Staying single for the rest of your life?

[maymay]

Alone is doable when you are young. The issues arise when you get into your senior years. Things quickly change and often you develop health issues. It is just harder to live in solitude if you got health issues or are on a wheelchair or a cane. It is especially important in your senior years to have a companion.

I do agree taking care of my mother who walks with a cane i am living it right now. But for me at my age were to you want me to find someone. This is the big issue,. For my part i train and keep fit, have regular check up at my doctor and keep a healthy weight. I just don't see myself getting into a relationship (with life experience i have ) knowing its not for me and i will be miserable only to have someone with me. There are services you can use sometimes my mother needs to go to her doctor or dentist etc, i am at work i cannot take her she does not drive anymore, there is a service she uses that does that, someone will drive you to your appointment etc, service is free still my mother gives the person a good tip for time etc.

 

[Julia Sky]

It is one of the reasons men have it much worse in a break up then women because women usually have much more larger and more supportative social circles. See what covid lockdowns did, loneliness is destructive.

Yeah, more men need to start actually caring about the people in their life. Women have friends while men often have "buddies", if that makes sense. What I mean by that is that women tend to support each other and care for each other in ways that men don't - I can call my girl friends crying about something but know very few men who can say the same about their guy friends, and I think that's quite sad. I wish more nen developed relationships that aren't just surface level and I wish they felt more comfortable with expressing feelings that aren't happy, horny or angry (so their support system could actually be there for them when needed, because it isn't good to bottle everything up).

 

[CrimsonGhost]

Yeah, more men need to start actually caring about the people in their life. Women have friends while men often have "buddies", if that makes sense. What I mean by that is that women tend to support each other and care for each other in ways that men don't - I can call my girl friends crying about something but know very few men who can say the same about their guy friends, and I think that's quite sad. I wish more nen developed relationships that aren't just surface level and I wish they felt more comfortable with expressing feelings that aren't happy, horny or angry (so their support system could actually be there for them when needed, because it isn't good to bottle everything up).

Let me preface your statement if I may with "not all men". But yes, oh god yes, for the love of god dudes. Try what she's saying, I have my original bros from grade 7 and up and at this age (40), I can come to them with anything. I let them know I'm here, I care and I'll do anything to make their time on earth a little bit better.

Wonderfully said Julia xox

 

[hob12]

Yeah, more men need to start actually caring about the people in their life. Women have friends while men often have "buddies", if that makes sense. What I mean by that is that women tend to support each other and care for each other in ways that men don't - I can call my girl friends crying about something but know very few men who can say the same about their guy friends, and I think that's quite sad. I wish more nen developed relationships that aren't just surface level and I wish they felt more comfortable with expressing feelings that aren't happy, horny or angry (so their support system could actually be there for them when needed, because it isn't good to bottle everything up).

When you're a men you learn pretty fast that no one really gives a fuck about your problems. Might sound harsh and out of synch with the current messaging but that's the way it is. Doesn't mean we don't have people we can have deep conversations with or that we don't support each other when the need arises. Just that wasting hours crying on the phone is pointless.

I'm also not sure I agree with the generalizations that some have made about women having better social circles. In my very limited experience, women have a lot of intense short-lived friendly friendships whereas men have more longer, stable friendships. Its anecdotal, but one of my female coworkers made the remark that men are more loyal in friendship than women when I told her I was going camping for a week with my best friend from high school. I certainly have a better network of friends than my ex.

Most of my inner circle is composed of friends I've had since high school or CEGEP. Lost a few along the way but that's life. I'd say our issue is more about letting new people in after a while, but I think this is something everybody experiences as they get older.

 

[maymay]

When you're a men you learn pretty fast that no one really gives a fuck about your problems. Might sound harsh and out of synch with the current messaging but that's the way it is. Doesn't mean we don't have people we can have deep conversations with or that we don't support each other when the need arises. Just that wasting hours crying on the phone is pointless.

I'm also not sure I agree with the generalizations that some have made about women having better social circles. In my very limited experience, women have a lot of intense short-lived friendly friendships whereas men have more longer, stable friendships. Its anecdotal, but one of my female coworkers made the remark that men are more loyal in friendship than women when I told her I was going camping for a week with my best friend from high school. I certainly have a better network of friends than my ex.

Most of my inner circle is composed of friends I've had since high school or CEGEP. Lost a few along the way but that's life. I'd say our issue is more about letting new people in after a while, but I think this is something everybody experiences as they get older.

This, also a lot of women don't support each other either they are great actors who pretend to care and backstab each other in the back. I have seen this so many times, from men and women.

At one point I was very active on facebook and had a lot of so called friends people from high school, college, people i used to hang out with, a lot of them came to me for help when they had issues with there computer, they never paid me, and all i did was free of course because having a computer is a luxury and no one should pay for repairs.

At some point i was layed off at a job, a lot of those people that I help worked in good companies Montreal and around and yet no one offer me hey send me your CV i can help you or I will talk to HR see if i can get you in.

All I got were sad replies sorry that sucks. Then I started to see the big picture each time we took my car to go out in Montreal because those people did not want to take there's. I got a parking ticket because i listen to one of those idiots and park meter would cost less money, he never offered to pay half, gas money never. Hey buy you a drink.

Now I am not saying there are no good people out there, I rebuild my circle of fiends, those people we can trust and are good people, but if I look back at my younger years the people there were shit.

I learn that in life you are alone, and you can't count on anyone, when the time comes you will see who your true friends are. When I started to charge for support in IT 70$/h i lost a lot of people around me yet a reasonable price if i need to reinstall the whole pc.

 

[Enjoying life]

I was engaged 2 times, and never married, I dodged the bullet, I would have been miserably married had I gone threw with it. I walked/ran away, not them. And had another 2 relationships before I met my relationship now. 5 relationships that lasted from shortest 7 months (was abusive), to longest 5 years (simple vanilla expierience). All monogamous in the last 18 years. And was single for an accumulation of about 6 of those years too. When I broke up with my last relationship, was for good valid reasons, but I have reasons it lasted so long as well. But 1 main reason was from the time I started dating him depression set in. We weren't compatible and I tried to convince myself we could make it work anyways. I broke up with him because I was once so much happier a person and loved life my way, and I lost that being in a relationship with him, my zest for life was gone.
What people tend to forget in relationships is, it's building eachother up. When it becomes more one sided, someone's being left out. A relationship is not built in the bedroom alone, but enjoying life together, and finding someone you are compatible with. I need to be as happy in my relationship, as I am when I am single, if not more so. Yes relationships go threw tough times, but being there for eachother in those tough times is the staying power. But some people just aren't worth the effort to stay together.
Thankfully I have that now. He was 46, and I was 39 when we started our relationship, it's not been that long, but we are compatible, seemingly eachothers darkest, and purest fantasies actualized. We needed to go threw what didn't work in our lives to find what did. It takes learning from past relationships, and growing from them, not carrying past trauma into the new relationship. Yes I have traumas I have been threw that my now relationship helps me deal with when insecurities arise. Part of growing older, is learning to heal ourselves from our past. And not settling for people who take away from our personal growth, but grow with us. But learning from our own mistakes as well. It takes 2 to make a relationship work, and only 1 to end it.

You are taking care of yourself which is most important! So many people live with each other but are not happy!

 

[maymay]

You are taking care of yourself which is most important! So many people live with each other but are not happy!

That is the main issue, a younger women at my job got separated September of last year, she is 29 was in a 9y relationship she got dumped for another women, the guy did that to is ex with her too.

She is all over the place even go into an open relationship with a guy who had a bunch of other women. She spoke to me about all this and was discouraged. I told her why don't you take a step back relax and enjoy life, you are trying too hard, she goes on dates comes back to work and you can see it in her eyes poor girl is discourage.

I feel for the younger generation, lots of them stay single and don't even bother chasing women anymore. I been online some 50y old women told me that i had no tattoos it was a deal breaker for her. I am sorry but for me I feel there is simply no hope the world is way to fucked up today.

 

[Enjoying life]

That is the main issue, a younger women at my job got separated September of last year, she is 29 was in a 9y relationship she got dumped for another women, the guy did that to is ex with her too.

She is all over the place even go into an open relationship with a guy who had a bunch of other women. She spoke to me about all this and was discouraged. I told her why don't you take a step back relax and enjoy life, you are trying too hard, she goes on dates comes back to work and you can see it in her eyes poor girl is discourage.

I feel for the younger generation, lots of them stay single and don't even bother chasing women anymore. I been online some 50y old women told me that i had no tattoos it was a deal breaker for her. I am sorry but for me I feel there is simply no hope the world is way to fucked up today.

That’s a red flag that they are not looking for love!