A friend opened a strip club and named it G-spot. He had to close it after a week because most men couldn’t find it.
Joke Thread
- Thread starter donbusch
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c'est un sondage pour homme sur les felations (pourquoi aimer vous les felations?) 3% ont repondu j'aime la chaleur.. 4% ont dit j'aime la sensation.. 93% ont aimer ce moment de silence!!
Edmonton, AB (AP)- A seven-year old boy was at the center of an Edmonton courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Montreal Canadians whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Montreal Canadians whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
While going down on my grandma I thought I tasted horse semen and was wondering if this was how she died.
3 level joke that can not be shortened.
3 level joke that can not be shortened.
What is the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
...................The BMW has a prick inside, the porcupine has the prick outside.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
...................The Harley has the dirt bag hanging outside, the Hoover has the dirt bag inside.
...................The BMW has a prick inside, the porcupine has the prick outside.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
...................The Harley has the dirt bag hanging outside, the Hoover has the dirt bag inside.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins.
I was about to run straight into the house to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
I was about to run straight into the house to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
I now sponsor a son in Africa for $1.87 a day, the expensive part was the airfare to get him there.
If only you fucked your grandma with your dick. Now that would make it a short joke.
A guy was drinking at a bar and ran out of money, so he asked the bartender for a tab. The bartender refuses to give him one. So the guy tells the bartender that his ass hole will sing him a song if he gives him a drink. The bartender tells the guy that if his ass hole can sing a song he can drink all night. So the guy lowers his pants and lifts his legs on to the bar then leans back. His ass hole makes a Achh, Achh, Achh, sound and diarrhea flies on to the bar. The angry bartender grabs the guy and throws him out of the bar. The guy sticks his head in the doorway of the bar and said. Hey, you didn't give me a chance. I was just clearing my throat.
Comic Sans walks into a bar.
The bartender says : "Get out of here! We don't serve your type.
I'm calling the Serif!"
The bartender says : "Get out of here! We don't serve your type.
I'm calling the Serif!"
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -
she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart
Dear Mrs. Woolf,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in
our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to
ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband,
Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are "documented by our video
surveillance cameras":
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her
Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
chips.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
Emergency Medics were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES
AGAIN!
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the
fitting room was.
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.'
One of the Staff passed out.
I wonder if I'll have to go along on many more shopping trips?
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -
she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart
Dear Mrs. Woolf,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in
our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to
ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband,
Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are "documented by our video
surveillance cameras":
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her
Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
chips.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
Emergency Medics were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES
AGAIN!
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the
fitting room was.
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.'
One of the Staff passed out.
I wonder if I'll have to go along on many more shopping trips?
One hooker tells another hooker that a client gave her a $1000 to go to a motel with him. The other hooker looks at the bill and tells her it is a bad counterfeit bill. The first hooker yells, I have been raped!
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