Falling in love with your SP/MP

[Christian32]

Oh, no, lets not bring the "You should date non SP girls instead" answer!

Not an option for me, I am into 8+/10 girls / SP and my value, without junior is a bout 5/10, I think junior raises it to 6-7/10 which I think gives me a chance with 8/10 girls but then it has to be SP... because I can't attach a picture or junior to my dating site profile.

 

[chowzilla]

There is no method to falling in love ? WTF
It is not a sex technique to achieve multiple orgasm lol otherwise every Merbite would be bragging about it in their reviews.

not a method of falling in love, method of dating an SP or whatever

 

[bamjay]

Oh, no, lets not bring the "You should date non SP girls instead" answer!

Not an option for me, I am into 8+/10 girls / SP and my value, without junior is a bout 5/10, I think junior raises it to 6-7/10 which I think gives me a chance with 8/10 girls but then it has to be SP... because I can't attach a picture or junior to my dating site profile.

You can get 8+/10 girls (civilians, not the paid kind) as a 5 or 6/10 guy. I've seen it happen many times.
If you cannot, then you're willing to date a certain type of girl, but unable to.
In that case, see above.

 

[Fradi]

Oh, no, lets not bring the "You should date non SP girls instead" answer!

Not an option for me, I am into 8+/10 girls / SP and my value, without junior is a bout 5/10, I think junior raises it to 6-7/10 which I think gives me a chance with 8/10 girls but then it has to be SP... because I can't attach a picture or junior to my dating site profile.

I think you highly overvalue junior.
A personality and a sense of humour plus a bit of charm and kindness would serve you better.
Especially with an SP you think they haven’t seen dicks of all shapes and sizes and it makes any difference to them.
I would wager a couple of hundred dollar bills against any dick when it comes to an SP.

 

[Fradi]

Bamjay,
I guess times must have changed an awful lot.
WTF is all this crap about evaluating yourself and finding your category bs.
Is this the new style of dating, are men today actually like this ?
Are men today seriously this fucked up that they have to analyze themselves first before they go after an attractive woman that catches their eye.

Find a girl that you are attracted to ask her out see what happens, if you click take it a step further.
Perhaps you will fall in love perhaps not.
There are no guarantees, the only guarantee is if you don’t put yourself out there and try you will continue to see escorts, which is fine if that is what you want, but then don’t bitch about it after.

Funny I have watched my sons, nephews and their friends they all managed to continually find girlfriends then wives or significant others as not all marry nowadays but none seemed to go through all this analytical bullshit, and hardships , but then again perhaps there is a reason why younger guys on Merb come up with these scripted scenarios.

 

[Dasein]

I'm moving on. Back on topic.

I think if you're a guy in this situation, you should first honestly evaluate yourself and which category you fall into.
This will sound tough, sometimes things are when you're really honest with yourself.

• Unavailable for dating, i.e. you're married, in a serious relationship or something.

Move on. Unless you're willing to risk it all and blow up your marriage, existing relationship, etc... In that case, see below.

• Willing to date, but unable to.

If you fall in this category, you should realize that you're (most likely) dealing with a super hot girl who could go out to a bar or make a Tinder profile and have a bunch of guys lining up, begging for her attention, in a matter of hours. Why should that SP suddenly decide to start dating some leftover dude who wouldn't even have sex, or maybe like once a year, if it weren't for SPs? Because she takes pity on him? Because she's the one who finally realizes what a nice guy he is? That sort of thing literally never happens. Honestly, forget about it ever becoming anything serious and just enjoy that someone you're paying for is making you feel in a way that no woman is willing to do for free.

• Unwilling to date, but able to.

Now if you know how the game works but for whatever reason made a decision for yourself not to date anyone and/or avoid the drama that tends to come with one night stands, then this might be a scenario where it could potentially work out. But if you made this kind of conscious decision to stay away from dating, how quickly are you willing to overthrow that and change your mind? Was it love at first fuck? Ok, let's be real, if that's the case it's more likely that you're a type of guy who is actually willing to date, but unable to. If you are really this type of guy who doesn't want to date anyone, you don't have to do anything, just go about your daily life. She has to change your mind about dating if she's really interested in you.

• Willing and able to date.

If you're this type of guy, just go out and find a civilian with the same frame of mind! There are a huge amount of women out there who are complaining all the time that they never meet any guys who are available for a relationship. Do them a favor and make yourself available.

Bamjay, IMHO, I think that you are over analyzing and definitely generalizing way to much

 

[hungry101]

I have to add this disclaimer. Always proceed with caution. Turning a professional relationship into a social one could ruin the former. When both parties let down their guards one party may not like what they see. There can be substance abuse, mental health or financial issues etc. One party may decide to run like hell. When you see someone for an hour or so you see their best side.

I think the best relationships occur when both parties are ready for one. This also goes for marriages. There was a Montreal SP working her way through grad school that told me that she was Muslim and her family and culture demands that she merry and start a family. She explained that at some point and she would soon disappear from the scene and start on a new path. Her adds and reviews are long gone so I assume that has happened. I wish her well.

The point is that if both parties are truly ready for a committed relationship, anything is possible even marriage. I’m not saying it’s likely, just possible.

For further discussion consult Dr. Phil.

 

[LeafsSuck]

OP (and anyone else who's listening ) Over the years I dated a couple SP's. We had great times together, movies, dinners etc... I accepted what she did, no problem at all. She would come home, some time we would talk about her meeting other times we did not. Sometimes we would have sex and other times not. The point is we had a normal relationship and like other normal relationships both did not work but not because of her job. The only difference in my case is that I didn't meet either of them on the job. So take this for what it's worth and best of luck to you! I hope it does work for you.

 

[EagerBeaver]

I went back and reread the original post in this thread. It is apparent to me from the OP that this entire topic was started as a fait accompli. In other words the OP wants advice on what to do now that it has happened to him. He doesn't seem to ask what should be done to prevent it from happening. A lot of posts here address the question of how to avoid or prevent it from happening. If the horse is out of the barn, it's not a time to discuss how to prevent that from happening, and if the train has left the station, it's not similarly a time to tell him what to do to make sure he doesn't miss the train.

A legitimate question we can ask is whether it's really love or infatuation or an obsession. I think only the OP can answer that question. If he is in love he has to determine if it's unrequited or not. If so he needs to move on as in any situation where it's unrequited. If it's mutual, then he can proceed and doesn't need any further advice. Go on a trip to Quebec City as mentioned in one post. Visit the Plains of Abraham. Ponder what were General Montcalm's last words. Then go and have a nice dinner.

BTW one of Montcalm's last living acts was to write a letter surrendering to English General Wolfe who, unbeknownst to Montcalm, was also killed in the same battle. So those guys both died, and Wolfe never read the surrender letter, but the Plains of Abraham lived.

 

[liloudallas]

I dated a girl for 6-7 months who was in the GB scene and who was also a part time SP. I met her on the job. While we were dating she stop all activities (I didn't ask her to, she did by her own decision). I even spend 4 months to her place while I was separating and waiting that my ex leave my house. We loved each other and even had projects of moving in together. Like any other human, she had her own personnal history. And like any other relation we've eventually went into some conflicts and we endup the relation. It simply didn't worked out, nothing related to her occupation on the scene. Dating an SP, I think that you may have a higher chance of getting involve with a women who has experienced some sort of traumas in their past. But you can meet a girl in a bar that will also have a complicated history. So who knows... I don't regret at all dating her, she was a sweetheart and a very intelligent women. Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you gone get.

 

[Christian32]

A legitimate question we can ask is whether it's really love

I have no idea what love is really.

I just starting seeing myself with her in a different context than on the bed, doing simple things like out for a walk and I would have definitely enjoyed that, just failed at getting it.

 

[sene5hos]

I might be old fashioned, but I'll have a hard time dating a girl knowing she's an escort.

2 situations: 1) she hides from me that she is an escort.
2) she tells me.

1) Everything ended up knowing no matter how, and when I will not be really happy, because I had put my trust in this girl who betrayed me, again no matter why she did it.

2) She explains to me why she does this, that when she sleeps with other men there are no feelings, because she gets paid for it. But I would always have ulterior motives, if ...
In short, we plunge and we will see, we are afraid of drowning, and we stay on the water's edge.

 

[Francoquart]

2) She explains to me why she does this, that when she sleeps with other men there are no feelings, because she gets paid for it.

When you sleep and pay an escort, are you having feelings for her?
Is it better to pay for Sex or get paid for it?
If a male was paid to have sex with girls, would you perceive him in the same way?

 

[EagerBeaver]

I have no idea what love is really.

I just starting seeing myself with her in a different context than on the bed, doing simple things like out for a walk and I would have definitely enjoyed that, just failed at getting it.

It sounds like just a really good connection.

Around 15 years ago I saw an Indy SP from the French Kiss Society. When our two hour date was over she didn't leave my hotel room. We kept talking for another hour or so. It was a 4 pm date, so I was getting hungry and didn't want to kick her out of my hotel room. I asked her to join me for dinner. Although she was off the clock, she accepted my offer. This was summer of 2004 or 2005, I was staying at the then Hyatt now Doubletree. So I asked her where she wanted to go and she said "Italian." So I said let's go find an Italian restaurant. We walked all the way from the Comolex Desjardins up St. Catherine to Rue de La Montagne. At that time there was an Italian restaurant on Rue de la Montagne between St. Catherine and Sherbrooke. Can't recall the name and it's not there any more, closed at least 10 years ago. Anyway she was a Vegeterian and I remember out of politeness to her I ordered Spinach Manicotti. After dinner we walked around holding hands. We just had a really good connection- was NOT love. I saw her one or two times after that and she left the business after that.

My advice is to ask for her number and see if she will see you off the clock, if the answer is no you have your answer. If the answer is yes, you are off to the races. But I wouldn't have any expectations of anything more than maybe a little extra friendship, she is not in business to hand out freebies.

 

[Sol Tee Nutz]

To stop the " Fell in love " fantasy, mention you lost your job and would like to still see her without paying. Reality strikes.
If she sticks around bonus......

 

[Fradi]

I don’t really understand what you are so scared of.
I you really have feelings for her, tell her and see if she feels the same way.
What are you going to lose, at worst a gorgeous SP that you are paying money to see and you have a great time with.
If she only sees you as a client, yes it will probably end the current relationship, which really wasn’t a relationship.
There are many more gorgeous SP that will always tell you how impressed they are with junior if you open your wallet.

 

[LeafsSuck]

EB is right! He wants to know what he should do.
Bro, ask her out to a nice dinner, i.e. Queue de Cheval, Grinder, Richmond, Damas, Joel Rubuchon, Bis etc... If that works then cook for her on date #2. My ex-SP/GF LOVED it when I cooked for her. She is always making other people happy, she really liked it when I did something for her.

 

[Anna Bijou]

You already know the answer....


This is the worst possible idea ever


This is the worst possible idea ever


This is the worst possible idea ever




It never ends well.

But neither do most relationships.

Brace yourself for the train wreck.

 

[chowzilla]

I confirm jh000 speaks some dark truths. However I have heard of success stories. very rare.

Having experienced it myself more than once.
With very high highs, comes very low lows.
I think we are all weird in some way to be in this industry, so it creates weird puzzle pieces to put together
Just like civilian dating, you can get better at it, and you need to find the right person.
Not all people have the same view of what a relationship is.

Overall, stay in the realm of reality.
so many fallen brothers.

 

[hungry101]

jh000 - Great post. Anytime some one tries a shake down like this in trade for his or her affection, this is a sign that your relationship is in trouble or you were never in a relationship in the first place.

A no-good relative of mine just pulled this shit with her then husband. She made the ultimatum but me a 65,000$ car or I’m leaving. She left a few months later and took her new car with her.