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Joke Thread

naughtylady

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Nov 9, 2003
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You just have to love a good Nurse

THE SCENARIO OPENS AS:

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.

The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that he may have had a second surgery the doctors hadn't to ld him about, he finally got enough courage to pull his hospital gown up enough that he could see what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily.


Written in large black letters was the sentence:


'Get well soon....from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week.'
 

Agrippa

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Aug 22, 2006
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Dick Cavett quote

"I went to a Chinese-German restaurant. The food is great, but an hour later you're hungry for power."
- Dick Cavett​
 

Agrippa

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Aug 22, 2006
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Why did the chicken cross the road?

chickenjoke.gif
 

Doc Holliday

The Horny Cowboy
Sep 27, 2003
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The Russian & the Redneck

A Russian And A Redneck Wrestler Were Set To Square Off For The Olympic Gold Medal.
Before The Final Match, The Redneck Wrestler's Trainer Came To Him And Said, "now, Don't Forget All The Research We've Done On This Russian.
He's Never Lost A Match Because Of This 'pretzel' Hold He Has. Whatever You Do, Do Not Let Him Get You In That Hold! If He Does, You're Finished."
The Redneck Nodded In Acknowledgment.
As The Match Started, The Redneck And The Russian Circled Each Other Several Times, Looking For An Opening.
All Of A Sudden, The Russian Lunged Forward, Grabbing The Redneck And Wrapping Him Up In The Dreaded Pretzel Hold. A Sigh Of Disappointment Arose From The Crowd And The Trainer Buried His Face In His Hands, For He Knew All Was Lost. He Couldn't Watch The Inevitable Happen.
Suddenly, There Was A Scream, Then A Cheer From The Crowd And The Trainer Raised His Eyes Just In Time To Watch The Russian Go Flying Up In The Air.
His Back Hit The Mat With A Thud And The Redneck Collapsed On Top Of Him Making The Pin And Winning The Match. The Trainer Was Astounded.
When He Finally Got His Wrestler Alone, He Asked, "how Did You Ever Get Out Of That Hold? No One Has Ever Done It Before!"
The Wrestler Answered, "well, I Was Ready To Give Up When He Got Me In That Hold But At The Last Moment, I Opened My Eyes And Saw This Pair Of Testicles Right In Front Of My Face.
I Had Nothing To Lose So With My Last Ounce Of Strength I Stretched Out My Neck And Bit Those Babies Just As Hard As I Could."
So The Trainer Exclaimed, "that's What Finished Him Off!"
"Not Really. You'd Be Amazed How Strong You Get When You Bite Your Own Nuts."
 

Agrippa

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Aug 22, 2006
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Elephant

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

How do you breathe through that thing?​
 

naughtylady

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A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

'I don't want to know,'' the child said, bursting into tears. 'Promise me you won't tell me!'

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed, 'When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.

At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.

When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.

If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't actually get laid, I've got nothing left to live for.
 

Estrie boy

New Member
Jun 17, 2007
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Une blague de coiffeur!
Un punk entre dans un salon de coiffure et s'assoit à côté d'une Religieuse
Après l'avoir dévisagée, il lui demande si elle ne voudrait pas faire
l'amour avec lui ! Horrifiée, la soeur se lève et part immédiatement du
salon. Le coiffeur témoin de la scène, dit au punk : 'Si tu veux
sérieusement coucher avec elle, je connais un moyen infaillible. Rends-toi
au cimetière à minuit et fais-toi passer pour Dieu, elle ne pourra pas
résister !' Le punk se déguise en Dieu avec un drap blanc et une barbe. Il
se rend donc à minuit au cimetière et voit la soeur en train de prier. Le
punk surgit soudain et lui dit : ' Je suis Dieu ! Si tu souhaites vraiment
que tes prières s'accomplissent, tu dois t'unir à moi dans une relation
charnelle.' Après un moment de réflexion, la soeur répond :' Ok mais comme
je tiens à rester vierge, faites ça par l'arrière'. Alors le punk tout
heureux s'occupe de la soeur...puis tout de suite après, très fier de lui,
il se relève, enlève le drap et dit en ricanant 'Ah ah ah ! Coucou ! Je ne
suis pas Dieu ! je suis le Punk !!!' Alors la soeur enlève son voile et lui
dit : 'Ah ah ah ! Coucou ! je ne suis pas la soeur ! Je suis le
coiffeur.... '
 

Ben Dover

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Jun 25, 2006
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metoo4 said:
It's just that some peoples have a different opinion of what a joke is. That pie isn't part of my opinion of a joke. It's disgusting.


No, it's only disgusting if you're the one eating it!

If you are in on the joke it's as funny as hell. Trust me!

Is there a bad piece of pie in your past that you would like share with the group?

BD
 

metoo4

I am me, too!
Mar 27, 2004
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If only I knew...
Ben Dover said:
No, it's only disgusting if you're the one eating it!

If you are in on the joke it's as funny as hell. Trust me!

Is there a bad piece of pie in your past that you would like share with the group?

BD
Indeed very funny... If you're a retarded teen or an adult who's still at the retarded teen stage, plenty of these in the world! I know some 40yo retarded teen!
Adult are expected to have learned something called "respect for others" and such action show a total lack of it.
 
Apr 16, 2005
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Close Call

BUTTERCUPS AND GOLF BALLS

Towards the end a day at the golf course, Bruce hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.

All of a sudden . POOF!! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, 'I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life: better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life... As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything the rest of your life!!!

Then POOF! She was gone!

After Dave recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, Fred where are you?'

Fred yells back 'I'm over here in the pussy willows.'

Dave shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, FRED!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T SWING"
 

beautydigger

Banned
Oct 11, 2005
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A beautiful, sexy blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another beautiful, sexy blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,

"You dumb beautiful, sexy blonde bimbo! It's beautiful, sexy blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"
 

Ben Dover

Member
Jun 25, 2006
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metoo4 said:
Indeed very funny... If you're a retarded teen or an adult who's still at the retarded teen stage, plenty of these in the world! I know some 40yo retarded teen!
Adult are expected to have learned something called "respect for others" and such action show a total lack of it.


I prefer to keep my sense of humor. You know you are "old" when you no longer "get" what the kids find funny.

I would however like to settle this disagreement like gentlemen... Would you like to come over to visit me at my house? We can chat over some tea and home made custard pie.... :)

BD
 

beautydigger

Banned
Oct 11, 2005
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What do smart beautiful blondes and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
 
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