Approaching women

[mrhawk0808]

I feel for you a lot.

I used to have a lot of problems approaching women or people in general.

My early adulthood life was not very kind to me, physically. Somehow, found someone, stuck with her for a long time then we called it quit. Was close to my forties and I did not know how to approach women nor how to deal with rejection.

That learning was tough.

But I realized that it is not that difficult. Best encounters I had were actual random meetings. At Costco (yup!), I was comparing two similar products with all the brain power I have. A woman noticed, laughed at me and we talked. Sometime I will tell women that I think her coat or shirt is beautiful and suits her well (which I always really think).

What I've learned is when you just want to talk to people, with no other intention of saying hi or expecting anything, good thing happens. Of course you'll get rejected but that is just part of learning.

Being funny helps a lot. Something you must not do is hesitating. Just be yourself, be genuine, have a smile and shoot your shot. You will be surprised.

 

[Valentina]

I've some traumas with past relationship when I was in highschool

I feel like we’ve all had experiences / bad memories from high school.

 

[Valentina]

Best encounters I had were actual random meetings. At Costco (yup!), I was comparing two similar products with all the brain power I have. A woman noticed, laughed at me and we talked. Sometime I will tell women that I think her coat or shirt is beautiful and suits her well (which I always really think).

100% ^^^^ authentic exchanges IRL!!!
Dating apps feel forced and as if you’re tending to chores. (Not saying I didn’t find fun people on there I still talk to)
They also give some people TOO MANY matches, and some just hop from one to the other without investing much. It’s sad and it’s a vicious cycle. On all ends.

But holy hell, natural & organic exchanges are so rare nowadays! I cherish those a lot!

What I've learned is when you just want to talk to people, with no other intention of saying hi or expecting anything, good thing happens. Of course you'll get rejected but that is just part of learning.

Love seeing this! Having expectations = no bueno.

 

[MmiG]

Myself as well.... am reminded of an interaction I had with a woman I met on vacation when I was around 30. I met her near the swimming pool at the resort we were staying at. Initially I was attracted to her but we ended up becoming platonic friends. We exchanged numbers and communicated after returning home from vacation. She invited me and a male friend to a house she owned for a "singles weekend", while warning me that one of the female friends she was inviting was in a relationship with a man and would not only not talk to my friend and I, but wouldn't even acknowledge our presence. By way of explanation, she then said something to me I considered prophetic: "when she is in a relationship with a man, that's it. She doesn't look at or talk to other men. She doesn't really understand that men are people too."

I thought about what she said and carried it over to women. Women are people too, whether you look at them as a sexual object or as nothing more than friend material. As soon as you begin to look at women that way, you begin to mature as a human being and are able to communicate with women normally and effectively. If no expectations get attached to the communications, you will be surprised at how rapidly your communication skills and shtick develop. I didn't have them as a younger man, but developed them later in life. The key is to be yourself, and keep things light and humorous and never too serious.

My suggestion to you is to force feed development of these communication skills upon yourself. Continually put yourself in situations where you test them and don't worry about the consequences. Take some lumps if needed. You will be a better man, a wiser man and a more fulfilled man if you accelerate your own social development.

I also work 40 hours per week on construction site so women are pretty rare over there. It affects my mood being around nic addict workers all week long

 

[MmiG]

When I was your age I was lucky enough to be around numerous different women on a nightly basis. I did not have to look far for sexual entertainment. This went on for over a decade and let me tell you it did not do a thing for my confidence in approaching women that I truly admired and found interesting.

When I moved away from that lifestyle, I found that my ability to approach women I liked, left me feeling awkward and insecure. I would often find myself in situations that baffled me in terms of women that I liked and wanted to get to know more intimately.

In short, I found it easy to have sex with women but when it came time for a relationship, I was confounded. It was something I had to adjust to over time and I am still working on it. You are not alone and many males in that age group have similar stories and experiences.

Lucky you i need to change job to be around hotnoffice girls or hot waitresses!

 

[MmiG]

Fear of rejection is no doubt hard on a lot of men at any age. In your 20’s your experience with women in general can be low. Depends on character I guess. In my case had a few girlfriends before I met my wife. In general I was very shy around women. Lucky I was surrounded by friends who were much more outgoing. One actually set me up with my future wife at a party. If he wasn’t there I would have never gone to talk to her. I was 25 at that point. She was the most beautiful woman at that party. In my mind, I thought I had no chance with her. That was far from the life we shared after for 31years. Then unfortunately cancer took her away. If you want change, you need to put in the work.
Good luck!

Thank you for sharing this Really appreciate it

 

[MmiG]

We're all afraid of rejection.. I think understanding that rejection will happen is part of the process of becoming okay with approaching relationships. You also have to figure out what you want before you approach someone. What are you expecting from the interaction? I think there are many contexts in which it's inappropriate to approach women.. (or anyone that you're interested in romantically or sexually, really) An advice I've often been given and given other people is that in order to meet a romantic partner you have to go to events and do activities that will enable you to encounter people who have similar interests as you. And trust me, no matter how nerdy your interests are, you will absolutely meet girls who share these interests, either online or in real life. Someone is more likely to want to engage in conversation with you if they know you will have something interesting to talk about, and if you're pleasant. Don't use ''pick up artist'' tactics that are offered on reddit and sketchy forums like that.. It will absolutely backfire. There's this false belief that women ''don't like nice guys''. It's absolutely not true. Of course people are attracted to confidence, but someone is way more likely to pay attention to you if you are kind to them, listen to them, etc.

I understand what you say and I'm confident in my interests. I'm not to talk about them out loud. The greatest part is when you found someone that shares the same as you

 

[MmiG]

Unfortunately all the burden is on men when women refuse to make the first move. They wait for men to make the first move, all the burden of rejection falls on men. The embarressment and the ego busting of being rejected is tough, dating is strongly in favor of women. I think women in general do not understand this and many can be brutal in their rejection methods. It is weird that in 2025 with all this gender equality that there is total gender inequality in courtship. I think it is time women start making the first move. Many men are very shy and it just sucks for them.

Bro You just said it all. Many got no manners

 

[Enjoying life]

I feel for you a lot.

I used to have a lot of problems approaching women or people in general.

My early adulthood life was not very kind to me, physically. Somehow, found someone, stuck with her for a long time then we called it quit. Was close to my forties and I did not know how to approach women nor how to deal with rejection.

That learning was tough.

But I realized that it is not that difficult. Best encounters I had were actual random meetings. At Costco (yup!), I was comparing two similar products with all the brain power I have. A woman noticed, laughed at me and we talked. Sometime I will tell women that I think her coat or shirt is beautiful and suits her well (which I always really think).

What I've learned is when you just want to talk to people, with no other intention of saying hi or expecting anything, good thing happens. Of course you'll get rejected but that is just part of learning.

Being funny helps a lot. Something you must not do is hesitating. Just be yourself, be genuine, have a smile and shoot your shot. You will be surprised.

Play an instrument really well as it sets you apart from others as I only got positive vibes! Be different!

 

[mrhawk0808]

100% ^^^^ authentic exchanges IRL!!!
Dating apps feel forced and as if you’re tending to chores. (Not saying I didn’t find fun people on there I still talk to)
They also give some people TOO MANY matches, and some just hop from one to the other without investing much. It’s sad and it’s a vicious cycle. On all ends.

But holy hell, natural & organic exchanges are so rare nowadays! I cherish those a lot!


Love seeing this! Having expectations = no bueno.

Definitely. Dating apps feel forced. As if you are interviewing for a job or something. I did too found some fun people that I still talk too, but I feel I'm better off without those apps. It forced me to say hi for the sake of saying hi

There's a lot of choices on those app and if you feel (or they feel) they are 100% what you are looking for, you're done. Go to a bar, grab a beer, smile and say hi. It's fun!

Yes organic exchanges are rare, but, oh my, they are so much fun.

Have fun, be funny, smile, be kind, be confident, do not fear rejection. I swear, something good will happen.

 

[Lunaseraphim]

Definitely. Dating apps feel forced. As if you are interviewing for a job or something. I did too found some fun people that I still talk too, but I feel I'm better off without those apps. It forced me to say hi for the sake of saying hi

There's a lot of choices on those app and if you feel (or they feel) they are 100% what you are looking for, you're done. Go to a bar, grab a beer, smile and say hi. It's fun!

Yes organic exchanges are rare, but, oh my, they are so much fun.

Have fun, be funny, smile, be kind, be confident, do not fear rejection. I swear, something good will happen.

I second this! I'm really shy myself and I feel for people who fear approaching others, but I think some places and some events are perfect to meet new people. For example art shows, music shows, festivals, workshops, parties, bars etc.. People expect to be talked to, so if you are being pleasant a really rude rejection shouldn't be happening.. It's important to manage expectations tho and to understand that being rejected doesn't say anything about who you are as a person. You can be a super model and a genius and ultra talented and still not be someone's type.. Or you can be someone's type and that person isn't in the right space to enter a relationship or to flirt.

Like I said before or in another thread dating apps are created for profit, it's not advantageous for the creators of these apps that people stop using them. Hook up culture is at an all time high because of apps, and now you have to pay for your profile to be seen by more than the same 10 people lol. I watched a really interesting documentary on dating apps before, it was saying basically that the most popular apps are designed with a very specific demographic in mind (middle class or upper middle class straight white men from their late 20's to their early 40's) and to cater to a very specific need.

 

[Valentina]

Definitely. Dating apps feel forced. As if you are interviewing for a job or something.

I usually lasted 1 hour on an app.
Built my whole profile, selected pics, etc.
*Got stupid messages and became annoyed*
*deleted app*

 

[Lunaseraphim]

I usually lasted 1 hour on an app.
Built my whole profile, selected pics, etc.
*Got stupid messages and became annoyed*
*deleted app*

Same. I do get matches but really often these people don't talk to me or the conversation goes nowhere lol.

 

[curly]

If I am at the club with a stack of money to spend and the girl of my choice ignores me well I will just go home with the money in my pocket.

That's exactly what hot girls do when we don't go through the trouble of courting them!

 

[Enjoying life]

I second this! I'm really shy myself and I feel for people who fear approaching others, but I think some places and some events are perfect to meet new people. For example art shows, music shows, festivals, workshops, parties, bars etc.. People expect to be talked to, so if you are being pleasant a really rude rejection shouldn't be happening.. It's important to manage expectations tho and to understand that being rejected doesn't say anything about who you are as a person. You can be a super model and a genius and ultra talented and still not be someone's type.. Or you can be someone's type and that person isn't in the right space to enter a relationship or to flirt.

Like I said before or in another thread dating apps are created for profit, it's not advantageous for the creators of these apps that people stop using them. Hook up culture is at an all time high because of apps, and now you have to pay for your profile to be seen by more than the same 10 people lol. I watched a really interesting documentary on dating apps before, it was saying basically that the most popular apps are designed with a very specific demographic in mind (middle class or upper middle class straight white men from their late 20's to their early 40's)

I remember playing guitar for a woman on the phone which I met through the web! Her reply was , “ I can’t do that” like it bothered her! I put in thousands of hours to get there ! There is the real reality and her reality so l laugh it off!

 

[CLOUD 500]

That's exactly what hot girls do when we don't go through the trouble of courting them!

Yes because there are simps chasing them inflating their already inflated egos. They are so entitled is it really worth the trouble? The question to ask is what they bring to the table besides their looks?

 

[Lunaseraphim]

I remember playing guitar for a woman on the phone which I met through the web! Her reply was , “ I can’t do that” like it bothered her! I put in thousands of hours to get there ! There is the real reality and her reality so l laugh it off!

That's really rude... I'm sorry you experienced that. I've experienced similar things from both men and women...

Yes because there are simps chasing them inflating their already inflated egos. They are so entitled is it really worth the trouble? The question to ask is what they bring to the table besides their looks?

I understand your frustration, but... Remember, you're not entitled to anybody's attention. Getting courted by random people as a woman can feel threatening. It's not entitlement to be upset at unwanted attention... That's why initially I commented that you have to make sure the context is appropriate to approach somebody. I think it's okay to try to flirt with women at a club, it's socially appropriate, but a lot of women are just there to have fun and not to be flirted with, so it's important to not take the rejection personally.

I don't like it when random men approach me in public, it makes me feel really uncomfortable. It's not because I'm entitled and have a large ego. It can be overwhelming to be constantly talked to by strangers. I know I'm not the only person who feels that way.

 

[Workingman]

Man the world has changed so much for the worse in the last 30 years.

 

[cinepervers]

Je n'ai jamais eu de bonnes expérience avec les applications de rencontres. Elles me rendais dépressif par la rareté des matchs. Quand j'en optenais 1, la conversation était dans un seul sens ou allait nulle part.

Les meilleurs dates que j'ai eu était avec des escortes qui était simple, bonne discussion et sans prise de tête.

Je trouve que c'est pas évidemment de détecter qu'une fille est intéressé ou pas.

Personnellement, je le vois rarement et c'est souvent mes amis qui me le dise.

Je te dirais fonce malgré tout. On a une seul vie.

 

[Enjoying life]

I remember playing guitar for a woman on the phone which I met through the web! Her reply was , “ I can’t do that” like it bothered her! I put in thousands of hours to get there ! There is the real reality and her reality so l laugh it off!

It was not a superficial thing playing an instrument for her as it required using my Brain! She also told me I only meet men that pay for dinners and movies! You are not going to get far if your heart is empty with no compassion and appreciation for others as I wonder why she is divorced ! True story!