love) has a complex nature and the sexual attraction is only one of ingredients. But it is completely delusional to ignore that sex is a fundamental basic ingredient. If it was not true, we would see love relationships between different ages and genders and we are not. Can you claim as a heterosexual man that you are in love with your soul mate school mail friend? No, you would say you are in a deep and true friendship. Can we say that two males are in love if they are not homosexual?
Thus I completely agree with Merlot. Guys, don’t be delusional. There are about 7 billion people on Earth and just by statistics all combinations though highly improbable are possible. So if you want to play this game try your luck and let your love stay in the escort job. You can also spend a few thousand dollars on lottery tickets. Then you will not only find love but will be also filthy rich lol.

 

[wasisname]

The divorce rate among the general population is quite high.

However it does vary a lot from population to population.

A couple of highly educated 27 year old sane Jebus cultists have a pretty low chance of divorse.

a 40 year old high school drop out who marries some 16 year old high school dropout who he knocked up while on a meth and crack fueled bender... might as well draw up divorse papers at the wedding.

Exceptions of course.

 

[Sol Tee Nutz]

However it does vary a lot from population to population.

A couple of highly educated 27 year old sane Jebus cultists have a pretty low chance of divorse.

a 40 year old high school drop out who marries some 16 year old high school dropout who he knocked up while on a meth and crack fueled bender... might as well draw up divorse papers at the wedding.

Exceptions of course.

None of my friends are crack/meth heads and most have a good education with good jobs and there is a 75% divorce rate with them. Many people I have met here also are divorced, my ex's sisters ( 6 )which are strong Catholic are at a 50% divorce rate. Marriage is not what it used to be when my parents got married ( 1947 ), you stuck it out, sickness & health. Now it is just walk away.
Marrying a SP would have the same chance. IMO

 

[mauricevachon]

One of the best predictors of divorce is if one of the partners comes from a broken home.

Since about 95% of SPs in the hobby today come from broken homes (no exaggeration), your chances of a successful marriage with one as a close to zero as you can get.

 

[CaraSilverMontreal]

I tried this a couple of times and it was awesome- the guys were very open-minded. I wouldn't nix it entirely but make sure the SP initiates. Love blooms in unusual places

 

[BookerL]

I tried this a couple of times and it was awesome- the guys were very open-minded. I wouldn't nix it entirely but make sure the SP initiates. Love blooms in unusual places

Thanks for sharing your experience CaraSilver

Cheers


Booker