Approaching women
- Thread starter MmiG
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“The sting of rejection is way better than the pain of regret.”
There are 11 pages of posts, and I would like to reply more to MmiG (not that Burt Reynolds cannot be interesting).
Two common themes here are rejection and confidence.
I’ve tried “rejection therapy” or “embracing rejection as practice.” It’s as simple as attempting something like “100 Days of Rejection Therapy.” You can do silly things just to get a “no” every day. For example, I know my coffee shop doesn’t carry Splenda, but I ask for it anyway and get a “no.” I’ve asked for extensions on assignments — ha! denied, as usual. Once, I even asked for a grade revision and surprisingly got a “yes.” It soothes when the pain of no keeps recurring the brain. The key is to intentionally seek rejection. Eventually, when I expect rejection the most, it happens, and my brain just goes, “Bah.”
The most prominent factor for building confidence is going from zero to one. The first time is always the hardest. The first time losing your virginity is the most nerve-wracking. Your first SP felt weird. Look at you now—it’s easy, simple, and you barely remember the first time.
Confidence also comes from doing things alongside others. I have friends who lack confidence, but hitting the gym changes him. People say they do it for health reasons, but let’s be honest—men work out for other reasons too. If you think men stare at women, trust me, they’re ego-boosting in the mirror.
Success in one area often spills over into confidence in another. For instance, career success or achieving a certain level of wealth can make you feel attractive in other ways.
As for accepting yourself, we live in a world where being edgy and different is okay, thanks to the Internet. I’ve learned that nerds used to be ostracized. Movies like “Revenge of the Nerds” portrayed them as outsiders, but then shows like “The Big Bang Theory” made nerds funny and relatable. With billionaires like Gates and Zuckerberg, what was once marginal is now considered cool.
If you’re an introvert, it might take longer to find the right person, but she’s out there. As a nerd, I once thought I’d never find the right fit either. But if you think looks are everything, let me tell you—funny guys can still get me naked. So, be yourself. Rejection is common. Just find an indirect way to approach us and strike up a conversation. Studies show that women find men more attractive over time, not based on first impressions.
Good luck!
There are 11 pages of posts, and I would like to reply more to MmiG (not that Burt Reynolds cannot be interesting).
Two common themes here are rejection and confidence.
I’ve tried “rejection therapy” or “embracing rejection as practice.” It’s as simple as attempting something like “100 Days of Rejection Therapy.” You can do silly things just to get a “no” every day. For example, I know my coffee shop doesn’t carry Splenda, but I ask for it anyway and get a “no.” I’ve asked for extensions on assignments — ha! denied, as usual. Once, I even asked for a grade revision and surprisingly got a “yes.” It soothes when the pain of no keeps recurring the brain. The key is to intentionally seek rejection. Eventually, when I expect rejection the most, it happens, and my brain just goes, “Bah.”
The most prominent factor for building confidence is going from zero to one. The first time is always the hardest. The first time losing your virginity is the most nerve-wracking. Your first SP felt weird. Look at you now—it’s easy, simple, and you barely remember the first time.
Confidence also comes from doing things alongside others. I have friends who lack confidence, but hitting the gym changes him. People say they do it for health reasons, but let’s be honest—men work out for other reasons too. If you think men stare at women, trust me, they’re ego-boosting in the mirror.
Success in one area often spills over into confidence in another. For instance, career success or achieving a certain level of wealth can make you feel attractive in other ways.
As for accepting yourself, we live in a world where being edgy and different is okay, thanks to the Internet. I’ve learned that nerds used to be ostracized. Movies like “Revenge of the Nerds” portrayed them as outsiders, but then shows like “The Big Bang Theory” made nerds funny and relatable. With billionaires like Gates and Zuckerberg, what was once marginal is now considered cool.
If you’re an introvert, it might take longer to find the right person, but she’s out there. As a nerd, I once thought I’d never find the right fit either. But if you think looks are everything, let me tell you—funny guys can still get me naked. So, be yourself. Rejection is common. Just find an indirect way to approach us and strike up a conversation. Studies show that women find men more attractive over time, not based on first impressions.
Good luck!
I strongly disagree. Nothing worse then rejection, it is very embarassing. I rather not do anything. I cannot handle rejection.
110% with you on this one.
When most people tell you that you look good, and you go online send countless amount of emails, you get some replies in your dreams honey, i am not attracted to you . I know that online dating is not a good example because almost everyone on there is superficial.
Even worse you can get in real trouble theses day, i come from the days were we would go clubbing, picking up women was easy, we did not have all those gender names back then, me too movement etc.
A couple years back they brought in 2 young women both 25 they did an internship at our job for 6 months. One of them was in a open relationship and she slept with pretty much all the younger men at work, the other one was bipolar and bisexual. She kept bragging all the time that she could get any man she wanted, I was in the cafeteria once and she was like we are the hottest women on here. Kept flashing her push up braw boobs, and more.
I am older so 25y old women don't interest me and to be honest both of them were trouble from the start. The bipolar one actually though i had the hots for her and I almost lost my job because she complained about me at HR, for what because i was always professional, never touched her in any way, and never did any kind of jokes. After the whole thing was done she came to me and said i am sorry i though you had the hots for me i was really not interested. The thing is physically she was not my type at all. Since HR had nothing the case was closed. I told her you stay away from me and i ignored her for the rest of her time at the company. When she left i learn that she was sending a co worker emails to have sex with him.
There is a meme on the internet about a tall build handsome man who approaches a women and she smiles, another one who is shorter and not so gifted and the women reacts in a completely different way. This is the sad story today.
I have read some alpha male books, pick up artist books and must say I found them really interesting, the main issue is that women today know when you try to hit on them, even with the best pick up lines. Not sure if you notice or ever been in the Metro in Montreal, but people today are in there bubble, on there phone etc, no one looks at anyone anymore.
I watch a few YouTube video about how to pick up women be confident, funny, etc, but if you are not what she wants physically you can have all those treats and it won't matter the friendzone is waiting for you.
Last but not least alpha male and PIA books tell you that each rejection is a victory because you at least tried, and its a numbers game. Well as Cloud500 says you can only take so much rejection.
This is why men and also younger men turn there backs on women, they are tired of playing this game, text her no don't text her, compliment her not don't , you need to be a bad boy but nice at the same time, you need to be independent, but not too much, and then they wonder why men walk away.
I tell the young men at work to be careful they hired a beautiful Korean girl she is hot and some go make sexual jokes around her, try to make a pass at her.... I keep thinking this won't end well. The world as changed in the last 20-30 years and sadly I don't see it getting any better.
Hmm, I would not go into workplace harassment.
On the topic of rejection, we will have a new generation of sexless teenagers. The reason is porn as porn gives instant dopamine hits and zero rejection. Before the Internet, you have to work just to see sex. And porn magazines, and apparently you have to rewind stuff to watch porn.
Now you are faced with a menu for every need and body types and acts. So, men are getting so rewarded. Then comes the dating apps that make them believe it’s the same choice system to only have no match.
I agree that the dating procedures are complicated. Is this love-bombing my friend asked. Was his intention to have sex tonight or just to meet, asks another.
On the topic of rejection, we will have a new generation of sexless teenagers. The reason is porn as porn gives instant dopamine hits and zero rejection. Before the Internet, you have to work just to see sex. And porn magazines, and apparently you have to rewind stuff to watch porn.
Now you are faced with a menu for every need and body types and acts. So, men are getting so rewarded. Then comes the dating apps that make them believe it’s the same choice system to only have no match.
I agree that the dating procedures are complicated. Is this love-bombing my friend asked. Was his intention to have sex tonight or just to meet, asks another.
Men are walking away and tired of the dating scene. (this is not to say that some men are not idiots), but its gotten so complicated. A women gives you attention and is interested, and yet she as other options, if she as Facebook, Instagram, is online dating apps you can bet any amount of money you are not the only one she is chatting with.
A women at work was looking at me, giving me all the vibes, long glance, eye contact, smile touch. Being out of the market for a while I lost my touch, and i wanted too long to ask her out (job=bad idea i know) and now we are talking on Facebook guess what, she met another guy, she was talking to about 5 guys at the same time. Of course seeing this was a bit frustrating for me, I did dodge a bullet, but even then.
When you talk to a 45 year old women who has 3 adult kids, got full of tattoos and is partying hard with her 2 other 40 something friend, then she tells you she wants a real relationship but me having no tattoos is a deal breaker, its a what the fuck thing right.
Of you meet those older women who act like princess and prizes to be won, you go on the date to meet them and get to know them and all they do is brag about how they are in demand and men want them.
Get insulted, ghosted, and more. I understand why young men stop chasing women, unless you are really good lucky and even then good luck dating in the world today.
This as nothing to do with porn, young men today have low testosterone levels and are simply not interested in sex, they rather stay home and play online video games with there friends then go out and have fun and meet women like we did in our younger years, but still every club and place i went younger is now closed.
It's interesting to read how rejection is so painful for some people. It feels like the woman you are trying to approach is no longer a human being. Her humanity is not being acknowledged, the sole focus is the outcome and the circumstances aren't considered. Is it possible nowadays to approach someone and connect over something else than looks (even if that's what caught your attention)
Secondly, can someone explain why it's an issue if women are talking to multiple people at the same time? How does that change the quality of your interactions with her if you are an interesting guy? Isn't she naturally going to drop her other boring conversations to keep talking to you?
Secondly, can someone explain why it's an issue if women are talking to multiple people at the same time? How does that change the quality of your interactions with her if you are an interesting guy? Isn't she naturally going to drop her other boring conversations to keep talking to you?
Its a numbers game, like i said today if you have a Facebook account Instagram, text you are pretty sure that the women you are talking to as other options. Like I said that women at my job gave me all the signs but I found out she was talking to other men aside from me.
I might be the problem here too since when I am interested in one women I don't go after 5 or 6 on the side I concentrate on her and her alone. And who says she has boring conversations with the other guys maybe they are all good at texting etc. This is why men walk away from dating, too much game, too many do this but don't do that, at some point you get discourage and you said fkit i am out of here.
Its pretty amazing that today looks rule everything, we all get older but some women don't like a man with grey hair, or if he does not have tattoos its a deal breaker, they are not young women they are women in there 40 and 50. I chatted with a lot of women and all i can say is that i had enough.
All those reality TV shows like love island and that rest didn't help the cause people see this and they want that. If i look around at my job people who are 40 and up stay single, they tell me the same thing, dating at this age is hell, plus when there are kids involved, are you ready for this, take the chance to buy a house and move in together with every one, also being older equals more baggage.
This is the danger for being single for too long you actually learn to love the freedom, you start to enjoy your activities what ever they are, then you start thinking if you were in a relationship and the fact that you lose this freedom. In today world its not worth it.
There was a time in my life where I thought I was addicted to sex:
Always aroused
Always looking for release
Always chasing bodies and calling it “preference”
But the truth is:
I wasn’t addicted to sex
I was starving for love
Craving connection
Thirsting for the feminine energy I never received in wholeness
So I used sex to fill the emotional hunger I refused to face
I used women to distract me from the boy inside me still waiting to be held
And what hurt most is
They thought I was with them because I desired them
But in reality, I was using them to numb the ache of being emotionally unfed
Every orgasm was a cry for closeness
Every hookup was me begging God for healing
Every drained moment was a reminder that I still hadn’t met myself
MOST MEN AREN’T HORNY , THEY’RE HOLLOW:
What looks like arousal
Is often just emotional emptiness that hasn’t been named
Most men aren’t chasing sex
They’re chasing the version of themselves they never got to become
They think they want a woman’s body
But what they truly crave is feminine nurture, trust, softness, and surrender
And because they’ve never learned to identify those needs
They reduce their cravings to lust
And the tragedy
Is that the more they chase sex
The further they drift from what they actually need
They never experience intimacy
Because they’ve confused intensity with connection
And every time they ejaculate without love
They bury the boy deeper
And crown the addict louder
Until they’re a grown man with a broken nervous system
Unable to sit still
Unable to love
Unable to lead
And convinced that pleasure is the only path to peace
But real peace doesn’t come from sex
It comes from the mastery of it
Now I don’t chase pleasure
I cultivate presence
I don’t touch a woman to be filled
I touch her because I’m already overflowing
Now I love slowly
Now I lead consciously
Now I’m aroused by her submission
Not her curves
Her devotion
Not her cleavage
Now sex isn’t where I go to hide
It’s where I go to worship
It’s not where I lose myself
It’s where I return to God with her
I no longer beg for closeness through orgasm
I create it through mastery
I no longer consume women to feel powerful
I protect them because I already am
YOU DESERVE TO BE A MAN WHO MAKES LOVE WITH HIS ENERGY, NOT HIS WOUNDS
YOU DESERVE TO BE A MAN WHO’S TURNED ON BY WHAT’S REAL
YOU DESERVE TO BE A MAN WHO IS NO LONGER A SLAVE TO HIS UNMET NEEDS
Always aroused
Always looking for release
Always chasing bodies and calling it “preference”
But the truth is:
I wasn’t addicted to sex
I was starving for love
Craving connection
Thirsting for the feminine energy I never received in wholeness
So I used sex to fill the emotional hunger I refused to face
I used women to distract me from the boy inside me still waiting to be held
And what hurt most is
They thought I was with them because I desired them
But in reality, I was using them to numb the ache of being emotionally unfed
Every orgasm was a cry for closeness
Every hookup was me begging God for healing
Every drained moment was a reminder that I still hadn’t met myself
MOST MEN AREN’T HORNY , THEY’RE HOLLOW:
What looks like arousal
Is often just emotional emptiness that hasn’t been named
Most men aren’t chasing sex
They’re chasing the version of themselves they never got to become
They think they want a woman’s body
But what they truly crave is feminine nurture, trust, softness, and surrender
And because they’ve never learned to identify those needs
They reduce their cravings to lust
And the tragedy
Is that the more they chase sex
The further they drift from what they actually need
They never experience intimacy
Because they’ve confused intensity with connection
And every time they ejaculate without love
They bury the boy deeper
And crown the addict louder
Until they’re a grown man with a broken nervous system
Unable to sit still
Unable to love
Unable to lead
And convinced that pleasure is the only path to peace
But real peace doesn’t come from sex
It comes from the mastery of it
Now I don’t chase pleasure
I cultivate presence
I don’t touch a woman to be filled
I touch her because I’m already overflowing
Now I love slowly
Now I lead consciously
Now I’m aroused by her submission
Not her curves
Her devotion
Not her cleavage
Now sex isn’t where I go to hide
It’s where I go to worship
It’s not where I lose myself
It’s where I return to God with her
I no longer beg for closeness through orgasm
I create it through mastery
I no longer consume women to feel powerful
I protect them because I already am
YOU DESERVE TO BE A MAN WHO MAKES LOVE WITH HIS ENERGY, NOT HIS WOUNDS
YOU DESERVE TO BE A MAN WHO’S TURNED ON BY WHAT’S REAL
YOU DESERVE TO BE A MAN WHO IS NO LONGER A SLAVE TO HIS UNMET NEEDS
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